As a formula feeding mother, would you change anything?

[Little Gorilla]

As a formula feeding mum, if you had your time again starting from when you bub was born, would you change anything with the way you fed your bub?

What I'm curious about is whether, if you had better support from either nurses in hospital, your CHN, people around you, or better access to information etc, do you think you in fact may have been able to breast feed? Or is there some area that you think could be changed to help first time BF mums out - something better than putting a poster up in a bus shelter and telling us how great BF is, something more supportive and "hands on"?

I often wonder about this myself - I breastfed for 4 weeks and then went bottle. However, the hospital I had bub at didn't offer much (if any) support at all - I tried to see the laction consultant a number of times, but she was never there. The nurse that came and visited me at home for 1 week said I was doing a "good" job even though I told her that I was having trouble BF. I tried the ABA's phone line and didn't get through a few times, then when I did I kept having to explain my whole story to a different person each time (which was starting make me feel more and more depressed).

I didn't have any friends or much family support (except from DP) regarding breastfeeding and truthfully felt if I had tried to continue breastfeeding (with the little amount of milk I seemed to have) I was on a downhill run to depression.:gloomy:

I often think if I had been a member of bubhub then, I would have had access to a whole world of information (not to mention support) from mothers who had been through the breastfeeding ordeal and that may have helped somehow.

Now I understand that some women just can't breastfeed due to medical conditions, so I suppose my question isn't aimed at you, as FF is the best option in this situation.

[reAllytee]

Oh BG :hugs:
I had no choice even though many make me feel like i did & i failed but i know better even if it does get my back up every now & then. I even had a bad day yesterday that had me crying over everything that happened at Boof's birth etc.
Sometimes things just dont go right not that it makes it any easier but the fact you tried & for a good 4wks means a lot i just wish you had gotten the help you deserved maybe things would have gone in a different direction.
I think either way a new mum needs support & feel we are often left floundering whichever way we turn.
Im honestly pondering starting my own business of LC's, middies & other mothers that are able to do home visits etc for new mums. Because i think it vital for those first few weeks to have support in some form. I know i needed it but was left out in the cold because i didnt b/f as it was like "well you know what your doing now" errr sorry but i certainly had no clue !!! I needed more help than b/f advice.
Anyways i really hope that talking about this & maybe even seeking counselling helps you come to terms with all that happened :hugs:

[natasha]

I would have tried to BF for longer. I never knew bubhub existed, never knew how to BF, all the babies in my family were bottle fed. I really didn't have a clue what I was doing, but didnt want to seem young and stupid to the midwives so I told them I knew how to do it!I would defo try and BF again and not give up so easily.

[Little Gorilla]

Im honestly pondering starting my own business of LC's, middies & other mothers that are able to do home visits etc for new mums. :hugs:

Good idea - I told DP they need something like a all rounder "mummy's helper" for the first month or so of having a new baby - something that didn't cost the world, but for people that may not have the family and support they need it could be a godsend.

Someone that walked in and said "Right, I know you must be having probs in some department, don't put on a happy face....let me have it, your not alone, WE can get through this"

[reAllytee]

Thats exactly right !!!!
There needs to be help full stop because when it comes down to it you need help !!

[KarniF00l]

well after having the guilts for a little while... No, i wouldn't change a thing.. i have practically no time to BF or express having four kids. Putting DD on formula was the best thing for me at the time and this way my DH is able to feed DD and they are able to bond more. He's at work until 7ish pm and comes home and feeds DD, so that's their time together.

[~EmsMum~]

No, I wouldn't change anything, given my situation it was a bit hard to BF at the time

[Missus S]

Yes, I do wish that I sought out help from the ABA in the 1st week of coming home from hospital (although it sounds as though they weren't much help to you). And I wish they were more realistic in the BF class.....ie: it's going to hurt, BF is damn hard, if you ever give formula or a bottle once - they can start to wean etc!

Bub was sucking on my nipple.......I thought 'this isn't hard'........come a week later and I'm in agony and my baby is screaming because she just copped a mouthful of blood. Also, she was given a bottle & formula early on because of her jaundice which I think then made it hard for me to get her to attach properly.

