Ideas on what to tell DS about why his Dad isn't seeing him

[Issey]

You may have already read previous threads about my ex being suicidal etc, well it is at the point now that ex did not have access last weekend or see his son at all. This was because ex refused to call me or talk to me about issues I am having with access ie: level of care and where he is taking my son etc.

Ds wants to know why his Daddy isn't calling or talking to us. Up to this point DS has seen his Dad every second weekend and he is 4 and wants an explanation :confused:

All I can think of is saying that his Dad is sick and getting him to draw a picture that we can post.

DS's behaviour has been out of sorts since the visit didn't go ahead BUT there are other things going on in our lives which may contribute to that behaviour also that is his nana just went back interstate after holiday and my bf has been staying over alot while he was on holiday from work.

[crazymuma]

You have to be careful with the daddy is sick line as after awhile of hearing this they could actually start to believe daddy is dead - well this is what happened with my son.

I now just tell him the truth - daddy loves him but daddy has to work and have time with his friends and when he has spare time then he will see him. I tell him that I don't know when that will happen but until then he has me and all of the rest of his family to love him and hang out with him. It seems to be working okay so far - he isn't as stressed about dad not being around/in contact.

If you are truly worried then maybe you should talk to a counsellor about how to deal with it.

[SassyMummy]

I would talk to him about how he feels when he's feeling sick/sad, and how it's hard to get out of bed, hard to move around and do things, etc etc... and explain that this is how Daddy is feeling at the moment... he's not feeling very well, but perhaps making him a drawing or something might make him feel a little better... maybe pose for some photos for his father, etc... anything to help him feel like his father is still a part of his life even if he's not actively in it right at the moment.

Don't lie, but don't burden your son with gory details... I'd just try to be very basic, giving him just enough information to understand a little better, and leaving it there.

Any tricky questions I would answer with an, "I'm not sure, perhaps you can ask next time you see/speak to him?"

[Edweena]

Don't lie, but don't burden your son with gory details... I'd just try to be very basic, giving him just enough information to understand a little better, and leaving it there.


Ditto and I ask 'why do you think Daddy isn't visiting?' You'll be surprised about what strange things they may believe and how little of an issue things are for the child. Usually it is just big for us.

[OhGeeMuma]

I do agree with this, but also to make sure he isn't having any wildy depressing ideas about what is wrong with his dad.


Ditto and I ask 'why do you think Daddy isn't visiting?' You'll be surprised about what strange things they may believe and how little of an issue things are for the child. Usually it is just big for us.

[Issey]

I got out my book about helping kids with divorse and there was nothing in it to advise when one parent isn't seeing the child or stops seeing them.

I know Daddy is on his mind as all today when we are out he says things like 'oh daddy has one of those' or 'there is one of these at daddys house' :ecomcity::ecomcity: I just keep saying oh does he or yeah ......

I found out last night he Dad told someone I refused to let him see his son when that is not the case at all, we can't even contact him...and was told last night that he was suicidal again so DS will not be going there.

[TwoSweetPeas]

thats terrible for you and ds, is the ex getting any kind of help?

ive been split from the girls dad for nearly 1 yr now and after very regular contact, 4 months ago he decided he just didnt have time for them anymore. He has seen them 3 times in 4 1/2 months, really sux, and they cry and ask were is daddy. I just tell them that he is a busy daddy, working, playing golf, that he loves them very much and misses them too. Its been extremly difficult for them but I will NEVER bring myself to say anything bad about him. I feel the girls dont deserve to hear it. even though its true. they are young, naive and cant see that dad is a sh*t head, but they do realise that they see more of there granddad, uncle and mummys friends more than they see their own dad.
Im not sure what you should say to your son. only you will know what feels right and what at this young age he is capable of dealing with. I do believe you can tell them the truth without telling them the "whole" truth so to sweeten the blow iykwim. by me saying that daddy is busy with golf, work etc, is much kinder than saying he prefers playing golf than spending time with you.
So i think that you saying daddy is sick without going into details is perfectly fine.