Gender Disappointment.

[The Girls Only Club]

This is just my rant,do not turn this into a debate.These are my feelings and thoughts only.No one in my family understands and I need a place to get these out before I scream.

So Im having a girl,but I cant let go of my boy.I keep hoping the ultrasound is wrong and it is my son,after all they kept telling me my oldest was a boy and she ended up been a girl.
I keep calling him my son and waiting til the birth before I let go.

I cried in the car on the way home from the ultrasound,which was hard to do as I was driving and had my daughters in the back,they were silent tears running down my face.
I wont buy any girls clothes and my cot blankets are all yellow.DH cousin who is due 2 weeks before me is having a boy and I was so mad.
And im sick of been told "At least you can have a baby" I know already,I know millions of woman would love to hold a baby of their own no matter what the sex,but this is my body,my baby,my feelings.
And if one more person tells me"At least she is healthy"I know and Im grateful there is nothing wrong but I can not help how I feel.
And the one I hate most is"You can try again and have another"NO NO NO.
This is my last baby,I might only be young but I know this is the last baby I will be having.Both DH and I are getting desexed(love saying that dont know why it just sounds better to me than having tubes done)

I know Ill love my baby no matter what when its born but ill grieve my son too,and people dont understand that cause its not like Ive lost a baby(I have m/c before so I do know the pain of losing a real baby)its just a different sex,but Ill mourne him anyway,Ill mourne all the things that should be with a boy and Ill mourne Ill never see my DH holding his son in his arms.
Im worried im leaving myself open for PND(had it after both girls,second time was easier to recover as I knew the signs)

I cant explain myself properly as these feelings are everywhere at the moment.

[Janesmum123]

I'm feeling the same way. Except it's the other way around I'm having a boy. Swap???:laughing:

The feelings you have are very real and valid.
I don't really have advice as I'm in the same position as you.

For me it's also my last baby and DP is shattered he wanted a daughter so much. He is being supportive but I know he is upset which makes it worse.

Hang in there...:hugs:

[mordygordy]

I don't have much to say other then to give you a big:hugs:. Really there is nothing I probably could say.

I kinda understand. This time I am after a little girl, I did a few things to try sway a girl and am hoping they worked. I have a while to wait yet to find out but I am terrified how I will act if it is another boy, like you I know I will love him no matter what like I love Zack (I wouldn't change him for the world. My mum is even more terrified bc she knows how much I want a girl this time, I have even bought some girls cloths already.

[RedPanda]

I'm sorry you're feeling this way. I have two sons and am pg with my third baby (no idea what sex it is). I geniunely don't care what sex the baby is but I still think your feelings are valid. By the time your baby arrives, you'll probably have processed your feelings a lot more. I think it's great that you found out the sex, that way you have another four months to help yourself move on. I am one of three girls, and I loved growing up with two sisters. You may feel disappointed now, but hopefully the reward of seeing your girls grow up together as friends will help. Also, maybe you could try to focus on other things rather than the sex, like what her little face will look like or how her personality will differ from those of her sisters.
I do empathise somewhat because I did want a boy when I was pregnant for the first time. Once he was born, I haven't cared much about the sex of the subsequents.

[QTB]

I know exactly what you mean!

I have 2 sons, and am now having a 3rd boy.

i was sure this one was a girl, we found out at 13weeks it was another boy, then confirmed at 19week scan.

its not that i dont want a 3rd son, but its that i want a daughter.


anyway, after a big medical scare of baby may have Trisomy 18, and found out yesterday he doesnt have it, we now dont give two hoots what sex he is. es healthy and thats the most important thing! :D

you will get used to the idea in time. :hugs:

[Countrydeb]