I did then express milk for about another month but then gave up as it was so time consuming & my BM would never satisfy her as good as the formula.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing & I now know what I'll be doing next time.......eg: no bottle or formula in the first 6 weeks, make sure attachment is 100% correct, seek as much help as possible as soon as I need it.

You're right......we all know BF is best.......but we need more help about how to get it right in those first few weeks. But having said that, the formula's these days are pretty good and you can add probiotics to them which makes bubs insides more like that of a BF bub......which offers additional protection against gastro, infections & even allergies. In the end, only you can decide if it's time to FF......there's not much point in persisting with BF'ing if you're in so much pain, are an emotional wreck not bonding with your baby or bubs isn't getting enough to eat.

[melfunction]

WTF am I to do? I can't keep beating myself up over something that I had no control over.

In hindsight though, maybe I could have done things differently. I know much more now than what I did when he was born. I honestly didn't give it much thought. Well, I didn't until the 'militants' came out.

But then again, no one can make me feel inferior without my consent ;)

[gidgeroo]

I wish I had a choice, BG. With DS2 who arrived 11 weeks early I expressed for 4.5 months - measly amounts but whatever I could give him was better than nothing. I tried everything to increase my milk supply - regular expressing, fenugreek, blessed thistle, domperadone, nursing tea, drinking lots of water, eating well, resting etc etc to no avail. My production was probably not helped by the fact the DS2 spent 2 months in hospital and couldn't help by physically nursing.

that said, I thought I would be genetically predisposed to breastfeeding as both my mum and my sister could fill a freezer with EBM with no effort at all. I consider it unfair that I had so little success with all the information and support provided to me so I don't think any more information and support would have really helped.

Both my boys were partially b/fed for around 4 months and then went completely to formula on which they thrived! I did what I could so I wouldn't change a thing.
cheers
Georgia

[alanasmum]

There are three things I would have done differently with my little girl.

1. She was only 2700g (5 pounds, 15) when she was born at 38 weeks and wasn't taking to breastfeeding too well. The hospital said that it was important that she put on weight because she was small so they started her on formula from the start - that's mistake number 1.

2. On about day 3 one of the nurses suggest I try a nipple shield because she just wasn't attaching to me - she took to it straight away. Wish I had tried this from the beginning as perhaps she would not have been put on formula.

3. And lastly, I found that each nurse gave different advice on how to feed etc which only made me frustrated. Second time round, I'd see if I could get a private lactation consultant to visit me every day in hospital so that I only had one person giving me advice.

I managed to combine breast feeding, bottle feeding and expressing for the first 5 weeks but it was so absolutely exhausting. I was just so tired and she never got the hang of breast feeding properly, so now she's fully formula fed. I'm happy I gave it a go but am looking forward to applying the knowledge I have now and giving it another go with a second bub one day. Still, if it doens't work out again, I'm not too fussed. My little one is happy and putting on weight and that's what matters most. :)

[Ana Gram]

Nope, wouldn't change it. Well actually I would have stopped trying to breastfeed a lot sooner. Both DD and I were much happier once we stopped.

The only part of breastfeeding that is natural is that your body makes the milk. The actual feeding part is hard work, painful and is not as easy as some would make it seem -"just whip out the boob" is a comment you hear all the time.

The midwives etc don't make it any better by pinching, proding and poking, each one giving advice that contradicts the previous shift.

[veve]

same as chelle.. the only thing I would do is introduce the occasion bottle in earlier...

I continued to bfeed twice a day till 6 1/2 months.. but I also bottlefed two feeds..

but I only really started to relax and enjoy my son when I introduced those bottles at about 8 weeks... before then I would cry at each feed... hating me.. my DH and my son .. for the unpleasantness... if it hadn't been for my incredible DH .. I easily could have ended up depressed...

I tried everything... CHM .. GP ... lact consult... etc .. and perseverance.. .. it just wasn't meant to be... such is life .. :)

xxx

[annsam]

Yes I would change most things. I am hoping to rewrite history this time with baby #2.

I wanted to breastfeed, assumed I would have no issue at all (as you do) but when DS was born, his neck muscles hurt him from his position in the womb. No midwife could get him to latch, it took 3 days to see a hospital LC by which time I was leaving the next day - she couldn't get him to latch, it took 2 weeks for the LC from the ECHC to come visit by which time DS was nearly fully ff, no one told me about ABA or about private LC's and the ECHC LC told me to give up as it would be too much stress getting supply properly established.......so I did after having expressed half heartedly for 5 weeks.

