It WILL NOT cause 'bad habits' if you.....

[OJandMe]

I've been listening to a lot of parenting ideas at playgroup lately... a lot of Mums are pregant with their second child and are going through toddler stages with their first.

Having 4 children already and having children who are the eldest in our grou.. I think I have a little bit of knowledge when it comes to different ideas and worries about those so-called.. 'bad habit forming' parenting ideas...

This was the main one for me...

Please.. it WILL NOT cause bad habits if you lay with/sit with/rock/pat/feed your child to sleep.

It is not worth fighting with a 2-3yr old for 2-3 hours a night, bringing them back to bed, taking them back to bed, taking them back to bed, taking them back to bed...... everytime they come out... just because you think it will cause bad habits if they don't 'learn to settle themselves'


ALL children learn to settle themselves. I would say by about 4-5 years of age, every child can be reasoned with to accept a cuddle, a book, a kiss, a tuck in... and the reassurance that you are sitting in the loungeroom reading a book, and will check on them in 5 mins.

Babies and toddlers go through many sleep phases, just because they self settle now... does not mean they will self-settle in 6 months... and then what?????

BUT if your child knows you will stay with them, until they go to sleep... they will ALWAYS go to sleep with you with them... there will be no fight. There is no need to fight, because it is a pleasant experience... the soft songs, the prayers, the cuddles, the stories.:cloud9:

By the time your child is a preschooler you can reason with them and work out a good bedtime routine with them, that works for you and them.:yes:



Please feel free to add to the list.

[CrankyAndTired]

Wonderful post.. :yelclap::yelclap::yelclap::yelclap:

[codswallop]

well said!!

also ive found it just as easy for my co sleeping babies to transition in to big beds as toddlers as those ppl whos children started life in there own cots

[Nomsie]

:yelclap::yelclap:

[InSaneOne]

i used to rock dd to sleep. at the age of 2 she decided she didn't want to be rocked anymore. and goes to sleep fine. we do have slight issues with her day sleep especially when she has been with my mum the previous day. she wants her belly and back rubbed before she goes to sleep. then she mucks around with toilet and drinks as that is what my mother lets her get away with.

but all children are different. they all learn to settle in their own time. and while it may take a while to change some behavior as long as the kids listen to you (and freeze) when you scream out STOP or NO then you don't have a problem.

[Hootenanny]

I absolutely agree, we have never had night time battles because I just lie down with them, they relax and go to sleep. There is a lot of pressure put on mums to have babies who self settle and all it does is place unnecessary stress on them and their children. I love that time with them when we cuddle and they are dozing off. I still do it with my 3 year old and we lay there saying goodnight. It goes something like this
'Goodnight baby'
'night mum'
'Sleeptight'
'Fanks mum'
'sweetdreams'
'sweetdweams to you too'
'thanks baby'
'your welcomed'
'love you'
'lub you too'

and then that's all I usually hear from him until 7.30 ish in the morning.

[Raising Leprechauns]

Totally agree. DS decided by himself when he was ready to "kick me out" of his room when going to sleep. We have a story, lights go out, we have a "love" and when he is ready he says "I'm ready now - that was a good love". Off I go. If my kids need to come in to my bed at night they can. They are little for such a small time - and eventually I will be missing those late night cuddles.

Even though I would kill for a solid nights sleep! :sleeping:

[smog]

gotta say i totally agree:yes:

[bgbgbb]

I'll deviate from the original post and give you another one (also from a mum of 4)

It will not cause bad habits (or moreso, ruin your child) if you put them in a childcare facility one day a week (even if you are a SAHM) once they are about 18 months -2 years.

It enables them to learn interaction with other children, take authority from an adult other than their parents/family members and gives mum a chance to have some kid-free time to do stuff she cant do with them constantly around (the breathing space helps to make me a much nicer mum).

I found that having previously attended childcare, my children transitioned easily into kindergarten and then school and lost a lot of the clinginess they can have at an earlier age.

[Lilahh]

Babies and toddlers go through many sleep phases, just because they self settle now... does not mean they will self-settle in 6 months... and then what?????


I agree with everything and I just cannot agree more with the above statement. Just cause they can now, doesn't mean they will tomorrow. :yes:

Amen!

[Hootenanny]

I'll deviate from the original post and give you another one (also from a mum of 4)

It will not cause bad habits (or moreso, ruin your child) if you put them in a childcare facility one day a week (even if you are a SAHM) once they are about 18 months -2 years.

It enables them to learn interaction with other children, take authority from an adult other than their parents/family members and gives mum a chance to have some kid-free time to do stuff she cant do with them constantly around (the breathing space helps to make me a much nicer mum).

I found that having previously attended childcare, my children transitioned easily into kindergarten and then school and lost a lot of the clinginess they can have at an earlier age.

I do agree with that but think it should probably be it will not necessarily cause bad habits etc. It hasn't for your children and many others but it really does depend on the child and the centre, some children really just aren't ready and cannot cope, and some thrive.

[MummaBear03]

Can't agree more.

Feeding on demand will not cause eating disorders later in life :no:

[Boobycino]

The scariest thing I've ever heard was on that 'raising children' dvd that I got from hospital, kindda like a baby manual....

Jasper was about 2 weeks old and I'd been feeding/rockingg him to sleep. And they were talking about settling - and someone on the dvd said its fine if you want to rock your baby to sleep, but get use to it, because they'll always want to fall asleep that way.

:eek::crying:

I'd only had him for a fortnight and I thought I'd already ruined him!!!!!!

:crying:

BTW - despite jasper's MANY sleep issues, falling asleep has never been one of them. I rocked him to sleep until he was 8 weeks old and then discovered he would take 30minutes - 1hr to fall asleep in my arms - and less than 3 minutes of protesting (not crying, just grizzles) to fall asleep in his cot.

He just flips out when he wakes up - which is the issue with the night waking, because he (used too :fingerscrossed:) wake and want me to come to him, but as long as I did get up and give him 30seconds of boob, he'd fall asleep on his own, no worries.

So... its a complete lie.

Rock away :thumbsup:

[Mum2Mimi]

great thread!

They are only young for a short period of time,y waste it stressing yourself out and ur bub/toddler/child by making them scream them selfs to sleep,its much more pleasent and nicer to have snuggles and watch them fall asleep in the loving safe arms of mum or dad where they feel secure :)

[Boobycino]

great thread!

They are only young for a short period of time,y waste it stressing yourself out and ur bub/toddler/child by making them scream them selfs to sleep,its much more pleasent and nicer to have snuggles and watch them fall asleep in the loving safe arms of mum or dad where they feel secure :)

I agree :thumbsup:

Jasper's only waking once a night currently (though his sleep habits change with the wind lately) and even though he's too old to still be feeding at night, I dont mind getting up at 4am and sitting with him for a feed on the couch while the house is dead quite and dark and calm - its a magical time of night I think. Its so special. And very very soon he wont wake and just want mummy.

though, I dont feed him before 4am. I just find he is very hungry when he wakes at that time and feeds pretty fiercely! So I wont leave him to cry hungry.

but its lovely. It is.

though, under no circumstances is he coming back to bed with me anymore! and we're not falling to sleep together!

no no no... one feed... one feed is all ya getting little man! This all-night-buffet is closed!

[whyallasamum]

I'll deviate from the original post and give you another one (also from a mum of 4)

It will not cause bad habits (or moreso, ruin your child) if you put them in a childcare facility one day a week (even if you are a SAHM) once they are about 18 months -2 years.

It enables them to learn interaction with other children, take authority from an adult other than their parents/family members and gives mum a chance to have some kid-free time to do stuff she cant do with them constantly around (the breathing space helps to make me a much nicer mum).

I found that having previously attended childcare, my children transitioned easily into kindergarten and then school and lost a lot of the clinginess they can have at an earlier age.


i agree!!!! my daughter is 17 months old we started putting her in day care 2 days a week a month ago we don't know anyone with kids in the town we live in so i thought this would be a great idea to let her play with other children and she loves it she knows what days are mummy days as we call them in our house as soon as shes dressed she gets her bag and sits at the front door to wait for me. i was so torn about putting her in day care everyone kept saying oh but she is still so young im so glad i didn't listen to them and put her in day care anyway.
i needed the break i was getting to the point where i would just say ok fine do whatever you want just coz i didn't want to fight with her about things but once she started day care and i got to have a break 2 days a week i started looking forward to days where she would stay home i started playing with her again i feel she and i are much happy with her at day care and once the new baby (due in june) is about the same age as she was when she started bub will be going off to day care too.
mums need a break and the kiddies love it too!!!