:hugs: for you hun ,this was me about 10 months ago ,found out at my 20 week scan i was having my 4th boy and at 42 more than likely my last pregnancy too......Devastated was the word,shattered beyond belief,had let myself hope ,hope so much that this time i had my girl but not too be.........So rant,cry,scream,chuck a big pity party for yourself if it makes you feel better,i did all those things and more.........You are allowed to be disappointed[my counsellor said so] ,and really it's grieving for your son.......I was angry with God first[not religious at all but he's an easy one to blame],then myself for even hoping,then hubby but only slightly now i just feel ripped off.......I was so scared i wouldn't love him and i didn't right away[was so hoping the willie would have fallen off during labour] but now love him to bits but still so very sad i'll not have a daughter.....i grew up with my mum and 2 sisters and it never crossed my mind that i would not have a girl after being surrounded by them my whole life......I hate the thought of only being the mother-in-law.......I had to have counselling as hubby wouldn't talk about it and didn't like to hear me.all i could do was cry anyway and same as you i just got sick of the stupid[but well meant comments] people made,usually the women with both children of both sexes........This site and particularly these gd threads have been my lifesavers,these and my journals....talking with others who know how you feel and don't judge,it's wonderful......I'm so sorry you didn't get your dream hun,wish there was a magic trick to make it all right,if you want to hold out and hope,you go for it......that willie might have been tucked away....actually with my second bub obgyn told me it was a girl WRONG.....so you never know:fingerscrossed:.....take care

[chocorama]

You feelings are totally valid, our minds can run away from us so quickly when we get hopeful for a certain sex. When we are set straight at the scan, it feels like we have lost something, because we have invested so much. Feeling grief seems natural to me, and I am sorry your family and friends aren't all supporting you through it as you would like. I wish everyone understood. Remember that each baby is unqiue, no matter what the sex, and even though you will have 3 girls they will both be so individual and discovering their personalities will be exciting and full of surprises along the way. You may not be having a boy, but you will have a whole new human being to get to know, I wonder if she will be boisterous, or calm, whether she will like sports, or reading, whether she will be social, or a homebody?Try opening yourself up to feel excited about meeting her and perhaps in time your grief will fade. All in your own time though, I know it's hard. Take care of yourself.

[jaesmummy]

No lectures.... just :hugs:.

[Readyfor4]

I know exactly how you are feeling.

I guess who cares what others think, but if you want a way of trying to make them understand tell them that you are mourning the possibility of never having that mother son relationship.

With me it had nothing to do with the baby I was carrying, I loved him no matter whta but I felt so terrible that I might not get to have a daughter, and I craved that mother-daughter relationship so much.

HTH a little. It does get easier with time.

[CrankyAndTired]

Good on you for being honest about how you feel. Its so taboo for us to acknowledge these feelings, which are actually quite common..

It will get easier.. Be gentle with yourself :hugs:

[The Girls Only Club]

Thanks
All the support here has been wonderful.I do love my little girl already just something keeps me from really believing she is a she.It wont be til I hold her in my arms that I think I will let go of my son.

I was reading another post and Halloweenmum made the perfect statement that fits how I feel

[QUOTE=halloweenmum;4392988]I have never understood GD either, however one very clever hubber explained it to me once like this:

"Its not about the baby you do have, its more about the one you dont have"QUOTE]

The woman who summed that up perfectly I thank you.I borrowed that from another thread also about GD.:yelclap:

[muls]

You can feel how eva you already feel, it's not for anyone to judge :hugs:.

I have 2 boys and would love to get a girl for our 3rd when we start trying. I don't know how I will feel if I never get a girl. You dream things and have hopes for the sex you want and don't have. It's just instinct to want to be able to watch both sexes grow learn and explore.
I know things will be forgotten once you hold your baby but I wish people would understand that these feelings are real and valid!!


:hugs:

[RHJ]

Good on you for being honest about how you feel. Its so taboo for us to acknowledge these feelings, which are actually quite common..

It will get easier.. Be gentle with yourself :hugs:

Well said! These are very common feelings, and it just isn't talked about enough. :hugs:


Thanks
All the support here has been wonderful.I do love my little girl already just something keeps me from really believing she is a she.It wont be til I hold her in my arms that I think I will let go of my son.

I was reading another post and Halloweenmum made the perfect statement that fits how I feel

[QUOTE=halloweenmum]I have never understood GD either, however one very clever hubber explained it to me once like this:

"Its not about the baby you do have, its more about the one you don't have"[QUOTE]

The woman who summed that up perfectly I thank you.I borrowed that from another thread also about GD.:yelclap:

I have always liked that explanation since i first read it. It is fantastic isn't it!

