Birth Mothers

[edithandemmasmum]

I am curious to know if any adoptive parents have contact with their childrens' birth mothers and how they find this.

My sister is law is adopted and she has just turned 18. She managed to find her birth mother so she wrote her a letter to introduce herself and explain that she would like to meet her, etc.

She received the rudest letter in response, the birth mother told her she wants nothing to do with her, not to bother contacting her or her Husband/children and that she regrets having her :(

My sister in law is pretty devastated,as she has for many years, wanted contact with her birth mother and to find out if she has any brothers/sisters. Apparently she has 2 or 3 sisters (the birth mother's daughters) but they are only primary school aged, so I suppose if the birth mother refuses to allow her any contact with them, then there isn't very much she can do about it?

I'd appreciate hearing anyone's thoughts/experiences. Thank you. :flowerz:

[jackie7]

mmm! normally you have to go though DOCS/DHS or one of the agencies before being able to make contact (well that's what I thought).

In which case there would have been a 'bar' on being contacted by the birth mother if she didn't want contact.

http://www.bensoc.org.au/parc/

http://www.bensoc.org.au/parc/director/counselling.cfm

There could be a number of reasons why the BM is not willing to have reinfunction occur at this point. The first one that springs to my mind is that she may not have disclosed to her current partner or her other children about the birth and adoption of your SIL.

But there could be a range of reasons.


Have a look at the above links and they might be able to be of assistance or at least point you all in the right direction to find out more.

[BigRedV]

mmm! normally you have to go though DOCS/DHS or one of the agencies before being able to make contact (well that's what I thought).

In which case there would have been a 'bar' on being contacted by the birth mother if she didn't want contact.



:iagree:

my sister adopted out a baby when she was 16. The child is now about 30/31 and depsite my sister being on the register, her son has not tried at all to make contact with her and it breaks her heart.

[CookiesRYum]

my brother in law is also adopted and has had a similar experience.. he wrote her a letter and she said the same thing... that she wanted nothing to do with him and regretted ever having him..

he went through appropriate government channels to search for her and during that process he also found his sister (who was over 18)... the governement group linked them up and they now have a good relationship although their birth mother wants nothing to do with either of them..

it may be that your SIL will have to wait until her sisters are over 18 before the government will provide contact details to them?

good luck..

ps. off track but my DH is IVF and just found his donor dad about 3 yrs ago; they now have a great relationship...

[kiki07]

mmm! normally you have to go though DOCS/DHS or one of the agencies before being able to make contact (well that's what I thought).


It depends what info you have on the birth family. If birth parents had some contact with the adoptive family initially, or the adoptive family has birth parents names and possible other details, then through electoral rolls and other sources, you can contact them (there is no law against it). This can work out, or can be quite painful for one or both parties, depending on the circumstances.

My sibling (who was adopted into our family) has had contact with her birth mum, dad, and extended family after seeking them out after she turned 18. Some of these contacts have been really beneficial and on-going. Others have had setbacks, but slowly the relationships are getting better.