Need info to give to my pro RIC DH!

[pixie0380]

When I was pregnant with my DD (we chose not to find out the gender) I had the discussion then with my DH about circumsicion, we did have a heated argument about it as I am totally against it and he is for it. I did my research online and argued the reasons it is totally unncessary and the matter was dropped. We then had a DD so there's was no need to discuss this further.

I am now pregnant with a boy and the topic has come up again. DH again assumes that we are going to have our DS circumcised. I have flat out said it's not going to happen and you'll be hard pressed finding a Dr that will do it anyway. He's reasons for wanting our son to get this done is because he believes it's cleaner, I argued the point that a newborn's penis need no special care other than washing the area and that the foreskin will not retract until the child is older anyway so there is no need to clean under the foreskin as a baby anyway. He then continues to argue that well DD, who is 5, still has trouble wiping after using the bathroom. (this is really only an issue when doing #2. I remember having the same issue at that age but we're constantly reminding her and keeping an eye on it and the issue is become less of a problem.) So how is a little boy going to remember to keep his penis clean. (ummmm by educating him is my guess!)

He also argues that an uncirc'd penis is ugly. *insert sarcasm* We'll that's a really necessary reason to cut off a part of my child now isn't I think to myself!

My DH is extremely stubborn, as am I and when he has his mind set on something he pushes and pushes the topic.

I've told him to do some research first and not just give his opinion on the subject. I have searched and searched the net for something to explain more in depth about the myth of an uncirc'd penis being unclean and the risk of infection etc. Everything I have found so far is mainly about about UTI's, STD's etc and I'm struggling to find more information about this being a myth. Does anyone know where I can find this information so I can give this to him?

Any person experiences from mums and dads of DS and the whole hygiene this would also be helpful.

The one thing I'm really happy about is that the public hospitals won't perform this surgery. I figured if it became a huge issue I will make him talk to a Dr about how unncessary this is. I just hope with a little education and research he will realise how wrong he is!

[JabberJaw]

You might be hard pressed to find doctors to do it anyhow.

I would get the doctors to have a chat to him when you have bub to put his mind at ease.

Be sure to tell him your son will be the odd one out at school/in change rooms/ with girls if he were to have it done.

[JimJamsMum]

The best information I have seen was actually from the paediatric surgeon (who does circumcisions, interestingly). It very clearly explained why there is no good reason to have your son circ'd. Perhaps if you ask your GP he/she might be able to give you some info.

[misskittyfantastico]

A member (JohnC) did a great series of posts busting all the big pro-circ myths.
Infection http://www.bubhub.com.au/community/forums/showthread.php?t=241525

HIV/AIDS http://www.bubhub.com.au/community/forums/showthread.php?t=242912

"The younger the better" http://www.bubhub.com.au/community/forums/showthread.php?t=245680

Cancer http://www.bubhub.com.au/community/forums/showthread.php?t=246433

STIs http://www.bubhub.com.au/community/forums/showthread.php?t=296784

I hope this helps.:)

[serendipity22]

There is a good NZ website
http://www.circumstitions.com/Itsaboy.html

plus an Australian one
http://www.circinfo.org/

Circed adult males are often irrational about wanting their son's circed. Its called the adamant father syndrome. Quite frankly, being circumcised as an infant gives a man an inferiority complex.

An explicit video can sometimes change their mind as on a canadian website.

Be strong, remember you are the one with the intact genitals.

[pixie0380]

Thanks everyone for the info, it's very much appreciated and helpful. :)



There is a good NZ website
http://www.circumstitions.com/Itsaboy.html

plus an Australian one
http://www.circinfo.org/

Circed adult males are often irrational about wanting their son's circed. Its called the adamant father syndrome. Quite frankly, being circumcised as an infant gives a man an inferiority complex.

An explicit video can sometimes change their mind as on a canadian website.

Be strong, remember you are the one with the intact genitals.


I like that 'admant father syndrome' it so very true!

I have given him the links to a bunch of stuff I researched online and explained to him that public hospitals in australia don't do this anyway and he can bring it up with my Dr at my next visit if he still wants to question someone, so he can understand why it's totally un-necessary. He actually hasn't brought up the topic since, but I'm ready to fight him on this 100% if need be. No one is chopping off a part of my perfect son for no good reason!!!

Thanks again :)

[Monster's Mum]

Hi,

I had the same issue with my DH when DS was born. I basically put the onus on him - he had to provide me with evidence to prove that it was necessary and if/when he did that then I would consider circumsizing. And then if I was convinced with his research then it was up to him to find a doctor to do it and up to him to watch and comfort his son when they did the snip as I knew in my heart I couldn't stand by and watch it.

Needless to say - he didn't do the research, didn't find the doctor and our boy is fully in tact and I haven't heard a peep about it since.

Both my brothers (ages 38 and 28) are not circumsized and have never had a problem that I'm aware of in that department. (Certainly not while growing up in any case - I checked with my mum!) That was going to be part of my ammo if DH came to me with his "research".

Good luck.

[Prankish]

Whats DH? If your man was done as an adult like me your going to be in for a difficult time to change his mind or opinions.