[MummyHas3boys]

Awwww :hugs: im sorry your feeling like this, and i can kind of understand.
When we fell PG with our first baby, I just had this mummy feeling that it was a boy.....DH and i both felt like this and at our 20 week ultrasound we were told it was a girl....i felt shocked, and saddened, i always wanted a boy first, to be the "big brother" looking out for his younger siblings, and when we heard it was a girl, while i was happy the baby was healthy, i was dissapointed.....but being our first, and knowing we will have more, the dissapointment didnt last long and before we knew it we were both extatic to be having a girl!
We went all out and bout tonns of pink stuff, clothes, blankets, sheets, wraps, teddies, dummies, everything......Anyway labor time came, bubba came out....and SHE acutally was a HE!!!!!!
We got our boy afterall, it was the BEST suprise that it was a boy afterall....apparently its easier to mistake a boy for a girl, then the other way around with u/s.

but anyways, at this point we had built ourselves up for a girl....we were calling the baby in my belly "taylah" when ever we talked about it when i was pregnant, and while we were over the moon with our precious boy, a big part of me "grieved" for "taylah" i went to hospital expecting to bring her home, and im bringing a boy home?!?! In a way i felt like i had lost "taylah" BUT i still loved our new son more then anything....

I rambeled a bit then didnt I!!! Sorry :o i just wanted you to know your not alone, and the feelings you have are so normal, and you have every right to "grieve" not having a boy......and remember anything is possible.......2 u/s said i was having a girl and i had a boy ( and no he isnt unusually little down there like a few friends have asked :laughing:) sometimes they just get it wrong!!!!

[mishla]

countrydeb i completely agree with everything you said
i found my 3rd daughter hurt the most it is so b@#$%y unfair is what i thought when my 4th daughter came i was upset but i took it much better even though i still grieve for my son i don't have so all feelings are valid you do what you must to make yourself feel better

[MamaMetcalfe]

:thumbsup: for a great thread!! When I got pregnant with DS I pretty much knew he would be a he as my mum & 2 older sisters had boys first but I was SO hoping to have a girl.

:iagree: family don't understand, they all say but he's healthy blah blah. I know he is healthy but I never saw myself having a boy & even 2yrs later I still get upset that I have him

DH is adamant he wants 2 kids but I know if I had of gotten my daughter I wouldnt be having a 2nd!!

For his 'hospital outfit' it was yellow & white winnie the pooh as I was hoping they had gotten his gender wrong. They didnt.

To all the IVF mums out there I know how hard it for you to conceive & I'm grateful my DS is happy & healthy but I wont apologise for my feelings.

:fingerscrossed: TTC #2 is my daughter Abigail!! & :fingerscrossed: for all you other hopefuls!

[Haydec]

:hugs: for you hun ,this was me about 10 months ago ,found out at my 20 week scan i was having my 4th boy and at 42 more than likely my last pregnancy too......Devastated was the word,shattered beyond belief,had let myself hope ,hope so much that this time i had my girl but not too be.........So rant,cry,scream,chuck a big pity party for yourself if it makes you feel better,i did all those things and more.........You are allowed to be disappointed[my counsellor said so] ,and really it's grieving for your son.......I was angry with God first[not religious at all but he's an easy one to blame],then myself for even hoping,then hubby but only slightly now i just feel ripped off.......I was so scared i wouldn't love him and i didn't right away[was so hoping the willie would have fallen off during labour] but now love him to bits but still so very sad i'll not have a daughter.....i grew up with my mum and 2 sisters and it never crossed my mind that i would not have a girl after being surrounded by them my whole life......I hate the thought of only being the mother-in-law.......I had to have counselling as hubby wouldn't talk about it and didn't like to hear me.all i could do was cry anyway and same as you i just got sick of the stupid[but well meant comments] people made,usually the women with both children of both sexes........This site and particularly these gd threads have been my lifesavers,these and my journals....talking with others who know how you feel and don't judge,it's wonderful......I'm so sorry you didn't get your dream hun,wish there was a magic trick to make it all right,if you want to hold out and hope,you go for it......that willie might have been tucked away....actually with my second bub obgyn told me it was a girl WRONG.....so you never know:fingerscrossed:.....take care

Hi Country Deb....I am familiar with your story as I was reading with interest these gender disappointment threads about 4 months ago whilst I was pregnant with my 3rd bub. I then had 2 boys and was quietly hoping my 3rd was a girl. Deep down I think I always knew it was a boy which was why I was reading these GD threads!! My 3rd son was born 10 weeks ago and I truly love him to pieces. I cannot say I am dissapointed with HIM at all, but the desire for a daughter is still there and perhaps stronger than ever.....
So, I am just wondering how you are going now. You mention counselling in your post-has this helped you a lot? Do you feel differently now? I hope you are going well.

