did you put dad name on birth certificate [Archive] - Bub Hub Pregnancy & Parenting Forum

tyler's mum

29-07-2006, 21:18

did you single mum put your babies dad name on there birth certificate:confused:

im not with tyler's dad in fact he does'nt know about her, i didnt put his name on her birth certificate, i have wrote her a letter telling her what happen his name and what i know about him, i will give it to her when she is older

i have just started to wonder that when tyler gets older and ask me why i didnt put his name on her certificate, what im goin to say to her:(

LilShenanigans

30-07-2006, 03:37

I had written DDs fathers name on the birth certificate, all info I knew and he refused to sign... then wanted a legal battle, like wtf??
He's history now, and quite happy with his other child lol

I actually had the BC sent back asking for the fathers info and signature, I called them to say "Do you do this to ALL single mothers!?" ...

Also, I bought a commemrative certificate that I've framed, but I also stuck a pic of DD over the part that's supposed to have his info.

I've also written everything down, I wouldn't dare lie to her she deserves to know exactly what happened and why. I have one or two photos also, so that should keep her happy.
My dads offered to tell her about her father as well on the condition he does tell the truth!

tyler's mum

30-07-2006, 12:29

i have 1 photo of him,, i will tell her every thing that happen i dont want to keep any secert from her and if when she is older she wants to find him i will help her in any way i can

moonblossom

30-07-2006, 12:36

I would absolutely put his name on the birth certificate. He is the father whether he likes it or not. It is her heratage and her right to know who he is right from the beginning. course this is just my opinion :hugs:

~EmsMum~

30-07-2006, 12:38

tyler's mum

30-07-2006, 12:53

i havent told him so he doesnt know he is a father

~EmsMum~

30-07-2006, 12:57

i havent told him so he doesnt know he is a father

how come you didn't tell him if u don't mind me asking??
you can pm me if you want

tyler's mum

30-07-2006, 13:13

i dont mind telling nothing much to say really

we were only seeing each other for less then 2weeks:eek: in them 2weeks he was very demanding ringing me like 10times in less then an hour i was scared of him i broke it of 2months later i found out i was pg,, i spend pretty much my hold pg asking myself if i should find him and tell him [as i had lost all contact with him]

part of me wanted to tell him the other part was scared he was from afraica and said if her had kids he would want to take them back there,, i no you are meant to to have both parents say so to get a passport but its been done b4 and i was so scared he would take of with her and i would never see her again

iam not willing to let her go that easier

mz sv6

30-07-2006, 13:15

im not with DS dad but i am gonna put his name on the birth certificate n his dad said he will sign it also

Deity

30-07-2006, 17:50

I did not put my ex on the BC. He wanted a baby enough to get me pregnant but he's no father; he's not even paying maintenance. He quit his job so he doesn't need to pay CSA. My DD does not need an influence like that in her life. She'll know who he is when she's old enough to ask the question why he's not on and I shall tell her, mind you I have scars that she'll probably ask about first which will mean she won't need to ask why he's not on.

It is my belief that a child should have two parents and maybe one day my DD will but until then it is my job to make sure she is loved, protected, and cared for with or without his money. You don't need to put the father's name on a birth certificate for your child to know who he is. She is no less of a person, he is just less of a threat.

tyler's mum

31-07-2006, 11:08

it is my job to make sure she is loved, protected, and cared for with or without his money

thats is so ture, as long as we love and care for our bub give them the best life we can they will grow up to know who they are and hopeful understand everything we have done we have done because we love them and want them to have the best life they can

he is just less of a threat.

it really sounds like you and your beauitful little girl is much better of with out him in the picture:hugs:

KaM

01-08-2006, 09:37

My little miss's father doesnt appear on her birth cert . .I filled in the information knowing full well he wasnt going to sign considering he is on the other side of the world and I dont trust him enough to send it back to me . .lol . .but the dept sent it back to me saying they need a signature . . .i rang them as well and said that you have the info thats all you need. . they tried to make me feel like an idiot for filling it out without a signature . .i knew it wouldnt appear but wanted to give the iformation anyways. . .Though im pretty sure its gonna be a long while before he sees her . .csa still hasnt been able to get money out of him even though i know full well he is working over there. ., guh , ,men!!:banghead:

SimplyMum

01-08-2006, 10:02

I did not put DS dad on the BC. I truley beleive I have made the right decision. Like Tam, I am going to write a letter with all his dad's details in it. When I do tell him I will tell him the truth but also try not to taint is mind against is Dad. I hope one day Bailey can make up his own mind on whether to find him and if he likes him and wants to keep in contact.

