View Full Version : The wrong reason for a baby shower
I am lining up for my first baby and am struggling with being able to purchase everything needed. Apart from the nice occasion of having everyone over to celebrate the impending arrival, I am viewing the baby shower as an opportunity to perhaps top up our ability to get the things we need. I feel very mercenary but at the same time don't know what other options I have to get these things (family etc have already contributed everything they can). Am I justified in having the baby shower or should I scrap the plans because it is for the wrong reason? I really don't feel like getting a whole bunch of useless gifts when we really need a pram/change table etc.
If those invited to your baby shower are your true friends they would probably be more than happy to help pitch in for something you really need. Just let one of your friends know what you would really like and let them pass the word around or let them organise the "gift" for you - I know some people prefer to pitch in towards a bigger gift as to what the person really wants.
People love babies and it's also a celebration. I initially didn't want one for my bub but since everyone wanted to meet the little princess I ended up having a "welcoming shower" and had a great time.
You could do a gift registry?
I don't know how to organise it LOL but I've heard some people do this for their baby shower.
Or the wishing well idea, that's a good one PN. :thumbsup:
I always think that if someone else is doing the inviting, ie if your mum/sister/best friend is sending the invites, then they can say something that you might feel a bit rude saying. IYKWIM. When I was a matron of honour for my bestie, the bridal shower we had a jar at the door for people to put money in as they came in, it went towards her trousseau. And because I was asking on her behalf, it wasn't so rude. So the invite went something like "There'll be a pass-the-hat collection to go towards [name]'s trousseau, so we can get her something fabulous as a surprise." etc etc. So perhaps get your mum to write the invites, saying "Gummibear really needs a pram, so if we can all put in $20 towards that (before the party) we can get her a pram to surprise her with at the shower" I mean, you can secretly help your mum choose the pram LOL. But do you get what I mean? Probably not, I ain't too coherent most days :p
Good luck with the shower, and the bubba!!
I'm not having one because everybody I love is in NZ at the moment with my sick grandmother, and we also have everything we need, but you can be sure that if I did have one I would be organising some way of getting one big thing rather than heaps of little cr*ppy ones! :yes:
So you are no more mercenary than anybody else I know. Most people would probably rather contribute towards something you really want and have the work done for them than traipse through the baby section trying to find something to give you anyway.
Getting someone else to do the talking is the best idea.
It a great day to share with special friends and family and is a time when you really start getting excited about your baby.
Getting the gifts is great and really if this wasn't the purpose then why have a baby shower?
Most females I know love to be able to buy a little gift for the expecting friends ( I certainly do).
I think as long you do not expect big expensive things rather than an outfit or talc etc no body minds.
I was really surprised when all the people who came to my baby shower also came with another present at the hospital!!!
Just noticed you need a pram or change table (rather big gifts) maybe you could have a money tree instead, like people do for their weddings.
Also if the invites could be from a friend or sister organising the baby shower.
I would not be offended if a friend asked for a money gift toward the bigger things.
My baby shower is this weekend- we have been given all the large items from family members... but have struggled with money to buy alot of the smaller things- nappies, creams, bath stuff etc
My friend who organised the shower wrote a poem on the invite and then added a wish list of things that we would like to recieve instead of clothes as we have been given bags and bags full of them also.
Ive had a great response to the invites so far, we will just see on the weekend whether anyone paid attention to the wish list- although, whatever they decide to bless my bub with will be appreciated!!
what's the point of having a baby shower if you don't get presents?
I think Baby Showers are a great way of getting little extra bits and pieces...
However, I wouldn't rely on your guests to buy you some higher-priced items...
If you'd prefer to get one big gift than a few small ones, then I'd definately go with the wishing well idea, and let them know about it in the invitation. Be aware though, some people WILL still get you a gift instead...baby showers can be rather boring for guests if they can't even buy a cute little baby outfit or toy (that's my favourite part about going to one...getting to buy some cute baby thing!).
I wouldn't recommend a registry...if I was going to a baby shower and someone had a list of what I could buy them...I'd most likely not go or get them something else. Registries tell people how much they have to spend and where to shop... they're not particularly nice things IMO. Someone might not WANT to spend more than $5 after all.
A lot of people think because my family are American and we celebrate some traditional American holidays such as Thanksgiving and Halloween (although Halloween isnít an American holiday, they just abuse it lol) itís the only reason weíre having a baby shower, And this kind of upsets me because the tradition behind baby showers is that a close friend/family member throws it for you! And I not once had any friends offer to throw one for me. And my invite list is over 70 friends/close family members!
Iíve had a few friends ask to help decorate and set up, but none have said, ďIím throwing you a shower, or Iím planning an event for youĒ. I kind of donít blame them as well, as itís hard organising something I have planned for 70 people!:laughing:
My mum told me not to let it bother me and that people will understand the true meaning behind your baby shower if theyíre your true friends, Iíve even thought about writing on the invitations Ďgifts are not necessaryí as my baby shower is just a traditional baby shower, filled with all the favourite games a lot of mumís may have played at theirs. But bringing a gift is part of the tradition as well. It just doesnít bother me wether or not people bring anything.
