Could you live away from your kids?

[nothanksbye]

A friend of mine has just given custody over to her ex.

She has met a new man and he is from norway , so she is moving.
Her ex is a great dad and prepared to be sole carer. Her DD is 3.

I just cant even imagine how hard it would be.

But she says it will make her happy and therefore a better parent.

But what are the choices? what else could she do?

Just thought it was an interesting and difficult choice and wondered how others would feel or other pov's.

[AM]

I could NEVER do it. I cannot get my head around the fact that my ex is quite happy to only see his sons for a few hours a week...

I would die if I did not see my kids every day without fail.

[Nomsie]

Nope I couldn't. :no:

The guy would have to come here, or I would just live without him.

I couldn't possibly live without my boys. But I suspect that is because I have been their sole carer since day dot- DP helps in his own way, but I feed, clothe, change, put to sleep, clean etc etc.

They are always with me... and I just couldn't live without them.

ETA: See sig? They are my life lol!

[*Chels*]

No way!!I havent even spent a NIGHT away from my kids!!I am going away for a girls weekend for 2 whole nights in March,I am gonna miss them sooo much,and worried they will be Ok without me!!!
Of course,I trust my husband completely,and he is totally capable to look after them,but no way if we ever split up,I could move COUNTRIES without them!!!
No way,now way,no way!!!!:no:

[Areca]

I couldn't do it personally but I do know people who have and they have still maintained a loving relationship with their child/ren.

[Annabella]

No could never ever live away from them, I think I would seriously struggle with 50/50 custody if we split up.

No offense to your friend, I'm sure she has her reasons for doing what she is doing and I don't want to judge her, but I don't get how its going to make her a batter parent if she's not actually there? Like its not as if she is going to have her on weekends or anything, the contact they have will be minimal being that far away.

One of my friends mum's left the dad and kids when we were about 15, she was the oldest of 3. The fact that her mum chose to leave her (as well as the dad) was SHATTERING for all the kids, I know they were older, and its a bit different, but it has taken years to rebuild their relationship, its still a work in progress 15 years later, especially with the girls.

I feel sorry for your friend coz I don't think she is aware of the long term effect being left by a parent can have on their relationship with the child.

[moozle]

There is NO WAY I could do it. I couldn't survive the night without my DS.

Is she a bad parent? I'm really confused? How could she even consider doing this? Of course she has options. Why can't this guy come over here and live with her? As far as I'm concened, when you are with somone who has children, it's part of your responsibility to take them on as well as the person you love. It's all part of the package. How on earth can it possibly make her a better parent?! Only if she was terrible to begin with as she wont be in the life of her daughter :( Very sad and selfish in my opinion... unless her daughter truely is better off without her and if she can just walk out of her life like this, then maybe she is?

[nothanksbye]

he cant live here. He has over stayed his visa and now has a 3 year ban.

[TurnedBatty]

I have often said how I feel stuck living where we are now, like there is no freedom to move. SS is twenty minutes one way, BS is twenty minutes the other! So we are right between both their other houses.

However I know a time will come when BS will probably want to live with his Dad, especially if they do move to Canberra. Not for a while though! H ewould have to be a teenager!

I do believe though that it depends who is moving. I dont think its right to jump up and move and take the kid/s with you, leaving the other parent behind. I think the person who moves (far away obviously, not just one town away) should be the person who gives up custody. I think your friend is right in that instance, but I wouldnt move in the first place.....

[SassyMummy]

I don't see how it could make anyone a better parent. Moving overseas makes you an absent parent, not a better one.

I think it's a cop out tbh.

I say this as the mother of a child who has lost her father in a similar way - he's moved overseas to be with a girl, thus abandoning our daughter.

[Myztiks#1Fan]

tbh there have been times i thought that coop would be better in someone elses care and i just saw him whenver i could and wanted but i now realise the best place for him is to be with me. it works for some to be better parents and the children are often better off for some parents to do that.

if that is what works best for your friend and her little one and her ex is willing and wanting to have the little one, i hope it works out well

[Amara]

Not that far away.

IMHO if you move to the other side of the world from a toddler you are not being a parent at all. I can't understand how she can possibly say that she'll be a better parent when she's not even going to be in the same hemisphere as her flesh and blood.

No man is worth giving up your child for. I hope for her sake the relationship lasts because if it doesn't & she has to return to Australia it's very unlikely her daughter will welcome her back in to her life.

[PeppaH]

hrmm tough question. Not while they are young I dont think so. However I would be willing to give them up if I thought I was a threat to them. I would always put their safety before my happiness.

[delirium]

I would die if I did not see my kids every day without fail.

Same. However difficult my DS is, I would shrivel up and die without my kids. A friend of a friend gave sole custody to her ex and only sees the kids about once a week. She has been having a midlife crisis for a couple of years now, partying, bringing all these randoms back to her house, so maybe it's better that way. I try not to judge but I just don't get how she can be so happy without her kids.

[Misheycat]

Definitely not, just working with DH at home with my DD is bad enough as I wish I was with her :(. I'm not single mind you, but I would choose my DD over a man any day!

[Fuchsia!]

Im actually quite surprised at how many people said they wouldn't for their OWN reasons.

I have thought about this before, and i have to say YES i would. IF it was what is best for my children.

Of course it would kill me, and i would be devastated, but at the end of the day the welfare of my children come 1st over my own emotional needs.

Of course i would seek all other options 1st and make sure it was the last resort, but yes if it was to benefit the children then i would do it, no matter how hard it was.

i actually know of someone who has done this. She split up with her ex and he took the kids, she had to fight him out in court to get them back. In the end she decided to leave them with the father because after a few years they had grown to see him as their sole carer. She had visits on weekend from them.

i asked her why didn't she keep fighting to get them, she said that it was in the kids best interest to stay with him and it killed her that she couldn't see her kids everyday but she knew it was what was best for them.

[sweetseven]

It is easy to say "no, never" but sometimes circumstances hapen to make you reconsider.

Remember times of old, children were sent away to boarding school to get a better education.

My father s in the situation where his new wife took the children to her home country to visit her mother, and just didn't come back. He keeps going over there to see them, but has to keep coming back to work.

In my own situation, I always wanted to live in the country and raise my children on a farm. I've been trapped in the city for the past twenty years, and dont feel it is fair for me to continue being trapped here. Thus, when the opportunity presents itself, I will move out to the county. I would love for my children to come with me, but it will be their decisions. The teenagers will likely elect to stay with their father in the city, but I still expect them to come visit for hollidays. And there is always the chance, however small, that they might choose to stay.

[naiwen]

I would die if I did not see my kids every day without fail.

This :)

[moozle]

he cant live here. He has over stayed his visa and now has a 3 year ban.

Well why should her child be punnished because he did the wrong thing? I think if it's meant to work out between the two of them, they should make the long distance thing work until he's allowed back in the country or else appeal the decision made about the visa.

[crazymuma]

The way I see it is I congratulate your friend for being honest enough to herself to realise that she doesn't want to be a full time parent. Seriously for those who judge her would you rather she does what society expects and raise them full time to only abuse/neglect/resent them.

I know a couple of mothers who should have done this a long time ago and they agree but they won't as they worry about what people (society/family/friends) would think about them.

Okay now that I have said that I would never leave my children behind for anything at all. I can't get my head around sendthing them anywhere for a weekend let alone forever.

[sockstealingpoltergeist]

No I couldn't, and any mother or father who does is a selfish jerk.

When you have children you need to grow up and put their needs first, if you can't do that then seek professional help and stop being so self centred.

[Fuchsia!]

The way I see it is I congratulate your friend for being honest enough to herself to realise that she doesn't want to be a full time parent. Seriously for those who judge her would you rather she does what society expects and raise them full time to only abuse/neglect/resent them.

I know a couple of mothers who should have done this a long time ago and they agree but they won't as they worry about what people (society/family/friends) would think about them.



I agree. I know of at least one mother that should have handed over her children to their father for the sake of their children. But instead she holds onto them cause it would hurt her too much to let the father have custody

[MummaBear03]

The only way I would do it is if I wasn't able to look after my child, due to accident or illness or she was simply better off somewhere else. She is not better off anywhere else with anyone else and she was over 5 years of age before I even left her with my mum overnight when she sees my mum a lot of the time.

I agree with Sassy, it makes you an absent parent not a better parent.

In the case of marriage breakdown, if I was with someone who would make a better parent than I could be, I would hope to be strong enough to allow the child to be with the best parent. If that were the case with this person, the father is the better parent, then I think it's a very noble thing to do. If it's because of a new lover then I find it selfish.

[spoon]

My life is only worth living because of my children. May seem sad for some, but to me it is true. I would die a million million times before I could ever live with out my beautiful children.

[jaq]

Commenting specifically on the OP, I certainly hope that she has made an unselfish decision based on the fact that her ex is the better full-time parent.

Even so, moving to another country relieves her of being any sort of parent at all.

Unless she was an actively bad parent - abusive or neglectful - I can't see this is anything other than abandonment.

I would think it would be damaging if the child in question was 12 or 15, but a 3yo? I look at my nearly three year old, and it makes me cry, to be honest.

A child so young needs her mummy. Even if she has the best Daddy in the world - she needs her mummy.

What on earth is she going to tell her daughter in years to come when she is asked why she left? Because a new relationship was more important than her own child?

:gloomy:

[Erin21]

If its in the best interest for the child. I dont think she is a bad parent for doing what she see's is best for the child.

[sandy cheeks]

I would/could never leave my babies in another country not even just for a holiday.
I know of a few friends who have given custody to their ex as a mum (I am sorry if I offend) I just dont get it for what ever reason and I find it very selfish to leave kids (that you decided to have) just for some bloke. In most cases that relationship wont work but you have the kids for life I just dont get it.

[SassyMummy]

I think there's a big difference between choosing to be the non-custodial parent, and choosing to be the non-custodial parent and moving overseas.

I can understand and accept that in some cases, it's better for a child to be with their father full-time, rather than their mother... and that's fine. To move OVERSEAS though is pathetic - it's not about being a good parent, it's about ignoring your responsibilities as a parent... because honestly, the only kind of parenting you can do from that distance is offering a little financial assistance here and there and the odd phonecall or letter.

Neither of those mean much to a 3-year-old.

[delirium]

No I couldn't, and any mother or father who does is a selfish jerk.

When you have children you need to grow up and put their needs first, if you can't do that then seek professional help and stop being so self centred.


My life is only worth living because of my children. May seem sad for some, but to me it is true. I would die a million million times before I could ever live with out my beautiful children.


Commenting specifically on the OP, I certainly hope that she has made an unselfish decision based on the fact that her ex is the better full-time parent.

Even so, moving to another country relieves her of being any sort of parent at all.

Unless she was an actively bad parent - abusive or neglectful - I can't see this is anything other than abandonment.


:iagree: with all these comments

[ThomasMum]

A friend of mine has just given custody over to her ex.

She has met a new man and he is from norway , so she is moving.
Her ex is a great dad and prepared to be sole carer. Her DD is 3.

I just cant even imagine how hard it would be.

But she says it will make her happy and therefore a better parent.

But what are the choices? what else could she do?

Just thought it was an interesting and difficult choice and wondered how others would feel or other pov's.

From that scenario, I dont think I would, just give up my child for love. Over my dead body!

But we have to also remember there are many stories of horrible relationships. Long ago ive met someone from uni, she couldnt get out of the violent marriage for years she was abused mentally and physically bc her ex had threatened her using her children, that if she ever left with the new man she wouldnt be able to see her kids ever. She did leave and with the man and now have full custody over her kids.

So just think about that ...

[Areca]

- it's not about being a good parent, it's about ignoring your responsibilities as a parent... because honestly, the only kind of parenting you can do from that distance is offering a little financial assistance here and there and the odd phonecall or letter.


Not necessarily. The man that I know loves and adores his twins. He moves over when they were about 6 years old I think. Anyway he has kept in very regular contact with his sons, talks about them all the time, organises for them to come and see him as much as possible and even though there is a huge distance between them he is still their father and has always been there for them.

I think there's a big difference between a parent who moves overseas to wipe all responsibility from their kids to a parent who moves overseas to pursue a new life but still remains an active role in their kids lives. Much better to be as active as you can from a long distance than to live around the corner but fail to acknowledge they even exist.

I think saying all parents who move overseas, or even just away from their kids are selfish jerks is rather discrimatory actually. :no:

[SassyMummy]

Perhaps I'm not the best to judge since this is what has happened to my own child... but I will not believe that any person who lives overseas from their child is a good parent at all.

They may love their kids, but they can't be terribly active from afar... certainly not when they're young anyway.

[Lilahh]

My XDP's mother left him with his Dad when he was 4 to go and live with another man. His Dad then raised him as a single parent.


At 30, he now has an extremely strained relationship with his Mum, barely talks to her and has the HUGEST abandoment issues of anyone I have ever met. :no:


OP: I can't imagine being even close to leaving DS overnight till he is at least 4 years old. Im having trouble dealing with having to be away from him for a few hours when I go back to study this year.

[sockstealingpoltergeist]

Not necessarily. The man that I know loves and adores his twins. He moves over when they were about 6 years old I think. Anyway he has kept in very regular contact with his sons, talks about them all the time, organises for them to come and see him as much as possible and even though there is a huge distance between them he is still their father and has always been there for them.

I think there's a big difference between a parent who moves overseas to wipe all responsibility from their kids to a parent who moves overseas to pursue a new life but still remains an active role in their kids lives. Much better to be as active as you can from a long distance than to live around the corner but fail to acknowledge they even exist.

I think saying all parents who move overseas, or even just away from their kids are selfish jerks is rather discrimatory actually. :no:

I don't think it's discriminatory at all, please tell me how?

Any parent who really loves their child will put their child first.

I would sell everything I owned and move to the moon if it meant I could be close to my children.

Parents make the sacrifices needed in order to ensure their children are loved and safe and happy etc. Children need real time with their parents. You simply cannot parent effctively from a distance. It isn't possible.

[Ffrenchknickers]

.. but I will not believe that any person who lives overseas from their child is a good parent at all.



:iagree:


Parents make the sacrifices needed in order to ensure their children are loved and safe and happy etc. Children need real time with their parents. You simply cannot parent effctively from a distance. It isn't possible.

:iagree:

[SassyMummy]

Just want to add something, and say that I do understand there are some situations where a person may live in a different country from their child - perhaps severe financial hardship where the parent must live overseas to earn money to support their family, or a child is "stolen" from a parent or something... that is NOT the same, IMO, as going overseas because you're up for a bit of action.

Love, lust, whatever it is... it shouldn't come before your responsibilities as a parent.

TBH, I don't think I'd want to be with someone who had abandoned their child to be with me. I certainly wouldn't choose to ahve children with someone who did that.

[Ffrenchknickers]

This kind of things really riles me up.....I have my sleeping 3 year old DD right here next to me....OMGosh, I cannot imagine just up and disappearing from her life.....it would ruin her life. I can only imagine how abandoned she would feel. Makes me all emotional thinking about it....I can't imagine not being able to cuddle her and tell her she is beautiful and watch her learn....all the things parents are supposed to do.

This woman is being selfish, sorry....that poor little girl :(

[Pax]

No I couldnt..

[nothanksbye]

This kind of things really riles me up.....I have my sleeping 3 year old DD right here next to me....OMGosh, I cannot imagine just up and disappearing from her life.....it would ruin her life. I can only imagine how abandoned she would feel. Makes me all emotional thinking about it....I can't imagine not being able to cuddle her and tell her she is beautiful and watch her learn....all the things parents are supposed to do.

This woman is being selfish, sorry....that poor little girl :(

I know.:hugs:

I really am interested to hear the opinions...as i have found it so hard to understand and thought maybe it was just me.

Her new man is nice, but young. She is 35 and he is 23.
She feels that she has to show her dd that its important to follow your dreams.:rolleyes:

My babies are so important to me. I am hopeless at leaving them overnight.
BUt I also have personal issues with this as my dad left me when i was born.

So i am so glad to see that I wasnt being too harsh and others would feel the same.

[nothanksbye]

From that scenario, I dont think I would, just give up my child for love. Over my dead body!

But we have to also remember there are many stories of horrible relationships. Long ago ive met someone from uni, she couldnt get out of the violent marriage for years she was abused mentally and physically bc her ex had threatened her using her children, that if she ever left with the new man she wouldnt be able to see her kids ever. She did leave and with the man and now have full custody over her kids.

So just think about that ...

:confused:
I thought about it..but it has nothing to do with this situation.

[SassyMummy]

I think we can all agree to disagree on when it's "okay" to leave a child overnight with someone else... I think most people are pretty capable of understanding that that's really just a personal thing, and that it generally doesn't have much of an impact on how good or bad a parent is.

I want my daughter to follow her dreams too, but surely it's also important to teach her about responsibility? It's bad enough to leave a PET when you get sick of it, but to leave a child, your OWN child in hopes of getting your shag on with some guy (or girl as the case may be)? Huh?

Not good parenting - just selfish. I think your friend would know that though OP, and is using the "following her dreams," line to cover it all up. She knows she's been a selfish (profanity), and she knows she's doing wrong by her child. Anyone who couldn't see that would be a moron.

Even my ex, who IS a moron, knew that he was wrong for leaving DD. He asked me if I thought poorly of him, thought he was a bad father, when he told me he was moving to the UK. He wouldn't have asked if he truly thought he was doing the right thing by DD - instead, he knew he was doing what HE wanted without much thought about DD at all. Maybe a little guilt... but obviously not nearly enough to make him stay in DDs life.

Your friend has NO IDEA what children go through when their parent up and leaves. It's hard enough when parents split, but to just stop seeing one parent pretty much altogether? It's horrible. And there's no sad story to go along with it, to help them understand when they're older. No, "Your mother passed away..." type of tale that will break their heart, but at least they know they were loved.

Instead, it's, "Your mother thought you were less important than her toy boy."

They do get to an age where they'll understand, even if it's not right away.

This thread is just making me angry at my ex, for leaving my daughter. I am feeling the same way about your friend, OP, as I do about DDs father. What pathetic selfish losers... putting such stress on tiny little girls like that. Selfish, heartless jerks!

[delirium]

She feels that she has to show her dd that its important to follow your dreams.:rolleyes:



That sounds like a bit of an excuse to me. Don't get me wrong, I agree you want to see your children see you follow your dreams, like returning to study, losing weight etc. But when it directly affects the kids negatively then IMO that isn't following your dreams, that's choosing your own interests at the detriment of your kids.

I wanted to add that in cases where the parent is emotionally or physically so unwell they can't care for their child, then I agree maybe the best case scenario is to allow the other parent custody. But moving overseas to chase some guy is totally different.

[nothanksbye]

I think we can all agree to disagree on when it's "okay" to leave a child overnight with someone else... I think most people are pretty capable of understanding that that's really just a personal thing, and that it generally doesn't have much of an impact on how good or bad a parent is.

I want my daughter to follow her dreams too, but surely it's also important to teach her about responsibility? It's bad enough to leave a PET when you get sick of it, but to leave a child, your OWN child in hopes of getting your shag on with some guy (or girl as the case may be)? Huh?

Not good parenting - just selfish. I think your friend would know that though OP, and is using the "following her dreams," line to cover it all up. She knows she's been a selfish (profanity), and she knows she's doing wrong by her child. Anyone who couldn't see that would be a moron.

Even my ex, who IS a moron, knew that he was wrong for leaving DD. He asked me if I thought poorly of him, thought he was a bad father, when he told me he was moving to the UK. He wouldn't have asked if he truly thought he was doing the right thing by DD - instead, he knew he was doing what HE wanted without much thought about DD at all. Maybe a little guilt... but obviously not nearly enough to make him stay in DDs life.

Your friend has NO IDEA what children go through when their parent up and leaves. It's hard enough when parents split, but to just stop seeing one parent pretty much altogether? It's horrible. And there's no sad story to go along with it, to help them understand when they're older. No, "Your mother passed away..." type of tale that will break their heart, but at least they know they were loved.

Instead, it's, "Your mother thought you were less important than her toy boy."

They do get to an age where they'll understand, even if it's not right away.

This thread is just making me angry at my ex, for leaving my daughter. I am feeling the same way about your friend, OP, as I do about DDs father. What pathetic selfish losers... putting such stress on tiny little girls like that. Selfish, heartless jerks!

Sass, Your post just made me cry.

I totally get the anger and hurt you feel on behalf of Chanel.
You are such an awesome Mummy.

I feel like that about my friend. i am angry,sad and frustrated.
I am also in such a terrible mood at the moment , I am likely to blow up at her.

Her DD is my godchild and I feel liek i cant make this better.

:hugs::hugs: I am sorry this thread made you feel angry. I hope that turns to pride for who you are as a mother.

[sockstealingpoltergeist]

She feels that she has to show her dd that its important to follow your dreams.:rolleyes:

.

What about her DD's dreams of having her mum tuck her in at night, and kiss and hug her every day.

What about if her DD dreams of having her mum watch her end of year preschool concert, or help her learn how to swim?

What if her DD dreams of her mum tickling her or telling her a story everynight?:(

She isn't following her dreams, she is choosing a man over her children. Simple.

[SassyMummy]

Thanks. :hugs:

Don't worry about it making me angry - it's just making me think about my own child's situation, and really, I think being angry by what her father has done to her is a pretty natural, healthy reaction to have. :p

[JJAZ]

Nope not in a million years!!!

I grew up with my dad living in a different state and that has really affected me to this day... No way i could do that to my child....

[Veritas]

Nope. I would NEVER choose a partner over my child. NEVER.

DD is too important to me. I love her unconditionally. Her happiness makes me happy, and I couldn't fathom that anything good could possibly come by abandoning her for the sake of a man.

[~Bec~]

It makes me feel physically sick if I think about someone else raising my son. I'm his Mummy and no one gives better cuddles or kisses owies better than me.

[JabberJaw]

My eldest DD spent a couple of years with her dad. He had her monday (after school) till friday (dropped her at school) i had her friday arvo till monday morning.

SHe choose.

We lived close (same street 2 blocks away, then move 5km)

She liked staying at her dads in the wk as she was the only child, it was quiet and her step mum helped her with homework, she liked weekends with us because we did cool fun stuff.

I dunno if i could live overseas without her though.

Now i have her full time, we moved again, 400km from her dads, she was with him 2 weeks and decided to come live here. SHe spends all holidays with her dad and his family and her dad came here for her graduation (yr 7)

Its working perfectly, our Daughter is happy and it was her choice, so i guess its alittle different to the OP, but not all parents who let their child live with the other parent are horrible, they are simply doing whats best for the child.

[Ffrenchknickers]

Show her this thread Asa :yes: I can't stop thinking about her little girl...omgosh :(


She isn't following her dreams, she is choosing a man over her children. Simple.

I agree. What she said is just a cop out. People can pretty much justify whatever they want in anyway they want to make themselves feel better. I hope she has a change of heart. Oh, that poor little girl.

[nothanksbye]

My eldest DD spent a couple of years with her dad. He had her monday (after school) till friday (dropped her at school) i had her friday arvo till monday morning.

SHe choose.

We lived close (same street 2 blocks away, then move 5km)

She liked staying at her dads in the wk as she was the only child, it was quiet and her step mum helped her with homework, she liked weekends with us because we did cool fun stuff.

I dunno if i could live overseas without her though.

Now i have her full time, we moved again, 400km from her dads, she was with him 2 weeks and decided to come live here. SHe spends all holidays with her dad and his family and her dad came here for her graduation (yr 7)

Its working perfectly, our Daughter is happy and it was her choice, so i guess its alittle different to the OP, but not all parents who let their child live with the other parent are horrible, they are simply doing whats best for the child.


no ...that sounds like a very loving set up!
:yelclap:

[Lastcenturymum]

Just want to add something, and say that I do understand there are some situations where a person may live in a different country from their child -

Glad you clarified that sassy! ;) Does depend on children's ages.



But the comment 'will be a better parent'? and


Her new man is nice, but young. She is 35 and he is 23.
She feels that she has to show her dd that its important to follow your dreams.:rolleyes:

Sounds like a copout and a very immature person.

[MsMummy]

I don't understand how any parent (mother or father) can abandon their child, in favour of a relationship. That is on the basis of all things being even.

I won't comment on specific examples, because I don't know the back story. there would be some cases where the parent isn't suitable and the child would be better off in somebody else's care (eg. cases of child abuse or where DOCS has to take the child).

[SassyMummy]

Glad you clarified that sassy! ;) Does depend on children's ages.

I KNEW I had to clarify or someone would jump on my back. :p Been here long enough to know you almost always need a disclaimer... lol.

Was really just replying to the "running away for love," thing... but like I said, been here long enough to know someone might read more into what I said... :p

[WorkingClassMum]

Some people are not cut out to be parents.

If the mother in the OP places her partner and her own happiness ahead of the needs of her child, then she is obviously not cut out to be a mummy.

Thank goodness it's not going to be a long drawn out nasty court battle that has a child being dragged all over the world.

The father must be so thankful that the MOB is prepared to walk away.

Some women are not meant to be mothers, the same as some men are not cut out to be fathers. In these cases it is best for the child that the person walks away (a lot better than many other outcomes from awful break-ups)

I think this women is foolish in the extream, but if her heart is not with her child, would you force the mother to have something to so with this child?

We are all looking atthis through our own eyes, looking at our own children, what you don;t get is that this women does not see in her child what we see in ours.

Oh, and before you all howl and scream from my blood :rolleyes:, I am a child that a mother walked away from - and she left to follow her new man around Australia and she also believed that we were better off without her - so I know first hand EXACTLY how this child might feel in years to come.

Let her go IMO - this child IS better off without THIS mother.

[MummaBear03]

My eldest DD spent a couple of years with her dad. He had her monday (after school) till friday (dropped her at school) i had her friday arvo till monday morning.

SHe choose.

We lived close (same street 2 blocks away, then move 5km)

She liked staying at her dads in the wk as she was the only child, it was quiet and her step mum helped her with homework, she liked weekends with us because we did cool fun stuff.

I dunno if i could live overseas without her though.

Now i have her full time, we moved again, 400km from her dads, she was with him 2 weeks and decided to come live here. SHe spends all holidays with her dad and his family and her dad came here for her graduation (yr 7)

Its working perfectly, our Daughter is happy and it was her choice, so i guess its alittle different to the OP, but not all parents who let their child live with the other parent are horrible, they are simply doing whats best for the child.

Your daughter is a very lucky girl for have 2 loving and safe parents who happen to not be together, but don't let that get in the way of putting her needs and happiness first in every way. I think it's great, and wish that every child had if their parents were unable to live together. 2 safe and loving parents.

[Veritas]

This little girl is very lucky to have her father.... I hope he devotes himself absolutely and wholeheartedly to her....

My mother never left the country, never moved away.... but she most certainly chose men over and over again ahead of her children.... me in particular.....

The scars of that stay with me today, and sure they fade, but they certainly will never disappear.... we will never be close, and she will never be my first port of call....

A mother should be the soft place to fall, the one who loves you when no one else does, for a daughter, the one who guides her through the turmoil of puberty....

My mother didn't have the option to leave me with my father, she was my ONLY parent, the ONLY one that was given the duty of loving me unconditionally, of putting my needs ahead of hers, and the consequences of her not fulfilling such a duty are lifelong for me..... I am lucky that I had my grandparents, I really am.... otherwise I know I wouldn't be half the person I am now....

I will NEVER put my lovelife ahead of my child... NEVER.... there is no reason on this earth that could justify that choice in my mind.....As a parent you sign an unwritten contract to be guardian of a precious life when bringing a new being into this earth..... you agree that you are no longer the centre of your world, but they are.....

She is not leaving for the welfare of her child, she is leaving for her own selfish reasons..... and perhaps, just maybe, it might be better for her DD not to have her mother in her life, particularly if she would rather be somewhere else.....

I certainly don't understand it however, and never will....

[meme]

I am glad you clarified too sassy.
my grandmother left my mother with her father at a young age and went to england without her. mum grew up in guyana ( south america). as a child I couldn't believe my grandmother left her and I judged my grandmother as a *bad* mother. but as I have gotten older I understand that my grandmother was trying to do the best for her kids in moving to a better country and trying to get them out of guyana which seems to have had a lot of civil unrest and stuff at the time.

I could not be in a different country to my kids. I get a bit panicky if I am more than an hour away from them.

when my kids were born, my dreams were in them and following my dreams involves my children and their happiness.

as a child of divorced parents I also understand that there is a bit of compromise involved in parents maintaning romantic relationships and also children knowing they are loved and valued. I hated feeling like the new lover was taking my place or more important than me. as an adult I recognise that parents do need partners too, but there is a way to make it all work. moving countries when you have a three year old doesn't sound like the way.

didn't she screen this guy somehow before falling in love? it seems like he should have already had a big red no potential flag flying for someone who has a child and ex to think about.

[nothanksbye]

Some people are not cut out to be parents.

If the mother in the OP places her partner and her own happiness ahead of the needs of her child, then she is obviously not cut out to be a mummy.

Thank goodness it's not going to be a long drawn out nasty court battle that has a child being dragged all over the world.

The father must be so thankful that the MOB is prepared to walk away.

Some women are not meant to be mothers, the same as some men are not cut out to be fathers. In these cases it is best for the child that the person walks away (a lot better than many other outcomes from awful break-ups)

I think this women is foolish in the extream, but if her heart is not with her child, would you force the mother to have something to so with this child?

We are all looking atthis through our own eyes, looking at our own children, what you don;t get is that this women does not see in her child what we see in ours.

Oh, and before you all howl and scream from my blood :rolleyes:, I am a child that a mother walked away from - and she left to follow her new man around Australia and she also believed that we were better off without her - so I know first hand EXACTLY how this child might feel in years to come.

Let her go IMO - this child IS better off without THIS mother.


reeaally good points. Thank you.

Yeah you are right.
My mum tried so hard to paint my dad as a nice guy..even though he ran out and left her ...pregnant.

But 30 years later I found him..and he wan away from me again...he is just that type of person. This man has 4 kids , all of which he walked away from.
Maybe those people are better off being away from the beautiful children they produce.

The up side to this story..is the dad of this little girl is a gem. A true sweetheart.

[delirium]

You make some interesting points WCM. I agree, some people are not meant to be parents. Only speaking for myself here, but I don't think parents should be FORCED to keep care of a child, but I just feel so sad for the child. My DH's father abandoned him as a small boy and he has massive issues as a result. His father was one of the parents you speak of that should never have been a parent, but he was and it doesn't negate the feelings of loss and abandonment my hubby feels.

Hope that makes sense.

[Areca]

I don't think it's discriminatory at all, please tell me how?

Any parent who really loves their child will put their child first.

I would sell everything I owned and move to the moon if it meant I could be close to my children.

Parents make the sacrifices needed in order to ensure their children are loved and safe and happy etc. .

I think it's discriminatory because what you have said here is exactly right. A parent who really loves their child will put their child first and will make sacrifices to ensure that that their children are loved and safe and happ etc. but what happens if making that sacrifice is moving away from them.
In this instance the mother does sound like she is being a selfish jerk but you can't say that ALL parents who move away from their kids are selfish jerks because without the details you can't make that judgement fairly.

FTR I can't ever imagine leaving my kids...hech I've even asked my parents if we ever moved away would they come with us because I couldn't imagine leaving them behind but I'm not going to limp everyone in the same catergory cause it's not fair.

[WorkingClassMum]

You make some interesting points WCM. I agree, some people are not meant to be parents. Only speaking for myself here, but I don't think parents should be FORCED to keep care of a child, but I just feel so sad for the child. My DH's father abandoned him as a small boy and he has massive issues as a result. His father was one of the parents you speak of that should never have been a parent, but he was and it doesn't negate the feelings of loss and abandonment my hubby feels.

Hope that makes sense.

Yes, perfect sense - nothing will negate the feelings of loss or abandonment - I still struggle with those today some 38 years after my mum abandoned us.

In saying that, I wasn't (as a child) forced to live with or have nothing to do with a women who didn't want to be my mother (well I did LOl - it's called a step-monster - whole different thread)

I couldn't imagine living a life with a parent who resented my existance and that very existance stopping them from doing what they'd rather be doing.

