4 year old and Eating Problems.

[Kardia]

Hi :wave:
I'm wondering if someone can help me.
My 4 year old son has decided to stop eating, he was always a fussy eater, but for the last 8 months his gotten worse.
He now only eats bread, cheese, bbq shapes, cheese pizza, ice-cream and hot chips. I've taken him to the paediatrician 3 times whos suggested introducing new foods slowly or making it fun for him. I've tried taking him shopping to pick his own food, making food fun cooking together, bribery, starving him (literally for a day, he wouldn't give in) nothing works.
Last week he wanted ice-cream, I wouldn't give it unless he ate bananas with it, he agreed, I cut it up, put it in, turned away for a couple of mintes, he scoffed the ice-cream and left the bananas before I could take it away.
The other night we had friends over, we got fish and chips, he threw a tantrum because he wanted cheese pizza instead, I refused and said he could have some chips, but he wouldn't eat them. He then wanted bbq shapes so sat at the dinner table with us, while everyone else was eating fish and chips he was sitting there with a plate full of biscuits? I was so embaressed because I know people judge me, like he's spoilt and I always give in, but they don't understand what I go through on a day to day basis.

For the last 3 days he's had diarea, he gets this alot due to the fact of his poor diet. Today he wouldn't eat anything, I fried some chips and he wouldn't even eat those, I tried to force him and he spewed them back up (which he also does when force fed) he wanted ice-cream instead and I could have killed him! I sent him to bed instead.

I'm at my wits end over this, nothing is working and no professional can help. He's a healthy weight, happy, lively, but I worry so much about this. I keep waiting for it to pass or for him to grow out of it, but will he ever? Has anyone got any suggestions or experience with this? Your help or any suggestions at all would be much appreciated.

Kardia x

[becca022]

I don't have any suggestions.. but just wanted to let you know we're going the same thing with our 4 year old ds.
He'll only eat.
Weetbix
Toast
Bread
Cheeseburgers
Sausage rolls
& spaghetti.

Most days are hard, but we're getting there with his diet.
He's slowly opening up to new foods even if he only has them once or twice.

We've learnt to just take it day by day & to learn when to pick our battles with him.

[Bubs'n'Roses]

I can't help you either, but am going through it with our 4year old.

Perhaps its the age????

[ManekiNeko]

f you take all those foods away they simply can't eat them. When I found out DD was autistic I only gave her healthy options and it wasn't easy at first but she got over it. Now she will ocassionally ask for those things but doesn't really react when I say no. She also doesn't ask at home becasue she knows that we never have those things in the house. She does however only drink water daily and eat healthy foods because that's all we have.

[crazymuma]

I have a super fussy 5 year old so understand its not as easy as only have healthy options - I did the starvation thing under doctors supervision - i think it was the 3rd day my son actually passed out - doctor said never again.

I think the only thing you are doing wrong is giving in with ice cream and chips. Its all about balance - they won't eat much but find the few decent things they will eat and go from there.
Giving in with chips and ice cream will just make the problem worse.

For example my sons diet consists of fish, chicken and steak -ham and cheese toasted sandwiches, toast, cheese/cheese sticks and muesli bars. - seriously THATS ALL HE EATS. Its sucks but it means that when he is hungry I can't just reach for a peice of fruit - I cook. If we go out for dinner then I take something he will eat with me.

If you know they will eat something (even fish and chips) and they refuse thats not a fussy eater thats a good old fashioned tantrum - and giving in with biccies has just shown him how to get them next time.

Also a daily vitamin is a good idea - can't remember the name of the one we use - its in a yellow box - will find out name tomorrow if you want (I am in bed right now)

[Pinkzy]

f you take all those foods away they simply can't eat them. When I found out DD was autistic I only gave her healthy options and it wasn't easy at first but she got over it. Now she will ocassionally ask for those things but doesn't really react when I say no. She also doesn't ask at home becasue she knows that we never have those things in the house. She does however only drink water daily and eat healthy foods because that's all we have.

:iagree: Yep, this would be my approach too.

When my husbands daughter was coming here every 2nd weekend (She's also Autistic) she would demand junk food as it's all she'll eat at home...only because that's what she is given and her mother always gives in to her demands.

Anyway, we simply banned all junk food and the only options she was given were healthy food. If she didn't want water then she was allowed cordial (sometimes) or juice. It was simply a matter of eat it or don't eat lol. After a couple of weekends she got the message.

[ManekiNeko]

I just wanted to add with behaviour or eating my DD puts up more resistance to DP than me becasue he usually would give in. She doesn't with me becasue she knows the answer will always be the same. Building that kind of relationship though wasn't something that happened overnight and I think that's why DP gets frustrated when he tries because he thinks it's going to happen quickly where as that relationship between DD and I has built up over the years of her knowing that I make the decisions and don't fold. Also the foods you mentioned would be full of preservatives additives and sugar which would be affecting his behaviour as it did my DD. As soon as it was all out of her system I notice her behaviour changed too and she was less resistant. Before I really put my foot down as well I used to think she wouldn't eat anything but unhealthy food and I assumed she would refuse things so I just gave up trying to offer.

[Opinionated]

The key is to take the fight and anger out of it. Don't bribe, or try and convince him to eat. Present him with healthy food, if he doesn't eat it, let him go. Don't get upset or angry, it only lets him know that he has the power to upset you. 4 year olds have little power in their lives, controlling what he eats and you in the process is one power he has. He may not eat for a couple of days, so long as he is drinking, he will be ok. Eventually, he will eat.

[ManekiNeko]

Don't get upset or angry, it only lets him know that he has the power to upset you. 4 year olds have little power in their lives, controlling what he eats and you in the process is one power he has. He may not eat for a couple of days, so long as he is drinking, he will be ok. Eventually, he will eat.


:iagree:

I remember as a young child If I wanted somethign from my parents I always went to my mum because I knew eventually she couldn't handle it and gave in. I still would try with my Dad but after a few knock backs would give u because I knew he would keep saying no no mater what. I think they know they have the power to control the situation by past experiences so they will always keep going till you give in. Another thing that helped my DD was that she had issues mostly with food textures so I went back to pureeing all her food and spoon feeding her again and after a while her attitudes to food changed and we don't puree anymore now.

[crazymuma]

The key is to take the fight and anger out of it. Don't bribe, or try and convince him to eat. Present him with healthy food, if he doesn't eat it, let him go. Don't get upset or angry, it only lets him know that he has the power to upset you. 4 year olds have little power in their lives, controlling what he eats and you in the process is one power he has. He may not eat for a couple of days, so long as he is drinking, he will be ok. Eventually, he will eat.


Sorry but you are wrong - they don't all start to eat before becoming sick - my son didn't. He is stubborn as anything and was happier passing out then eating some fruit or vegies. MY DOCTOR WARNED ME TO NEVER TRY THIS AGAIN!!!

[ManekiNeko]

Sorry but you are wrong - they don't all start to eat before becoming sick - my son didn't. He is stubborn as anything and was happier passing out then eating some fruit or vegies. MY DOCTOR WARNED ME TO NEVER TRY THIS AGAIN!!!

I was agreeing with the part about control not so much the not offering if they don't eat. I totally see where you are coming from on this because my DD was the same she wouldn't feel hungry. I did however not get angry or upset I would just sit wiht her for however long it took till she ate whatever we had. We would sit outside and that's all no moving or doing anything till we ate the food. I think you can try to make them eat without being agressive or forceful though. I know withholding food from autistic children can be very dangerous (not that we are talking about autistic children specifically) so should always be avoided.

[Opinionated]

Sorry but you are wrong - they don't all start to eat before becoming sick - my son didn't. He is stubborn as anything and was happier passing out then eating some fruit or vegies. MY DOCTOR WARNED ME TO NEVER TRY THIS AGAIN!!!

So what did your doctor suggest? Just keep feeding him crap? In your case I would give him some fortified milk drinks (like sustagen) but I still would not feed him what he wanted. The only choice would be healthy choices.

[JATS]

We only ever have healthy options in the house, and we rarely (2-3 times a year) ever eat take away (when we do it's thai :laughing:)

DS (4.5) had chips and soft drink at a friends house recently and when he got home that's all he wanted to eat, but we don't have them as we never buy them, so I showed him these things were nowhere in the kitchen. I let him search the fridge and pantry himself and then let him choose from the fridge/pantry what he wanted to eat.

I would say remove bbq shapes, cheese pizza, ice-cream and hot chips from your shopping list. No take out period. If it isn't in the house it can't be given to him, and you can prove to him it isn't there, then show him what is there and let him choose.

[Dannielle]

Whenever I hear about fussy eaters I'm so grateful that my fussy eaters (but getting better now that they are older) have always loved their fruit.

What I would do is sit him down with you and get him to help work out what you will all have for dinner for the week and do the shopping list for what you need etc. I would say ok you like cheese pizza, lets make that one meal. Do you make them yourself? Because I would do that too. We do pizza's sometimes with the bakers delight pizza base which my girls like rolling out. Then plan the other meals.

I wouldn't give in with things like bbq shapes and ice cream. In fact my girls never have any shapes at all as we would have tantrums galore here as they effect them all quite badly and they are 10yo and 2x 6yo. I did used to add extra things to their plates though like a piece of bread with margarine, cucumber, capsicum etc because they hate veges or plain rice/pasta.

[logiesmummy]

In my opinion every kid is different ans we cannot judge other people because what works for us dosn't work for them.

My DS is extremely fussy. Its only in the last three months wil he eat spag bol. And in the last 7 montsh that he has eaten bread. Otherwise akkl his diet consisted of was chicken, chips, apples, Grapes, Cheese and saladas. I was beside myself. We seen a Peaditrician, Dietian, Psychologist. And they all told me that the more i fight and force him to eat the more issues i will have.

since i have relaxed and more paitent he is slowly improveing in his eating. Two days a week hi gets offered a new meal. 9 times out of 10 he will try the meal. In the last 9 months he is eating heaps more. will actually sit down and eqat a meal with us. Loves heaps more fruit.

The hardest thing with having a fussy child is the critisim. My sil is constently telling me its my fault he is fussy. She even made him go with out anything to eat as he didn't eat pizza (i had supplied his tea) when she looked after him awhile back.

So my advice is to do what works for you. I have the surprise fairy who come when he trys a new meal. That works for me may not work for you.

[becca022]

I think most of ds' feeding issues is a phobia of food. He's been this way since he had gastro at 19 months. He would eat anything before that. He's also got a sensitive gag reflex, so that combined with a severe developmental delay has made him scared.

[crazymuma]

So what did your doctor suggest? Just keep feeding him crap? In your case I would give him some fortified milk drinks (like sustagen) but I still would not feed him what he wanted. The only choice would be healthy choices.


I'm sorry I must have missed the part where I said I only feed my child crap!!

While he doesn't eat fruit and veg he has either cereal or toast for breaky - lunch is usually grilled fish or some other meat and dinner is usually the same with plenty of veggies if he chooses to eat them. In between for snacks he eats either rice crackers, popcorn or muesli bars. He will eat dried fruit but I try and limit that. I think you have my post confused as he doesn't get to eat junk food very often at all.

My doctor isn't overly concerned as I have a healthy bright energetic child - he is in no way suffering due to his diet.

Oh and can I just add I also have another child - one that loves fruit and vegies!!

[Kardia]

Thanks so much for taking the time to reply, I really appreciate it :)
I think I will keep presisting, not get angry or force him and not react and hopefully it will get better and he'll be interested in more things over time.
I will take the no junk policy on board, it's hard when it's the only thing he'll eat. Today he wanted ice-cream when he'd only had milk for breakfast. After a few tears I convinced him to have lunch (grilled cheese sandwich) instead. I told him (nicely) ice-cream is no longer an option for him when he's not eating properly because it'll hurt his tummy, so it is now only a special treat and must be earned. He understood and was content with that.

Kardia x

[BoyCrazy]

omg, im so glad i found this thread!!!

my ds1 is 4 and EXACTLY like this!! he is SOOO fussy!!!!

i will come back later and expand more, but have to get the kids to bed..

but wow, thankyou op for starting this thread, its so great to know im not alone with my fussy 4yr old!!!

[1+1=5]

i think your little man knows that if he is persistent enough, he will get what he wants. i would remove all junk (or anything you don't want him eating) and just tell him "if you find it in the fridge/pantry, you can have it". my kids can be fussy too but they get really annoying if we have something like ice cream in the freezer. don't ever give in or he will learn that persistence with you will pay off.

good luck, this is a really tough one and it sounds like you have tried a lot of different techniques that i would have suggested. :hugs:

[biscotti]

:hugs: It can be a hard road I know.

I have a 3.5 yr old who really struggles with food and she was a baby and then toddler who ate anything.

Now she eats apples, vegemite toast, rice cakes with hommus, corn, cheese, yoghurt, peanut butter sandwiches, capsicum strips with some sour cream to dip it into and that's about it. She drinks milk or water but the milk is a very recent addition.
I have three other children who will eat anything not nailed down, including smoked salmon, pate, olives, kiwi fruit etc
This is a household that is pretty much junk free, it's not part of our lifestyle so she's not holding out for that I promise.
Everyone we have seen has said what a previous pp said, to keep mealtimes stress free otherwise more issues will follow on. She also has some anxiety with many situations so we think this thing with food is tied up with that somehow.

:hugs:

[gi_jo]

My friend's DD who is 3 is a very fussy eater. If you live in Brisbane there is a fussy eaters program at the University of Queensland which my friend and her daughter have been participating in.

It involves them filming your child at mealtime and also you attending the university for 3 or 4 weeks and then participating via phone for the following 3 or 4 weeks. My friend met other parents with similar stories so if nothing else it is nice to know you are not alone.

[Veritas]

DD is not quite 3.5 and very much the same....

We don't have a lot of unhealthy choices on offer, so her diet is OKish, but not particularly varied, and vegies are an absolute no no....

She will usually eat rice crackers, yoghurt, vegemite or peanut butter sandwiches/toast, weetbix, potato chips/smilies, nuggets, sausages, occassionally banana's, nutrigrain, a teeny bit of pasta or rice, and other bits and pieces....

She was a fabulous eater as a bub so it just makes it even more frustrating...

I manage to sneak some stuff in here and there thanks to some cool recipes, but it's more bakegoods than anything..... its amazing what you can put in a smoothie too.... and vegie juices can be handy....

I also have DD on a multivitamin, which strangely, she takes no worries.... and when she occassionally decides she doesn't really want to eat at all, I bulk up her milk with sustagen....

She is another one who only giving her new options simply wouldn't work for.... she would rather not eat at all than give in....

[c38]

Thanks so much for taking the time to reply, I really appreciate it :)
I think I will keep presisting, not get angry or force him and not react and hopefully it will get better and he'll be interested in more things over time.
I will take the no junk policy on board, it's hard when it's the only thing he'll eat. Today he wanted ice-cream when he'd only had milk for breakfast. After a few tears I convinced him to have lunch (grilled cheese sandwich) instead. I told him (nicely) ice-cream is no longer an option for him when he's not eating properly because it'll hurt his tummy, so it is now only a special treat and must be earned. He understood and was content with that.

Kardia x

Just wanted to say :yelclap: Sounds like you did a great job. I think your idea of persisting, and trying not to react as well as explaining calmly to him that some things are not an option because they are not healthy for him to have all the time, sounds great.

[lovelymum]

We have been attending a joint clinic run by our local hospital (Frankston hospital) with a dietician and speech pathologist. My DD was diagnosed with an oral food adversion and has also been been classed and an extreme fussy eater - she only eats crackers and chips. THATS IT! I dont listen to what people say about well you should starve her, you are the one feeding it to her. Starvation is not the answer and the speechy and dietitician have both strongly advised against as it is immoral and unethical and that once the child cracks and finally eats (thats if they do) that the vicious circle would only start again. We have regular appointments and are learning some stratergies involving messy food play, games, etc... We have had some success!! Maybe check with your local hospital and make an appointment to see the dietician they will advise if a combined clinic would be helpful. I would also like to add before anyone has a chance to bag me about my DD's diet that she is on a hospital grade liquid supplement 3 times a day under the supervision of our pead and has regular blood work so we can stay on top of her anemia etc.. Best of luck please feel free to PM me if you need any help.