Should I keep trying the Dream Feed and RANT

[Mischief]

Okay, last night I stayed up WAY past my normal bedtime of 9pm (this never USED to be my bedtime, but I have come to realise that if I dont go to bed by then, I only get an hour or so sleep before Mr Oliver wants to get up and feed), I stayed up until after 11....did the dream feed at 1030.

Mr Oliver then proceeded to thank me for filling his tummy between feeds by waking at 1am - 330am and again at 6am. :( I dont know what to do, i'm totally worn out. My girlfriend tried the dreamfeed twice and both times her son has pushed thru till 645 with it....

I dont know if I should try again tonight or what.

I just feel so depressed, nothing I do seems to make my little critter sleep longer....the bottle of formula at night, letting him sleep durning the day, keeping him up durning the day, trying to re settle him, not feeding him until 7am if he wakes at 630, He's not hot, and he's not to cold. He always DOES seem hungry when he wakes.....He's a big hungry boy.

It maybe wouldnt be so bad, but almost everyone I know, their babies are sleeping thru now, I feel isolated and like its something I'm doing wrong, but I dont know what on earth it is. And now that he has started waking even MORE during the night I feel even worse.

I'm getting hardly any sleep myself, and I cant catch up during the day, because I have to express when he goes down to bed....I've had a cold for well over a week now that I just cant shake...and I'm starting to get really depressed again.

Weekends Steven tries to do one of the feeds for me, that used to mean at least I could sleep until about 5am sometimes later, sometimes a little earlier.....but the recent 3 weekends that hasnt worked either, Stevens been sick, or Oliver has woken up 3 times a night meaning I still get up around 2am to feed him for my turn.

Sorry to rant, I just feel really depressed this morning and needed to get it out. :(

Luv,
Kat

[Funkychicken]

Firstly, Kat, have some of these:hugs: :hugs: . I know exactly how you feel. The night times with your first bub are the hardest part-sleep deprivation is so horrible. My DS#1, at about Oliver's age, used to feed at 9pm, 1am, 3am and then at 5.30am was ready to start the day. I wasn't! He did drop his 1am at about 4 months, then his 9pm at 5 months (I remember this as it meant I could go back to yoga at night) and then when he was about 9 months I decided he could probably survive without the 3 am feed, so I got DH to go in and offer him water in a sipper cup and two nights later, that was it! I guess I'm trying to say that it will get easier and your bub will drop feeds of his own accord eventually. I know you probably think I'm just trying to make you feel beter (and I am) but it really does get easier. It just takes time.
I have never found the dreamfeeding successful. Eg. with Hamish, I was feeding him at about 11pm and a friend suggested DFing at 9pm. I replied that, no, it didn't work properly with DS#1 and she said different baby though, give it a go-which I did-and ended up feeding him at 9pm and 11pm!!! He just picked up an extra feed :( .
Hamish is 7 months and still wakes for a feed at least 3 times/night. For some reason though (maybe because I have experienced the end of this feeding business twice before) I just go with it. I know I'm tired but somehow I just muddle through it all. It will get easier but if you want to look further into it, why don't you try a sleep consultant. They are there to help you and can only make suggestions. It might be what you need to regain some sanity. All the best.:)

[aprilbaby]

Hey Kat,

Don't forget that Oliver is not the only one not sleeping through, my little rascal is doing exactly the same thing and I'm awake when you are! So when you're feeling like you're the only one in the world awake at that time think of me:D

We've had a better few days so i think the other week must've been a growth spurt or something, so don't think it will be like this for good now.

With the dream feed, are you waking Ollie for that or is he waking himself? I tried waking James for it a few times but found he still woke up for a feed when he would normally have anyway, so it made no point. Could you try feeding at 8-9pm, so you can go to bed straight after and maybe Ollie will make it til 1am?

Also, now when DS wakes in the night I see if I can resettle him by rewrapping, putitng the dummy in and patting him, and he will often go back to sleep. If he doesn't i know it's because he's definitely hungry, but I'm at least trying this rather than feeding him automatically whether he needs it or not. But like you said, Ollie might just be a growing boy who is extra hungry and really does need all those feeds.

Apart from that I can't give any advice, if i had the answers I would be using them!

