Need Some Encouragement

[millersmum]

Hi guys,
To cut a very long story short I became a christian nearly 3 yrs ago after a very traumatic time of being ex-communicated from my mum's church ( or should I say cult). Being ex-communicate meant that my mum and my sisters would no longer talk to me even though they wanted to because it is against their faith. At this time I was going through a divorce also and bring up an 18 month old so it was very traumatic. I eventually married again and we both became christians and it is only with the support of God and the church that I have coped through the pain . I now have two more children but since the birth of my last child 4 months ago I feel like I have lost my trust in God. My first son to my second marriage never slept and screamed constantly, has numerous allergies as well as ceoliac disease (gluten intolerance). This has been verying trying as I have no family support. having my 3rd child was where I handed it all over to God and prayed for a settled healthy baby that would be able to fit into our family. I do not cope well staying at home and was planning to take bub to work with me at our church as I have been working as the pastors PA as well as studying counselling. Bub was born in April and after two great weeks we have not had one days rest. He has severe allergies, is on a prescription formula, still has extreme colic and reflux after 4 and a half months and he needs constant attention. I love him to death but with no help and two other children to care for who are not coping with the constant screaming I have constantly cried out to God for help. I have no hope of going to work at the church or study as bubs is unable to travel happily in the car let alone sleep in a normal routine. Why has God let me go through so much. I feel like I was just starting to trust him and now I don't know where he is. Why can't I be allowed to enjoy motherhood? I guess I just need some encouragement after 4 and a half long months of hoping things would get easier..........

[Funkychicken]

:hugs: to you. It sounds like you are doing it tough right now. I don't have any advice except to say that I believe God never gives us any more than we can handle. If he believes you can do this, then you can.
All the best :hugs: .

[Hokey Pokey]

Just want to send you some :hugs:
I can't answer your q's but I know how you feel, I have asked myself the same q's. But I do know that what we conquer makes us stronger and better.

[Saraswati]

This kind of stress will send the best of us totally insane. Try to take it moment by moment - just get through each day the best way you can and if thinking about your faith is making you feel worse then maybe put it to one side for now and focus only on the stuff you can actually deal with in a practical sense.
My first baby had terrible reflux and basically screamed non stop for 12 weeks solid. It nearly killed me. The only thing worse was my second baby who had colic (never thought anything could be worse than reflux but I reckon colic is!!) and we averaged about 2 hours sleep a night for 2 months. Life gets fuzzy and nothing seems good anymore when you're under that much stress.

Just remember there are people out there who've been through it or are going through it and totally understand your pain. And most importantly keep reminding yourself that IT WILL GET BETTER. Just focus on one day at a time and the clouds will start lifting.

Lots of hugs to you. :hugs:

[kymmy]

This kind of stress will send the best of us totally insane. Try to take it moment by moment - just get through each day the best way you can and if thinking about your faith is making you feel worse then maybe put it to one side for now and focus only on the stuff you can actually deal with in a practical sense.
. Life gets fuzzy and nothing seems good anymore when you're under that much stress.

Just remember there are people out there who've been through it or are going through it and totally understand your pain. And most importantly keep reminding yourself that IT WILL GET BETTER. Just focus on one day at a time and the clouds will start lifting.

Lots of hugs to you. :hugs:

This is true. We all go through our trials and I think its normal your faith has been tested. This is how I am feeling in a way. I feel unloved and confused. It is hard to think when you have so much stress. As Pippy has said take one day at a time, its all you can do.
I feel saddened that you are unable to enjoy motherhood. As mothers we are expected to just keep at it for the sake of the family. But the truth is if mum isn't happy then the family isn't happy. My plan is to take a few moments each day to just do nothing - no noise, no distractions, no stress. It may be only be a small thing but I believe out of small things great things happen.
:hugs:

[Saraswati]

But the truth is if mum isn't happy then the family isn't happy. My plan is to take a few moments each day to just do nothing - no noise, no distractions, no stress. It may be only be a small thing but I believe out of small things great things happen.
:hugs:

Totally agree. On the days I manage to discipline myself to do this, I find it invaluable. Even just 10 minutes helps. No doing, just BEING.

[Loving_mumma]

My heart goes out to you my dear friend. It's not easy.
But Heavenly Father loves you so much! He hears you even when it feels like he's not.
I honestly don't know what to say except hang in there! I wish that I could take your pain away.
I take comfort in this little statement, "A child will never cry itself to death!" (Although sometimes it seems your baby will)
if you feel overwhelmed sometimes, maybe you could just stand still and focus on your breathing for a few seconds and think of a time when you were really happy. Try to block out all the sounds and think of calm thoughts...Or what ever works for you. I know it's easy for me to sit here and give advice.
Just remember...Never doubt your Heavenly Father. He knows every thought and pain you suffer. I believe that everything we go through is to help us grow, these long nights will make you stronger and maybe better enable you to help another.

I send all my love your way! Stand tall! Always remember you are a special, strong daughter of God! :hugs: :kiss:

[millersmum]

Thanks guys for your kinds words and thoughts. I think I know deep down that God really cares about my pain but I am only just surviving through each day and I haven't got enough brain space to understand why God is allowing me to go through so much. Miller's crying has been getting worse so I trialed him on some Mylanta today and it helped so I guess we need to keep trying to treat his acid reflux ( if only it were that easy).

