Do you feel your kids miss out?

[faroutbrusselsprout]

Another thread I started about having a big family made me realise that alot of people really didn't enjoy being one of 4 or 5 or 6..
People felt they missed out on time with their parents, experiences etc
Ideally I would love 4 kids but I am now starting to wonder if that may be somewhat selfish?
Financially we could do it, and we have a great family network.
If I just stick with the two I have now though, I could provide them with so much; travel, education, holidays, one on one time etc, yet I would always have the yearning for another baby (or two!)
Do you feel that your kids, as part of a large family, miss out on anything?
Is the love of a big family enough, or do you need the finances and resources to back it up?

[anewme]

No I don't feel my kids miss out. Yes they don't have every new fancy toy but even if I was a millionaire They still wouldn't.

They get one on one time every month on their mummy/daddy date. There is more than enough love from everyone.
I had a only child for six years and I know my kids are much better off with lots of brother and sisters.

I hope this helps.

[bgbgbb]

DH and I often say that if we had stopped at 2 our lives would be much easier. We could afford to go back to visit his family in Europe more often (even if we could afford it now, the thought of taking 4-6 kids on a 24 hour flight terrifies me!) We could afford to eat out more often. People (including my family) would have us over more often because we're not as crazy noisy. We could go on holiday every year & take advantage of the specials that never seem on offer for families with more than 3 kids. And our house would not be too small in a couple of years, necessitating a great outlay of cash to either move or extend.

But when I hear the 4 of them playing hide and seek in the house, or playing involved games in our back-yard, I am happy that we have a large family. True, I mightn't have as much time to spend with them than if I had 2 kids, but they also learn to entertain themselves more, rather than come to me for entertainment. When I see my eldest practising his reading by reading a book to his 3 younger siblings, it brings a proud smile to my face. They are not shy and they interact well socially as they are used to living in a social environment.

I was 1 of 2 and my sister and I dont get on. My mother was always playing us off against one another, and made it quite obvious that I was not her favourite. I haven't the time to have a favourite. They are all my favourite, so there are no jealous streaks.

I'll never regret my decision to have a large family as for me, the benefits definitely outweigh the negatives.

[Ffrenchknickers]

I definitely have to always be aware of everyone's needs and spending one on one time with all four of mine. It is something I have to conciously think about EVERYDAY :yes: I definitely don't think I could do it if I was to work, I have made raising them my fulltime thing and that works for us.

We plan to have one more which will make 5:)

Boygirlboygirl.....I was just watching my 4 playing hide and seek this morning :) It was lovely, my eldest (9 was carrying the 1 year old around so he could play to. It is moments like that that make me LOVE having a bigger family.

[anewme]

I definitely don't think I could do it if I was to work, I have made raising them my fulltime thing and that works for us.


:iagree: There wouldn't be enough hours in the day if I had to work full time too.

[sweetseven]

My kids dont miss out being part of a large family. They've only missed out when external concerns caused problems, such as continuously having to move house.

I felt that I missed out as a child, through lack of siblings. I loved it when my cousins were close and we would play together. However, when it was just us, I only had my brother who was 4 years older and didn't want to play with his annoying little sister. (Sometimes he would take me to the park, or play a boardgame with me, but for the most part, he had other things to do.)

[kezzaskids]

My 5 get everything they need and want! And they live in a ready made support network and ''village'' . I wish we could have more children !

[Ffrenchknickers]

I'm like you Sweetseven, i feel like I missed out only having one sister growing up.....and we weren't close AT ALL - I don't feel our parents really fostered that closeness in us....also, I haven't got a single cousin :( I think that is part of the reason having more kids appeals to me.

[Sheer Bliss]

:no: I was one of 4 growing up and LOVED always having someone to play with. Even now as an adult it's great to be able to call on either sister or even my brother when I need someone to talk to or some help. The only thing I remember being a bit annoyed about as a kid was that we didn't have all the brand name school bags/shoes etc. But we always went on family holidays and did fun stuff, so now in hindsight I can see that mum and dad didn't give us the brand stuff so we could have time away together, and it has helped me grow as a person to understand the importance of things.

My 2 big kids miss out on me ALOT at the moment, but having twins isn't really a choice of a large family! LOL. They LOVE having each other though, and when one is at daycare the other constantly asks when we are going to get them. So despite the opportunity to spend more time with mum, they still want each other alot. They love having a a baby each to cuddle, they love being helpers and told what great big brothers and sisters they are.

IMHO they miss out on some things, but gain others that would be hard to get if they were in a smaller family. And I will always remember christmas....oir family of 4 kids, 3 each for both my aunty and uncle - kids and toys everywhere!! A separate kids table for lunch/dinner and so much fun! So much noise and excitement - it was the best! And now with one sister having 4kids, the other with 2 - its shaping up the same for our kids and they are loving it. :goodvibes:

[ChelsLuke]

Nope. My kids get everything and all get time, like the others if i worked ft i wouldnt be able too. But they all get us time in different areas. All get listened to when they speak all get spooken to, loved fed, cuddled. I lovethe sound of them playing and squealing. All i hear is they want more brothers and sisters. No regrests with 3 cant wait to have more and give them that gift

[WorkingClassMum]

My dad always thought we never missed out on stuff, but from our perspective as kids we did feel it.

[ChelsLuke]

My dad always thought we never missed out on stuff, but from our perspective as kids we did feel it.

My parents were the same i have 1 older brotherand 2 younger sisters. But i missed out the most only cos my bro was a paininteh ****, lying, stealing etc, my younger sister has Autism spectrum disorder and my youngest a premmie at 25 wks had heart issues, pnemonia , cerebal palsy and adhd. Me i was the ft normal child so i never got alot of attention but that was too be expect, plus my dad was an interstate truckieand mym mum a diabetic internet addict so i had no hope.

My own families situation is different. lol my kids go in their rooms to be left alone. :laughing:

[melbryan]

I have 4 little ones ( eldest is 5) and you know what I hear all the time ' God they must be hard work how do you get time with each of them?. I want to spend time with my kids one on one.'
The sweetest part of my day is watching them all playing together not needing much but a bit of sand in the sand pit and a few cars. Yep they have their moments, but I would not have it any other way. My second son was diagnosed this year with Type 1 diabetes they all rally round and make him feel better it just melts my heart. They take part in his testing and needle changes and tell him it's alright Ds3 at this moment I know he will not be alone through his life, and if anything were to happen to me I would feel Ok because they have each other.
My 9 mth old gets very sad when she is not with her brothers it's just a way of life. My kids do not miss out on anything we work really hard to give them a good family life and groundings.If I had 2 or 10 they would have all they needed but 4 is our limit and maybe in another life we might have had more.
My kids have never said they are bored it's always other kids who come to our house who never want to go home. It's a place of fun and lots to do that's probably why we don't go anywhere. The neighbours practically live at our house.
Many a person has said this on BH- You never regret the kids you have only the ones you don't.....

[Blueberry Crumble]

This is part of the reason we have decided to stop at two. I honestly feel that I could not spread myself between any more kids. I like my children to have lots of one on one time, and I would struggle with any more. Especially with every thing else that needs to be done around the house.

Plus, I dont seem to breed good sleepers. Have barely had a full night's sleep in 3.5 years, and doesnt look like I will be getting any decent sleep for a long time yet, judging by how my DD is sleeping! My DH and I crave sleep, and live in hope knowing that we will one day sleep again. If we were to have another, there is a possible 3 years of more no sleep LOL.

This reason may seem odd to people, but I feel so grateful that I have 2 healthy children (touch wood). I really dont want to risk having a baby that could be born ill, because it happens to so many people and just getting through those 20 week scans were nerve wrecking enough

[nugglyboysmum]

I have posted in here about how I felt I missed out on a lot due to being rom a large family. I want to clarify this. I had a father whose job it was to work and earn the money, my mum was really the only parent in the house, so one parent to 4 kids is why we didnt get one on one time. Also my parents divorced when I was 12 and my sisters were 10, 4 and 2. When they split up I had to become the other mother of my youngest sisters. I had to take care of them while my mum went to TAFE in the evenings. I had to take of them when we spent every second weekend at dads cause he was at work. This is why I felt i missed out as part of a large family.

If my parents had of been a happily married couple who both contributed to the parenting equally and made sure that we each had one on one time, then I would have loved my childhood. I love all of my sisters.