Children who live with resentful parents (and possibly therefore negligent parents) have a whole set of different baggage

Either way this little girl is going to (possibly) have issues - hopefully her father is loving and clever enough and hopefully both he n she get some counselling - either way they are all going to be better off than living with a horrible international custody dispute


What this little girl deserves is two loving parents who want and need her in their lives, the same as what your DH wanted, and what me, my bro n sister wanted AND JUSTLY DESERVED. However that didn't exist in my life and will not exist in this little girl's life either. Life isn't fair sometimes

[Teley]

No. Way.

[V8]

Gosh no i could never do that, that's so sad, my boys are just the most precious gift of my life i would never walk out on them.

My best mate's mother walked out on her when she was about 3, left her to get collected at the train station by her dad and chose her boyfriend over her daughter. My friend hasn't got the best relationship with either parent and has abandonment issues to this day, it's very sad :(

[Annabella]

Yes, perfect sense - nothing will negate the feelings of loss or abandonment - I still struggle with those today some 38 years after my mum abandoned us.

In saying that, I wasn't (as a child) forced to live with or have nothing to do with a women who didn't want to be my mother (well I did LOl - it's called a step-monster - whole different thread)

I couldn't imagine living a life with a parent who resented my existance and that very existance stopping them from doing what they'd rather be doing.

Children who live with resentful parents (and possibly therefore negligent parents) have a whole set of different baggage

Either way this little girl is going to (possibly) have issues - hopefully her father is loving and clever enough and hopefully both he n she get some counselling - either way they are all going to be better off than living with a horrible international custody dispute


What this little girl deserves is two loving parents who want and need her in their lives, the same as what your DH wanted, and what me, my bro n sister wanted AND JUSTLY DESERVED. However that didn't exist in my life and will not exist in this little girl's life either. Life isn't fair sometimes

I agree, it would be so damaging for a child to grow up being resented by his/her parent, possibly just as bad as being rejected by the parent outright, as this lady is doing.

But why are they the only 2 options? I just don't understand why the mother can't grow up and see her daughter for the gift that she is. Why does it have to be that the daughter has to either deal with rejection in the presence of her mum, or in the absence of her?

I have a friend who left her kids (boys aged 4 &8) with their dad while she followed her new man half way across the country, they inevitably broke up (no surprises there!) and now she's back in her kids life but they are very different kids now, you can see how its hurt them poor little darlings. Sadly, its exactly what her mum did to her, and I believe the issues she has from her mum doing it is probably what causes her to chase a man instead of being the mum her kids need her to be.

[lochiebearsmum]

i personally dont think she even deserves to be a parent if she just walks away from her 3 year old! its crazy and selfish, every child needs their mum, the first 5 years are the most important fomative years of a childs life, this poor child is going to be sooo mixed up,,, shame on her, when you have a child it is an 18 year commitment not a three year one as some good looking guy comes along!

[Ffrenchknickers]

I agree Annabella.....people can change and should change for their kids. Not that they often will though. I just don't think that saying someone isn't cut out to be a mother excuses them...they are a mother and they need to get over themselves and embrace their children. I know this is not reality in alot of cases....people just don't do that alot of the time.... it just makes me so sad.

I am a child who's parents both chose partners over my sister and I too. Abandonment issues here to the max.

[WorkingClassMum]

I agree, it would be so damaging for a child to grow up being resented by his/her parent, possibly just as bad as being rejected by the parent outright, as this lady is doing.

But why are they the only 2 options? I just don't understand why the mother can't grow up and see her daughter for the gift that she is. Why does it have to be that the daughter has to either deal with rejection in the presence of her mum, or in the absence of her?

I have a friend who left her kids (boys aged 4 &8) with their dad while she followed her new man half way across the country, they inevitably broke up (no surprises there!) and now she's back in her kids life but they are very different kids now, you can see how its hurt them poor little darlings. Sadly, its exactly what her mum did to her, and I believe the issues she has from her mum doing it is probably what causes her to chase a man instead of being the mum her kids need her to be.

Cos the mother in the OP is going to Norway. That's total abandonment.

To stop this women following her heart to Norway will bring about resentment, either immediately or eventually.

Certainly, in a few years this women may wise up a little (she's 35) and she may be able to re-connect with her DD, but Mummy being on a webcam is not Mummy tucking her in bed at night, walking her to kinder, kissing her bumps n bruises - Mummy is going to Norway for at least 3 years at this stage.

The mother in the OP has already handed over custody to the father, and seeing she's going to Norway, she's hardly planning on access every 2nd w/e and Wednesday nights...

[Opinionated]

I don't see how it could make anyone a better parent. Moving overseas makes you an absent parent, not a better one.

I think it's a cop out tbh.

I say this as the mother of a child who has lost her father in a similar way - he's moved overseas to be with a girl, thus abandoning our daughter.

I agree. That little girl is going to feel abandoned by her mother. She has chosen a man over her child.

If for some reason my childrens' father was going to be a better/safer/wiser choice as the carer, then yes, I would sacrifice what I want for my kids. To chase d**k to another country, not on your life.

Sounds like a very selfish woman to me.

[WorkingClassMum]

I agree Annabella.....people can change and should change for their kids. Not that they often will though. I just don't think that saying someone isn't cut out to be a mother excuses them...they are a mother and they need to get over themselves and embrace their children. I know this is not reality in alot of cases....people just don't do that alot of the time.... it just makes me so sad.



It doesn't 'excuse' her, it's a reason though as to why she's doing what she's doing.




I am a child who's parents both chose partners over my sister and I too. Abandonment issues here to the max.

:hugs:**sigh** you n me both

[Ffrenchknickers]

Yeah, I know....I just wish parents would take a good long hard look at their reasons and how they effect the kids.

:hugs: back atcha.

[CrankyAndTired]

My baby climbed out of his cot tonight and fell head first into the wooden floor.

We've been at the hospital and everything seems to be ok, considering.. But the idea of choosing to be away from my baby - even for a minute - makes me sick to my stomach.

I feel sorry for any mother who could choose to give away her kids, I simply can't imagine it.. :(

[Babblings]

NEVER!!!
I could not live away from my children, no matter what the reason was/is!

[bumMum]

my aunty left her her five kids with my gran and drove off never to return about 3 years ago.. we all took turns looking after them until my gran finally knew she was officially their new carer

such a devastating thing to happen to a family and leaves a lot of scars.

I could never do it. it's a terrible thing to do. it is definitely a 'cop out' as someone said, to say you are not suited to motherhood. the right thing to do is get suited to it!

[Annabella]

Cos the mother in the OP is going to Norway. That's total abandonment.

To stop this women following her heart to Norway will bring about resentment, either immediately or eventually.

Certainly, in a few years this women may wise up a little (she's 35) and she may be able to re-connect with her DD, but Mummy being on a webcam is not Mummy tucking her in bed at night, walking her to kinder, kissing her bumps n bruises - Mummy is going to Norway for at least 3 years at this stage.

The mother in the OP has already handed over custody to the father, and seeing she's going to Norway, she's hardly planning on access every 2nd w/e and Wednesday nights...

No yeah I know, thats what I mean, it upsets me that she can be so childish that she just walks away coz either she outright abandons her, or lives up to her duties as a parents, but resents the little girl for it. I think its so sad she just can't see what a precious gift her daughter is and how damaging it is to a child to be rejected (either way) by her mother. Its like she thinks because she's choosing what she perceives as the lesser of 2 evils, its ok, when in reality, neither are ok.

[Fuchsia!]

Some people are not cut out to be parents.

If the mother in the OP places her partner and her own happiness ahead of the needs of her child, then she is obviously not cut out to be a mummy.

Thank goodness it's not going to be a long drawn out nasty court battle that has a child being dragged all over the world.

The father must be so thankful that the MOB is prepared to walk away.

Some women are not meant to be mothers, the same as some men are not cut out to be fathers. In these cases it is best for the child that the person walks away (a lot better than many other outcomes from awful break-ups)

I think this women is foolish in the extream, but if her heart is not with her child, would you force the mother to have something to so with this child?

We are all looking atthis through our own eyes, looking at our own children, what you don;t get is that this women does not see in her child what we see in ours.

Oh, and before you all howl and scream from my blood :rolleyes:, I am a child that a mother walked away from - and she left to follow her new man around Australia and she also believed that we were better off without her - so I know first hand EXACTLY how this child might feel in years to come.

Let her go IMO - this child IS better off without THIS mother.

I agree 100%

[Bubmum]

I know.:hugs:



She feels that she has to show her dd that its important to follow your dreams.:rolleyes:

.
Um, she's not following her dreams..she is following her vagina.
I couldn't read all the replies in this thread...I would never walk away from my DD. I would be ripped limb from limb, if it meant my baby would be ok.
I understand that some women don't feel the same way, but to okay it by saying that their kids are better off without them? I don't agree with that, because I am sure their kids don't feel the same way.

[zenifa]

There is no way I could even contemplate this, let alone do it, I am my children's mother, they need me and I want to be with them, always. Simple as that!



She feels that she has to show her dd that its important to follow your dreams.:rolleyes:


What she is showing her is that her needs are more important than her daughters, and that this new man comes first before her daughter.
Also she is showing her that its *okay* to just leave your child for a new relationship and move to the other side of the world.
Okay so he overstayed his visa, as a responsible adult he should of sorted this stuff out, esp if he wanted to stay with your friend.
I agree with others that say I wouldn't want to be with a man who left his kids to be with me, and I certainly would never have kids with him!! **alarm bells ringing!**
Relationships can come and go, but this child will (biologically anyway) always be her daughter.



What about her DD's dreams of having her mum tuck her in at night, and kiss and hug her every day.

What about if her DD dreams of having her mum watch her end of year preschool concert, or help her learn how to swim?

What if her DD dreams of her mum tickling her or telling her a story everynight?:(

She isn't following her dreams, she is choosing a man over her children. Simple.

:iagree:


Some people are not cut out to be parents.

If the mother in the OP places her partner and her own happiness ahead of the needs of her child, then she is obviously not cut out to be a mummy.

Thank goodness it's not going to be a long drawn out nasty court battle that has a child being dragged all over the world.

The father must be so thankful that the MOB is prepared to walk away.

Some women are not meant to be mothers, the same as some men are not cut out to be fathers. In these cases it is best for the child that the person walks away (a lot better than many other outcomes from awful break-ups)

I think this women is foolish in the extream, but if her heart is not with her child, would you force the mother to have something to so with this child?

We are all looking atthis through our own eyes, looking at our own children, what you don;t get is that this women does not see in her child what we see in ours.

Oh, and before you all howl and scream from my blood :rolleyes:, I am a child that a mother walked away from - and she left to follow her new man around Australia and she also believed that we were better off without her - so I know first hand EXACTLY how this child might feel in years to come.

Let her go IMO - this child IS better off without THIS mother.

I understand your pov and I don't entirely disagree with this.
My view is that okay, you may not be cut out to be a parent, then don't have kids.
Having a child should be a thoughtful process and decision, but I know that often its not, pregnancies can be unplanned etc.
However if you have become a parent, then you need to be one! I know it sounds harsh, but you have the responsibilty to the child, to do the best you can to parent them, meet their needs and if that means making some personal sacrifices, well so be it! (for example, not moving to Norway to be with your new toy boy, then so be it!!). I know this is very judgemental, just putting this out there to see what others think - I'm not saying they need to be forced to stay and parent a child but people need to take responsibility.

Yes is some circumstances the child may be better off with one parent than two, where one isn't cut out to do their job, but is that just letting them off the hook?

Reading many of these posts made me feel very sad for the children, now adults that still carry the hurt, abandonment and rejection of their parent as a child. It also makes me feel very sad for this little girl and her father, who is going to have a tough road ahead - parenting his daughter and also dealing with her feelings of abandonment as she grows up and understands more.

All of this is very sad indeed :(

[Ana Gram]

I couldn't be that far away, no. I would need to be in the same state. But yes, I could live away from her. Dd has been gone for 9 days and is an hour away at her dad's house and I haven't missed her.

However, in saying that, moving overseas is very different.

[mother of six]

[QUOTE=chellegoth;4375804] Dd has been gone for 9 days and is an hour away at her dad's house and I haven't missed her.

?????

[MummaBear03]

I couldn't be that far away, no. I would need to be in the same state. But yes, I could live away from her. Dd has been gone for 9 days and is an hour away at her dad's house and I haven't missed her.

However, in saying that, moving overseas is very different.

It is very different. Your DD has 2 parents who are involved in her life. Imagine if one just suddenly up and left. How is a 3 year old meant to understand that?

If the mother was completely uninvolved to start with then I would say that it doesn't matter that this woman is going overseas, but she has not only been involved, she's been the SOLE carer of the child for how long? To suddenly take that away from the child is selfish. She's being selfish and I hope the child isn't too affected, however I can't see how a child could NOT be affected by this type of behaviour from her parent.

