warning long vent about child support.

[InSaneOne]

i just need to vent about child support.

my dh has a debt ($1003 currently) with them that we have slowly been reducing for the last few years - due to a stuff up they made when he wasn't working about 5 years ago now. i had lodged our tax a week ago and called them up to ask if they could take the money you pay the tax agent from his refund and the amount he was expected to get back. ($895) they said that shouldn't be a problem. then today i get a phone call - because you will be getting back more than you told us we are taking enough to pay the whole debt out and you can pay the agents fees from teh remainder. i asked how much we were getting back and the stupid woman wouldn't tell me. so after a few phone calls to the tax office and to centrelink we discovered that we were supposed to get $1556 from centrelink back in our tax and the original $895 from the tax. what stupid child support had done was add the total of the amount ($2451) to the money from centrelink toalling nearly $4000. now just 5 mintues ago i called them back and told them that they aren't allowed to take the full $1003 as part of that is centrelink money. and that they can only take his tax refund. so they said ok we will. i then asked if we could have the agents fees taken out of the refund like we did last year but they said because we are still getting $1500 no.

i want to know what gives them the right to dictate how we spend the money we get from centrelink. i don't (or dh) have any right how to tell them how to spend their money and how the ex spends her money from us for the children (she will go and spend it on herself first) so why should they tell me. it is bad enought that the ex gets money that she doesn't deserve because we shouldn't have had a debt with child support in the first place as he was (and still is) paying debts occured in the marriage by both of them and she hasn't paid anything.


so thanks for reading this really long vent. but i am so sick of government agencies assuming that we have heaps of money and can afford to pay the lazy cow more than she needs. we already pay for other things for the kids that she can't be bothered to pay. (eg: adam had no front half of his shoes for the last week until we brought him new shoes, because she wouldn't)

i just want to add that i hate child support being so discriminatory.

[RaryGirl]

Hi Belinda

I understand how frustrated you are!!!!!:banghead: I'm on the other end of the picture (supposed to be receiving money) - but they seem to look in the favour of the ex - so it feels like they discriminate against all of us.

Have you asked to be reassessed? Where you fill in heaps (and I mean heaps) of forms, but if you can show that you are buying other stuff for the children, doing all the travel to see them/pick up that is taken into account and it can reduce the amount to be paid to the ex. Worth a try? :confused:

Good luck - don't stress, as it's only going to make you feel bad - they don't care!

[Nickster]

i want to know what gives them the right to dictate how we spend the money we get from centrelink.



I think that the fact that it is considered income, and in your DP's name (as well as yours), that allows them to take it.

What is really scary is the new powers they are being granted - to get into your super, or even force the sale of property if they deem you have debts.

I'm just glad we've always kept up to date, and have only 2 1/2 years of it left.:thumbsup:

[DB&O]

I've got no words of advice as I've not been in your shoes but just want to say, chin up & don't let the b*****ds get you down ;)
Ciao,
Brooke.

[InSaneOne]

thanks nic

i just hate to see my hard earned money go to waste on someone who doesn't even work. i know she spends most of the child support money on herself. the kids barely get anything. we have tried and tried to get things reassesd but because she never replies to the letters that they send her they take it as she doesn't apporve or want the change to happen. recently we had calculated how often we have the kids and it was different to the consent orders. we told them of course and when they called her she said that was wrong and that we didn't have the kids. i would like to know who she thinks looks after them when they aren't with her. now we can prove we are having the kids but that means more forms and mountains of paperwork just because she wants to be spiteful.

we would love to go for custody of the kids but we just can't afford a lawyer. we had one from legal aid for the consent oders a few years ago and he was so biased we asked for another one but they weren't much better. i wish the system was set up better. why can't child support payments be woolies vouchers of kmart vouchers for childrens clothes. al least that way the kids would get some of what they are entitled too.

[InSaneOne]

we have tried to sell the property but she won't move out and we can't get a court order to get her out. both names are on the mortage.

she says she will refinance it into her name and then doesn't do anything about it for months until we push the issue again and then she gets all narcky.

i told dh the other night that he should move back in - then he doesn't have to pay child support and he will get the authority to kick her out on her fat butt and she would have to pay him. :smiliedance:

[RaryGirl]

Belinda push for it to be reassessed!

I didn't get any say when my ex wanted it reassessed. The completed forms were sent to me to reply to - I had to add my bit and dispute anything I didn't feel was correct (which was most of it).

It then went to a mediator who reviewed both sets of forms, spoke to both of us (over the phone, not at the same time) and then I got a letter about the decision a few weeks later.

They didn't change his payment amount (you can't get much lower than $10 a month :eek: ) but they did drop his debt!