My ex was and possibly still is invovled in a bad crowd. In todays society, it's hard enough for a teenager to stay on the straight and narrow, a kid does not need a bad influence in his life especially coming from someone that he's supposed to look up to.

My ex new I was pregnant and even told his mum. When I told him I did not want him involved, he told his mum I had an abortion. This in itself proves to me that I made the right decison.
He's mum is wonderful and I have oftern thought about getting in contact with her. But it would be impossible to explain to a 5 yr old why he can see is grandmother and not is father. And at that, he would not only be expossed but it would completely ruin any chance he has of having a relationship wit hhis father. His father has allot of growing up to do, something which hopefully he will do before they have a chance to meet.

tyler's mum

01-08-2006, 10:37

the dept sent it back to me saying they need a signature

they never did that to me:confused: i got tyler's bc 2weeks after i sent away for it,, its so wrong they do that if you wanted the dads name on there you would have done it

cjb/jbvd

01-08-2006, 12:32

i think that if dad doesn't even know about the bub, then it might come as a bit of a shock when the brith certificate application shows up for him to sign.

if the father decides he wants a relationship with the child then his name should go on the birth certificate. if he doesn't want to know the child, then he isn't a father, and doesn't deserve the right to be on the birth certificate.

Mum2Lucas

01-08-2006, 13:43

I never put lucas' father on the birth certificate. I feel it was right and i wouldnt change my decision. he doesnt want anything to do with us so it makes it easier if he isnt on it. but its up to the individual and it depends on how good their relationship with the father is. i do have a friend who did put the father of her daughter on the birth certificate and now regrets it. she's had nothing but hassles with him and his family. her mother originally told her to put his name there because her daughter will grow up not knowing who she is which is very untrue. i know if i never meet someone else that lucas will be loved by me and my family and i feel that's enough. i do the best i can with what i have and as long as i love him then thats all he really needs.
i wish everyone well with all their decisions.

Deity

15-08-2006, 10:01

I also had the same dramas with the registra when I put my DD's BC in, they wrote back to me about the fact his name was not included in the details. I just forwarded the VRO and that kept them quiet. My DD wa born in March, and her BC was printed in July, but it only has my name on so it was worth the wait.

BTW There is another thread similar to this about surnames. I added a post to it but I'll copy and paste it here for you guys:

I think if a man puts a woman in a situation where she is a single parent what right does he have to have his name associated with that child? ESPECIALLY if he has no involvement and refuses to pay CSA? :shame:

My 2 cents: If you are a single mum, save yourself the future hassles and just put your own name. If/when you meet someone else you may want to get married, do you really want to ask your ex if you can change your child's name? or ask if you can get a passport for your child? MANY problems with putting the father's name on the certificate. :no:

Putting his name does not tell the child the story about their father, YOU do; their name is a technicality.

SamanthaJane

15-08-2006, 10:22

That's a really good point Deity! (Oh and p.s. love your daughter's name, charlotte elizabeth, thats what we are thinking of calling our daughter)

If i was in your situation Tam, i wouldnt do it.

Yes she deserves to know who he was and all that but you can tell her when she is ready, she doesnt need his details on a birth certificate for that info :)

Deity

15-08-2006, 10:32

Oh wow - seriously? It really is beautiful, so feminine and traditional.

I'm flattered, thanks for saying that. (and good luck with the delivery)

:hugs:

MeeG

15-08-2006, 10:45

im going to... although he wants to be a part of her life... sometimes i wish he didnt but thats selfish of me i know so yeh butif he didnt the sitution would b so different

loopi1

16-08-2006, 16:20

My DS's father did a runner when I was 7mths pregnant. I put all his details on the BC but because he wouldn't sign it my DS automatically went under my name. Even tho his dad has never had anything to do with him and he dragged us thru court for DNA tests, I still wanted his father to be on there and my son to have his rightful birthname but it was not to be.
Especially being a boy to have the proper family name is only right. I believe if the father is proven to be 'the father' then his name should be on the BC.

I've been doing my family tree and things like this really stuffs up whole family generations. I have come across this in the family, the boy child is under the mothers name and no-one know who the father is, so that line hits a dead end.

When my child has kids they will be my name not the original family name of the grandfather.

My DS has a half sister with a different surname, imagine if they met later in life, with different surnames they could very well get together not realising they are bro & sis.

But I suppose it's the choice of the father not to be involved or recognised and the law works in their favour.

I am lucky that since He wanted DNA he also had to start paying, he has never held or even seen his son.

