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Mik01
27-12-2009, 14:15
Anyone else had a crappy christmas? :) I can laugh about it now but I wasn't very amused while it was all happening.
Because the doctor told me that my immunization for rubella was low, DH and I cancelled our travel plans this christmas (we were meant to go overseas and spend christmas with my family) and decided to stay home. The GP also said to stay away from kids and babies (we've had some conflicting advice on this, with one GP saying to stay away completely because rubella is airborne and you don't know who has it and the other one saying that rubella is spread by drop contamination iow direct contact so being around children and babies is fine as long as I don't get too close), but because this is our first and just for peace of mind, DH and I decided that I'll skip christmas lunch with the inlaws. That suited me just fine as I was looking forward to some peace, anyway.

DH and I celebrate christmas on christmas eve (not christmas day) and open presents at midnight after a nice dinner and I was looking forward to that.

We told PILs that I was skipping christmas lunch this year and FIL made a huge deal of it because he wanted everyone there at christmas lunch. We told him that our decision was final and that he should respect it.

The next day, he told SIL we were pregnant and that we were going to be spending christmas here instead of overseas and also that I have to stay away from kids and babies.

In MIL's words, SIL "went ape****" and started yelling that they might not as well come down to spend christmas if I wasn't going to spend time with her kids.

My reaction: huh? We weren't going to be here anyway so that really doesn't change anything and I don't know what the big deal was. She and I are not close and never have been; we barely talk. Plus, I didn't think they were coming all this way just to see me, especially when we were going to be away anyway. So I thought that was a bit funny.

On the 24th, after much prompting from MIL, FIL lets us know that instead of having a big christmas lunch on christmas day, they've decided to have a family dinner that night instead and just have a cold lunch on christmas day. We had to tell them that we usually celebrate christmas on christmas eve and that I already had dinner going when they let us know. Of course a big deal was made out of that and DH ended up going over there for a drink to keep the peace.

When he got there, SIL tells him "we haven't told the kids that Aunty Mik is pregnant and why she's not here because it's not our news to tell. So you have to explain to them why she's not here."
MIL then corners DH and says "you have to tell the kids, you have to tell the kids now."

DH, tired of all the drama where there should have been none, decided to go home if that's all that was going to be happening while he was there.

I said, well SIL didn't find out from us in the first place, so this whole "it's not our news to tell" BS is a bit moot, don't you think?

I honestly do not know what the big deal is and I don't know where all of this is coming from.

bgbgbb
27-12-2009, 16:01
You sound just like me, you probably have so many things you'd like to say to these people, but out of politeness, you dont. Sometimes if we did say them it might make them stop and realise just how petty and cruel they are being.

My Christmas was spent half in tears, and the rest wishing it was over too. My kids were hyper (never think substituting chocolate stockings for lollies will be less messy, it just makes them more hyper and destructive!!). My mother threw guilt trips on me because I hadn't invited her for Christmas (she has ruined many a Christmas, I have learnt from past mistakes). And my husband was grumpy because all his family are in Europe and they didn't bother to call or send presents on time.

So you're not alone.

Do you know what I would say next time your DH's family throws all these guilt trips on you (or maybe get DH to say it for you). Say, Christmas is not the same for me with my family so far away. When you all try and make us feel bad for choosing to spend Christmas our way you do not make spending Christmas with you instead as an pleasurable alternative. Say nothing more and let them think on it.

The main thing is your DH is supporting you. United, you can beat the nasty in-laws. Best of luck!

Mik01
28-12-2009, 01:57
:hugs::hugs:
sorry you had a crappy christmas as well. honestly, when SIL said what she did, i was soo tempted to say "what makes you think i want to spend time with you?" but that wouldn't be fair to her kids, really. i'm actually quite fond of one of them and honestly didn't think it would be quite a big issue.

and i thought pregnant women were meant to be the one with the irrational reactions due to hormones LOL

oh, well.

PunkyDiva
28-12-2009, 02:03
It's not your problem hun don't take on baord their crapola or react to it cause that's what they want for whatever their own motive/purpose, let it just wash over you and continue enjoying and being excited about your new life journey. :hugs:

Mik01
11-01-2010, 23:31
Thanks PunkyDiva. I try really hard to be zen and happy but it's kind of hard when this happens: 2 days after New Year's, we started shifting house and we needed a hand shifting the heavier furniture.
FIL shows up with BIL and BIL's youngest son. I was pretty ****ed off after everything you know? The very thing I was avoiding and they BRING IT TO ME. When DH and I objected they pooh-poohed it, saying the boy was perfectly healthy. Another 2 days later and DH's brother came by the house to say that they had to take the kid to the doctor because they found pink spots on his back and neck.
Turned out to be chickenpox, and I'd already had it, but what if it wasn't? And now they're all rallying behind the "but it wasn't rubella so what are you going on about?" bandwagon.
To top it all off, we were shifting the last and the heaviest furniture yesterday and DH asked his brother to help him but of course FIL turns up as well. They were lifting a very heavy tv cabinet and then FIL says "we need 4 people" turns to me and says "how tough are you? what sort of weight can you carry?"
I was just about to tell him where to go when DH yelled at him.