arrrgh....

[ashleerose]

I left my ex two years ago, after he broke an avo and not only bashed me but also pulled a knife on me in front of our two kids.
Within a week of me leaving my husband hooked up with the thing up the road.
He fought me through the family law courts to have the kids but then when push come to shove he couldnt even do the three month supervised visitations at his mums, and so in the end he was told he had to do a parenting course as well as attend my local centrecare centre (which is six hours from where he lives).
My ex had a relationship prior to mine and that resulted in a son she lived through a similar ordeal with him and now that child has no father.
He is on drugs, the dole and unlikely to change.
About two months ago my mother inlaw called and asked if i had heard from him and of course i hadnt at the time unbeknown to me this thing had had a child to my ex and of course unfortunately for me i had to find out by getting an email from csaonline telling me that my childsupport had dropped after not long ago receiving a letter saying that it had risen by three dollars. So now my ex has four kids to three different mums and to make it worse we are still legally married.
When i tried to divorce him he wanted me to pay him out :banghead:
So i told him if he wanted a divorce he would have to stuff around and do it all himself.....
The worst thing of all is that this thing is also on drugs and has a child to a previous relationship and most probably only did it for the four grand.
My ex lives in his dept of houso house and she lives a few doors up in hers.
Even though they are living together and he is renting out his house and she is claiming the pension and he the dole there is nothing one can do (and to be honest i couldnt be bothered). It just really sucks that he didnt bother at least sorting the divorce out before this child entered the world he had a whole nine months or near enough and his bloody mother could have at least warned me but then again her son doesnt do no wrong....
My kids dont have a dad, his first child doesnt and now he has another its so wrong and unfair i actually feel sorry for this baby.
I dont want him back afterall i left him and it has been for the best but at times it does hurt because apart of me will always love him as much as i hate him.
I havent met anyone else its hard to get out of the house and when i do everyone seems to be joined at the hip :confused: .
Oh well thats my rant..........

[Chickadee]

Just bumping this thread because it was accidentally closed for several weeks...

[subaruforestermum]

Just read this thread.........I am sorry to hear what you are going through.. It took my father 12 years before he got a divorce from my mother (and it was only because he wanted to remarry lagally), we moved 3 times to get away from him, and he only started paying child support when I was 16, he has 8 kids (that we know of) to 4 different women.... We went through years of abuse, I watched him put a loaded gun to my mothers head and pull the trigger (it jammed), he taught us all about drugs, and really screwed up my life...

I hated him for leaving, as even though he put us through so much...I still love him in a way.....but I can never bring myself to forgive him...

I know it is hard, but maybe it is better that your child doesn't grow up with a father like him around...I wish that I had no father at all, than have gone through what I have had to.....My mother was a strong woman, and was always there to protect us, we were better off without him...He screwed up my head, and my life, and it took so much to pull it back together.......

:hugs: Hope you get through this.....

[ashleerose]

thanks subaruforestmum?

Its hard for me because i am constantly questioning whether or not i did the right thing in leaving him. Of course the sane part of me knows that i did the best thing i could have done but then there is the doubting side.

Will my kids hate me when they are older, because i didnt stay with him?
I dont talk to them about him as its been more then two years now (they were alot younger) and still quite young 4 and 5.
I dont want to talk about him or the past to them, id hate to tell them how bad he was and it was etc of course my eldest remembers things but mostly the bad things and she seems to be forgetting about him now and in a way that is good but in a way it is sad afterall this is her father someone that was really good in the beginning someone i loved enough to marry and have two kids to.
Yes there were good times and bad times and in the end the bad times increased.

I am afraid that they will one day run of to meet him and his family and believe whatever garbage they say about me (although i have tonnes and tones of paperwork to support practically everything i have been through).

His family dont bother with the kids and so not only have they lost their father but also his side of the family. It is good in some ways but bad in others.

I had two parents growing up and my childhood was normal i thought (well expected, that when i married it would be the same).

Now i am living my worst nightmare. I never intended to be a single mum (not that anyone does) and i feel as if i failed in the most basic of things my kids should have a mum and dad not just me.

[subaruforestermum]

There will always be regret, my mum goes through it quiet often when she sees how I am still effected by him leaving......

But your kids will understand that you done the best thing for them, and when they get older, you can explain to them that their daddy wasn't ready to be the father he needed to be.......

We too had good times, but the bad started to outway the good....and unfortunately I still remember mostly the bad, and things from a very young age..... My memories haunt me, and I think that any woman who is strong enough to walk out of that situation is a strong woman....it's a hard situation to get out of, even though some think it's easy... You just have to look at your kids, and you will know that you are giving them a better life, enriched with love rather than violence..

Although not all people who come from screwed up families turn their lives to ****....I got into drugs, and was just totally screwed up, and I hide it from my mum cos I didn't want her to know how screwed up I really was as I knew she would blame herself, but it wasn't her fault at what happened, as it's not your fault.

I think when they are old enough to understand..you can explain to them the situation and why you took them out of it.....I dont hate my mum, she's my world...I couldn't live without her....and although I felt out of place when all my friends had dads, it is becoming "normal" now not to have a dad around...I had my uncles, as the male role model in my life, and they too were also my rock...

[MeeG]

thats no good at all, i really feel for you but you sound to me like a strong person i jus wanna wish u all the best in the future:hugs:

[Chanelc]

You have done the right thing. I just read your post. It is hard being a single mum but I pray in the long run we all look back and see it was easier than staying in a destructive relationship. at least now your children have a chance to be surrounded by love in a safe environment.

[ashleerose]

I should also add that during my marriage my husband cheated on me.
At first i was in denial, and i confronted him and he made me believe that it was all in my head.

Not long after i left him i went to the doctors to have a checkup and to make sure i didnt have any stds etc (as i thought i might have considering everything that i had been through) at the time i told her of a small sore that i had something that i had told my ex about a few times and he put it down to me shaving there.

Anyhow i had a papsmear and was checked for stds. It came back all clear.

Fast forward to a week or so ago. I went to another lady doctor and i wanted to have a pap smear done again and told her about the sore that i had (this time i had one to show her) i was tested and i have been found to have gentical herpes.
I only found out today and i am shattered all of my dreams have been destroyed.

I am not the type of person that hops from one bed to another and havent been with anyone since leaving my ex nor did i cheat on him.

Prior to us sleeping together we both had a checkup and passed (his idea).

So it has definately proved everything that i thought happened did happen and wasnt at all in my head.

I know now that i will never be with any one again.

I couldnt even begin to think about being with someone again especially having to tell them what i have.

The doctor told me that a large amount of people have this and a large amount of people do not even know they have it.

I looked on the net at other pictures and my one tiny sore that comes and goes doesnt even look like that.

The good news is that the first breakout would have been the worst breakout and so it wont get any worst.

There is no cure for what i have.

All i can say to others if you suspect your partner of cheating even if you are married please at least consider wearing protection.

[Mum&bubs]

Aww sorry to hear all that :hugs: I think the best thing you could have done is leave him :yelclap: He doesnt sound like any role model for your kids & not a good partner to have around and respect you. I hope you find someone better that treats you how you deserve to be treated :)

[ashleerose]

Okay for an update.

I have spoken to various friends and they have said time to get him where it hurts so i called centerlink and dobbed them in (didnt give my details or any info that could identify me) hopefully centerlink will look into it and find out that they are rorting the system.

I am also going to get counselling so that i can sort myself out so that not only can i be a better mum and also a better me.

Thanks to everyone that has replied to my post.

[♥My Innocent Angel♥]

i just read your post and i just want to send you big :hugs: :hugs: and i hope that everything works out for you :hugs: :hugs: