Feeling a little lost

[Edweena]

I have been seperated for 4 years, I have 5 children. I was married for 7 years and tried really hard to make the marriage work to the point where I lowered my standards and put up with abuse. In 2006 sexual abuse was disclosed and I removed ex from our home. Besides dealing with lawyers and courts for the past 4 years (Its been draining to say the least) I educated myself and now I look after old people. I've bought my own house (well buying) and my children are happy and healthy.

I no longer believe in God and love is something I choose not to persue and am super cynical about but thats ok. I don't desire that at the moment.
But my problem is I don't get what life is about I just seem to be endlessly cleaning and cooking and repairing and its a bit too boring just to be doing that full time for the next 10 years. I guess I'm feeling like theres not enough of me to go around. I think the hardest thing about being single is being consumed with your own thoughts and no prospective.

[flitter]

I was with partner for 6 yrs, we raised 3 boys and separated october last year when i found out he had a new girlfriend...a mixture of loss and thank goodness she can have the abuse...back to blaming myself and wanting him back. Love is not on the agenda for me either...who would want my boring life and baggage. people keep telling me it'll take time but lonliness is hard...they aren't the ones staring out the window grieving that wish of the neuclear family and forgetting the problems that lead to it all.:confused:. :hugs:. meanwhile he moved on without thought of me, no hurt just wants his boys...the connection that created them is lost somewhere never to be found again. When the busy activities don't bore me so much I don't think about it. Constantly trying to be ok with how life turns out and how to handle things next...I asked if he could visit the kids here but i think thats just my emotions still not wanting to let go. If I keep remembering the abuse then it keeps me strong but reliving it as well..can't win hope time heals it I'm in doubt of that.

[Willow]

Same. I feel so alone but can't even contemplate the thought of letting someone into my heart again - I almost hyperventilate at the thought, panic etc.

~hugs~

I think it's normal to want to share our life, I mean, what's so wrong with that? And yet because you've been through so much your gut reaction is to reject it.

Sorry, I have no answers but I hope your day got better.

[OneBabyBoy]

But my problem is I don't get what life is about I just seem to be endlessly cleaning and cooking and repairing and its a bit too boring just to be doing that full time for the next 10 years. I guess I'm feeling like theres not enough of me to go around. I think the hardest thing about being single is being consumed with your own thoughts and no prospective.


Being single does not mean you have to be alone, and have no adult interaction. It's isolating enough as it is.

If going to work is not an option then there are playgroups, mother's groups, bubs n mum's movies, library readings. Lots of things, most of them free. Or even bubhub meet ups - have a look in the bh forum section for your area.

You could even look into occasional care and then join a gym, a sport, take a class, go back to study.

There is always cleaning/cooking etc - but thats not what life is about. It shouldn't be all about that. We are weighed down with responsibilites but still human and still need other interaction, thought, interests etc. Otherwise, yes, it seems pointless, boring, mundane.

[Edweena]

thanks.
I'm not lonely where I need a partner, in fact I love my space and I don't want another person to clean up after or put up with their defects no matter how small they are. The hard part of that is that most people expect one to partner up and at times feel sorry for you if you are not partnered.

I guess I lose the plot when I have no goals so I guess its time to write some down.

I do need the interaction and I will take your advise and lok at the bh group in my area as well as going to the gym when the kids go back to school...I think that will help heaps.
Thanks for replying I felt so stupid writing it in the first place.