Is dad babysitting or parenting????

[nikniknik]

Hi,

Came across this article and thought it was very interesting - mostly the comments posted after the article more than the article itself!

What do you all think?

http://blogs.news.com.au/naughtycorner/index.php/news/comments/daddy_daycare_trusting_your_partner_to_look_after_ the_kids/P20/

[waterlily]

Strange! My DF is a wonderful father and I leave DD with him alot while I get some "me time"
I personally think a father offers a completely different and very important relationship with their children.

I would never have considered having a child with someone I didn't think could look after them without my "supervision".

[The sooper nanny]

i found this very interesting. My Dh has been looking after DD since she was 4 months when I did the odd shift. I am lucky because he works from home so we share the parenting between us.

I do know a few women who would not for the life of them trust their DHs with their children. I think thats so sad. I love the fact that my DH gets time with DD, hes her dad. And she loves him, as he does her.

[Love is all you need]

Strange! My DF is a wonderful father and I leave DD with him alot while I get some "me time"
I personally think a father offers a completely different and very important relationship with their children.

I would never have considered having a child with someone I didn't think could look after them without my "supervision".
:iagree:

It's definitely parenting I want DD to grow up with an active dad in her life so that means he takes her out by himself and it's not babysitting for me.

I expect him to with help out in every aspect of her upbringing and the decisions which go along with it!

However I do woman who do not see it this way and you can tell that their OH gets disgruntled because they feel left out of the parenting process and it comes to a point where all the men feel like they are doing is babysitting.

[missie_mack]

If my husband wasn't capable of caring for a child he wouldn't have become a father.
I think its bizarre that mothers refuse to leave their children with their father.

I also think its weird that when a father looks after his own child some consider it babysitting.... if looking after your own child is babysitting I am seriously owed some money from someone somewhere :p

[*babygirl*]

It is most definitely parenting here! I don't even stop to let him know where we are 'up to' in the routine because I know he will do the absolute best by her no matter what :) he takes a very active role in her day to day life! Parenting with him is more structured than it is with me and DD really responds to him like that :)

[Fuchsia!]

I don't trust my ex, he is pretty hopeless, sure he would get the job done, but would he do a good job? Nope.

Its a constant worry when the kids are with him, and i mean constant worry.

[1+1=5]

DH has been looking after his own children (not babysitting) since they were born. I was at uni two full days a week when Noah was 4 weeks old and he was more settled with DH than he was with me.
he gets very annoyed when people say "oh its nice of you to babysit them" :)

[Boobycino]

I didn't in the beginning, didn't trust him :no:

Now I do, now I trust jasper to scream the bleeding house down if he's not fed, changed, or put to bed at an appropriate time.

[bookwormmum]

This kind of thing causes a lot of arguments in our house - in DD's whole year of life DF has never once been at home all day or night with her on his own. On the incredibly rare occassion that I do go out, maybe 3 times since she's been born, he takes her out with family, so he always has help... It sh!ts me to tears. Sometimes it really feels like I'm a single parent and he just lives with us :hair: How do you get through to these men??

[missie_mack]

How do you get through to these men??

Let them learn the hardway. Hand them the child and tell them you are going out *shrug*
Thats what a lot of them do to their wives/partners why should the rules be different when it comes to them?

[Annabella]

Let them learn the hardway. Hand them the child and tell them you are going out *shrug*
Thats what a lot of them do to their wives/partners why should the rules be different when it comes to them?

This is what I've had to do. My husband, as much as I love him, and as much as I know he loves the kids, is pretty useless and VERY lazy. If I ask him to watch the kids while I do something he'll be very non-commital about if he is free etc, so I've learned just to go and leave them with him, including a 4 week trip to Europe with my sister! He has footy trips, trips back home without the kids all the time, I take the kids with me EVERYWHERE. I have been politely asking when is a good time to visit my sister in Ireland without the kids for years, he has never given me an answer (hoping I'll forget no doubt!) so last year I just planned it and let him know he had the kids for that time. Of course he went and stayed with mummy for 2 weeks of it but I didn't care by that stage as long as I got to go away!

Unfortunately I have to deal with having cranky, McDonalds/Coke/lollies-fed kids who have been watching DVDs all day, and a messy house when I get home, but its usually worth it for some me-time. When they were younger I would prepare healthy food for them before I went out just so I knew they'd have something to eat, thats how bad he is!

[mum2bubba]

I often leave the kids with Grant and I admit that I usually make sure I go out when they're all in bed (at night) or two having a nap during the day just to make it easier on him and all he really has to do is just be there. Thing is though, he does feed them, he does change nappies but that's ALL he pretty much does (I mean if they're not in bed). I have come home on many occasions and while dinner is ready (at least for the kids) the place is a pigsty and the kids are running amok (sp) if he actually got off the couch and spent some quality time with them like read a book, play games, go to the park etc I'd be happier. Oh well, I guess I can't complain, there are other women out there that don't have partners to take care of their kids.