[Krazy5]

Hi ladies

can totally relate to some of the feelings i had four girls to my previous marriage, all beautiful healthy girls but longed for a boy....

I met a great man and remarried in 07 and had our beautiful baby boy 11 weeks ago :) we feel so lucky and blessed.
:hugs: to you ladies

[jaymajes]

Well I'm 19 week pregnant, I have the boys. This time I wanted the whole suprise thing, so I don't have to spend another pregnancy being depressed about having a boy. I've been so happy until right now, I think I saw a nother bloody floaty thing on the side on view of my U/S today. I didn't want to know. Now I feel like crap, I feel like bawling my eyes out, I never wanted boys, not many people I know do either, mine already drive me insaine with how friggen busy they have to be. I thought I was happy with the boys I was given, then this unplaaned pregnancy happened, we almost terminated this pregnancy, now I wish I had of. I can't even stand the sight of the boys I have at the moment. I so deperately wanted just one girl, my mother gave us 3 girls up for a new relationship and a son, so I've never had the mother daughter connection that I crave for so desperately. We certainly have been punished for the rest of our lives, I want to throw myself under a train than put up with 4 boys until they leave home.

[tonyamanda]

Well I'm 19 week pregnant, I have the boys. This time I wanted the whole suprise thing, so I don't have to spend another pregnancy being depressed about having a boy. I've been so happy until right now, I think I saw a nother bloody floaty thing on the side on view of my U/S today. I didn't want to know. Now I feel like crap, I feel like bawling my eyes out, I never wanted boys, not many people I know do either, mine already drive me insaine with how friggen busy they have to be. I thought I was happy with the boys I was given, then this unplaaned pregnancy happened, we almost terminated this pregnancy, now I wish I had of. I can't even stand the sight of the boys I have at the moment. I so deperately wanted just one girl, my mother gave us 3 girls up for a new relationship and a son, so I've never had the mother daughter connection that I crave for so desperately. We certainly have been punished for the rest of our lives, I want to throw myself under a train than put up with 4 boys until they leave home.:hugs:i can understand that.. My son is a handful.. I was blessed with a girl but i can understand how hard boys can be.. apparently boys are easy teenagers and girls are harder as teens.. so i guess thats one thing for you to look forward to :hugs:

[MamaMetcalfe]

, I want to throw myself under a train than put up with 4 boys until they leave home.

we all get disappointed with things in life but I think talking to some1 would really help you. what would happen to your boys if you werent around?
:hugs: to you & for the future.
:fingerscrossed: all those boys give you lots of grandaughters to spoil!

[Krazy5]

apparently boys are easy teenagers and girls are harder as teens.. so i guess thats one thing for you to look forward to :hugs:

:iagree: oh my tonyamanda i think you have hit the nail on the head :goodvibes: my sister has 3 boys and they were a handful when little now they have grown up they are real gentlemen :shakehands: and on the other hand i have a 19 year old daughter that has given me grief since she turned 12 :hair: (12 is a nasty age...lol)
and i do believe my 10 year old daughter is heading the same way.......lol

jaymajes - :hugs:

[tonyamanda]

:iagree: oh my tonyamanda i think you have hit the nail on the head :goodvibes: my sister has 3 boys and they were a handful when little now they have grown up they are real gentlemen and on the other hand i have a 19 year old daughter that has given me grief since she turned 12 :hair: (12 is a nasty age...lol)
and i do believe my 10 year old daughter is heading the same way.......lol

jaymajes - yep once my brother turned 18 it was like he changed.. he loves mum and is just an awesome brother.. but my sister on the other hand.. :thumbsdown::laughing:

[sam's mum]

:hugs:

I think that we do it a disservice calling it gender disappointment.

we don't call depressed people sad....

it is more than 'just' disappointment, but it doesn't mean you don't love your kids.

It is a shame people sometimes can't understand how deeply this is felt.

[Aquamarine]

Pretty sure I am expecting my fourth boy also. Funnily enough I really thought I would be disappointed if I had another boy this time like I was with number three but for some reason I am relieved it may be a boy. It is the weirdest feeling for me. I do expect to feel a bit of disappointment at the girl I will never have in the future though so we'll see.

It is a tough thing to go through.

[GraceUnhearing]

i know how you feel

i love my boys i really do but i so long for a girl
we are finding out on the 22nd if this one is a boy or girl

hugs to you sweet

[1+1=5]

i know how you feel OP. I wanted to have 2 children only, a boy and a girl, but i desperately wanted a girl more than anything. i was upset when i found out my first was a boy because i knew i only had one more chance to have a girl. We then had Noah and i cried at the ultrasound and after as well. everyone was so heartless about it and not one person said i had every right to be upset that i didnt have my little girl.
we have gone back for #3 now, I feel like we took a big risk and i have a feeling its another little blue. to rub it in, in the past 8 months, of the 6 pregnancies around me, there have been 5 girls. i will find out whether this little bubba is a pink or blue in about 5 weeks. im still not ready to hear that i'm having another boy so i'm enjoying the possibility that there is a little girl baking in there...but in my heart of hearts, i know its another boy. GD is so difficult to deal with and you cant talk about it to ppl, no one is understanding and i have been shot down by mums that i should be happy either way...funny enough they have their daughters or pigeon pairs.

[jaymajes]

I'm feeling a little better about thing, b/c I still officially don't know what this litttle thing is yet. I'm more accepting of the boy thing, esp now I finally can have the name I'm wanted for the last 2 boys. For people who struggle to conceive, I'm sorry, but I no doubt deep down b/4 any one finds out what they're having, they have their little fanticies, you lot end up with the "perfect" family anyway. My boys aren't that bad, they're very loving, and my elsest boy (7) is just the most caring child, he's beautiful.

So, I'm only 1/2 way there, and "dont know" but I have convinced myself we're having a boy, so that by the time bubs comes, I'll either be only a bit disappointed or really shocked.

Thanks for your support.

[The Girls Only Club]

Im feeling better about bubs been a girl,think it has something to do with all the pretty pink clothes I can buy and the goergeous swimmers I got at my baby shower.So cute
I still talk to bubs asking if she has grown a penis yet.lol.I still hope when i finally have this bubs they will tell me its a boy.but I will be love it no matter what happens.
:hugs: to all of us experiencing GD

[SCORPIOGEMINI]

I can totally understand where you are coming from, cause I also have 2 daughters and am trying for a baby at the moment, and of course it would be nice to have a boy, BUT I was my mothers 4th daughter and when I was born my father didnt come to see me in the hospital instead he told my mother to give me up for adoption because I wasnt a boy. I am a great daughter and I love my father and I know how much he regrets that day when he wanted my mother to give me up. So I just remind myself of this and then I dont worry if I have another girl.:smiliedance:

[The Girls Only Club]

My nan had 2 girls then boy then another girl.
My mum had 2 girls then boy then girl.
My younger sister has 2 girls then boy.
My older sister has 3 girls.
My brother is childless.

My older sister has a different dad then the rest of us and I always said thats why she broke the mold and got 3 girls.(I know that has nothing to do with it)

Only 10(+/- a few) weeks to go til I hold my bubs in my arms

[SCORPIOGEMINI]

My elderst sister has 1 girl and currently pregnant with her second dont know the sex yet, my second elderst sister has 2 boys and my third sister has 2 girls and I have 2 girls, so there's definately more girls in my family. I truly dont know where I'd be without my sisters, especially the one above me she is my best friend.:hugs:

[sam72]

I think I know just how you feel. When I found out my second was going to be a girl I wasn't thrilled. I wanted another boy. Of course I love my daughter but I dreamed of having three sons. I really didn't disclose how I was really feeling to many people. Most family and friends were so excited when they found out I was having a girl. All the comments about pigeon pair etc etc just annoyed me. I wanted my son to have a brother so they had things in common. Not many people will understand especially those who desperately want girls. What I can say is that in my experience there's a HUGE difference between girls and boys and given that, I'd have boys any day. My son never whinged and whined the way my daughter does nor was he demanding and throwing tantrums all the time....okay I'll go now as I'm officially off the subject!!

[SCORPIOGEMINI]

I think I know just how you feel. When I found out my second was going to be a girl I wasn't thrilled. I wanted another boy.

Its funny you say that, cause I was with 2 of my friends today and they each have a boy and a girl and they said the exact opposite to you, they are having trouble with their son. It comes down to the childs characteristics not the gender I think.

For example I have 2 girls one is so quiet :cloud9:and the other is wild:smiliedance:. I guess thats just kids for you, they are constantly challenging us.