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View Full Version : how do i tell her the truth? (long sorry)



jessgray
25-07-2006, 15:15
my younger sister is 19 but in the head she is about 15 (if that makes any sense lol) she has learning dificulties (sp?) so trying to tell her anything is hard.
i spent 2.5 hours dying her hair yesturday without a thank you :thumbsdown: and when she had looked in the mirror i said do you like it? and she said yeah :) and got her bf to pick her up.

5pm comes (about 4 hours later) and she sends me a sms saying to call her it was about her hair.she launched into a big speech about how her bf said i had missed bits and some bits werent the same colour. ( i had warned her the red might not look like the box in some spots coz her hair was all wierd coloured from her bf's attempt a few months ago at dying it blonde) anyway i told what to do to try and fix it and if it didnt work go to a hairdresser.

so then 10 mins later i get a sms saying her bf and her bf's best friend think DP is a gay C*** and want to bash him. and i rang her fone asking if the message was spose to have been sent to me and she had to ask her bf if he knew about it and then said yep it was. few mins later i get another one,saying the bf's best mate wants to "rip DP's C**k" (we never understood that either lol)

now DP doesnt like her bf for the fact her bf treats her like dirt and has hit her on several occasions but DP has never done anything to her bf. and now she is encouraging this behaviour like its funny. when it just makes DP not want to have anything to do with her bf at all.

they have been together since she was about 15. and when HE deicdes he wants to go out to the pub (she hates pubs) and pick other girls he will tell her "we need a break" and **** like that. he is using her for her money and will demand she buy him expensive things and when her birthday or a special occasion comes he gives her a $2 gift IF he remembers.

a few times she rings me in tears coz he "accidently" hit her in an arguement. but she wont dump him.
i have told her he is no good for her and she would be better off without him and our whole family have said it but she always says she would only leave him if she could find another bf,she doesnt want to be alone.

what should i do?

Taylors_mum
25-07-2006, 15:35
Thats a hard one. Its horrible seeing family members being used like that. I know what you are going through.:banghead:

Whats you partners relationship like with your sister?? Maybe he shoud have a chat with her?? she might need to hear it from someone that isnt direct family iykwim

If she is scared of being alone tell her she can come stay with you for a bit??

Staying with that looser isnt going to help her get a new man :no:

jessgray
25-07-2006, 15:40
DP hasnt ever really got to spend much time with her coz her bf is practily joint at her hip and wont let her come here :(
she has a granny flat at our mums but doesnt live in it coz she doesnt want to be alone.she spends all her time with him.
she doesnt know the aera where i live very well so if she was to come stay we would have to go get her. and it owuldnt be pretty if we did go get her coz DP wants to deck her bf.lol

Taylors_mum
25-07-2006, 15:48
haha let him.

Just kidding.

Seriously though... your preg... with a little one.. you dont need the stress.

Tell her that.

Probably the only reason her BF would be acting that way towards your DP would be because he is jealous.

jessgray
25-07-2006, 15:57
i have said the same to DP that maybe her bf is threatned or jelious of him. and DP cant see why lol
i just wish she would come to her senses and see him for what he really is. her bf's fmaily dont help they will ask her for money whenever they can. and she gives it to them. and when her bf hurts her his mum says "he will grow out of it" he is almsot 20!!!

~Danni~
25-07-2006, 16:05
i have said the same to DP that maybe her bf is threatned or jelious of him. and DP cant see why lol
i just wish she would come to her senses and see him for what he really is. her bf's fmaily dont help they will ask her for money whenever they can. and she gives it to them. and when her bf hurts her his mum says "he will grow out of it" he is almsot 20!!!


OMG thats all so horrible, it must be really hard to sit back and watch it all happen without being able to do anything.
The likely hood of 'growing out' of treating your GF like S*** is very slim cos he already knows he can easily get away with it, the mother sounds like tool for saying it as well:mad:
How dare they aske her for money thats so wrong as well....:banghead:

as above^^ its hard cos you don't need the stress being preggie and all......

very mature sending sms messages (rip C**K???) I have no idea what you could do but it makes me angry just thinking about it so I cant imagine how horrid it must be for you:hugs: (and your sis)

prehaps she is scared of being on her own, cos she is 'used' to being with him??

~Danni~
25-07-2006, 16:08
she would only leave him if she could find another bf,she doesnt want to be alone.


ok I didn't read that till just then:rolleyes: maybe if she was more confident in herself she would feel ok about being on her own for a while and finding somone who treats her well, I don't know how she would get that though still being with this idiot....

jessgray
25-07-2006, 16:13
yeah she is so used to being with him that she has lost contact with a tonne of friends and he has become practily her whole life almost.its a shame to watch it happen coz i am worried one day something bad will happen like he will really hurt her and she will end up in hospitial or worse. and telling her that is like telling a brick wall to paint itself...

~Danni~
25-07-2006, 16:19
hmmm isin't that what all the controlling partners do, isolate there other half from family and friends so even when they decide they need help they have no one to turn to (except your family is still there waiting which is great:) ) thats my bit of DR Phil for one day:D

jessgray
26-07-2006, 09:48
i think you are right :)
the isolation for her got slowly worse just before i had ds. she used to go out regulary for coffee and to the movies with her friends but all the sudden they stopped seeing each other coz "they were fighting"
her social life is her bf and his mates and his family and on the odd occasion she goes to my mum's place and sees family.