what to pack for my kids on weekend visitations?

[cltc]

OK:confused: quick run, down is my ex hasn't paid any child support for 3 months and just picked up the kids for the first time today for the weekend,,he had a go at me for not sending enough nappies and food for my baby for the whole 4 days,,,i think he should have to provide everything but clothing but is thhat normal,,or should i have to pack everything they would need for the 4 days??

[Mum2Mimi]

uh no,he can buy the formula or food and nappys, i wouldnt even be packing clothes,u prob wont see half of them again...

[miraclebaby]

If he hasn't paid support in that long, I would question even giving him your children since he clearly cannot be bothered supporting them. However, I'm sure you want them to have a relationship with him and you probably need a break too.
In short, he should supply everything they need in terms of food, nappies, entertainment etc while they are with him. Maybe he doesn't realise exactly what they need and that is where his anger is coming from but in that case you need to give him a list of supplies he will need for the time they are there. And he needs to supply it. He is one half of their parenting team. Sure, supply basic clothing if you think you have to but any father worth the title of (and worth the love given to) a father would not even be bringing this subject up.

[OJandMe]

Don't men pay less child support if they have the children for visitations??

I thought this was because they take into account that on visitations all financial costs would be covered by the parent they are visiting.

Nope... his kids... he needs to provide for them when they are in his care. That means clothes, food, nappies, car seats, entertainment, medicines, etc etc.

If you can't agree on something I'd get it in writing... go through legal aid.

[FluffyBunny]

I'd have to agree that your ex should have to provide everything for the children especially since hes paid no child support in so long.
I reckon hes got the cheek going off at you for not providing enough while the kids have been gone for 4 days.

[munchkin05]

i bought ds a pair of cheap shorts and a tshirt that he wears to his dads thats all he takes

ds is a labels kid and im worried he will not bring back his clothes etc but if he wants ds to stay there he shoudl be providing everything that he needs for that time

thats what a parents does !! or should i say thats what a parent should do

[MummaBear03]

It's hard isn't it. On one hand, you don't want them going without. On the other hand, he really is the one responsible for providing for them, including clothing and toiletries, while he has them. One set of clothing that they wear to and from his house is really the only thing they should have to take, and maybe a favourite book/toy/blanket if they can't be without something.

[my_lot]

Don't men pay less child support if they have the children for visitations??

I thought this was because they take into account that on visitations all financial costs would be covered by the parent they are visiting.

.

I thought its a certain number of nights per year
before the CS goes down?


Also if the kid/s are with the other parent for a % of time that they can get the CS reduced then that parent can claim a part of the FTB too?


If its under this then it should be worked out between the parents.

SHE doesnt get less CL for the few nights they are in his care, HE doesnt pay less CS for the few nights he has them. Not taking into account that he hasnt paid CS as we all know that doesnt play a part in visitation rights.

[MummaBear03]

I thought its a certain number of nights per year
before the CS goes down?


Also if the kid/s are with the other parent for a % of time that they can get the CS reduced then that parent can claim a part of the FTB too?


If its under this then it should be worked out between the parents.

SHE doesnt get less CL for the few nights they are in his care, HE doesnt pay less CS for the few nights he has them. Not taking into account that he hasnt paid CS as we all know that doesnt play a part in visitation rights.

But still, should he not have to provide for the children while they are in his care?

[my_lot]

I think it should be worked out between the parents .

CL can be adjusted if he hasnt paid CS. How old are the kids? Its just 3 months of not paying and he always did pay? Or have they only been apart 3 months and he hasnt paid anything in that 3 months?

If its just four days of care he isnt going to get his CS reduced and she's still going to get paid CL as if they were in her care.


Yes, It would make you red hot with anger that no CS has been paid for 3 months but that is beside the point when it comes to visitation.

So they should just work out whats going to be sent and whats going to be provided for. He just got up her for not providing anything so maybe she knew that he wouldnt be ready for that? In a nice world he would just ask for a list of whats needed and buy it.

[cltc]

hi i have a 9yr dd 7yr dd 5yr ds and a 12 month dd,,so four all up we broke up 4 months ago and it was ok at first but got messy 1 month after,,he was a very hands on dad about a yr ago but then changed his ways in a lot of things which also lead to the break up,,i trust my husband ..well ex husband very much with the kids and they did visit him 3 months ago, so in total have stayed with him 2 times.But if he was paying support i honestly wouldnt mind sending nappies and wipes and baby food,,but the fact im now on a very tight budjet exspecailly after just having moved 100km away from the family home,,i dont think i should have those added costs as well as last time he kept any left over nappies i had sent ..really i was after info on what other mothers send?, as i'm new at this.and he hadnt asked for the kids once since we split(apparently work is keeping him too busy and he had to have 3 days off this weekend just to take them)i have had to approach him both times to take them and he also didn't even contact them for xmas:( but promised the last visitation he would take them out to choose an xmas gift next time they were with him! sorry to rant on!
:gloomy:

[my_lot]

hi i have a 9yr dd 7yr dd 5yr ds and a 12 month dd,,so four all up we broke up 4 months ago and it was ok at first but got messy 1 month after,,

he was a very hands on dad about a yr ago but then changed his ways in a lot of things which also lead to the break up,,i trust my husband ..well ex husband very much with the kids and they did visit him 3 months ago, so in total have stayed with him 2 times.

But if he was paying support i honestly wouldnt mind sending nappies and wipes and baby food,,


I know its hard to do but you really have to separate the two. Visitation AND child support. They dont go hand in hand.



but the fact im now on a very tight budjet exspecailly after just having moved 100km away from the family home,,

[
i dont think i should have those added costs as well as last time he kept any left over nappies i had sent .

I dont see how its an added cost?







really i was after info on what other mothers send?, :




If he kept the nappies after the last visit then he will have them for this visit, did you tell him that? Did you tell him you werent sending anything for the kids before the visit?

I think you need to do a parenting plan and add that he provide for his house. Ring CSA and ask them how many nights he has to have them in his care before his CS is reduced.

[Crazyfamily]

just so you know, he has to have them for 52 nights a year for your child support to go down. my ex supplies everything while the children are with him but i dont think he HAS to. it is something you and him can agree on. i would say if he is planning on having them more often have a chat and maybe ask if he can get something each week for them that they can leave at his place until he has enough that you dont need to send anything. my ex is a nasty man but a good dad so i try to do the right thing for my kids even if sometimes he isnt so good about it.

[cltc]

i had my first mediation session last week and hopefully am already working towards a parenting plan ex has said he will attend,also i drove them to his house (he is staying with his mother whilst new lease is getting drawn up for him to move back into the house we shared) And i will b picking them up also as he has to work on Monday and doesn't have time to drive them back.and there is a lot more then meets the eye(i got advised by police to move from the house we once shared which is located in an isolated community of 65ppl most of which was his family,,i also endured many threats fin the 2 months i stayed there after we separated from his brother and sis in law,,so it wasn't like i lightly chose to make the move...

[my_lot]

I wasnt questioning your move, im very sorry if it looked that way.

What i was trying to point out was that if you had purchased enough nappies, food, whatever for say a week or a month then it isnt an added cost for you if you pass on what she will use in the days she is with your ex. It should be the same as if you gave childcare or granny her stuff.

It shouldnt be that you have to go out and buy that stuff just for him to use in his house but it shoulnt be a way of saving money for you either.

Im not saying i think you should pack her every need. I just think you need to work it out clearly so he knows exactly what he has to provide for the kids.

Tell the mediator what you want in the parenting plan. Detail travel too so your not paying petrol costs of both ways too.