[sockstealingpoltergeist]

If it was even suggested that he was baby sitting I would be livid. We are both parents and men are just as capable as women are of looking after children.

We have a good routine going and DH just does what needs to be done. Easy.

[Seacretsquirrel]

:laughing: missie_mack me too

DH is on patrol boats so that entails a 4 weeks at home (still at work) followed by 8 weeks away (and his boat is usually away for most of those 8 weeks) so while he is a great dad and will look after them while I go to get a haircut or have a couple of drinks with a GF it is a pretty rare ocurance due to the amount of time he is actually home.

I totally trust him to do the right thing by the kids and he is pretty clued into our usual routine so things will run pretty smoothly for him when he does have them on his own.

[Twins Kelly]

Gosh. I'm fully expecting, as is my DH, that we will both be hands on from the start! With twins, he won't get a choice about not changing nappies etc! Unless maybe he enjoys the sound of a screaming newborn! haha! I do know families where the mum does it all...and complains. I think you have be careful about the way you allow things in your house to develop....equal duties all the way for us!

[MermaidSister]

I have had the odd person express amazement that my kids are looked after by their dad while im doing other things (including the newborn). Or, more commonly, just the endless questioning when i'm out on my own of, "Who's looking after your children?"

Sometimes i respond, "Oh, they can take care of themselves."

It's so patronising to men to suggest they are incapable of parenting their own kids...yet i know a lot of couples like this, where dad never has them on his own, even in this day and age. Sometimes they don't want to, sometimes the mother refuses to allow them to. Just from my own personal experience, with people i know personally, it seems like a bit of an ego trip for the mother when she won't allow it. I have seen dads offering to take on more of the baby care and seen partners put them down, refuse the offer, and then complain later that he never helps with anything.

I guess if she knows it's an empty promise thats one thing, but if she just refuses because she can't let go and needs to have control over every aspect of the child's life, or boost faltering self-esteem with being needed, it's a little sad and denies the child bonding opportunities with thier father.

Not saying this is the case with every family where mum is the primary carer, it's just an interesting thing i noticed with a few people in my life.

[Justboys]

"Babysitting" obviously they are not real fathers! How can you be a baby sitter to your own kids ??:no:

I have never had 1 problem leaving our kids with my DP :)

[Mum2Mimi]

i dont understand how man think its baby sitting looking after their own children?!?!?

Ive never rally had a problem leaving dp with dd,when she was a nb i did worry and think 'what if she crying and he doesnt kno whats wrong?' what if what if... So i would end up coing home early after only bein out 40mins to come home and they are both fine
Now she a toddler i love having me time,il go out for hours and dont call anymore to check and dont even have any of the wat if thoughts,just enjoy myself and 'me time' :)

[Leisa21]

My husband would be livid if someone suggested he was baby sitting. He's just as capable as me. It took me a while to leave them alone together fo longer than 30 minutes but that was because DS used to feed non stop and I never wanted to express.

I work a few hours per week so when I'm gone DH does everything. The house is spotless when I get home and I have two very happy boys :)

[CazHazKidz]

Oh lordy! I'm going to go against the grain here and say at this stage in my Son's life I would NOT go out and leave him with his father.

I think he will become a better parent as DS gets older, but right now he has NO idea. I try to involve him, but he just seems blind to what needs to be done and I either end up doing everything myself, or having to give him step by step instructions on how to do anything. I don't stand over him and bark orders at him, I try to leave him to do things on his own, but every 5 seconds he'll be asking me what to do :laughing:

[trishalishous]

We were talking about this the other day.
DH is working full time for the first 7 months (No special reason for 7 months, except I plan to BF and we want to go away next xmas, so need some money saved), and then in 2011 hes going back to uni full time, working part time, and Ill be working part time and doing the domestic stuff.
We plan to share baby time 50/50 once Im back at work.
Hes great with kids, and I trust him 100% to look after them, I wouldnt have had children with him if I didnt :)

[Tenyrmiracle]

DH is absolutely parenting when he has DD. He had a week off work when we first came home and was so worried he wouldn't know what to do. I let him take control a lot at the start so he could learn while I was there to guide. Now he can tell from her cries what she is after. He's a pro at dressing, bathing, feeding, etc. He has even taken her to a training session with him. He's a very proud, hands on Dad. If someone said he was babysitting, I think he'd be insulted. It's his child too and he takes wonderful care of her.

