Bio / step dad relationship

[borntobeamum]

Just after some feedback / advice...

So I am getting married on Thursday to total love of my life / soulmate / best thing that has even happened to me, and have told the X, DS's bio dad.

Just wondering how others have gone with the Bio and Step dad relationship? I mean, I do not expect them to be mates, and X has told me he trusts my judgement when it comes to DF and his involvement in DS life, but I was wondering if anyone else who has been in this situation has ended up with the 2 men becoming civil towards each other?

(BTW - X sees DS once a week for 6 hours at the most, and that is not even every week. He is totally useless when it comes to understanding what DS wants, and has no common sense when it comes to looking after him, but that is another story all together lol!)

[River Song]

i remarried the love of my life when DS was 4...we got together when he was 2.

My ex, although pays maintenence, is a bit useless with DS.

Ex and DH are civil and polite..and even built DS's trampoline together last christmas....but they are not mates lol

Ex is jealous of DH's relationship with DS...cause they are so close and DS has chosen to call both of them Daddy.

We did not push anything, we just let things develop.

I am not friendly, i am barely civil to my ex's new wife...but that is a long and complicated story and it is her is object to...not the fact he has a new partner.

I think Ex has realised (after doing stuff to rock the boat like arguing with DS and saying that DH is not a real father....yelling at him for calling DH daddy etc etc) that by trying to get in the way...he was only damaging his own relationship with DS.

I show my ex respect...but we will never be friends either. Too much of an ugly past...but i will never bad mouth him in DS's earshot or allow anyone else to. I talk DS around when he refuses to go see EX....I make sure he feels safe to love and be loved by both daddies.

that said....ex and his relationship is slipping...and i don't feel it is our job to fix it.

[RmumR]

My DF and XH are civil enough to each other now but it wasn't and isn't always the case. Whenever XH gets annoyed at something he will be especially rude to DF if they happen to cross paths during that time.
To start with when they first met XH was embarrisingly rude, he is much better these days but can still slip back into old ways.

[TurnedBatty]

My ex and DP are civil, though that was from some reluctance on my ex's part. He even tried convincing me at the start to put off DP and BS meeting until "We both agree he is ready". Hmmm, how about no??

DP and his sons step-dad are civil, though I probably see more of him than DP does. We both agree that he is a great guy, and that he deserves better then BM. If it wasnt for BM, Im sure they could be friends.

[borntobeamum]

Yeah - I am the same. X is a total twit, but I never - nor do I allow anyone else, including DF - to speak badly of him in front of DS.
DF has massive issues with how DS is treated when he goes to X's house, but knows enough to let me mention it to X. I also have an issue with X's new GF, mainly because she was a mutual friend who had "liked" him for years, and literally the night X walked out on us she had a crack at him.

ATM, DS is not really fussed about going to see his dad - he never wants to come home because he always gets away with murder when he is there, but sometimes when I tell him that is where he is going, he cracks it. I talk him into going. After the wedding X and DF will see each other a bit, so just wondering how others handled it....

[moozle]

My Mum remarried when I was 8 and my bio Dad speaks so highly of my step-dad. I really only see my sted-dad as my dad though as I've never had much to do with my bio dad but it is possible for them to get along :) I hope it works out in your situation.

[borntobeamum]

Me too, for DS sake.

X doesnt realise that in a few years time, DS will be choosing for himself what he wants to do on weekends (he will have things like footy, birthday parties etc) and his bad parenting now may see him losing out...

I hope it all works out because DF will have more of a hand in actually raising DS than the X will, so I hope they can get along...