[Nickster]

I know it's hard, Belinda. I could tell you some stories about DH's ex to make your toes curl, but I refuse to waste my energy on her. We've been together since DSS 1 and 2 were 11 and 8 years old respectively, and we've had to go without a lot too.

All you can do is keep your chin up, keep up to date with the payments, and don't let the kids go without - just do your best for them, and trust me, they will respect you for it one day. We went through some trouble with DSS1 a few years back, and just recently on his 18th birthday, he made a speech to DH and I about how we have always been right, and have done the right thing and given him good role models to follow. Makes all the hard times we went through worthwhile!

It's all about the kids in the end. But I'm sure you already know that.:)

[InSaneOne]

we did have part of the debt dropped a few years ago and we have been trying since toget the house out of dh's name as we can't buy a house together until he gets rid of that one. we have offered her a credit with child support of $15000 (more than she would get over the next years until all the kids are 18) and far less than what his share in the house is worth but she just won't fill in her paperwork.

that way no money will have to exchange hands (meaning she doesn't need a loan to pay him out and she gets the house and that he doesn't need to pay any more money to child support.) it would be so easy she just needs to sign a piece of paper and post it to child support. but she can't even do that.

[~Danni~]

my mum works for the Child Support Agency and hates it with a passion, the amount of unfairness going on is sky high even though they are actually doing 'the right thing' according to the system:hugs: (she had to get out of making calls and dealing with customers cos of how cr@ppay it made her feel:yes: )

[sopolicha]

why can't child support payments be woolies vouchers of kmart vouchers for childrens clothes. al least that way the kids would get some of what they are entitled too.


A K-mart voucher for six dollars a week. What extravagance that could afford my daughter.

Why is it that every person who pays or receives Child Support feels aggrieved? We either pay too much or receive too little.

[Nickster]

I personally don't feel aggrieved - I like the fact that DH is allowed to contribute in some way to his son's upbringing, considering he is allowed so little in all other arenas (thanks to his ex). I just find it hard that we have had to go without as a "second family", and that the minions working for CSA have and probably always will treat DH as a "deadbeat Dad" despite all evidence to the contrary.

[Kassiasmum]

First of all big :hugs: to you, I hate the system, we have the skids living with us and still have to pay CS.
If you are paying for things for the skids such as shoes for school, school uniforms etc, you can claim these as Non agency payments and that reduces your monthly support amount by 25%, I think it has just gone up to 30%. You can also claim back a % of support if it costs you more that 5% of your child support (I think it's your child support amount) to have access with the skids. Have you tried filling our a change of assessment form for the debts he is still paying off from their marriage. Just because she doesn't respond to their letters doesn't mean ****, she's not the one making the decisions, you just need to keep onto CSA about it, they can make decisions without her input if she refuses, most of the time that usually goes against the person when they don't respond. If you can prove to CSA that you have the skids more often than the consent orders throug things like diary entries, entry tickets to anything that you go to, other peoples statements saying that you have had them skids on these dates, CSA should accept these. How often are you having the skids, have you worked out the percentage?
There is another forum on stepfamilies that has some excellent advice from parents on dealing with CSA issues, PM me if you want to address.
Good luck and don't let them or her get you down to much, keep your chin up.

[mythreelittlemonkeys]

thanks nic

i just hate to see my hard earned money go to waste on someone who doesn't even work. i know she spends most of the child support money on herself. the kids barely get anything. we have tried and tried to get things reassesd but because she never replies to the letters that they send her they take it as she doesn't apporve or want the change to happen. recently we had calculated how often we have the kids and it was different to the consent orders. we told them of course and when they called her she said that was wrong and that we didn't have the kids. i would like to know who she thinks looks after them when they aren't with her. now we can prove we are having the kids but that means more forms and mountains of paperwork just because she wants to be spiteful.

we would love to go for custody of the kids but we just can't afford a lawyer. we had one from legal aid for the consent oders a few years ago and he was so biased we asked for another one but they weren't much better. i wish the system was set up better. why can't child support payments be woolies vouchers of kmart vouchers for childrens clothes. al least that way the kids would get some of what they are entitled too.

We have recently experienced the same thing - infact it quite scary how similar the exes sound!! SHe denied to CSA we have children so we now getting stat decs...but they took her word over ours even though we can prove we had them...she blatantly said to us she only interested in the money...we give her support money then she asks for more for uniforms, pants, jocks, socks...we recently spentr 500 bucks on clothes for the kids and gave them to her and washing powder as she said she couldnt afford adn then she rang CSA and said she wanted a reassesment (on same day my baby due) as she certain my DH earns 100,000 when he actually earns just over half of that...she turned round and said to DH its my right to know how much you earn and I should have that - no mention of the kids...she even tried to get us to give her 11 bucks yesterday for cigs as 2 days to payday and she couldnt last...we dont even smoke! and the sad thing is she gets nearly 1000 a fortnight inc. our support yet she has nothing and the kids have nothing...anyway I going to sssssshhhhh now as so maddening...we just going to let the CSA reassess and sadly that will mean all hte extras the kids get now we probly wont be able to afford to do and even though she will get the money she wont do anything with them...not even sports...so lazy as htey both at school and she doesnt work!! we cant go for custody as DH works away...so at mo it shared..though she now threatening ot stop him from seeing them...and yeh we cant afford a lawyer...and of course it would all be free for her....ggggggggggrrrrrrr!!