Anyway, I truly think you can get all the advice in the world that's worked for every other baby, but it won't necessarily work for yours. They will do things their way and we just have to work around it!

Have you tried more formula this week? At least if you stopped expressing so much you could get some rest in the day. You really have been superwoman but maybe it's time to cut yourself some slack and to give yourself a break.

:hugs:

[aprilbaby]

BTW Kat - I only just saw the PM from you, sorry I haven't written back sooner! Thanks for the link, I'll check it out now.
xx

[blueeyes]

Hi Kat

I introduced the dreamfeed at about 41/2months as I was just getting over the waking at 1am then 5am then 7am and up for the day. Babe would sleep from 7pm to 1am so I thought that was a good stretch but I would go to bed and then it would seemingly feel like I had been asleep for 10mins and it was feed time again.
(I also work better if I have an unbroken patch of sleep rather than longer hours of broken sleep - six hours stretch is great compared to 8 hours of broken sleep)

The first night of dreamfeed, he kept to the same schedule as usual, so in effect I had given him an extra feed, then I thought maybe like us I had speeded up his metabolism and didnt want to the dreamfeed again. The next night, he woke at 3, the next 3.30, and so it went. We still wake between 5 and 6 for a quick feed and back to bed. I would love for him to sleep through the whole night but am very lucky that he does a good ten hour stretch and then returns to la-la-land.

Kat, you are not alone in the sleeping through issue, babe is 6mths and doesnt sleep through the whole night, according to the definition of sleeping through (11pm-4am) he does but I would love to drop the morning feed. I figure that we will when he is ready, we have solids coming up so maybe that might change although I still love the bf, it is a peaceful, quick feed. I am resigned to the fact that it is only a short period of both of our lives that we are sleeping and waking during the night. This is a major admittance from someone who slept 10hours+ a night prior to having the babe.

Try it again, you will soon see if it makes any difference, if not it may be a return to the good ol days of 9pm bedtime. But rest assured it will all change again and Olly might start to sleep longer by himself.

Good luck with it Kat. :fingerscrossed: You are doing such a great job with your boy. Take solace that it is nothing to do with your parenting, your love for him or how you are with him, they are programmed to disrupt parents sleep!!!!:banghead:
Mel:wave:

[Poopa]

Hi,

My DS started sleeping through at around 10 weeks, but then again at 4 months started waking again and now at 6 months he is just starting to sleep through again...

Every baby is different, some babies at 1 still aren't sleeping through, so I really wouldn't hold my breath.

It's just what they do, maybe you should try sleeping during the day.

[elissas]

Hi Kat,

It sometimes feels like everyone else's babies are sleeping through, but you are soooo not alone.

Will has slept for 7hrs once!! That was after his 4mth vax. For the rest of his 7mths, I have been feeding him 3-4 times a night, and sometimes he still wakes 2hrly. On average, I get my sleep in 3hr blocks. :sleeping:

It would have been better if DH could have done some feeds with EBM, since he is nocturnal anyway, but DS has refused a bottle since day one and we have tried everything to convince him otherwise!

All I can say is that your body adjusts to it, and it does get easier. It also helps if you don't stress about what your bub "should" be doing according to other people. Don't listen to them.

It is natural and normal for babies to wake. They sleep very lightly for the first 12 months and do so as a defense against those things that contribute to SIDS, such as breathing problems, overheating.

For that reason I look on the bright side and count my blessings that DS is a night waker.

Of course, a few extra hours sleep on his behalf every now and then would be great ;)

[Mischief]

Thanks guys... :hugs:

Ally - Thank you. I think Oliver may be an *extra feed* baby too. Oh I hope not, I'm going to try to try again tonight and see how it goes....

Aprilbaby - I will try to think of you when I'm up next and know somewhere you are probably feeding a crying bubba too!

Elisas - Fingers crossed I adjust soon, thanks for the postive spin.

Poopa - I wish I could sleep during the day, but its a luxury I dont have. I have to express when Oliver goes down, and until he's a formula baby (which is something that is unlikely to happen in the near future) I'll continue to have to stay awake and pump all day.

Mel - You have inspired me to try the dream feed again! Thank you. I'll try again tonight (if I can stay awake that long) and see how we go...

Oh my goodness....I always knew being a parent was going to be hard, filled with lots of hard work, sleepless nights, tears, and the unknown.....but I dont think you can ever be fully prepared.

The worst thing is that when I get tired like this, i get depressed. Not just a little depressed, but crying, feeling helpless, and just generally wondering how I can go on....I hate it when I dont sleep, because I want to be able to enjoy spending time with my happy bubba...he's beautiful, a great child, good baby....but I feel so down, and its not much fun. I really feel like I fail him.

Thanks for listening guys!
:hugs:

[bindiloo]

The dreamfeed didnt work for me unfortunately. I found it overfilled her and she would spend the night restless and windy.

I stopped it again and i made sure i had her in bed no later than 7.30pm of a night and she started to sleep thru to 4am after a few weeks.
Whereas if i put her to bed later than this she actually wakes earlier at 1.30am then 4.15am then 6.30am so bed earlier seems to work for her.

[Mischief]

Bindaloo - Oliver is the same with the early bed time....if he goes down at 7 he will sleep thru till say 1am....if he goes down at 10pm....he will still only sleep thru till 1am.

OKAY - Last night I gave him a dreamfeed at 10pm (I couldnt stay awake any longer), at 115am he woke up and didnt self settle....I got up and changed his nappy, swaddled him again and put him back to bed at 130am, by 135am he was alseep. At 340am he rewoke....I gave him a feed, changed his nappy, and put him back to bed about 410am...he then slept until 610am....Steven got up, offered him a feed (he wasnt really interested), changed his nappy, and we have put him back to bed at 630am....he's already gone back to sleep.

So all up, last night 1.5 feeds (and the dream feed).....woke 3 times.

So tonight I'm going to try the same thing. If he wakes up before 2 after his dream feed, change, swaddle and back to bed. And if he has a feed around 3 again then wakes up at 6....back to bed until 7 after a nappy change.

I slept on the couch after I resettled him at 130am....that way I knew i wouldnt feel so cheated if he woke in half an hour and i had to get out of bed. Oh I ache! LOL

[DIANNEKB]

My bubs is 6.5 months old ... and he has never slept good he did start to do a 6-7 hour sleep then wake up but now he is all over the place.. he can wake up to 10 times per night now... sometimes he can stay up for 3.5 hours like he did last night... I cut his feeds out at night altogether as my CHN suggested he may be waking for food and he needs to learn not to have it as he doesnt need it now at his age... he still wakes up but he is not fussed about not having a bottle.. IMO I dont think feeding them extra feeds or solids (at an older age of about 5-6mths) makes any difference .. it is just how they sleep and they will eventually grow out of it... I know it's not what you want to hear.. but I have to think that way or I will drive myself nuts with reasons as to why he does not sleep.

I hear you though as I am so so tired as well...

[twolittlegirls]

The dream feed worked really well for us. We first started it when Maddy was 8 weeks. She took to it really well. What we used to do was put her to bed at 9 then she would generally sleep till 5ish. When we started with the dream feed we put her to bed at 7 then feed at 1030pm then she would go through till 630am. If she did wake before then, it was dummy, re-wrap then back to bed. After a while I wouldn't get up to her and she would just resettle.

Now she is 10 months and is a really good sleeper. People say how lucky I am but they don't realise that its hard work and she didn't just do it herself.

We have also used cc and it really worked for us.

Good luck with it all!

[Mischief]

Okay, I did it again last night....

7pm bed
10pm dream feed
1230am wake - pick up, change, bed 1245am
340am wake - pick up, feed, change, bed 410am
5am wake - pick up, change bed (woke hubby and got him to do this one...I just didnt have any energy)
610am wake - pick up, feed, change, bed 730am

Tonight I'm going to try to drop the changing....just a pick up and resettle, tomorrow night I'm going to try to drop the pick up....

If it doesnt work by the end of the week I'm just going to throw in the towel and let it go..... *YAWN* I'm getting exausted!

[twolittlegirls]

Good luck!

Dropping the changing will be a good idea. We found the not picking up thing worked really well. (Remembering that what works for some doesn't for others!)

Hang in there, you are doing a fantastic job! :hugs: to you!!