It will be much appreciated but I will not leave out the ones who didnít bring anything.
I don't think its rude at all to expect or write a nice poem on the invite about gifts or have a registry, a lot of women do this, and women do it for their weddings, it's basically the exact same situation.
But i do think its rude, to have on your registry, or ask for very expensive gifts such as a cot or a dresser. But that's just me, I found my cousin's registry for her wedding to be ridiculous! she was asking for a $250 crystal plate set, that would only sit in a cupboard her whole life!
thank you all for your wonderful and very helpful comments! Not having been around babies ever has made it a bit tricky in knowing what the expectations are for everything including baby showers!
I think I will take on board the suggestions not to ask for anything, but perhaps my friend who will help me throw the shower can write a poem or something else friendly suggesting people to help contribute to some specific larger items if they want. The anonymous well is a great idea. I agree that the registry may be a bit too demanding, especially for those who have trouble getting to baby stores or who are on a budget.
otherwise I will think about other fun things we can do at the party and let loose all those very girly instincts for pretty decorations and fun food that have been hiding all these years!
i organised my cousins baby shower 2 weeks ago.
she gave me a list of things that she wanted, some cheap, some extravagant cause there was groups of friends that normally put in for pressies, and then when people rsvped, i let them know i had a list of things she wanted if they wanted some ideas.
that way, she didnt end up with heaps of clothes, cause she didnt need them as a friend had given her all her sons stuff, and she ended up with what she really needed.
i also recently went to a baby shower, where we were asked, in poem form, to donate money towards the laybye the parents had made for the baby...
i dont like that idea personally.... but they payed off a fair ammount of the layby with the money.
it did cut down the time though when there was no pressies to open and ooo and ahhh over..
hah i love that part about babie showers, seeing all the cute gifts people get.
Considering i'm really hungry right now i'm actually more so looking forward to the food we have planned for the shower. :o
youd be surprised at the cost of all the little things. i laybyed what was left to get after i thought i had everything and had a baby shower and it still came to nearly 90 bucks, so if someone asks what you'd like say something practical like nappies, dummies, wipes etc. as for the bigger items if you have a bassinet (even a second hand one) do what im doing as i gave all my sons stuff away..i will buy his cot with the baby bonus and as for change tables ive never used one. they are bulky, take up heaps of room and its just as easy to change bub on the floor.
with DD I found family all asked what we still needed and as we alredy had every thing we wanted/needed we said paractical stuff...(my family don't really buy anyone pressies for any occasion though or it is very rare:rolleyes: )
everyone put in to have a nappy servive for bout 6 weeks after returning home so we didn't have a lot of washing.
With #2 we will be saying practiacl things again if we are asked (nappywipes/ shampoo etc) there the sort of things you don't pay much attention to but can be pricey over a long time
Also people seem to buy 'special' things while your in hospi for bubs to so I think it is ok to have one pressie your choice one theres:rolleyes:
Hmm, well I must be the only one who thinks it is mercenary.
When a baby is born people flood you with gifts and flowers anyway! The spontaneous outpouring of love to a new born is beautiful and totally unexpected and unrequested and UNMERCENARY act. If people want to give you things they will, no need to organise them to get the most out of your buddies wallet.
I cant stand the idea of spunging of your friends and I loath the idea of asking for money to be put into a pot. The epitome of bad taste in my view. It's not about what you get. It's about celebrating the birth of your baby or in the case of a wedding celebrating your love in front of your friends, not about fleesing them for cash so you can buy your new plasma tv. We got some horrendous gifts for our wedding and had a good laugh over some of them... but we didnt care because it wasnt about the blinking gifts, it's about people sharing your happy day.
I think everyone has gone money hungry mad, so many people with their silly wishing well poems thinking "I better get what I want". Well maybe it's not about that...
And for those who have/had/will have baby showers just to celebrate the upcoming arrival of your new baby and have no gift expectations, I applaud you! It's one thing to celebrate your joy with close friends, quite another to be doing it to furnish the house.
I just wanted to add to this thread-although my post may be a little late as it was started a while ago. It can be very daunting thinking about all that you need for the arrival of your first baby. Such an overwhelming time with hormones controlling so much of how you feel. What I wanted to add though, is that most, not all but most, of the stuff people start out with for their babies turns out to be pretty useless and not needed. In reality, babies just need to be kept warm (baby clothes new or second-hand can be very cheap), fed (free), a place to sleep (skip the bassinette, they outgrow them in 3 months) such as a cot (again, very cheap 2nd hand) or even cheaper in your own bed until you can afford a cot or snuggled in a tetra style bed, cloth nappy's (think ebay). This is it-all you need to start out with. A pram can be very handy as they grow and obviously they grow out of clothes but you will get quite a substantial payment form the government that can cover these things as you need them.
All the best with your pregnancy and I wish you well.:)
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