shoopshoopshoop
15-01-2010, 22:13
I have a beautiful little two year old and found out after a 18 mths of fertility treatment that I was pregnant again. I can't express the excitement we both felt and then at our 8 week scan we found out we were having twins. It was a dream preganancy, everything was going well 12 week scan fine, 20 week scan great, ob appointments tests, you name it every test that was done showed no problems.
Then at 22 weeks and two days i started to have some pains high in my chest and upper back. I rang our nurse, she said to monitor overnight and if it continued to call her on Friday. It cleared up Thursday night and I had one slight pain Friday morning that went away really quickly so I left it at that. Friday afternoon I started getting pains in my lower stomach.
I rang the hospital who said to go in. They checked me for temperature and blood pressure, for possible infection but didn’t find anything. They checked my cervix and it had already started to soften and shorten, indicating pre-term labour.
They sent me to labour ward at another hospital and the pediatrician explained that at 22 weeks, there was no hope of their survival if the girls were born. They would only resuscitate from 24 weeks onward and between 23 and 24 weeks it was up to us but chance of disability/death were still very high, especially for twins. They said they could give medication to stop contractions but if labour was going to happen there was nothing they could do.
The contractions subsided after medication on Friday night and I was transferred out of Labour ward and they were organizing to be transferred back to another hospital (low care) on Monday for monitoring. Then Saturday night contractions started again. Again I was told that labour was imminent and to prepare for the girls’ birth because my cervix had dilated and the membranes were visible. About midnight the labour pains stopped again and another reprieve til morning. This time although the labour pains had subsided, the amniotic fluid had started to leak and they needed to do some more tests for infection.
Blood tests were done on Sunday morning and they confirmed an infection in the amniotic fluid. Infection was also inside me by then also. There was no chance of their survival another 5 days to even get to 23 wqeeks and the decision was confirmed by three doctors who all said that the girls would not be able to survive and that also my life was now in danger as a result of the infection. I was given hormones to induce labour and the girls were both born just after midday.
The perinatal loss appointment could only confirm that they think I had an infection in my amniotic fluid. But there was no evidence of a bladder infection in me until after the amniotic fluid had begun to leak. I have heard that infection happens after your cervix has opned and if birth doesn't happen soon. I guess its a chicken and egg thing. They can't confirm if preterm labour caused an infection or if the infection casued the pre-term labour.
Anyway, all of my family were at the birth. It was beautiful and heartbreaking at the same time. I had always hoped for at least one girl, but two be surprised with two beautiful little girls was beyond my wildest dreams.They were so completely different in looks. Emily looked so strong and almost a little cranky at being forced to come out so soon, Alison looked completely at peace right from the beginning. They're hearts beating and watching them gasp for air was the most painful thing I have ever endured, and I would never wish it on my worst enemy. They're faces so perfectly formed, their tiny fingers and toes were exquistie. We bathed them, put napies on them, cuddled them, kissed them, loved them,clothed them and let them rest in a cot together.
We buried them together in the same coffin, holding hands and their bodies rest in peace with my grandmother.
My life feels so empty without them. I can't stop wearing pink as a reminder of them in my life and to help me feel close to them. Every hope and dream i had for them needs to be undone, little by little. My closest friend is pregnant with twins and is due 8 weeks after I was. She just found out today that she is having twin girls.I am happy that she is experiencing the happiness that I did, but I can't help but stress about why this is happening so close to me and why the universe is almost shoving it in my face, everthing that I have lost. I feel like i will have to be constantly reminded when i see her of the worst thing that's ever happned to me and to watch her girls do all of the things mine never will, or to lose a beautiful friendship that has come to mean a lot to me.
I know that they are not my girls, no one will ever replace them. Nothing could ever come close. I know that they are gone and i will miss them for the rest of my life.
Then at 22 weeks and two days i started to have some pains high in my chest and upper back. I rang our nurse, she said to monitor overnight and if it continued to call her on Friday. It cleared up Thursday night and I had one slight pain Friday morning that went away really quickly so I left it at that. Friday afternoon I started getting pains in my lower stomach.
I rang the hospital who said to go in. They checked me for temperature and blood pressure, for possible infection but didn’t find anything. They checked my cervix and it had already started to soften and shorten, indicating pre-term labour.
They sent me to labour ward at another hospital and the pediatrician explained that at 22 weeks, there was no hope of their survival if the girls were born. They would only resuscitate from 24 weeks onward and between 23 and 24 weeks it was up to us but chance of disability/death were still very high, especially for twins. They said they could give medication to stop contractions but if labour was going to happen there was nothing they could do.
The contractions subsided after medication on Friday night and I was transferred out of Labour ward and they were organizing to be transferred back to another hospital (low care) on Monday for monitoring. Then Saturday night contractions started again. Again I was told that labour was imminent and to prepare for the girls’ birth because my cervix had dilated and the membranes were visible. About midnight the labour pains stopped again and another reprieve til morning. This time although the labour pains had subsided, the amniotic fluid had started to leak and they needed to do some more tests for infection.
Blood tests were done on Sunday morning and they confirmed an infection in the amniotic fluid. Infection was also inside me by then also. There was no chance of their survival another 5 days to even get to 23 wqeeks and the decision was confirmed by three doctors who all said that the girls would not be able to survive and that also my life was now in danger as a result of the infection. I was given hormones to induce labour and the girls were both born just after midday.
The perinatal loss appointment could only confirm that they think I had an infection in my amniotic fluid. But there was no evidence of a bladder infection in me until after the amniotic fluid had begun to leak. I have heard that infection happens after your cervix has opned and if birth doesn't happen soon. I guess its a chicken and egg thing. They can't confirm if preterm labour caused an infection or if the infection casued the pre-term labour.
Anyway, all of my family were at the birth. It was beautiful and heartbreaking at the same time. I had always hoped for at least one girl, but two be surprised with two beautiful little girls was beyond my wildest dreams.They were so completely different in looks. Emily looked so strong and almost a little cranky at being forced to come out so soon, Alison looked completely at peace right from the beginning. They're hearts beating and watching them gasp for air was the most painful thing I have ever endured, and I would never wish it on my worst enemy. They're faces so perfectly formed, their tiny fingers and toes were exquistie. We bathed them, put napies on them, cuddled them, kissed them, loved them,clothed them and let them rest in a cot together.
We buried them together in the same coffin, holding hands and their bodies rest in peace with my grandmother.
My life feels so empty without them. I can't stop wearing pink as a reminder of them in my life and to help me feel close to them. Every hope and dream i had for them needs to be undone, little by little. My closest friend is pregnant with twins and is due 8 weeks after I was. She just found out today that she is having twin girls.I am happy that she is experiencing the happiness that I did, but I can't help but stress about why this is happening so close to me and why the universe is almost shoving it in my face, everthing that I have lost. I feel like i will have to be constantly reminded when i see her of the worst thing that's ever happned to me and to watch her girls do all of the things mine never will, or to lose a beautiful friendship that has come to mean a lot to me.
I know that they are not my girls, no one will ever replace them. Nothing could ever come close. I know that they are gone and i will miss them for the rest of my life.