This time Im organising LC support before I got into labour so I know its there if I need it (or where to find it in a hurry if the hospital fails me), Im writing a birth plan stating how important it is to me that I get LC support asap if I have issues and Im determined to be much more persistant about succeeding with bf and if for some reason that doesn't work, I'll be making much more of an effort to express this time around (not that it shouldn't work but when history is involved you have to consider it).

Thats the plan anyway.

[jessgray]

i wouldnt change my descion to FF ds1. i wish i knew about the formulas for bubs at risk of allergies though i think it might have helped a bit with ds maybe not getting as many who knows. because i chose to FF, i was told breast is best etc, but once the nurses in the maternity ward realised ds couldnt take to a bottle at all and he was taken to SCN and had a IV drip feeding him for a few days, they supported my descion. one nurse said i probably would have found it alot harder emotionaly if i had chosen to BF ds coz he wouldnt have taken to the breast either if he was BF. he spent a couple days with the IV feeding him then he graduated to a nose tube after the bottle still wouldnt take, then a few days later he took to the bottle.:) it was hard but i think i chose the right thing for ds1, i think it would have been alot easier if i had been given a bit of guidance abotu choosing formulas though.

this time with ds2 i am going to try and breastfeed,because of all the allergies in the family.i am hoping to do it for at least 6 months but i know it might not go that way :)

[whatwasithinking]

With dd #1 I had no support from hospital,Lactation,ABA. I only bf for about 1wk.

With dd#2 I had all the hospital and lactation support you could ever get plus more. I only bf for 8wks that time. My choice to stop bf and going ff.

I too wish I was a bubhubber during the pregs and early days/weeks.

[Spewiesmum]

I wouldn't be so hard on myself. I struggled from the word go. Comp fed in hospital, no milk for well over a week, drugs to help bring it in. I was put on a breast pump in hospital which ripped my nipples to shreds on day two so I had to wear shields over the top.

At DS four week checkup he had not regained the weight he'd lost in hospital. The CHN said "well aren't you feeding him?" and I replied "of course I am!" and burst into (more) tears. We pretty much walked out and went straight to my GP in tears. He called in his nurse who was also a LC. They were great but it came down to my milk being full of "no calories" due to being induced and a C/S - something you won't be told in hospital.

I struggled through an infection following a C/S, anemia, no sleep as DS was always hungry and awake and screaming for food and feeding for hours and hours on end thinking I was winning the battle.

No one thought I'd get through the first month but I was determined to get to six months. By 2.5 months I knew I'd have to stop soon. I was crying each feed as was DS. My supply dwindled despite trying fenugreek and drinking water by the bucketful while feeding. At three months and two days I stopped.

I cried for about three days and got over it. (Not really - I still get emotional sometimes). But it was the best thing for both of us. It wasn't until DS was around 7 weeks did he start to catch up in the weight range (and we all love those :rolleyes: ) Now at 9 months he's the size of a 12 month old as we've just been told following some surgery he's had.

I know breast is best - but DS did not get sick until he entered the childcare system. He was in it for five weeks and sick the entire time. Now that he's out he's fine.

He's happy and he's healthy. I'm happy and I'm healthy.

I did have a nurse visit me at home, and a counsellor from ABA who was a friend of my mothers. They both said "just keep going and you'll be fine". For how long I don't know.

I think it was made worse by my mother commenting "all you kids were breastfed" and seeing her despair at my despair. Next time I'll ask her to leave me alone for a few days.

I also hated, but never voiced my annoyance at 'family' who would automatically grab the bottle and feed DS when it was time and he was FF. It ripped my heart out everytime someone did that - just because I can't feed my baby doesn't mean it's no longer my desire too. If I wanted someone else to feed him I'd ask them to or offer for them to.

I'll be more than vocal next time.

I will be devastated if it happens again but I know it's not the end of the world and I've already got one happy boy as proof of that.

[SJE]

AAAAAAHHHHHH

That was some where between a sigh and a cry.

So many of the things you all have said have also been my experience.

