Im so lost and confused!!

[jaydensmum]

Hi all! Well i really dont know what to do! My DH keeps changing his mind about things and i just cant keep up. About 6 weeks ago he came home from work and said we're moving to Loftus and across the road from his parents!! :eek: I burst out crying cause i absolutely loved our home and Blackheath. I was also 35wks pg with our DD and wanted to give birth to her at Katoomba. Anyway i ended up just getting used to the idea cause the decision was made. So we moved to Loftus and we had our beautiful daughter 3 wks ago at Sutherland Hospital. :D A week before we moved my DH got offered a position that he was waiting for down at Lithgow. He told the manager that he cant take the position as we were moving to Loftus and our contract lasts for 6 months. Now he wants to move back to Blackheath when our contract runs out and take that job offer. Ive finally got used to the fact of being back down here. Also moving all over again is such a pain in the backside. He also told me that i had to go back to work after Alethea was born within 8 wks of her birth. I was really upset and hurt cause ive always wanted to be a SAHM until they were at least 12 months old. Now he's changed his mind and says if we move back out there, there will be no need for me to work as his income will increase. What im so lost about and dont know what to do is now i have conflicting feelings about working. Ive been offered a position at the sutherland hospital as a nurse and ive been waiting for this opportunity since before Jayden was born. Once i get into the hospital area im set for my career. I dont know whether to take the job or stay at home with my babies!! :crying: I cried this morning cause i have mixed feelings. I want to take this job for my career advancement on the other side i want to stay at home to be with my babies. I dont know what to do!!!!! :banghead: Im sort of angry at DH cause if he didnt push me to go back to work so soon i wouldnt of even looked at getting work. Now im totally confused. Also i told him about the position available and instead of being over the moon about it he said that it would stuff up his plans for his job. Instead of being so happy about the birth of our daughter im so stressed out and heading towards a breakdown cause i just dont know what to do.

Im soo sorry for this long post, im just so confused and needed to talk to someone about it. Thanks for taking the time to read this!

jaydensmum

[mrsd]

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time, JM.

I agree with Aijent. Obviously you and DH have to clarify your priorities and feelings, and decide on your future goals, and counselling will help that.

Otherwise, perhaps you could leave your new little bub with someone you trust for an evening (Mum, MIL ?) and go out to dinner and have a serious chat ?

My brain always turns to mush for a couple of months after I have a baby and I get really emotional - everything is too much hassle. It's when DH and I have our biggest arguments 'cos we're both tired (while the baby doesn't sleep through) and still adjusting to so many changes.

Hopefully things will look better for you in a couple of months or so after you hang in there. Good luck with everything - I hope you both end up happy.

[flib]

Naomi

Your babies will grow up so fast and you're really young and there's lots of time for careers! Don't miss out on these early days.

Take care - moving is very stressful!

Flib

[Hannahsma]

Hey Naomi,
I cant really give you any more advice than the other girls have, its sound advice.
I hope that things improve for you. Having a newborn is tough enough sometimes (not all of the time), without any further stress.I wish you all the best.
Congratulations on your new bundle of joy, may she have a full & happy life.

Take care
Sam:fingerscrossed: ;)

[jaydensmum]

Thanks girls, for all of your advice and support. Its much appreciated!! :hugs: Well today i went for my interview and ill find out on Thur if i was successful. I was actually a bit excited about going to it. :confused: Anyway with the DH stress, its still happening. We argue every night about it. He keeps saying that i had my chance to have a career but i threw it away by having the kids!! :mad: He is being so selfish and immature about the whole thing. I know what will end up happening. Ill end up giving up to make him happy and then ill be upset again that i threw everything away. I dont need this stress right now, i just had a baby why cant he understand that!!!!!! :mad:

jaydensmum

[rachdent]

Hey Naomis

Just wanted to say I'm thinking of ya and sending :hugs: through cyberspace!

[Mummabear]

If my DH came home and told me that we were moving, he was/wasn't changing jobs, etc he'd get a rather abrupt dressing down. A marriage is a partnership not a dictatorship. Decisions that affect the family should be made by the family.

Personally I would opt for staying at home with the kids and then pursing your career later - you're only 21 and you'll only be 25 by the time the kids are in school and kindy - that's plenty of time to get your career up and running. But that's just how I feel personally. You need to assess what is going to make you happy, cause as we all know, a happy Mum is the best kind of Mum there is. Once you work out what makes you happy then sit down and talk calmy and rationally with you DH about what is going to make him happy and then try and work a plan together to achieve both your goals. No one is more important than the other.