Would you be upset if your child said these words?

[Aaliyahsmummy]

Just wondering if some of you lovely bh mummies can help me and DH

His neice (whom I/we look after very regularly) says some words and phrases that we (and a few other people we know) don't think she should be saying (at 3 years of age)
The most regular ones are:

Pis* (she was taught this instead of wee)
Fat As*
b*tch
and she has started dropping the F bomb alot recently.

Pretty much DH spoke to his SIL about it, and while she pretended to be horrified about it to his face, the next day while she and Neice were visiting me she was coaching her to say these things. Dh wants to go to his dad about this, as we know if their dad tells sil it has to stop it will stop.

We need to pick out battles when it comes to DH's family, and I don't know if most people see this as something that has to stop?

Pretty much, Are we over reacting? are these words ok to say, and dh and I are just a bit prudish?

[drewid]

I wouldn't think that appropriate for a 3 or 13yo! Definitely not over-reacting.

[Billy]

Nope not really appropriate at all! Why on earth is she coaching her child to say things like that? How odd. :confused:


I'd be appalled if my 3 year old came out with any of those words.

[Fuchsia!]

Its not appropiate at all. But i would be horrified of someone told be what to do with my children.

Children learn this from their parents and while it sounds horrible it will eventually bite them in the butt when they drop these words in public or around someone they shouldn't.

[Nowhere]

We have made that mstake with DD and I am the first to admit it, We use the word f@rt for passing wind, I now realise that its not the normal word for a toddler to be taught but Its hard to try and change her to say fluff, or trump now.

[Mathermy]

DD wouldn't doesn't know any of those words and she is 5, we simply do not speak like that around her, if at all. I think curse words frequently though..:laughing:

I do not understand why people think it is hilarious to teach their children filth, but people are really effed up so who knows what their motivation would be:confused: It certainly pays lip service to their parenting though :rolleyes:

[Corlz]

OMG, that is disgusting, id be saying something to her and FIL. My mum would tell me off for saying that now infront of her, at 25 y/o

[Janesmum123]

Why would you actually teach your child this.
She sounds like one classy lady..:rolleyes:

I mean I get the fact that those words might come out of your mouth by accident or whatever and I have sworn around DD but she knows it's a norty word and reminds me not to say it. And I try not to.

No I don't think you are over reacting but there is not much you can do, like someone said it will bite her back eventually.

[Myztik]

Wow my almost 8yr old would end up in time out if he even said one of those things, let alone my 3yr old :no:

[xxchloexx]

i think its horrible to hear any ages kids talk like that! my friend her niece is 2 and the niece calls her a Fat B*tch! and a Wh*re

My son is the same age as her and i would be horrified if he ever said anything like that.

[pinkandblue]

Dh wants to go to his dad about this, as we know if their dad tells sil it has to stop it will stop.


Why cant you just speak to your SIL? Why does your husband have to run to his dad and make SIL kids stop? Sorry but I think thats a bit stupid, you're grown ups, not little kids who run to mummy and daddy because someone said a rude word.

[Raising Leprechauns]

Not prudish at all - but also not your kid.

I had a similary thing once with kids that I minded and I just said that they were words that we didnt use in my house. When the kids said that there Mum was ok with it - I just explained that that was fine when they were with Mum - but that the rules were different in my house.

[Aaliyahsmummy]

Why would you actually teach your child this.
She sounds like one classy lady..:rolleyes:
.

:laughing:Classy doesn't even begin to describe my sil:p


Why cant you just speak to your SIL? Why does your husband have to run to his dad and make SIL kids stop? Sorry but I think thats a bit stupid, you're grown ups, not little kids who run to mummy and daddy because someone said a rude word.

I understand what your saying, in my own family this is how it works, you sort it out yourselves,

In dh husbands family not so much, unfortunatly there is a huge lack of respect between siblings, we have tried talking to sil about this, but tbh, she doesn't give a dam about anything her daughter does.

They way the family is, no matter what, what dad says goes, or there is hell to pay. I thought it was weird at first, but even the cousin's families are the same, its a cultural thing that untill you live it, you don't understand it:)

Thanks everyone, feels better to know we are not just too uptight about bad words.

[Ellads]

Nope, not ok in my book.
I wouldn't look after or be around anyone who uses language like that infront of my child, whether or not they themselves were a child or adult! I'd explain that you don't want your child exposed to bad language! Might cause trouble but I'd hate for my DS to come out with them! JMO!

[NonnyMouse]

The words are very inappropriate, but personally I think it's none of your business if they choose to allow their child to speak like this, and certainly not your DH's call to go and tattle to father.

You can certainly choose to ask them not to use that language in your house, and make it known that you find it offensive, but to go beyond this would be offensive in itself to the parents.

[missie_mack]

I would be mortified if it was my child... however I would be cranky if someone told me how I should parent my child too.

[gizmoduckus]

The words are very inappropriate, but personally I think it's none of your business if they choose to allow their child to speak like this, and certainly not your DH's call to go and tattle to father.

You can certainly choose to ask them not to use that language in your house, and make it known that you find it offensive, but to go beyond this would be offensive in itself to the parents.
:iagree:

[Pinkzy]

My husband's sister does this exact same thing. Her youngest is turning 4 this year, however development wise I'd say she was 2. If that. She knows very few words apart from curse words, "NO" and "MOVE". I really feel for her as she's starting kindy this year and can see a lot of problems arising.

When hubby and I used to visit his sister, her hubby and their kids a lot last year, we'd often watch in disgust as his sister and her husband encouraged their then 3 year old to swear. Same sort of words you've used above including "F Off" and "Sh*t". They actually encouraged her to say these words (as in teaching her to say them), and whenever she did they would always laugh at how "cute" it was. My hubby sometimes laughed...he wasn't laughing in a "that's so funny" sort of way but more in a nervous, "am I really seeing this" mortified sort of way. My SIL's two older kids also find it funny as apparently, they were taught the same kind of thing when they were that age.

We don't go over there at all these days (they can make the effort to come here to see us, we got sick of having to do it) but another factor in us not going over there is basically the fact we can't stand watching them "parent" their kids. I won't be exposing my son to them much that's for sure. It's so tacky and irresponsible and both hubby and myself would rather avoid being around it, especially when our little one is at the age where he can pick that sort of rubbish up.

[Myztiks#1Fan]

personally, i think its disgusting a 3yr old would know such words and to be encouraged to say them :no:. my son now tells me to p!ss off and that really upsets me as i dont want to hear such things from his mouth and he is only 2.5yrs old. he has also dropped the F word quite a bit and it makes me really upset when i hear that

[mum2bubba]

She's teaching her to swear? WTF?

:thumbsdown:

Skye has sworn before cos she has heard me say things but I don't teach her.

[loving6]

Not prudish at all - but also not your kid.

I had a similary thing once with kids that I minded and I just said that they were words that we didnt use in my house. When the kids said that there Mum was ok with it - I just explained that that was fine when they were with Mum - but that the rules were different in my house.


:iagree:I the same.

[3'llhavetodo]

I don't think it's appropriate language but at the same time I also don't think it's your place to tell your SIL how to raise her child.

[Aaliyahsmummy]

Hmm I can understand where alot of you are coming from. Maybe I should have said exactly how much dh and I look after out neice, we have her thurs nights through till Monday at the moment, as her mother apparently can't have her over the weekends.

[MsMummy]

I have a filthy mouth at times, but would be horrified if my son came out with those things.

Maybe you could tell her that you were a bit surprised as you heard her children using those words, and see what she says.

Maybe she doesn't realise it's not appropriate.

[NonnyMouse]

That puts you both in a position to model good language and enforce appropriate language under your roof. Unfortunately it doesn't give you extra rights with regard to telling someone else how to parent their child, even if you feel very strongly about it.

One of the most common things I found myself saying whenever DD had certain friends over was "I'm sorry, but we don't do/say that in our house". That's about all you can do.

[Pinkzy]

I think the fact that you and your partner are such prominent caregivers in this childs life does give you rights. Obviously, you don't have the right to tell someone how to parent or raise their child - but you have rights about what language you're willing to tolerate when this child is in your care and that absolutely includes talking to the mother about this.

I personally see teaching or encouraging a child to swear as a form of neglect. A pretty serious one at that. I can't imagine the problems kids like this (including my niece who I rarely see) will encounter as a result of their parents teaching them to talk in such an uncivil and offensive manner. It puts these kids at a serious disadvantage socially and to me, that is bordering on neglect on the parents behalf.

[sweetseven]

Its not appropiate at all. But i would be horrified of someone told me what to do with my children.

Children learn this from their parents and while it sounds horrible it will eventually bite them in the butt when they drop these words in public or around someone they shouldn't.:iagree:

My first thought is don't interfere, but then there is the problem of her language rubbing off on your children, so I can see a reason to want to put a little pressure on.

[amnic]

That puts you both in a position to model good language and enforce appropriate language under your roof. Unfortunately it doesn't give you extra rights with regard to telling someone else how to parent their child, even if you feel very strongly about it.

One of the most common things I found myself saying whenever DD had certain friends over was "I'm sorry, but we don't do/say that in our house". That's about all you can do.

:iagree: That's exactly how I deal with anything like that. My kids have a lots of cousins & friends and some of them let their kids do or say things that I don't let my kids so & I simply same, that's fine at your place with your mum & dad but sorry the boys aren't allowed to say/see/do that so it's not going to happen here.

I truly don't think it's anyones place to go to someone to get a person to stop behaving in a certain way, but maybe you could talk to her in the manner of a friend saying, how are you going to cope when she's older and tells you to get f*#ked? can't really tell her off for it if that's all she's ever heard..... won't always work but that's as far as I'd go. My best friend swears terribly, but it's not my place to tell her how to speak to her kids, as long as she's not speaking to mine like that.....