We are not alone -:yelclap:

Apart from all other issues that may come up with number 2 a couple of things will and will not be happening

There will be - no visitors for 24 hours
I will attempt breast feeding immediately after birth

I really hope I dont have to be induced.
I will educate myself more before the birth e.g. ABA and CYH and of course bubhub ladies
I will seek help earlier.

Every midwife that walks through the door is not a Guru of BF!
I will be more proactive about preparing my body for BF
I will hire an electric breast pump

I will recognise when it is time to quit.

[FourAngelKisses]

I would have bottle fed from day dot. I was stupid to think that I could try and breastfeed a huge baby who wanted twice as much nurtition as an average sized baby. I was stupid to think I could try and breastfeed a cleft baby and I was even more stupid to think I could try and breastfeed another huge baby.

I ended up with grazed, bleeding nipples 2hrs after each birth. I ended up spending every feed after that for 3wks bawling my eyes out because I was in agony. My milk ended up running out anyway (inherited condition).

I saw lactation consultants and everyone else who knew everything about breastfeeding. They just kept shoving my nipples into the babies mouths and when the baby would come off 5 seconds later, they would yank my breast and shove it in again and keep repeating these steps for hours on end.

I ended up having my last baby on my breast without a break for 16hrs. He would not come off. 16hrs of the most painful breastfeeding I have ever experienced and in the end I buzzed a midwife to come and get him because I just couldn't continue. They ended up giving him a bottle of water. An hour later, he went and vomitted blood all over me.

So if I ever have another one, he/she will be going on the bottle from day one.

[Little Gorilla]

I wish I had a choice, BG. With DS2 who arrived 11 weeks early I expressed for 4.5 months - measly amounts but whatever I could give him was better than nothing. I tried everything to increase my milk supply - regular expressing, fenugreek, blessed thistle, domperadone, nursing tea, drinking lots of water, eating well, resting etc etc to no avail. My production was probably not helped by the fact the DS2 spent 2 months in hospital and couldn't help by physically nursing.

that said, I thought I would be genetically predisposed to breastfeeding as both my mum and my sister could fill a freezer with EBM with no effort at all. I consider it unfair that I had so little success with all the information and support provided to me so I don't think any more information and support would have really helped.

Both my boys were partially b/fed for around 4 months and then went completely to formula on which they thrived! I did what I could so I wouldn't change a thing.
cheers
Georgia

Gee that sounds tough :hugs:
You obviously did the very best you could in in what sounded like extremely stressfull circumstances

Wow ladies, thanks so much for sharing your stories - isn't it amazing how each persons journey onto formula is so different.

For bub #2 I'm going private - so hopefully the lactation consultant will be able to see me while I'm in hospital:rolleyes: - however, I will have back up after back up plan when it comes to BF this time - not sure what they are yet....have plenty of time to think about - I suppose I'm just going to make sure I know what my options are with getting help this time and not limit myself to a few people.

[Chickadee]

I would have joined the ABA and gone along to some of their info meetings before the birth. I was aware of the ABA while pregnant, and had an acquaintance in one of the local groups, but had this impression in my head of a bunch of happy hippy go-all-natural type women. A wrong impression most probably based on the one ABA person I knew. :rolleyes:

I'll admit that I was horribly underprepared both for the birth and for breastfeeding. Although I'm well over any guilt about switching to formula, I do think that if I had access to more information sources I would have done better at bf and not simply accepted the (wrong) advice of a midwife when DD wanted to feed constantly at 3 weeks old. If I knew then what I know now about bub's growth spurts and the real practicalities of how demand-supply works, maybe things would have been different for us.

[Spewiesmum]

Seejay Elle you've reminded me. Yep - no visitors for 24 hours. It was awful watching friends stare as I attempted to syringe colostrum from my boobs for 45 minutes to get a tiny tiny amount. All with a screaming baby who wasn't getting any less hungry. They can all b*gger off next time.

I don't even remember feeding for the first time. DH tells me that when I was wheeled into my room DS was put on my boob. That was a bit over an hour from when he was born and I don't remember a thing.

Also when I went to my doctor following the CHN experience I decided that his practice nurse was the one woman I was now going to listen to. No one but her. She called a spade a spade and I decided that's what I needed. Someone who was going to tell me how it was going to be, not how it 'should' be.