We are only having one child cause we arent cut out for parenthood. We dont have the patience. We originally wanted 5 kids!! Then we had one and realised what hard work it is and declared we would have no more. I feel that because I did so much mothering in my teens I am over it now and want to 'get on' with my life without my life revolving around children forever.

I think large families are wonderful!! I do shudder when I see a Tarago full of kids, but thats purely because DH and I would not cope at all!

[ChelsLuke]

If my parents had of been a happily married couple who both contributed to the parenting equally and made sure that we each had one on one time, then I would have loved my childhood. I love all of my sisters.

We are only having one child cause we arent cut out for parenthood. We dont have the patience. We originally wanted 5 kids!! Then we had one and realised what hard work it is and declared we would have no more. I feel that because I did so much mothering in my teens I am over it now and want to 'get on' with my life without my life revolving around children forever.

This i understnad, after raising my sister, mum was off in hospital with her health problems pregnant with my bro who died a premmie at 21 wks and her depression, i wasnt wanting a big family. 2 was enough.

I had Chelsea and didnt want anymore. But i had Luke as DH wanted 2 kids close togther and pestered me something shocking so i caved. I wouldnt change it for the world. 19 months apart, PND working it all got too much so i left work, worked my **** off to fix my PND with no medical/drug assitance. 3 yrs later i realsied my life wasnt complete so i begged for Aaron and Pup caved and i got my 3rd gorogues bub. Who was my absolute last i was spread thin, and it scared me i wasnt givng all my kids everything. I had an irritable uterus wheni was pregnant then a baby that breast feed 24/7 I was failing. Once i bottle feed him and got a routine by 6months i realised that providing i was in control and organised i can do anything. I wanted more. we ttced for a bit and i never fell pregnant so i took it as a sign i was to carry on my child rasising and bearing years were over, 13 years (since i was 10) i had been cooking, cleaning, and doing everything for everyone elses kids being a mum. now it was coming to an end i had my 3 left to raise and then it was my life.

Until i realised with my life i wasnt happy. I wanted mroe kids. :laughing: poor hubby. So we went for our 4th n final. Lost 2 so far in the process. Which made me go i want more then 4. I want whats taken from me.

In the process i have discovered. that all that child raising before my own kids wasnt a massive kick to end my child bearing years it was a kick start. I was raised to have a large family, already shown how to deal with it, and how to cope. So now im happy my jobs is to be a sahm. and have lots of kids and devote my time to them.

LMAO sorry for the :ecomcity::ecomcity: but thats my view, i understand though how you feel. And thigns may change you you or they may stay the same either way you will love what you do.

[bell5]

I had 5 kids in 8 years and every now and then suffer some mother guilt about lack of quality time for each of them. But i know they are not missing out on anything. they are all loved and have a secure home and family. I just have to see the fun they all have together and compare that to families that have 1 or 2 kids, or kids with a big gap between siblings and i know what i would prefer. The younger children have the older children to play with if mum is busy cooking tea for example...i sometimes feel bad that the older ones never got to experience that! The way our 1 year old looks at the 8 and 9 years old is adorable, you can tell she is certainly loved by more than just mum and dad. We do have special outings for one-on-one time with each child and at the moment it is school holidays and we all play together and it is great. They are not stuck in front of a computer game or tv, they are not bored...there is always someone else to play with.

I was inspired by a lady i knew as a teenager who had 8 children (and usually a few extras hanging around). She never stopped!! The house was chaotic even on quiet days and the fights the kids had were wild, but they were fiercely protective of each other and now that they are all adults they remain very close. I hope that i can achieve the same. If my children are friends and support each other when they grow up, i will be happy.

I don't think the amount of children you have has anything to do with them missing out. What counts is the way you parent.

My daughter has recently befriended 2 different only children - it is like she wants to adopt them because they don't have a family (in her eyes):). These kids are in day care before and after school and when they come here they can not share and really struggle with little things like not being able to watch something on the tv if playschool is on for the smaller kids, or if another child wants to join in a game for example. I am glad my kids are learning these skills and think it will help them grow into great adults.

Having said all that, my husband works long hard hours and our reason for stopping at 5 was that he didn't think he had enough time to give to any more. It's good to know your limits and everyone is different.