[tales]

I think some dads took the article a bit too personally. Alison only asked questions about individual circumstances, and though the topic might be somewhat emotionally charged, I don't think she made any sweeping gender generalisations (though I'm very tired, so I could be wrong). Didn't take my OH any longer to figure out how to be a parent than it did for me, and we're still learning. I think fathers are (generally), just as capable as mothers when they choose to be. That said, I think people underestimate a mother's hard-wired instinct to protect her children. I do not know if fathers have the same thing, not being a father myself. I would like to think they do.

[kar]

The concept of dads 'babysitting' really gets my goat. A pet peev you might say. Guess I am lucky and have a DH who is a great, very hands on dad and has been since the day F was born. Once the constant need for boobs passed I have never hesitated to leave F with DH.

Although I must say he is great at looking after F, but nothing else gets done. HE tried to convince me it is because men have single track minds - when he is focussed on F he just doesn't even consider that the washing may need to be hung out :rolleyes:

[mum2bubba]

A father "babysitting" gets my goat too, but I think in some cases when you really think about it babysitting is probably the right word. What about all those single mothers who's ex's (child(rens) fathers) have them over night or for a few hours on a weekend and all they do is sit their kids in front of the tv all day, even an actual babysitter does more than that. My nieces' father comes over to their house every Saturday and all he does is watch tv with the girls, doesn't take them out, doesn't make them lunch or anything like that (their mother is still there) he comes over for an hour. That's it. That to me is not parenting, that's babysitting.

[hunnybunny]

I have no problems leaving the bubs with Dh, but at times I do get frustrated because he just doesnt think to do some of the things that need doing, eg, he often feeds them dinner of a night so I can sit and have a "break" after being with them all day, except I'm the one who cooks their food and even gets it ready in the bowl for them, if I dont he wont look for something to feed them, he just asks me what they are having. Little things like that.

[kar]

no doubt at all some dads are babysitters and nothing more!
people often ask me if DH is 'babysitting' and i invariably reply no he's not. they then ask who is looking after F and I reply that DH is and they look puzzled. I then explain that in my view DH isn't a babysitter, he is a dad!

[OurLittleBlessing]

My husband would be livid if someone suggested he was baby sitting. He's just as capable as me.

:iagree: Dad's are parents too! Why shouldn't they spend some one-on-one time with their kids? My DH is a FANTASTIC parent, and the time he spends with our girls really adds to their development. I would feel sorry for them if they only had one-on-one time with me :laughing:.

I was very lucky to grow up in a family where my Dad was very hands on, and I still have a fantastic relationship with my Dad now. As do my siblings.

[Boobycino]

[QUOTE=mystics;4499132]I have had the odd person express amazement that my kids are looked after by their dad while im doing other things (including the newborn). Or, more commonly, just the endless questioning when i'm out on my own of, "Who's looking after your children?"

Sometimes i respond, "Oh, they can take care of themselves."
[QUOTE]

I've has this conversation a few times. I'll often ask if I bump into a mum without her bubbas/children where they are, or who they're with - just out of interest or to make polite conversation, I never intend to mean their daddy shouldn't have them - just sometimes its grandma, or auntie, or dad, or a friend etc. So I ask because I'm interested :yes:

But yeah, sometimes mums will say "oh, I just left them at home on their own" or something, so I make note not ask them again :o

[delirium]

I 100% agree that dads can do an equally good job with the kids. I leave DH with the kids so I can go to the gym, go grocery shopping etc,. He is not babysitting, he looking after his own children.

But I got a really mother blaming vibe to the article. Like men are being kept from their kids by over protective, and controlling partners. My experience is that good fathers will step up without even being prompted, and the women that do everything with the kids usually do so bc their partner is useless and refuses to contribute.

So really, I don't think it's being controlling it's about her not asking him bc he refuses and really can't cope. I will say in those situations he should be forced, both to get confidence and for a break for her.

[CazHazKidz]

But I got a really mother blaming vibe to the article. Like men are being kept from their kids by over protective, and controlling partners. My experience is that good fathers will step up without even being prompted, and the women that do everything with the kids usually do so bc their partner is useless and refuses to contribute.

Thank you for saying this. I was starting to feel really guilty like it was my fault.

He's not useless because I do everthing, I do everything because he's useless :yes:

[3'llhavetodo]

I won't leave my 8mth old with DH. I don't trust DH to fill DS's needs. DH believes in if they cry lock them in their room. DH also doesn't really have much interest.
I'll leave the older 2 as they are totally self sufficient.

I trust my brother and father more than DH with DS#2

[3'llhavetodo]

Sometimes it really feels like I'm a single parent and he just lives with us :hair: How do you get through to these men??
Ditto