[peanutbutter&jelly]

Remember to trust your own judgement. Most of the time, as Mum, you know better than anyone else :)

[BabelFish]

The whole `rod for your own back' thing with regards to sleep is probably the thing that absolutely annoys me the most out of any parenting thing I've ever heard.

Thanks for this thread. It really needs to be said and then said again and again!

[crazymuma]

IT WILL NOT CAUSE BAD HABITS OR RUIN YOUR CHILD if occasionally they have a lolly or chocolate or peice of cake.

Too many mothers go so over the top and strees themselves out making sure no junk ever gets eaten.

[Hollywood]

:skywriter: Thank you for your post :goodvibes: I still breastfeed DS to sleep and cosleep with him and it's so nice to read this type of thread :cloud9:

[twotrunks]

I like the idea of this thread, but think anything that you can think of needs to come with a "whatever works for your family" label. Lying with our toddlers to put them to sleep certainly has caused bad habits for them now, and we pay for it with tired children who misbehave more, eat less, and learn less well. We have had to put quite firm measures in place to change things. So I would say for some it is true that you won't spoil them, while for others it is not true.
I think the only "truth" I could say applies to everyone is that all children are different, and they are all born with their own personality and temperament; accept that they are an individual and modify your parenting style to suit each one.
Oh, and we can only do our best. That is an absolute truth :)
TT

[misskittyfantastico]

The whole `rod for your own back' thing with regards to sleep is probably the thing that absolutely annoys me the most out of any parenting thing I've ever heard.

Thanks for this thread. It really needs to be said and then said again and again!

I loves my rods. :skywriter:

Also, proud moment. Met with DD's (four) kindy teacher today and my girl is well adjusted, confident - heck, she jumps on the bus to ride the 40km to town and sings all the way! - and I had so many people telling me to "socialise" her, to get rid of her comforts (dummy, co sleeping etc) Looks like I did orright!

DON'T doubt yourselves, choose what works for you and don't be afraid to look outside the square.

[OJandMe]

It will not cause bad habits if you....

* lay with/sit with/pat/rock/feed your child to sleep.
- they grow out of it as preschoolers.

* let your child feed on demand- it won't cause them eating disorders

* allow your child to have a lollie or chocolate sometimes- it doesn't make them more predispositioned to junk food

* place your child in (a good) kindy for 1-2 days a week once they are toddlers, even if you can have them at home.
- everyone needs time to themselves, and most children love the chance to participate in a whole day of activities set up specifically for them, by people who can give them their whole attention, and don't have to worry about getting the 'house done' as well as playing.

*use bribes or (incentives) to encourage good behaviour when they are toddlers.
- by the time they are old enough to understand consequences and cause and effect you can do away with the bribes.. but it's no point fighting a 2yr old to sit in the trolley, when they would sit quite happily with a toy/food item/promise of a babycino.

[bumMum]

i completely agree with you! my son is a great sleeper most of the time now, as a toddler, and we rocked/patter/co slept/fed to sleep.. whatever we had to do..
he eventually outgrew it himself. and he climbs into bed with us now when he is sad or sick and i love it

[ejandakrose]

Great thread! :thumbsup:

I would like to add one.. It won't cause bad habits if you carry bub in a sling. I was told so many times that it would make her too clingy, she won't ever want to sit in a pram, she'll expect to be carried everywhere, etc., etc.

So far that's not proving to be true! :sunshine:

[our little treasures]

Fantastic thread :yes: My 2 eldest are by far the best sleepers out of my friends. They are 4 and 6 and they go to bed when I tell them to 7ish and sleep through the night with NO dramas and yet they were both breastfed, rocked and cuddled to sleep in MY bed!!!!


Can't agree more.

Feeding on demand will not cause eating disorders later in life :no:

Oh I so agree!!

Not allowing your child to be babysat or go to child care etc and just having them by my side does not mean they will have trouble adjusting to kinder and school. I've 2 children who transitioned into kinder / school perfectly fine and with NO tears on their behalf :)