Can Blended Families Really Work????

[LuvMy4Babes]

I am curious to hear experiences of blended families.

Give me the good, the bad and the ugly!!!

I am a single mother of 4 kids, ages 11 to 4 and have recently started seeing an amazing guy who has 2 kids, ages 6 and 4.

I have my kids full-time, but they go to their Dad's most weekends (either one night or both) and he has his kids usually every 2nd weekend.

We currently don't live together but plan to in the future. My concern is him adjusting to living with 4 kids when he is only used to 2.

Can this really work???

[Pinkzy]

It can work :) If you and your partner really want it to then it will...it takes effort, work and can do your patience in to the point where you'll want to rip your hair out in some cases, but it can work.

A woman I know has 6 children, 3 different fathers. She is almost 40 now and has been with her DP for almost 5 years now (he is 27 and the father of their youngest child). He is more of a father to her other 5 children then their natural dads and adores them as much as he adores his fiance and his own toddler :) They are very happy together and always have been. Her ONLY complaint is that he spoils them all too much ♥

[liesel]

They Can...

but it all depends on the new partner and your expectations.

I know people say that dicipline should be left up to the bio parent. but I have found that just doesnt work. there has to be middle ground.:)

hey you have foiund someone who makes you happy thats got to count for something.

[SweetSerenity]

They Can...

but it all depends on the new partner and your expectations.

I know people say that dicipline should be left up to the bio parent. but I have found that just doesnt work. there has to be middle ground.:)

hey you have foiund someone who makes you happy thats got to count for something.

Yep, totally agree.

Me and DP discipline DS, DP never smacks or anything, but he will send him on his time out in the bathroom, or take a toy off him if he's being rude/naughty.

It can work, but it takes a lot of hard work :yes:

We have been living together as a blended family for over a year now and we still have our hurdles.

Our main one is because DS's bio dad spoils him rotten when he's with him every fortnight, DS has that expectation with us now...so we're the "meanies" because we don't let him get away with murder and shower him with pointless junk.

It's very hard for us to keep him in his routine because they do things SO differently over there.

Unfortunately it's just part of it.

[CookiesRYum]

as a kid of a blended family that didn't work i would suggest getting councelling before hand for everyone. Just to get you all on same page and give each kid a voice. I believe it can work but only if children are respected and considered not just told to deal with it. I remember having alot of trouble understanding how a new mum affected my relatiönship with my real mother. I had alot of guilt and felt i had betrayed her. I was only four and noone really explain or set out rules. It messed with my head. Plus my step mum was completely crazy.

[Amara]

It can work but it does not work well in lots of families. I would not worry about him adjusting to having more kids. The issues tend to be his kids being influenced by their mum if she is jealous of him moving in and/or jealousy over the kids who live there most of the time or any new kids that get added to the family. Good luck!

[moozle]

Absolutely they can. A lot of it has to do with the relationship between the parents involved (all 3 or 4 of them). I am about to marry someone with a son and we have a child of our own. It is not easy making sure neither one is left out but we do our best and make sure that we have a good relationship with his mother. It makes things MUCH easier when we're not being trash talked about at the other end and we speak highly of his mother too. I think it would be important for you to work out a balance of spending time together as a 4 child family as well as having time with both 'sets' (for want of a better word) of children separately, that way you'll have a chance to work on your relationship with his children without your children feeling like other children are taking their place.

I wish you all the best for the road ahead. It CAN work and if your new partner is willing to work with you, then you'll be fine :)

[Little-Pink-Hen]

As a child of a blended family it can work my sugestion is parents discuss the the rules first for behaving to each others children what's acceptable and what is not
sit down all children and explain what is happening say the step parents didn't break up the past relationship or that they want to replace the real parent

until recently our family was a success story.
Mum was 39, seperated for two years with 3 kids 19, 14, 9 when she met my step dad who was 32 and divorced from his ex two years ago he had three kids, 8, 6, 4
they fell pregnant within a month and sadly lost the bub not befor mum was introduced to kids who told her she stole their dad from their mum and his ex spat on her and called her a sl*t
they got married two years later and had my little brother. They spent a fortune and years fighting for custody/visitation rights When docs had to pay visits to mums house. And all young children had to have counciling after the stuff my steppies when saying in court, accusing my mum of making them go the toilet outside, having sex infront of them, accusing their dad of sexually abusing them.
They finally got proper rights, his ex clamed down. They became teens and apologied to mum for what they did.
The family moved to a bigger house to allow all kids still at home a room when they come. My dad and step dad got along great. I had dad daughter pics done with step dad on my wedding day and dd was calling him pop.
My step dad clashed with my brother and sister over normal teen stuff as they grew up and never got past it despite them now being adults. His children are up to far worse but we keep their secret as he will dis own them if he knew.
On nye day step dad out of blue tells mum he is leaving and moved in with a new girlfriend 3 days later. Has seen my brother once (he is 7) since he has left

I wish you the very best. Our story work , would of been happy if step dad wasn't an **** if cheated :rolleyes:

[TurnedBatty]

They sure can. I think it's just about families in general though. Blended families can work, but they sometimes don't. 'nuclear' families can work, but they sometimes don't. Same sex parent families can work, but they sometimes don't. Every family has to find a balance, just take it slowly. :)

[oleander]

It works for me. I only have one DD though and DF dosent have any kids but he is a great stepfather to her and it works well.

My previous relationship was with a guy who had a 7 year old and it didnt bother me at first but I didnt like the way he parented his child. He smacked him quite violently and also smacked my DD when she was only 18 months old. This rang alarm bells for me. So I think if you agree on who is going to do the parenting and how it will be done, then it shouldnt be too much of an issue.

[kezzaskids]

i sure can! BUT you need to have similar ideals when it comes to parenting and discipline etc. Its not yours and mine, everything become ours including the children!

[Benji]

I've recently repartnered but my DP has no children of his own which is probably one of the reasons it works really well, and he treats DS as he would his own child. That helps.

I was partnered with a man with a child a couple of years ago and our kids had a great time together being similar ages. It is difficult in some respects because we both had very different parenting ideas.

I've heard many horror stories of blended families with older children and (although I'm no expert) I think the main issue with the children was that they felt they didn't get to see their biological parent alone enough, so I think a major key is making time for your own children every now and again so they don't feel unloved.