3.5 yr old testing independance.

[Desertress]

I really need some help or advice on how to deal with my 3.5yr old. He is being VERY difficult atm , talking back and ignoring what we are saying to him. He whinges and whines whenever you say something to him that he dosnt like and it is really grating at my nerves.

If you ask him to do things that he dosnt like he just tell us no that he dosnt want to. HE is constantly talking back..... i feel like im living witha teenager if that makes any sense. Every time i finally get my little boy worked out and work out how to handle him he changes again and this seems like the worst so far. I am just at a loss as to how to deal with it because i find myslef just loosing my temper and yelling and screaming which really donst do anything.

Any ideas on how to get him to listen or cooperate and to stop throwing the tantrums and whinging. :confused:

[Shazbutt]

No advice from me sorry....but huge :hugs: as i know exactly what you're going through.

My DD is doing the same things, and some days i just feel so bad for being so angry with her all the time. Its so much harder with little ones as well huh?, trying to divide the attention...i think that's where the difficult behaviour stems from sometimes...jealousy. I have tried making sure i do things just with her, like going to the park and having a little picnic lunch, and drawing/beading etc with her, and it keeps her happy for the time it takes to finish those activities.....then she switches back into devil mode. :(

Whoever said the terrible 2's stopped at 2 should be shot! I think they get worse! :rolleyes:

[WeThree]

Have you stolen MY 3 yr old? :eek: ;)
My lovely little boy is starting to be quite naughty lately as well and saying no to me alot, he also whines all the time, does yours do this as well? Its not like he can just say 'mum, can I please have a drink?' he has to say it in this really whiny voice like it is the end of the world and often throw himself on the ground or something just for emphasise :rolleyes:
Its very trying isnt it? I find what is working best with him atm is to just stay calm, get down to his eye level and get him to look at me and tell him quietly what I want him to do. ie, no drink until he says 'mummy may I have a drink please' in a nice voice or 'lets get this room tidied, up, we will do it together my beautiful boy' this sort of thing usually results in a smile and hug and a race to pick up the toys.
Good luck, it is so hard :hugs:

[Desertress]

Im glad i am not the only one with this problem because i really feel like a failure of a mother atm.... i dont think i should be aloud to keep my youngest incase i end up turning him into a little monster to. :gloomy: My eldest does whinge and whine for EVERYTHING and i drives me nuts. Plus the bub is very clingy and has to be near me all the time and if i walk away he screams and i just don thave the energy to try and teach him noty to.

Aparently apart from not listening all the time he is really good at day care:confused: .... so am i doing something wrong.....

I guess i just have so much on my plate atm with the wedding and the two kids i am just too stressed out. I hope things get better soon.

[Baby Girl]

Totally normal behaviour....

My DD1 is just like your DS. It is all about them establishing who they are and what limits they are able to put on themselves and what limits they can allow others to set for them!!

Child Development - 3 to 4 years (http://www.cyh.com/HealthTopics/HealthTopicDetails.aspx?p=114&np=122&id=1888)

The web page above has some good info about what they feel and think at this age!!

[Desertress]

THanks for that site.... i'll give it a look

[kymmy]

From my experience, the terrible 2s start at 3.
Both my older children started tantrums and whinging at 3.
My theory is they are wanting more independance but they still need you.
My kids were angels from 18mths -3 years then bam!

So just know you are not alone.
I think its an important part of their development.
Just try to be consistent so they feel safe and they know who is boss - you!
:hugs:

[cwsmum]

My eldest does whinge and whine for EVERYTHING and i drives me nuts. Plus the bub is very clingy and has to be near me all the time and if i walk away he screams and i just don thave the energy to try and teach him noty to.

My 2 are exactly the same, so I know what yuo are dealing with :hugs:
DD wont even let me leave the room if her daddy is there, she just screams and crawls after me.

Usually I make sure that as soon as DD is asleep I do some stuff with DS. DD has her sleep around lunch time so we usually have some lunch together first. After lunch we play with his toys/games, then we do some housework, usually just one thing like hanging out some washing (he plays on his bike while I do this) or we'll pack everything in the loungeroom away and vacuum the floor (he likes this one coz he finds all the toys he has shoved behind the couch...I only pull the couch out once a week :o )

When DD wakes up DS is ready for a rest, even tho he rarely sleeps, so I put a dvd on for him, DD comes with me and I either do more housework or come on here. Depends on how stressed DS has made me.

You are not a bad mum, Logan is just doing what alot of 3yr olds do.

When he gets too much to handle take him to the park and let him play til he's tired. Take a picnic lunch too, DS loves that, and a book or something to entertain yourself. Make him walk to the park and home again, then by the time you get home he'll be tired and you can get him to lay on the couch and have a rest (if you are lucky he may even go to sleep :fingerscrossed: ).