I will try and make some time for me and just be. "Being" is not my best attribute I have to work on it I'm much more a doer. I recently read a book called "Captivating" which emphasised the importance of 'being". I really learnt from it that I try and earn appreciation, love and acceptance which is so wrong, and I need to allow God to love me for who I am not what I do.

Well, I'm off to have some me time. Will keep you posted.

[Funkychicken]

:hugs: Hi again Millersmum. I'm glad you are making some headway with your bub's reflux. Hopefully that will help you a bit.
I know this may sound hard, but you don't need to know or understand why God is allowing you to go through this. Only that he trusts that you will be able to get through it. Also, god makes each and every one of us perfect in his eyes-you are already that person, you do not need to earn this acceptance. If you doubt that you are already perfect you are doubting him. I find this helps me when I am doubting myself. If I hand it over it is no longer something that I can be stuck on.:hugs: to you. Hang in there.

[millersmum]

Started Miller on a drug called Losec yesterday as he has been getting worse. I desperately hope it takes his pain away. Had a visit from the Pastor's wife today and am feeling like I am being told I am focusing on the negative and that lots of people have got it far worse than me. I am not disputing that and I know I have been blessed in so many areas of my life, I just want to take my little boys pain away and some sleep wouldn't go astray. Hubby stayed home from work today as we were holding Miller from 9pm to 6am straight. I am totally stuffed. Things will get better I know.:crying:

[kymmy]

I think that is awful that you were told others have it worse!
It doesn't make it hurt any less either way.
I don't believe you should be judged esp when it comes to your feelings.
So sorry you aren't getting the support you deserve.
:hugs:

[Tea Lady]

Hi Millersmum,

I meant to reply earlier but ran out of time - sorry :o

I'm really sorry to hear you're having such a horrible time. Nothing's worse than listening to your baby scream and not being able to do anything about it. I know it can just make things worse too when people try to say the "right" thing and it NOT the right thing (eg your pastor's wife).Just because someone else might be suffering "more" doesn't mean that you're not at the limit of your coping ability, so it obviously wasn't the most helpful thing to say. As christians, we're meant to "rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep" - not put their suffering into perspective as if that would somehow help :hugs:

I have no idea why God lets such awful things happen to people He loves, and I don't think there's any reason to expect we will always find an answer to that big question. I guess the world is bad in a lot of ways because of the way people wrecked it by sinning (not that I'm saying you've done anything in particular to bring it on yourself - just that the world in general isn't the wonderful place it was meant to be), not that that really helps.

Just for something different, I don't think the Bible guarantees that God won't give us anything we can't handle. I think the verse people are thinking of (correct me if I'm wrong someone) when they say this is 1 Cor 10:13, but it actually says we won't be tempted (ie to sin) more than we can bear which is quite different.
I know this might not sound all that encouraging, but I think it's worth knowing that it's ok not to be coping - you're not being slack or letting God down or anything. I think it's more helpful to draw your hope from the fact that God loves us so much that He actually sacrificed His own son so that we could be in a good relationship with Him, and that part of that is that we won't have to live in this world and put up with its suffering for ever.

Anyway, enough of my raving on! I really hope (and will pray) that the Losec helps, or at least that something does and that your poor little boy gets some relief soon - I think you must be a terrific mum to have come this far and your DH must be a pretty special man too. Big :hugs: to you.

[Tea Lady]

Sorry meant to add a couple of verses that I'm sure you already know, but it's good to be reminded..........

Romans 8:28
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

1 Peter 5:7
Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

They're great verses and I hope they are some help to you.

[millersmum]

They're awesome verses. Thank you so much. Much better to dwell on than what I have been thinking of. Can't get todays conversation out of my head but i know I must. I just had a lot of respect for her and I'm a little hurt.

Must get to bed as Miller's finally asleep. Thank you again your post means a lot to me.

:wave:

[Tea Lady]

I hope you all get a good sleep tonight - it makes such a difference :hugs:

[Cilli]

Hi Miller's Mum,
Hang in there. Like everyone else has said, :hugs: to you. It sounds like you are doing the best you can in a very difficult situation, especially without family support.
I posted on bubhub a few months ago when I was struggling with my DS's sleep issues and just feeling really overwhemed with it - it felt like it would never end.

Someone (I think it was Seejay Elle?) gave me some great verses

Isaiah 41:10 Don't be afraid, for I am with you. Don't be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you. I will help you. I will uphold you with my victorious right hand.

Psalm 55:22 Give your burdens to the Lord, and He will take care of you. He will not permit the Godly to slip and fall.

I hope they give you some peace. Praying for your situation. Don't give up!!

[millersmum]

Keep praying guys. Had a worse night last night and Miller is still awake now. Doctor thinks he may be reacting badly to Losec either that or his reflux is so bad the drugs are taking longer than expected to help. Have been told not to give him any Losec today and see if he has a better night. Am totally exhausted but feeling blessed - my husband is being so wonderful as are my other two children who have had to cope with such a disrupted life the last three months. My dad who is not a cult member (just an alcoholic) has told my mum and sisters how bad things are and they have rung up for the first time in 6 yrs to offer help. The bad side is once i am coping again they would not be allowed to talk to me. Mum for a day? I don't need that. It's as if there church allows basic contact when you are not coping just so they don't look totally heartless. It is such emotional black mail. I will survive this and so will my beautiful boy.

You guys are awesome:)