[~Emmylou~]

I breastfed for two months, my main problem was *major* oversupply. To the point where she constantly had wind, and I couldn't feed her anywhere but at home with a bathtowel under her to catch all the leaking milk. It was ridiculous, we would end every feed, both of us drenched. My letdown would spray milk everywhere and bub would be nearly drowning in it. I kept waiting for my supply to settle but at the time I decided to stop it was no better than it had been when my milk first came in.

Things I'll do differently this time:

No feeding in the SCN with fifty midwives butting in to offer "advice" - if this baby needs to be in the SCN for a day or two due to my GD I will be taking him to my room to feed. I didn't even know I could do that with DD.

Won't bother with the ABA - found them totally useless first time around. Get better support and advice from friends online.

No pumping - I know now (but didn't then) that this was overstimulating my bbs.

Aiming to make it to at least six months this time :)

[Leez]

A summary of my experience:B/F - my heart breaking as I try to attach DS again and again and again, hour after hour, a short respite before it all starts again. She becoming more upset to the point of hysteria, too little to understand why she's so hungry all the time and for whatever reason that we'll never know, she just doesn't want my boob and definately turns her head away - she doesn't care about breast is best and taking time to establish feeding and working at it until mums supply matches her needs, she wants food, now. I keep at it, convincing myself that its for the best, despite her desperate cries that devastate me and her father.LC's advice : 'oh thats ok, she can attach well, she just doesn't want to do the work, keep re-attaching her'. Right, so my daughter is intrinsically lazy, to the point that she can't be arsed getting food, yes, that sounds completely logical to me. Only thing is she's quite upset for a lazy person.EBM +FF - a beautiful peace settles on the house, my daughter looks up into the eyes of her mother or father, and quietly feeds away to her hearts content. She's regular with her sleeping and feeding, she's content, she has smiles and chuckles for everyone. She poos and wees like a champion.Would I do anything differently? Absolutely, I wouldn't cut myself up with guilt that I was failing my daughter. Maybe eventually it would have worked out, I could have dug my heels in and given her a 'boob or nothing' ultimatum, but the truth is I was not prepared to go through whatever it was that we would have had to in order to get there. I wanted her full and happy, not hungry and miserable.Lisa

[natasha]

It's threads like these that make me want to go and advertise bubhub in hospitals all over Oz. If people just knew that they are not alone, that there is help out there, a support network like bubhub, they would be so much more confident in making decisions and understanding all the things they were unsure about.
If only I'd have found bubhub whilst I was trying to BF.:(

[Little Gorilla]

It's threads like these that make me want to go and advertise bubhub in hospitals all over Oz. If people just knew that they are not alone, that there is help out there, a support network like bubhub, they would be so much more confident in making decisions and understanding all the things they were unsure about.
If only I'd have found bubhub whilst I was trying to BF.:(

My thoughts exactly natasha.

I suppose all of us have to just do as much :ecomcity: :ecomcity: :ecomcity: to new or impending mums as we can - talk about the probs we had when we had our bub and tell them how much support you can get from places like bubhub.

[JorBai]

Hi BG,

I think the things i would change would be to prepare more for BF because I am now aware that Not everyone can easily breastfeed. I just thought everyone could do it and it didnt hurt and that the baby just latched on immediately. Little did I know that this wasnt the case!

I also think I would be more relaxed about it and if BF doesnt work again then I will happily jus change to FF!

I think for me it will be easier second time round because with the 1st baby, if BF is hard then you get stressed out because the whole having a baby thing is a new experience whereas with baby #2 you already know how to care for a baby so you can focus a little on bf and yourself!

Hope that makes sense!

[Sarie]

I bottle fed from day one for a number of reasons. I wouldn't change anything for the world, I bottle fed DS2 from day one also and the new baby will be bottle fed as well.
Everyone at the hospital was very supportive of my choice and I didn't ever go to a CHN as from what I've heard of others experiences they can be more of a hinderence than a help.
One thing I will do differently is not have my inlaws descend and expect to be waited on hand and foot the day I get home from hospital. Or let my MIL and SIL take over with feeding the baby.

