Unhappy with Dad :(

[titania]

I have a beautiful 8 week old girl and my husband and I have decided to mostly use an AP model for looking after her. I am really struggling at the moment due to a combination of things and need some advice on how to deal with it.

She doesn't sleep a lot during the day - maybe 2 1hr sleeps and is awake the rest of the time. She has short plays on her mat but the rest if the time wants to be held, so a fair amount of my day is spent carrying her. I have a baby bjorn, which I am using, so that's pretty well managable, although there are some tasks I just can't do with her on me, so I try to get them done on one of her infrequent sleeps.

She tends to cry every night from about 10pm - 1am. We have been assured that it is normal colic behaviour and will settle down, but it is very distressing.

This wasn't too much of a problem until recently. DH comes home and used to take over a lot of the cuddling in the evening so that I could have a break, however lately she has been miserable with him. She just crys and crys, but as soon as I take her she settles (unless it is in that 10pm -1am time when she will keep crying although it is lessened compared to with Dad)

I realy don't know what to do - I know that if I take her she will calm down, but at the same time, I am reaching the end of my tether as I need some time for me too. But that 'me' time is almost useless, cos if I'm not holding her I am listening to her crying.

If anyone has any suggestions on either how I manage her through this I would be so grateful. And if you know anything about how I can help her to be happier with her dad again??? He used to be so good with her and I feel lost now that I know passing her to him will only make her cry :(

[cheezelkat]

:hugs: Is Dad comfortable popping the baby in its carrier in this time? What about him going for a drive with the bub for an hour so you can have mum time?

I know it seems a long time away, but it will get better. :hugs: Hang in there! Worst case scenario? Leave the baby with Dad and have a long hot shower with the door closed. Its 15 minutes of complete freedom.

Is bub breast or bottle fed?

[reAllytee]

They go through periods of this unfortunately :hugs:
Just try & let your hubby have some time with her when its possible & if you can stay near while he has her so she can smell you & know your there.
Your mummy, mummy is the one who is the bearer of food, cuddles, love & attention not saying that daddy doesnt give this ( besides food if being b/f lol ! ) its just its different for them especially when after 9mths your all that they really know.
It will pass dont stress i know its hard not to when you want 5mins alone but just slowly transitioning over to daddy will hopefully make life easier.
If your hubby can take bubs in the carrier this may calm her also.
I went through this with my bubs for 3-4mths & it is hard but soon enough they will become so independant you want those days back :hugs:

[the_queen]

Have you tried a different kind of baby carrier? I've never used a baby bjorn - I had a snuggli which is kinda the same thing - I have a Hug A Bub now for DS and he goes to sleep almost instantly in it. I've heard that it is also really good for colicky babies, but to be honest I didn't really read that bit of the website because I had no need for it. I wish I had some better advice for you. Don't hate me, but DS is pretty much the perfect baby *ducks flying projectile*.
DD however, was extremely colicky and I spent many many MANY hours pacing the hallway with her. I guess all I can say is, this too shall pass. Babies do pick up on the emotions of parents, which doesn't help you because by me telling you that your stress is stressing the baby out, that just makes you stress more doesn't it :( So I wish I had some advice. It didn't last too long (felt like it at the time though!) at about 12 weeks she suddenly improved 100% and was much better, was sleeping 10pm-5am at 12 weeks (not every night... but enough nights to allow me to get a good-ish nights sleep).

Oh one thing that did work with DD was laying her along your arm, and flinging her out and around a bit. Sounds weird, and make sure you've got plenty of space around you - but a MW suggested it and it did work. Moves the air bubbles along, and helps to distract bub from the discomfort of colic. Hand on bubs crotch, body along your arm, bubs' head in the crook of your elbow. Then with your upper arm staying still against your body, move lower arm (with baby on it) around and back again. The faster the better, we found.

Also, there's Brauer's Colic Relief. I haven't used it myself but have heard wonderful things about it. It's all natural too. Maybe some baby chiropractic? Or that cranial osteopathy? I've heard great things about those two therapies as well.

Good luck mate, and in regards to bubby wanting you more than daddy - that's just coz you've got the food :D Maybe DH could wear a tshirt of yours, that you've been wearing, that you've leaked on. It will make him smell like you. Or you could squirt him with breastmilk :p

[titania]

thanks for your advice and support guys, I will try your suggestions tonight and see if we can get through a bit better.

Oh and Cheezelkat - I'm breast feeding, which sometimes feels like the one thing that is going right, it has been an absolute breeze! :D

[Reidymac]

Nothing can replace the comfort of mum's embrace but sometimes dad's embrace can be a little more acceptable to baby if he smells more like you. :o It's a bit embarrassing to admit but when our children were very little my husband would swaddle them in my most recently worn shirt, or stuff my bra into his top pocket. It worked a treat. Helped them calm enough to feel OK in daddy's arms and begin to bond more and become more familiar with his comforting embrace (while i got to have a short rest or a shower). A couple of times we even lay a soft tshirt in the bassinet to help with sleeping. Might be worth a try:)

Just wanted to add, the gross, milk stained and sweaty ones worked the best. :o I think I might have been a bit too subtle in the above paragraph.:laughing:

[cheezelkat]

Have you tried co-sleeping at night? Sometimes it can help these things immensely.

You could also try infant massage and deep relaxing baths with baby - your partner can even do thiese two!).

I wish I had more advice but I don't have a coliky baby. I do have the fussy baby book by dr sears (who coined the term AP parenting) - I shall look later for you and see what advice is there!

[Mrs AJC]

I have tried the Brauer 'Colic Relief' and it did seem to work for a few days then it started up again. We were given a cuddle bear (well actually it is a lion cuddling its own little blanket which we have named 'lion-blankey') for bub and I was advised to stuff it down my top for a couple of hours to soak up the smell of me but without getting it covered in milk or anything else then only give it to the baby when it is sleep time, it didn't take long for him to know what it meant when we give him 'lion-blankey'. Now it is a very quick way to calm bub.
I found a huge difference when I took bub out to the dog park with our dog (if you don't have a dog - maybe just a walk somewhere nice) every day from 4pm till he started getting cranky then home for half a feed to ease the crankyness then nudie time, bath time, then feed till sleepy - this might mean that he doesn't actually go to bed till around 8 or 9pm but he would sleep for about 6-8 hrs after that, sometimes even more.

The other thing is maybe the bub is having a bit of reflux (heartburn) which gets worse as the day goes on, try putting something under the mattress to raise it slightly at one end and have a look at how your hubby is holding the bub, maybe you are holding bub with her head up more than your hubby is so it feels better when you hold her as apposed to how hubby is holding her. We had to have the mattress raised or our bub wouldn't sleep for more than 20mins at a time, and feeding became a nightmare because everytime I put him horizontal he would scream.

Hope any of this helps. It does get better. Tell hubby not to get disheartened it wont be long before he is the flavour of the month.

Ohh, one last thing - try putting some classical music on, that really helped us, it calmed the mood of the house which calmed the bub.

[faery]

hug a bub:thumbsup: the only thing that worked with our little fusspot. nothing really to add from the other suggestions except that it does get better. at four 1/2 months, we have had 3 freaking out crying free days!!! i never thought it would happen but it does. have u checked out Dr william sears book "fussy babies"?? it was a lifesaver for me when i was thinking it would never end and we'd be in this screaming hell forever!
good luck with it:hugs:

[FunkyMonkey]

DS went through a stage of only wanting to be held by me and not wanting to be put down at all. he also had horrible colic but we found Donnalix Drops fantastic. He went from nightmare baby to little angel in about 2 doses.