[blueeyes]

Hi Kat

I hope that tonight you have some success. I would limit the changing, if necessary change when feed. Also, change in the middle of the bottle, that way Oliver will be changed, have some more milk and then be ready for bed straight away.

The finding a way to settle is the hardest. Try different techniques so you find one that Olly likes and is easier for you and your partner to do. My babe atm does not like to be cuddled so he settles to sleep in his cot - mummy likes the cuddles though! The easier he takes to it, the easier he will settle and then be able to self settle. When that begins to happen, you wake anyway wondering why they havent woken you up!!

Good luck tonight, stick with it a little longer and see how you go. If it is placing too much on you, stop and try something that is going to make you less stressed and able to cope with the sleep deprivation.

Mel

[Mischief]

7pm bed
10pm dream feed
1230am wake - resettle in cot until 1245am
130am wake - tried to resettle for 5 minutes, pick up, feed, change, bed at 200am
4am wake - resettle in cot
510am wake - resettle in cot
530am wake - tried to resettle for 5 minutes, pick up, feed, change, bed at 610am
720am awake to start the day.....

Mummy is a mess, but I guess at least I could resettle him twice....I'll keep trying. I dont know what happened to my angel baby who used to wake once a night and again at 530....I'll be happy if he comes back.... this waking every hour or two is killing me!

[elissas]

I know how you feel! DS was waking every 1-2 hours last week, now we're 2-3. I'm hoping I can get back to square one by next week (which is anywhere between 2-5hrs). Then we can start working on some longer sleep stretches.

I think at about 3-4 months they become so much more aware that those sleepy little babies disappear. Not that my DS was ever a FANTASTIC sleeper ;) DS is now 7mths and I think I need some sleep now... :sleeping:

Remember that when you try something new, you need to commit and do it at least a week or two consistently so that they can adjust to it too. So persevere for another week or so and see if there's any improvement. Ideally you'd do it for 2 weeks.

If we chop and change our techniques too quickly they're just as likely to get confused and feel more insecure - causing even more wakefulness.

Good luck!

[Mischief]

Thanks E

Yep I know I need to keep it up....at least I can resettle him sometimes....

If I dont teach him to resettle he's just going to keep going like this anyway, so now I've started I may as well keep at it until he's got it!

I'll keep posting each day and moaning though! LOL

What is your routine like?

[blueeyes]

Oh Kat, you must need some sleep!

Like Elissa said, keep with it, like at least you say that you were able to resettle him in his cot. That is a great achievement:yelclap:
The hardest part is waiting for the light at the end of the tunnel. You know its there but it seems to take forever to get there. Keep positive.

Also, use the settling techniques you are using at night during the day if needed. That way he will be accustomed to that method and identify it with sleep and eventually it may help him settle quicker. Just an idea.

Mel:wave:

[Mischief]

YAY - Finally a breakthru - I think....:fingerscrossed: It could have just been a fluke, but at least I feel much better today!

7pm - no way was our little MR going to bed....he screamed and yelled until about 740 when we decided we were just going to have to put him in bed and let him cry for a few minutes. 5 minutes later he was asleep....an overtired bub we had!

10pm - dreamfeed

315am - HE WOKE! Not 1130, not 1230, not 130, but 315! YAY!!! I got him up, fed him, changed him, and put him back to bed at 355

6am - awake - tried to resettle but he was hungry, so I just gave him a quick top up in his room...610 back to bed.

7am - He awakes to start the day! :D

Oh please let this become the norm!

[blueeyes]

CONGRATS KAT:yelclap:

Sounds like a normal night. Well done, hopefully little Olly sticks to this!
With the little morning nibble, my babe does the same thing, has a little bit and goes back to bed (sleeps with me its lovely). Although last night he slept through to 7 (had 12 hours straight - amazing)

Keep it up, this may be the turning point:smiliedance::fingerscrossed: :smiliedance:

Mel

[JATS]

My bub went through waves of sleeping through and not sleeping through until 5 months old, mainly due to colic waking him, and reflux. Then we had a good 4 months of sleeping through no worries as the colic stopped, then from 9 months to present he's had 8 teeth come through and wakes because of the pain and needs mummy. Not every night though which is good. :rolleyes:

I hope your Oli's problems settle down and you get some sleep.

Lack of sleep is apparently a major trigger and amplifier of the insane mood swings of PMS, and a major cause of depression. The good news is it is not permanant!

What you are going through is perfectly normal and it won't last forever. In 6-12 months you will look back and smile.:hugs:

Good Luck!

[Mischief]

*YAWN*..... hoping tonight will bring lots of sleep to Ollie and mummy. Staying up this late is killing me now days! I'm so used to diving for bed at 8-9pm!!! Fingers cross for a good night!

[JenNT]

Okay, I did it again last night....

7pm bed
10pm dream feed
1230am wake - pick up, change, bed 1245am
340am wake - pick up, feed, change, bed 410am
5am wake - pick up, change bed (woke hubby and got him to do this one...I just didnt have any energy)
610am wake - pick up, feed, change, bed 730am

Tonight I'm going to try to drop the changing....just a pick up and resettle, tomorrow night I'm going to try to drop the pick up....

If it doesnt work by the end of the week I'm just going to throw in the towel and let it go..... *YAWN* I'm getting exausted!

was going to say, drop the changing, change only if its no 2's...seriously if he was sleeping through he wouldn't get changed.Took me 3 kids to figure that out lol
I don't talk just whisper, don't turn on lights...only from another room to cast a glow,I don't pick him up (he's bottle fed now), He actually cracks up more if we lift him out of his cot..go figure:confused: he just wants some warm milk and goes straight back to sleep. I just found that the less stimulation they had after going down for the night, the better they slept.
I still look like a zombie though:banghead:

Hang in there, they sleep all night when they go to school:smiliedance:

[Mischief]

Hang in there, they sleep all night when they go to school

I dont know if I'm all that reassured by that at the moment! LOL :D

Lasts night was good to....

7pm bed
1010pm dreamfeed
2am wake, feed, change, back to bed at 230 (did try to resettle, but he was hungry)
610am wake, feed, back to bed 620 (again, tried to resettle, but he was hungry, so I gave him a top up and back to bed)
640am - up for the day...but I am delaying his main feed until 7. He's happy enough at the moment. :)

I'm wondering if I could drop the dream feed, this is how he WAS sleeping before.....I'm not holiding any great hopes that he's going to sleep right thru any time soon....

Mind you, its only been...6 days...so maybe I'll keep going for another week....they say 2 weeks to get into a good routine, and see how long he's sleeping at night. Maybe the 2 am feed will slowly move back and back and back....and the good thing is i'm so stuffed by the time i get to bed I go out like a light....no sign of Insomnia for days!!! :rolleyes:

[tanni_83]

Hi there, im glad you have almost gotten back to you 'normal' routine.

Elise is 15mths and still doesnt sleep through....i feel your pain!! :sleeping:

[Mischief]

YAY Another *good* night!

Bed at 7pm (screamed the house down again for about 5 minutes...dont know why...its only at night, and he never used to do it...maybe a little over tiered from being up so long?)
Dream feed at 10pm (Daddy did this one!)
Woke at 230am for feed, change and back to bed (Daddy did this one too!)
Woke at 610am (mummy gave quick cuddle and back to bed)
About to get him up at 7am to start the day!

The night wake is getting further back slowly....hopefully it stays there or gets further back still.....any earlier and he wakes up before 6.

I'm hoping slowly the 6am waking will go back slowly too, but at the moment I dont mind. Quick nibble for Mr O and back to bed, then I can express or if really tired go and rest for a few more minutes.

[Mischief]

YAY! I had to brag!!!

Oliver slept till 440am this morning from 730pm last night!!!!! :D

I have decided I love Tizzie Hall!

[Spewiesmum]

I love Tizzie too! I can only say - as you have been, keep going. It will work out. It isn't going to happen overnight. You'll win and you'll be so pleased you did.

[Mischief]

I'm so glad that I kept up at it....Oliver is finally starting to sleep longer and longer!

Steven has been doing the dream feeding, so I can go to bed around 930. :)

The last 3 days Oliver has woken at 330 - 400 - 430.

My girlfriends bub has just started sleeping from 7-630 too! So I'm hoping Oliver will follow suit! :)

Having a routine can make a bit of a dent in your social life, but I just love it. Its so nice to know what time we are doing things. I love order and planning in my life, so its perfect!