[whatwasithinking]

First of all big :hugs: to you, I hate the system, we have the skids living with us and still have to pay CS.
If you are paying for things for the skids such as shoes for school, school uniforms etc, you can claim these as Non agency payments and that reduces your monthly support amount by 25%, I think it has just gone up to 30%. You can also claim back a % of support if it costs you more that 5% of your child support (I think it's your child support amount) to have access with the skids. Have you tried filling our a change of assessment form for the debts he is still paying off from their marriage. Just because she doesn't respond to their letters doesn't mean ****, she's not the one making the decisions, you just need to keep onto CSA about it, they can make decisions without her input if she refuses, most of the time that usually goes against the person when they don't respond. If you can prove to CSA that you have the skids more often than the consent orders throug things like diary entries, entry tickets to anything that you go to, other peoples statements saying that you have had them skids on these dates, CSA should accept these. How often are you having the skids, have you worked out the percentage?
There is another forum on stepfamilies that has some excellent advice from parents on dealing with CSA issues, PM me if you want to address.
Good luck and don't let them or her get you down to much, keep your chin up.

Kass is 100% right - I worked in CSA for 4yrs. (a few years ago now though).

And like someone else's mum who works for CSA it does get to you after awhile - hearing both sides of the fences.

People need to remember that just because someone works for CSA or another "non liked half of the time" agency eg ATO or Centrelink it doesn't mean they(the worker) agree with the rules/procedures/legislation/processess. It is no use getting cranky and abusing us.

We are human and not horrid monsters!!!!!

That's my vent/gripe for the evening!!

[SilverStarfish]

(you can't get much lower than $10 a month :eek: ) but they did drop his debt!

What an joke! $10 a month... :hugs: to anyone who has to deal with the CSA. The whole system is absolutely rooted. I think someone needs to pull the whole system apart and try to somehow make it fairer for everyone.

[mythreelittlemonkeys]

hmm yeh I agree 10 a month pants especially if can afford more...but if genuinely cant...I think vouchers good if you are handing over large amounts a fortnight and can prove none of this goes to children or their keep..but then whose to say the ex wouldnt trade them with someone or buy her own stuff with it...I never understand when they say the money for the day to day up keep but then they dont make sure it is used for htis...rent etc she would have to do if she lived without kids same for electricity and to be fair she does get alot of assistance from govt for those things...and still cant pay it...

[FOURtunate]

I can understand your frustration. But, as a payee, I have been left with a huge debt as a result of my ex partner not paying the correct amount of child support (if at all).

I just don't get how these guys get away with debts, and their Credit Rating remains intact. In the mean time, payees struggle to raise their children, and accrue debts related to their upbringing.

[sam's mum]

I am actually fairly lucky that my ex and I get along ok and we do our own child support outside the system. But I just wanted to add a thought in response to the call for vouchers - Who would decide where the vouchers were for?? What if I don't shop at KMart, or Woolworths? How does a voucher help me pay for hockey fees, and drama lessons, and mortgage payments? And yes, I would have a mortgage even if I didn't have my daughter, but I wouldn't have a mortgage as big, because I wouldn't need a house as big.

I know that there are some recipients who don't buy things for their kids that they should, but there are also some payers who don't pay the money that they should. It is just unfortunate that there are two ends to the spectrum. I don't know of a solution to this. There are just so many situations where the majority do the right thing, but there are those who don't...

I can still remember one of our friends ten years ago giving up his $150k a year job and taking a job for $35k a year simply because he wanted to pay his ex less money. I didn't understand it then, and I don't understand it now. It just seems to epitomise cutting off your nose to spite your face. She had been spending the money to look after kids, he still had his '69 corvette stingray, but all of the sudden the kids lifestyle changed dramatically... so sad.

