I am so hurt

[MumNeedsCoffee]

So I'm still living with FOB as he said that he wanted us to stay through Xmas and Jade's first birthday.

And to allow time to get his 2nd car re-registered, make an appointment with the bank to take over the debt I've been left in.

I realised that I was at fault too. I have said some horrible things, in my defense at my frustration at some of the completely irresponsible hurtful things he has done. But two wrongs don't make a right.

So I've been nothing but pleasant in an effort to repair some of of the damage. I've been helpful doing my part to keep things together for now, he didn't go to work again last night because instead of sleeping he AGAIN choose to go out and socialise. Came back to have 30 mins sleep and then despite my trying to wake him he pulled the covers over his face and slept in way past when he should have gone to work.

He asked me to call his work with a reason why he was late as they are sick of hearing excuses from him. In an effort to help him keep his job I did.

I've been sick, with a stomach bug, for the last few days. I've had it on and off and struggled through.

Today I've been on my knees in pain.

I finally had enough and woke him up for some help.
He came out and layed on the lounge.
He just ignored us and watched TV or watched as I cleaned and refilled Jade's bottles.
He watched as I struggled through preparing some lunch for Jade.
He watched as I cleaned up the mess.
He just watched as I lay on the floor while Jade was desperate for attention and crawled all over me.

I finally said to him 'What do I f***n need to do to get some help around here? How much pain qualifies to get that"

He told me why should he have sympathy for someone who he told to get some rest and I haven't done that.

I said while he was laying on the lounge Jade needed nappy changes, she needs feeding, she needed her bottles cleaned and ready for her next feed.

He told me that at least when he's tired he knows to get some rest.
He told me not to expect any compassion from him for p***ing him off.

I cannot believe anyone would be so heartless and selfish.

And his friends message me telling me how lucky I am to have someone who I can still turn to no matter what happens for support. "This is where u r very lucky as many single mums don't get any of that"

[Erin21]

Males...... Should I say any more? Sorry to hear that you guys having a rough time over christmas! Hope things work out

He needs to rember Jade is his child to so he should be helping!

Keep ya head up high Im sure you will work things out if you need someone to talk to Pm me!

xErin

[Benji]

My ex was just like yours. He didn't even come home when I needed a lift to HOSPITAL!!!!

I drove myself to the doctors with a stomach bug, bucket between my knees to be told they would have given me a shot to stop the vomiting had I been given a lift :hair: while he was at home doing **** all!

Believe me, you haven't even begun to experience FOBs nasty side yet! His friends are full of crap to put it nicely.

Make sure you get that debt out of your name, or you will be paying it off for years like I had to. Me & DS struggled so bad and some days I didn't eat trying to pay off FOBs debts and while it was all well and good for him to SAY he would pay for it and promise me he'd pay child support, what men like him & your FOB do and say are two totally different things.

Honestly, protect yourself, make SURE he pays for his own debts!!!

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

I hope you feel better soon xox

[Flashdance]

I couldn't read and not reply.

Sweetheart, I would leave. That is not an environment you need to be in. What he is doing is emotional abuse.

Do you have parents nearby? Or friends? I know it's hard around Christmas to go, but I really think you need someone around you who can at least help you while you're not feeling well. It is his child too for goodness sake, he is using you. I wouldn't be staying because he wants you to stay over the holidays and for your DD's birthday.

I would take your DD and go. If it's possible of course.

Many hugs for you, and I hope you can find some solution. :hugs:

[MumtoD]

Your going to stay with him till mid Feb? Honestly I would be getting away from him NOW. Who cares what he wants - he certainly doesn't care what you want.

He can come over for Jade's birthday just for the day.

:hugs:

[AM]

:banghead: Honey, he is not fit to wipe your boots...

I too think you need to just go, don't wait for anything.

Now is the only 'right' time :hugs:

[MumNeedsCoffee]

As much as I want to leave NOW.

I did leave him a couple of years ago.
After I'd had surgery and he left me at home alone for 3 days with no food in the house.
As soon as I was well enough I packed my things despite the pain and left.

I had lent him my work bonus because he'd let his car expire registration and needed new tires to pass. He used $2000.

This was the only thing I asked from him and his response "You can't get blood out of a stone"
Then he refused to answer his phone or door so I could pick up the rest of my things

3 months later when he begged me to come back stupidly I did
I can't regret it I have my beautiful Jade now

I let him rack up $10,000 worth of debt on my c/card for stupid unnecessary things
I paid most of it off but since he wasn't providing any money I stupidly racked it up back to a ridiculous amount to provide Jade with a cot, pram, food, nappies......

He would love nothing more than for me to leave right now so he can have his house to himself and live the bachelor life he wants

But I told him that I am not budging until he organises to take the debt he incurred in my name

[Benji]

Do you think there's much chance of him actually putting the debt back in his name where it belongs?

That's what my ex told me he'd do, and yet I was still paying it off until recently. 2 years after leaving him.