[Ana Gram]

[QUOTE=chellegoth;4375804] Dd has been gone for 9 days and is an hour away at her dad's house and I haven't missed her.

?????

Yes? You have a question?


It is very different. Your DD has 2 parents who are involved in her life. Imagine if one just suddenly up and left. How is a 3 year old meant to understand that?

If the mother was completely uninvolved to start with then I would say that it doesn't matter that this woman is going overseas, but she has not only been involved, she's been the SOLE carer of the child for how long? To suddenly take that away from the child is selfish. She's being selfish and I hope the child isn't too affected, however I can't see how a child could NOT be affected by this type of behaviour from her parent.


I agree. I faced something like this when her father and I split up. For some reason, many thought I would move back to Canberra :confused: rather than stay in Melbourne. I didn't understand that thinking at all. Yes, I would have had family support but DD wouldn't have had access to her dad and he wouldn't have access to her which would have killed him.

[Benji]

I've had fantasies after countless sleepless nights about DS going to live with his father (and therefore his father suffering severe financial hardship as I have in the past :devil:) and me having him on weekends. If we're talking purely selfish reasons - I would LOVE to have DS on weekends!!! :D:D:D

I'd get to have him for the weekend - I'd be a novelty - we'd have fun, go out, I'd still have money (cos I wouldn't be paying over 50% of my wage on daycare) so I could spoil him. I'd be the fun-time MUM!! It's my DREAM!!

BUT I do know that out of me and XDP, that I & DP are the far superior parents so DS is much better off with us. XDP doesn't want him anyway so *shrug*.

[WorkingClassMum]

My view is that okay, you may not be cut out to be a parent, then don't have kids.
Having a child should be a thoughtful process and decision, but I know that often its not, pregnancies can be unplanned etc.
However if you have become a parent, then you need to be one! I know it sounds harsh, but you have the responsibilty to the child, to do the best you can to parent them, meet their needs and if that means making some personal sacrifices, well so be it! (for example, not moving to Norway to be with your new toy boy, then so be it!!). I know this is very judgemental, just putting this out there to see what others think - I'm not saying they need to be forced to stay and parent a child but people need to take responsibility.

Yes is some circumstances the child may be better off with one parent than two, where one isn't cut out to do their job, but is that just letting them off the hook?

Reading many of these posts made me feel very sad for the children, now adults that still carry the hurt, abandonment and rejection of their parent as a child. It also makes me feel very sad for this little girl and her father, who is going to have a tough road ahead - parenting his daughter and also dealing with her feelings of abandonment as she grows up and understands more.

All of this is very sad indeed :(

Yes it is all very sad, but it's going to happen.

This women doesn't want to be a mother to this little girl. Yes it's sad, but it is what it is.

I am not excusing her of her responsibility, but I understand that she doesn't want her kid.

She didn't abort it, dump it at a hospy, drown or suffocate it or neglect it - she just doesn't want it.

She's not a bad person, she's just not a mother as we understand being a mother. For all we know she's suffered for years with PND, or depression or she didn't bond or a myriad of reasons and things in her life. I don;t have her shoes and I don't have any that even look like her shoes.

How often do we post in here about not physically hurting the kids and if you don't want them, then walk away. There have been several child murders over the years where we all wished the parent just walked away. This women is walking away, and we still all condemn her. I could never do what she is doing, but I get where she is at.

It's not about right or wrong based on our values, it's simply that this women is purely selfish and doesn't want her child.

[BOSS302WMOM]

Agree with WCM.

At least the child is with their father and not being tossed about through family and the system or worse as seen in the news

I would only leave my girls for work and I need to work so will take any job I can get.

[SimplyMum]

No, personally I couldn't do it. But than you'd have to ask yourself 'What kind of mother would do this?' 'How great a mother could she be if she's willing to live in a different country to her own child?' It makes me think perhaps it is for the best if she is able and willing to just cut ties with her own daughter for a man!

I know people who have done this within the same country and while I personally could never contemplate it, each to their own I suppose.

[jaq]

Yes it is all very sad, but it's going to happen.

This women doesn't want to be a mother to this little girl. Yes it's sad, but it is what it is.

I am not excusing her of her responsibility, but I understand that she doesn't want her kid.

She didn't abort it, dump it at a hospy, drown or suffocate it or neglect it - she just doesn't want it.

She's not a bad person, she's just not a mother as we understand being a mother. For all we know she's suffered for years with PND, or depression or she didn't bond or a myriad of reasons and things in her life. I don;t have her shoes and I don't have any that even look like her shoes.

How often do we post in here about not physically hurting the kids and if you don't want them, then walk away. There have been several child murders over the years where we all wished the parent just walked away. This women is walking away, and we still all condemn her. I could never do what she is doing, but I get where she is at.

It's not about right or wrong based on our values, it's simply that this women is purely selfish and doesn't want her child.


You are exactly right, WCM. And you have put things perfectly in context as per usual. A child is better off away from someone who could disregard who needs so thoroughly.

But what makes me so sad is that her child won't feel that way. Her child still loves her mum, and will miss her mum every day. And her child will grow up with the issues that make so many people damaged, and cause such hurt in the world.

Sad, with no solution, really.

"People like that not having children" - nice idea, but how do you find out you are not cut out to be a parent? I thought I'd be a hopeless parent right up until the moment right up until the moment my daughter was born.

Adopt the child out? My husband was adopted by two very loving parents. He believes wholeheartedly they are his family - but I believe he STILL has abandonment issues. Perhaps not as profoundly as someone rejected in this way, but at core, his birth parents didn't want him, and that weighs heavily on a soul.

Foster care? Government care homes?

All of a sudden, being raised by a loving, involved Dad is a wonderful option, even if Mum isn't in the picture.

[nugglyboysmum]

I agree with everything Jaq said.

And for what its worth, Chellegoth, I find your posts so darn refreshing! Its nice to hear somone else be completely honest even though they are not feeling the same as every other poster on here seems to. I often fantasise about what my life could be like if I never had DS and that life seems blissful. The thruth is that I desperately wanted DS, I tried very hard to get pregnant with him and I adore him, however PND has really challenged that adoration I have for DS. Te only time I spend away from DS is on the odd occasion my parents have him overnight, and let me tell you I don not miss him for a second!! I live it up and enjoy my freedom and peace!

As for being able to just up and leave my child...there are days I dream of doing just this, but in the end I love DS and there is no way I could be without him, he is my son and I will be there for him always.

[Deserama]

I could if I HAD to...but I would never do it for a man and I'd never live away from them...I'd have to live in the same suburb as them