[flowerpot21]

how supportive to know that there are others like me. i thought i would be the only formula feeder in australia when i 'gave up' at just on 4 weeks. that was 4 months ago and i still get the guilts and wish i could have done it. i was induced at 38 weeks as bub was so small and had stopped growing for reasons unknown in the last two weeks. my whole pregnancy was slightly odd, no bump, little amnio fluid, no negative things like morning sickness etc... my labour was also odd, took 3 hours to dilate and then bub popped out with a couple of pushes.

ok so he was weeny, only 2.4kg. i had wanted to BF soo much. didnt have any probs with latching, no nipple pain etc. but my milk just never came in. bub was given comp formula in hospital due to his littleness - i understand this and in my case i don't think this affected my supply. the midwives were all lovely. i tried expressing after every feed - nothing. we left hospital after 5 days and continued at home, feeding every 3 hours, expressing afterwards, comp formula feeding. home visits three times and they were lovely too, and recommended i feed him for half an hour each side every two hours, plus expressing. this was hard to say the least. when do i sleep?? i was beyond exhausted and had no family support (no one here) and my partner works shifts and only got 2 days off. i couldn't sleep, i couldn't relax, i couldn't eat properly - when could i cook and eat with tring to feed all the time? i drank loads of water and tried motilium - helped in as much as i managed to get a teeny dribble once when i expressed, one time. also gave me terrible stomach cramps. all the stress took its toll and my exhaustion resulted me in goinbg absolutely mental at my partner, throwing things, screaming, hysterical crying. felt like such a failure - not only had i not looked after him enough in my womb i also couldn't feed him outside of it. i thought maybe it was the tablets so i stopped. the very vague fullness i had felt in my boobs vanished, and no more tiny amount to express. i felt so bad i started taking them again, with the exact smae result. i really thought i was losing my mind, like i was losing my grip on reality.

in the end i had to stop, i was so upset but i didn't think that i could carry on and retain my sanity, i felt that out of it. i basically felt that whilst i knew that it was best, i also thought that havinga sane mummy would be quite good for a bub, as opposed to a mad mummy who wasn't even able to feed anyway. i still feel bad but when i try to think about it rationally there wasn't very much else i could do, and i'm sure i couldn't have tried harder. i still wonder though... i was really nervous of going to the docs for his 6 week check in case they told me off, i didn't go to child and youth health to get him weighed just in case they told me off. i enrolled in a new parents group with CYH and was super-nervous in case they all thought i was a bad mum and just assume that i couldn't be bothered trying.

i would like another bub in a few years but i'm already worrying. my body seemed to do the bare minimum it could do to sustain the baby both before and after his birth, maybe it won't even manage to keep it safe next time. and i couldn't go through the whole 'no milk' thing again, obviously i would try but i'm sure it feels obvious when the milk 'comes in' so if i didn't get that i think i would have to swap to formula before going mad like this time... couldn't go through that again :no:

[Mamaduke]

The midwives etc don't make it any better by pinching, proding and poking, each one giving advice that contradicts the previous shift.


And lastly, I found that each nurse gave different advice on how to feed etc which only made me frustrated

Totally agree! Too many varying opinions.
Too much pressure from the 'boob nazi' midwives...
like I've said before, "you catch more flies with honey than sugar"...
are you listening ABA?

[Lil X-men]

Oh you poor girls, I feel so bad that you all went through this - Flowerpot you poor thing, I'm sure your body did a great job at looking after your bubs he's here now isnt he, thats the main thing and I'm sure you can do it again, with BF milk or FF milk!!!
I am so glad I found this site too, as I have read so many stories that are almost word for word the same thing I went through.
I can't believe how emotionally traumaising it is, and how much we beat ourselves up over changing to FF.
I don't think so me people realise how much it hurts us, they just think we gave up, didn't try hard enough. It makes us feel like we don't care for our childrens well being, when it is the complete opposite.
My boy is 15months old and I still feel like I have to defend my choice, when I speak to anyone who is/has BF.
I am so envious of people who can just flop out the boob and feed without hassle, my mum did with me she never had a prob.
One thing I am going to find hard next time, is having the guts to tell the Midwifes at the Hosp to P@#$ off as I hold them partially responsible for many of the probs I hadlast time, they were so rough and forced me to feed in all sorts of uncomfortable postions (it changed with every shift), so I went home with bleeding nipples!!!
I am serioulsy considering hiring my own LC and only letting her help me, so as to avoid confusion and conflicting advice.
If it goes haywire next time I ownt hestitate to FF as from experience DS1 thrived on it and is never sick!!