He hasn't given me back the money from the bond I paid for the place he's still living in, he'll just keep it knowing him, he still has some of my rented furniture that he refuses to pay for and refuses to give back, he still owed thousands on my card from when I first MET him and he "needed" money for rent, around $1,000 :rolleyes:

What he said he intended to do and what he actually did were two TOTALLY different things!

Do you think there's a chance your ex will pay it back?

[MumNeedsCoffee]

Maybe he will, Maybe he won't

And if he doesn't at least make that appointment with the bank soon I'll be selling all those things I can that he purchased on my c/card

He's a collector and alot of the things are here and still in my possession to sell

[MumtoD]

When he actually goes to work pack up and go and take whatever you want to sell to recover some of his debt.

He will never sign the debt over to his name especially if its a way of keeping you and Jade in the house.

[Benji]

Maybe he will, Maybe he won't

And if he doesn't at least make that appointment with the bank soon I'll be selling all those things I can that he purchased on my c/card

He's a collector and alot of the things are here and still in my possession to sell

I'd be doing it now TBH. I don't mean to be a downer, it's just that I lived in this cycle for years. He'd make promises so I'd do everything to keep the peace (i.e. stay living there, hang out etc) and it was just his way of controlling the situation.

If he was going to pay you back, he would've done it ages ago when he racked it up.

Sell that stuff now, and start saving to get you and your precious DD a nice little place of your own :hugs::hugs:

[Veritas]

I agree with the other ladies... there's no time like the present.....

You are better of cutting your losses, taking all the things that were purchased with your card in a hope to recover some of the debt, and put it all behind you.... I wouldn't be spending another two and half months under the same roof as that "man" if I was you.....

[sunnyflower]

I can't believe that a human being would allow the mother of their child to be in intense pain and have to attend to the baby whilst they sit on the couch watching?

And rack up massive debts whilst they can't be bothered going to work?

Please honey,leave this guy ,he is treating you so badly.

I hope you have a nice xmas:hugs:

[gizmoduckus]

:banghead: I can't believe that he is doing this to you. What sort of person just doesn't care if someone else is sick and struggling?

I agree with PP's. Sell what you can now. Do whatever it takes to get rid of the debt now. He doesn't seem trustworthy enough to think that he will do the right thing.

:hugs: I hope you feel better soon.

[TurnedBatty]

Yeah, I tried that whole living together thing with the ex. I lasted a month. I couldnt take any more. The abuse got worse, the crap coming out of his mouth was just horrible. And I knew that my son and I were better off without him, and I think you and Jade will be the same. Is he doing any good actually living there at all? Just sell whatever you can and get out now.

[moozle]

Is your Mum around? Ask her to move in for a week or so to look after you and Jade while you're not feeling well. That should learn him :laughing:

BTW, he's a jerk and it's a good thing you're getting out of that relationship. You don't need that c%$p in your life and neither does Jade!

[Stretchmark Diva]

Put them on EBAY, now. You are never going to see a penny of it otherwise. Get your ducks in a row girl, so you can leave and never have to put up with his crap again. Also, you'll find it impossible to get a loan, your credit history will be shot to pieces and you may find it hard to get a rental with that debt sitting there, in your name.

[BabelFish]

Oh good Lord. I am SO sorry honey. I've had the gastro thing too and there is NO way I could have looked after DD on my own without DP's help through it. We ALL had it at the same time and I honestly remember thinking while I was over the toilet heaving my guts up that I had no idea how single Mums would cope in a situation like that.

What a horrible man. I'm so glad he'll be out of your life soon - you deserve way better and I hope you have a very happy Christmas after all :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

[bumMum]

oh my god what is wrong with this man? is he the most selfish man on earth. a real man would never do this.. my partner has a fractured rib and attempted to bring in groceries today for me!
believe me, there are good men out there and you deserve and will find one of those men...
glad to hear you are moving on. i dont know anything about dividing assets but just want to congratulate you on moving on in your life. i hope one day ure ex will look back and realize what a complete ******** he was.

[ChelsLuke]

can you start to store his stuff elsewhere and sell them later gives you a quicker chance to leave, without waiting for them to sell.

I wouldnt be waiting for him to switch over the debt.

I hope you get out and hapyp soon. Thinking of ya

[delirium]

I would kick him out but if you really want to stay until Feb I would be setting out some really clear ground rules.

He is the father of Jade no matter what your relationship status is, he should be helping. Self inflicted hang overs and having no sleep from partying just don't cut it.

I would clearly say that he either signs over the debt to himself or you are going to sell all his stuff he put on the CC to recover the costs. No ifs or buts. I would also be asking why he thinks it's fair for him to rack up 10 grand in cc debit on crap, then leave his partner and child to pay it off :no:

[Ardentwhispers]

You need to get out of there! You're getting angry at him for doing the same thing he always does, kwim? That's why you've "left" him in the first place!

You said you had a friend to stay with? Can you get some help to move the stuff you plan on selling out? Set up a storage place, or if you have a friend's place to keep the stuff? Hire a moving truck ..or do you know someone with a ute? And then next time he goes out to socialise put your plan in place, and hightail it out of there chicken!

I know it's hard with Xmas, but xmas will be over in 2 days, so start planning it now :)

[MumNeedsCoffee]

I am probably so evil :devil: for saying this but....

:laughing: He has the gastro bug on Xmas Morning! :santa:

[MumNeedsCoffee]

I would kick him out but if you really want to stay until Feb I would be setting out some really clear ground rules.

He is the father of Jade no matter what your relationship status is, he should be helping. Self inflicted hang overs and having no sleep from partying just don't cut it.

I would clearly say that he either signs over the debt to himself or you are going to sell all his stuff he put on the CC to recover the costs. No ifs or buts. I would also be asking why he thinks it's fair for him to rack up 10 grand in cc debit on crap, then leave his partner and child to pay it off :no:

Tried to kick him out, but he refuses to leave and he has keys of course. Selfish pig only cares about his TV

As for ground rules, no hope of that
He spent last night out getting p***ed and staggering in at some stupid hour, that's real great for Jade's first Xmas

Not going to mention selling the stuff
Pointed out to him how much debt he has left me in for buying stupid things and not providing for Jade so I had to purchase cot, pram, clothes etc
You threw his wallet at me as hard as he could
Of course he has no money because he spends it on cr@p
If I mention selling things I wouldn't doubt he will store those things at a sympathetic friends house

Yep I am whinging over the same things, but as I said the last time I left he left me up sh*t creek

So I'm being a bit more cautious this time

But you're right, time to start planning to get outta here

I can't help but to still be shocked at the selfish irresponsible heartless things he does which affects the mother of his child and his child
And it makes me even angrier that he's going around making out to everyone that he's a hero for being there through my PND and through the worst of Jade's pain (no he wasn't, he was out partying every chance he got leaving a mother with severe PND to deal with a baby in so much pain she barely stopped crying throughout the day to gulp down some milk) and that he needs to find a woman he loves and wants to spend the rest of his life with and not someone with a bad temper like me

[MamaKoala]

I am probably so evil :devil: for saying this but....

:laughing: He has the gastro bug on Xmas Morning! :santa:

Good:laughing:. Don't let him ruin your baby's first Christmas. Just ignore that he's there and go about your day. Sucks to be him right now but who cares. Enjoy this lovely day with your beautiful daughter and forget about him for now. Merry Christmas :noel:

[mum2blueeyes]

And if he doesn't at least make that appointment with the bank soon I'll be selling all those things I can that he purchased on my c/card

He's a collector and alot of the things are here and still in my possession to sell

I wouldn't be waiting for him to do anything.

The sooner you sell the stuff, the sooner you will get the money you need to pay off the debt. He's not going to do it - if he was financially responsible he wouldn't have got himself and you into that mess to begin with.

Sell what you can, pay off what you can, cut your losses and get out before he has a chance to do any more damage.

[MumNeedsCoffee]

Good:laughing:. Don't let him ruin your baby's first Christmas. Just ignore that he's there and go about your day. Sucks to be him right now but who cares. Enjoy this lovely day with your beautiful daughter and forget about him for now. Merry Christmas :noel:
:D We've had a fun morning of opening presents

And he had a great big sook about having to go back and forth from the toilet all morning
Awwwwww
I'm not as cruel as him but I soooo wanted to say what he said to me "You expect me to give you sympathy? You'll find it in the dictionary between sh*t and syphillis"

Better for us because his lovely parents had organised Xmas lunch out at a restaurant but because things are so bad I told them to take him and Jade and I will see them later
His Mum begged me to come instead of him but I said no, because he is their son and it wouldn't be the right thing to do

So guess because he's sick and there is nothing open to ease his symptoms then I'll be going and enjoying lunch instead

Merry Christmas to me

[Benji]

Merry Christmas lovely :hugs: I hope my comments earlier didn't upset you, I've been there and done that. I know how hard it is to be left in thousands of dollars of debt because of some jerk. Protect yourself and make SURE he pays or you take his stuff to pay it off. He shouldn't be allowed to do that to you.

Enjoy your Christmas without him :devil: couldn't have happened to a nicer person :p

Merry Christmas to little Jade too :goodvibes:

[MumNeedsCoffee]

You're comments have only been helpful Benji :hugs:

I not silly enough to admit that I'm stalling a bit in the rare chance that he will actually do something right

So it is a bit of a reality check for others to say, been there done that, look after yourself

Thanks everyone

It's not the most pleasant topic to discuss on Xmas but I appreciate the support

[florence]

Merry Christmas to you and Jade.
I hope you two have a wonderful day regardless.
:hugs:

[mum2bubba]

I am probably so evil :devil: for saying this but....

:laughing: He has the gastro bug on Xmas Morning! :santa:

Hahaha, that'll learn him. :devil6:

Hope you and Jade have a great Xmas. :noel:

[MumtoD]

I am probably so evil :devil: for saying this but....

:laughing: He has the gastro bug on Xmas Morning! :santa:

:laughing::yelclap: Thats called KARMA!

[AM]

I hope you and Jade had a lovely christmas :)










Now get packing!!

[Erin21]

Ha ha GIVE HIM NO ATTENTION, I SOOO LOVE KARMA!