Addison'sMum

17-08-2006, 15:06

my sons fathers name is not on the birth certificate. i included all the details and wrote a letter explaining he did not wish to be added. they then wrote back asking for contact details so they could contact him to give him the right to refuse his name being entered. i guess not having his name on there has it's pros and cons.
His father hasn't told any of his family about his son and doesn't have any contact with him whatsoever and that is totally his choice. i often wonder whether i should try contact them to advise they have a granchild they don't know about as to me it doesn't seem fair on them to miss out just because he is too immature to face facts and acknowledge the existance of his son.

i have always said i would not hide the truth from my son when he asks and i think it is a great idea to write all the details down for future reference for my son. i haven't thought of doing that.

i have a question....should i contact his parents? they have never met me and probably know nothing of me. Do they have the right to know?

i would love to hear your opions and experiences.

thanks

oleander

17-08-2006, 21:15

Addison's mum - If I were you I would contact his parents. Either by letter or phone. Just because the father is a deadbeat dad it dosent mean your son has to miss out on his grandparents. Maybe just contact them and see what sort of reaction you get. You have nothing to lose.

tyler's mum

17-08-2006, 21:20

:rolleyes: I believe if the father is proven to be 'the father' then his name should be on the BC.

i dont think that being proven to be a father makes you a father its more then DNA,, i know who her dad is and in time so will she if and when she is old enuff to find out the truth,

i never wanted to hide the truth from my daughter, at the end of the day i really do believe she need's to know who her dad is, i know im the one and only who has taking that away from her by not telling him, however i hope i can rise her up to have a open mind and the understanding that i did what i believe was the best for us and i was thinking of her and what her life would be like,

should i contact his parents?

thats a really hard question, im not sure what i would do, if you have never met them you dont know what kinda people they are like and if they would want anything to do with your both:confused:

Do they have the right to know?

this is also another hard one, people tell me all the time that tyler's dad has the right to know, but no one can make that choice unless they are in your shoes,, people dont seem to understand that its a very hard choice and its not like you just wake up one morning and say oh im goin to do it on my own and not tell him, [same has his family] it was on my mind 24/7 when i was pg and still is im goin to go through the rest of my life wondering if ive dont the right thing...

sorry i when a bit of track there:rolleyes: but i could go on all day about this, in fact i could write a book.....lol

oleander

17-08-2006, 21:27

I intend to put the fathers name on my daugters birth certificate. Its her Dad whether he's an @ss wipe or not. I want her to know where she came from and to know her Dad. Everyones situation is different so I can only give my own opinion and speak for myself though.

SimplyMum

18-08-2006, 09:36

Addison's Mum- I was asking myself the exact same question a few months ago. I ended up deciding no because it would be impossible to explain to my son why he can see his nanna but his Dad doesn't or can't see him. A 5yr old shouldn't have to deal with that kind of rejection. Plus, with the laws these days, grandparents can also take you to court and get custody of kids (which I think is rediculos (sp?)), so I just think for me it wasn't worth it. I would rather raise my son, set in a strong foundation so if and when he does get rejected later on my his dad or his dad's family then he is more capable of dealing with it and it wont make such a huge impact on his life.

In saying all this, every situation is different and only you can make the 'right' decision for you and your son.

cheekymonkey

24-08-2006, 18:55

Ive been on my own since leaving my sons deadbeat dad at 5 weeks pregnant. After all the abuse I went through with him, I decided to leave his name off the certificate and start afresh. And havent looked back! I dont regret it at all, and my son will one day find out about his father and do what he wants with that information.

And also recently discovering that he is back in jail really put my mind at rest. No child of mine is going to be brought up around the alcohol abuse, gambling and general abuse. If you feel that your child wouldnt be in an environment thats loving, joyful and innocent, then I wouldnt put his name down.

Kamaikia

24-08-2006, 21:33

My sons father isn;t on his. The simple reason is that I was concerned he was going to take him to get at me and if his name wasn't on the certificate then he would be charged with kidnapping and my child returned. If his name was on there then he would have full rights to keep his child and I would have to wait for a court hearing.
To tylers mum - there really isn't much you can do about it unless you want to tell him about her. After all he would have to sign it.
I figure when my son is older and gets to know his father - if he wants his name on there then we can do it.

~BEXTER~

25-08-2006, 12:38

i didnt put keairas fathers name on the BC, he has never wanted anything to do with her doesnt give me any money for her, so i dont think he has a right to be on the bc. i will tell her everything she wants to know about him when she ask and i will help her find him if she wants, but he isnt a father so he isnt on the BC

sometimes i wouder if i done the right thing but shes my daughtetr and if he ever did change his mind and want to see her or somethng then i could always add his name later, but for now theres nothing