I just think you have to meet him half way somewhere sort of thing. There has to be some sort of compromise on your part if he is also strong on the subject. You should suggest to him that if you feel so strongly about him not being done in infancy, that he then educates his son on the subject at the right age and offering him a childhood circ at his son's choice. Once he starts seeing his dad, he will be able to decide if he wants to look like him or remain the way he is.

If both infancy and childhood circ are a no, then there is no compromise on your part.

[pixie0380]

Whats DH? If your man was done as an adult like me your going to be in for a difficult time to change his mind or opinions.

I just think you have to meet him half way somewhere sort of thing. There has to be some sort of compromise on your part if he is also strong on the subject. You should suggest to him that if you feel so strongly about him not being done in infancy, that he then educates his son on the subject at the right age and offering him a childhood circ at his son's choice. Once he starts seeing his dad, he will be able to decide if he wants to look like him or remain the way he is.

If both infancy and childhood circ are a no, then there is no compromise on your part.

DH = Dear Husband

As for your comment, I don't believe there is a 'compromise' when it comes to cutting off a part of my childs anatomy. If my son decides to make the choice when he is older, as in a teen or adult then I will stand by his choice. At the end of the day a decision as already been made which DH is on board with, after reading through the medical information that he has been given. Also I don't mean to be rude but I wasn't really after an opinion on what I should or shouldn't do, I was only after medical information and experience from parents who's sons are intact which all the PP's have given me.

[Prankish]

DH = Dear Husband

As for your comment, I don't believe there is a 'compromise' when it comes to cutting off a part of my childs anatomy. If my son decides to make the choice when he is older, as in a teen or adult then I will stand by his choice. At the end of the day a decision as already been made which DH is on board with, after reading through the medical information that he has been given. Also I don't mean to be rude but I wasn't really after an opinion on what I should or shouldn't do, I was only after medical information and experience from parents who's sons are intact which all the PP's have given me.

Sorry I orginally read your post as your hubby being stubborn and tried to offer advise (from another pro-circ man perspective) on how to reach a point of agreeance with him.

Since he has now turned around, then problem already solved.

[Pinkzy]

Whats DH? If your man was done as an adult like me your going to be in for a difficult time to change his mind or opinions.

I just think you have to meet him half way somewhere sort of thing. There has to be some sort of compromise on your part if he is also strong on the subject. You should suggest to him that if you feel so strongly about him not being done in infancy, that he then educates his son on the subject at the right age and offering him a childhood circ at his son's choice. Once he starts seeing his dad, he will be able to decide if he wants to look like him or remain the way he is.

If both infancy and childhood circ are a no, then there is no compromise on your part.

I 100% agree with the part I have bolded above.

My husband was circumcised as a baby, obviously he's got no memory of it and he doesn't resent his parents for making that decision.

He does want our son to be circumcised as a baby and I've listened to his reasons. His reasons are the same as the OP's husband...which is he believes circumcised penis' are easier to keep clean. He also thinks they look better. While I respect his opinion, it hasn't been enough to sway me into having the procedure done on our newborn.

My son will have the choice when he's old enough to make it for himself - he'll be given the facts both for and against circumcision plus he'll have his father who's been circumcised as guidance too, this info will be given to him at an appropriate age though, not when he's little. IF our son comes to me as a teenager and states he wants to be circumcised, then I'll absolutely support it as will hubby.

[*alison*]

OMG, I could have written you opening post word for word.

We are having no.3 and it is a boy. We have two beautiful girls. We found out the gender both times so never needed to discuss it in length.

DH has always (even before children) said if we have boys, they will be circumcised. Clearly DH is circ'd. I used to say "yeah, whatever" Not having done research on it & never seen or been with an uncirc'd man before thought that was the norm.....

Little did I know....after researching between baby #2 and baby #3, OMG!!

DH & I had a very heated argument about this the other night & I was so upset threatened to take him to court over it....how stupid, hey?

Big problem here, BIL (DH brother) has had his two boys (2yrs & 8mths) circ so DH has already the name of the DR who could preform this.

I am just so upset about this....that he is being so stubborn on this & bringing up arguments when I clearly know that he has done absolutely NO research & just going by so called facts from years ago.

Sorry to take over your post OP, but this issue has really put a downer on my pregnancy, I should be happy for having a boy but my heart sank slightly after we found out cause I knew all this would come up.

I just really hope that when he sees his beautiful little boy that he will change his mind...but I doubt it!!

Good luck with your situation.

[veve]

my husband was pro circ (as was I) till I found that my brother wasn't (eww thanks for the info mum :p ) and that he never had any issues at all ... I linked my husband to several websites that contained video of a circ being done ... (and we both watched a show by Penn and Teller - the comedians .. that discussed circ ... ) and after viewing it first hand .. there is no way that he would then consider circ.

Husband has also never taken the boys for their vax needles - I did that .. but I was happy to - if he wanted the boys circed I told him HE had to make the appointment, and HE had to take the baby and HE had to maintain the care after the event ...

both my boys are intact ..

good luck with the decision.

[Mummaholic]

Have a look at this one for info to give him re: hiv risk.

http://aidsaction.org.au/content/hiv_sti_health/circumcision.php