[mythreelittlemonkeys]

"What if I don't shop at KMart, or Woolworths? How does a voucher help me pay for hockey fees, and drama lessons, and mortgage payments? And yes, I would have a mortgage even if I didn't have my daughter, but I wouldn't have a mortgage as big, because I wouldn't need a house as big. "

I think it should be done on a case to case basis - and the point I was making is it is sad that our children have to go without food and clothes because their mother spends the money on her bad habits and god knowswhatelse...anyway she now getting 900 bucks a month from us plus her welfare so I hope we see a marked improvement int ehir welfare, diet and clothing...and that she gets off her backside to take them 5 minutes down the road to the netball games we have already paid for that she cant be bothered to do for her daughter now...

[InSaneOne]

its not the fact that dh pays child support to his ex but the fact that she wastes the money and sits on her fat *** while we are struggling more than she is. our last csa statement said that she earnt $35000 for the last finacial year (so she isn't sitting all the time then.) and dh only earnt $38000. we have the kids every weekend and she denies that to csa so we have to prove when we have them. (still being evaluated) i hate my dd and myself having to go without something because the ex gets the money. the children don't lack anything. we buy them heaps of things that they need and not all of it we can claim as non-agency payments. (i gave them a bag of apples to take home one week because she wasn't buying them fruit and we can't claim that) i hate it when i see her in brand new clothes when i can't even afford a $5 shirt. why can she have her hair dyed and cut every month when i can't even afford to pay my mum's friend $10 for a haircut for me.

we are happy to pay for things like the childrens sports or school fees that sort of thing. but as we have to pay rent ($250 p/w) and she refuses to move out of the house so it can be sold (and pay off the mortage so we can buy a house one day) and she only pays something ridiculous like $130 p/w - i would love to get a 3 bedroom house for $130 a week. (we pay $250 a week for our 3 bedroom place and it isn't flash)

i would just like to know where the money we give her goes. is that too much to ask for. i mean csa want to know where all our money goes don't they.

i think the system needs to change to help both the payee's who get screwed and the payer's who are also screwed.

[Blessed Mum]

Oh Belinda I just wnated to give you a :hugs: . I can see your frustration. Many years ago DH & I were in the same situation. We were lucky in that we ended up resolving it with the ex ourselves. I completely understand your point about you & your kids having to go without, whilst your husband/partner does and obviously accept responsibility for his other children I do not believe this is right that the other family should go with out. The same as I would not think it fair that the ex & your husband's first children should go without IYKWIM :) . It should be fair for all involved - if only hey?:rolleyes:

[tera]

Ok I can see this from both sides. My DH has a 16 year old son who lives with us, he also has an 8 year old daughter who lives in Sydney(I have never met her).

Our story, my hubby is required to pay child support for the girl, now if he mises one payment they had no hesitation in garnisheeing his wages, he has not seen her since she was one. He wouldnt know if she was getting the benefit or the mother.
He is also the receiver of child support for the 16 year old. his mother pays the measley $21.60 per month. The last time we seen this was over 2 years ago, why arent they chasing her up. (different mums)

My DH had a written agreement in regards to CSA but it was not accepted. We have 3 children together but my last child was not accepted as his by cSA because we missed the deadline by a week. I have had to get birth certificates and doctors statements etc to stete that he is indeed her father and not a figment of our imagination as the 1st mother claims.

To billie, if you receive the centrelink payment then CSA cant touch it.

TC
Teresa

[ashleerose]

Well i am on the other side of this situation.

I left my husband after he broke the avo and pulled a knife on me in front of the kids etc etc.

Within a week of me leaving he got with the thing up the road from us.

She already had a child from a previous relationship.

They are both on drugs.

They live in her house and rent his house out (housos).

She is on the single parent pension him on the dole.

My childsupport is next to nothing as he had a child from a previous relationship, and not long ago one to the thing and as they are rorting the system he pays childsupport to her and so therefore they get the money back.

People say that i could do this and that but at the end of the day, no-one can really do anything about the situation.

I have two kids to him in total he has four kids to three different women.

And to top it all of we are still legally married even though i left him two years ago...

why? well i tried to sort the divorce out and he didnt want a divorce wanted me back and tried to win me back by going through the family law court and putting on a show for his mum and the thing.

When that didnt work he gave up on the kids.

He threatened to kill me if i proceeded with the divorce.

then one day i got an sms from her out of the blue asking me to do the divorce (it was about 6am in the morning) so i ignored it.
At lunch that same day i got another one from him asking if i had done it yet...

I told them that as i had tried several times and he had stopped me he would have to sort it out himself.

They had nine months of her pregnancy to sort it out (i didnt know she was pregnant and the talk about the divorce was well and truly prior to that).

And so it makes you wonder what kind of girl has a baby to a guy that is still married. If it had of been me i would have had it sorted out well and truly before bubs was married.

I have no contact with him as he kept selling his mobiles and the last time i spoke to his mum she made no mention of the things pregnancy and doesnt seem to care about the kids in anyway (i guess its because she has another grandkid to replace them).

:banghead: