Explaining Non-Vax Decision to Family

[Leez]

Hi All

Had the in-laws to dinner last Fri night and MIL says 'oh its almost time for her triple antigen vaccination' - she has no idea about our decision not to vaccinate, and I didn't want to launch into a huge conversation about it so I just said 'yeah' in a lame fashion and changed the subject.

Have other non-vaxxers faced problems with family members? If so, were you able to put the issue to rest or is it a continuing sore spot? I feel like its different with family than for instance, explaining your decision to the childcare centre or school, who currently have laws that they must abide by whether they agree with it or not.

I know this is going to come up as MIL, SIL etc is understandably interested in every aspect of DD's life, and I guess I'm just dreading having that discussion, once again being made to feel, even subtely like we're doing the wrong thing by our daughter even though for us it is the right decision.

Thanks,

Lisa

[the_queen]

I'm dreading the same thing - my sister is pregnant, and with what I'm finding out about vax's I feel like I should be telling it all to her as well, KWIM? My mum is a real worrier, so obviously I don't want to upset her, but at the same time I don't want to seem as if I'm ashamed of the decision I've made. I'm not going to mention it until someone else asks about it. And I think if someone does ask me, I'll kinda make the discussion about research, not about the decision - eg if my sister asks me why we haven't vax'd him yet, I'll just talk about how I've done lots of research and haven't made a final decision yet. And then I'll ask her how much research she's done into the issue, because after all, whether you vax or not you should probably know a bit about it! People get 2 or 3 quotes when installing carpet, for example, but vaxing seems to be a case of "just do it because it's the done thing". I hope that I get my point across - I personally don't care if anyone else vax's their kids or not, I just hope everybody makes an informed choice. :D

[Funkychicken]

With any subject that I hesitate to discuss with family (mainly my mother), and there are quite a few of these topics, I tend to operate on a 'need to know' basis. I don't broach the subject and if I'm asked I I give really simple answers-I never try to explain or justify things. I have learnt the hard way :rolleyes: ! If someone doesn't need to know, I don't mention it.
We had quite a bit of backlash from family members about our decision to school our children in the Steiner system. DH got the 20 questions from his mum and sister the minute I left the house (they wouldn't be game to question me!). He tried to explain but they were really just attacking-not at all interested in hearing what he had to say. So now if someone asks, I answer. If I feel they are attacking, I ask them, "Are you really interested in learning more about Steiner education? Because if you are I'll email you a couple of links to some great websites and you can have a look for yourself." This usually quietens people down.:D

[bindiloo]

Hi funkychicken, i am actually interested in learning more about the steiner schools as we have not far from me and ive heard people talking about it but i dont know much of what they do.
Could you perhaps email me some of websites you were talking about if it wouldnt be too much trouble.

Cheers:D

[1+1=5]

i'm trying to make my mind up about immunization at the moment and the only thing holding me back is that backlash. my mother would support me but my MIL certainly would not. so my approach would be to just lie and say hes immunized. they dont need to know.

[faery]

my folks are very supportive on the anti-vax stance. dp's parents don't care either way. my parents have had issues about other things and i just had to stand up and essentially say "look, this is MY baby, and I will be making the decisions for it, end of story"

I guess I could take the dont-bring-it-up approach, but i don't like not discussing things just because it is a touchy subject. although I might feel very differently is vax was an issue. after all, we've seen how heated things get here, I wouldn't like to see what it would be like if your own family members were calling you the kinds of names anti-vaxers get called!

[1+1=5]

i wanted to take my son of prediselone (not sure of sp) so i took him to a homeopath and i was soo happy with the results that i had to let my freind know whose son has been on it since he was born and the reaction was quite harsh. she thought i was irresponsible and called me a 'hippy' which i'm used to because i like to buy organic (including organic cotton clothes for the new baby-to-be) food and don't stock any junk food in the house. as well as going against the grain in other things like co-sleeping and not using the control-crying method and not circumcising my son to mention a few. my MIL loves to berate me for these issues. so i will definitly be keeping the non-vaxx issue to myself.

i'm sick of people's reactions to my decisions. i have been told so many times that i shouldn't wrap my child in cotton wool. funny that my child did not get sick once for the first 2 years of his life and then it was just a couple of mild colds till i put him into day care at the age of 3 which is when this whole virus thing started.

[kymmy]

My family understand our choice to not vax our baby as they know how we have been dealing with our boy who had reactions with his needle at 1 year.
They understand we don't want to put our baby through what our beautiful boy has been for the past 2 1/2 years.