Frustrated

[fefe76]

hello all

DH and i have been LTTC (6 yrs in July) we have had an ectopic and 2 chemical pregs and just due to emotional etc reasons we decided to adopt

I am from Pakistan and DH is 1/2 Pakistani so we wanted to adopt from there, but seems Australia does not let you

NOT HAPPY

just wanted to know if anyone knows of any loopholes and how one proceeds and who u talk to .... is there any way we can take our case to someone, there must be some way to do it i just dont get why Australia is so strict about it when USA and UK etc allow adoption from Pakistan

I was adopted in Pakistan and taken to the UK and that was in the 70's !

maybe i should adopt the child get it UK citizenship and then bring it in , im just so frustrated with hitting brick walls no matter what avenue i go down

i so wanted something good for the New Year but nopes not happening :(

[jackie7]

it could be that Australia doesn't have an open running program. You could check with the department ion your state. As you might actually still techiqually be able to do this - if there is a Hauge convention agreement. But then again you might not be able too.

The other suggestion I have is to adopt as an Expat - ie. live overseas for a year for reasons other than adoption before starting the adoption process. However you will need to find out more about the legal implications of coming back into Australia - I have known a few people that have come back successfully, but it was still challenging for them.

If you still have ciztenship in the UK it could make the process easier for you to at least complete the adoption.

[fefe76]

if i was aware of this issue before i would have done it already as DH and i just spent 5 yrs working in the middle east .....should have done it then but just didnt think it would be an issue

its just not an option 2 go be an expat again

[jackie7]

Well then do what I suggested and talk to the department in your state about if it matches up with the Hague convention.

As for living as Expats well that's a choice you make and it could lead to not having children. For example if someone had been more direct with me - we would have maybe taken the Expat thing more seriously.

If it is an option take it - don't end up like us with even more limited options. If you think you can live without children then don't do it.

Adoption can tip you over the edge as much as doing IVF.

You could look at doing local adoption and be open to the adoption of a transracial adoption (mixed cultural background)

[fefe76]

like i said DH and i have just returned to Australia after being abroad for 5 yrs ....in hindsight had we known that Pakistan has not signed this Hague thingy we would have adopted from there within the 5 yrs that we were in the Middle East

its not an option for us to uproot and go and live abroad again for a year or 2 to adopt a child, we do really want children but we just cannot do this ... its not viable for us at all... we've just come back and settled back in and found jobs and started making a life back here again

DH is away for until 6th Jan when he returns we will go to the Dept of Immigration and put our case to them

i am not opposed to adopting a child from somewhere else but i would like to adopt a child from my background where i may find a child with similar features etc 2 myself

i was adopted and look nothing like my parents and always have had questions about it ..... i just think its for the childs best interests that ppl should be allowed to adopt from their country of origin should they wish to.

the UK has the same issue with intercountry adoption and the hague treaty but they say u can adopt from a country that hasnt signed this it just means u have to re-adopt the child when u return to the UK..... much more sensible

so many children who need homes and countries just make it so hard for ppl to adopt them... i find it sad esp when i know the poverty and scale of desperation of ppl in pakistan where they will just leave their newborn at charity places or sell their child for food or money to whoever and for whatever purpose

anyway

[sweetseven]

I have no idea if this will help or not, but I remember hearing that New Zealand was often used to bypass some Australian regulations.

So, if you are Australian citizens, you can live in New Zealand. Then if they allow it, you should be able to complete the adoption then move back to Australia.

I have no idea if this is viable or not, but have heard it being used as a loophole for people in different situations.

[jackie7]

Look Fefe I'm not sure I apprepricate the tone of your posts to me. In my first I simply gave you the facts and then you posted in a tone that is almost blaming me for the system being the way it is.

Please try to refrain from posting in a tone of blame - I am as well as many others are available to be of help.

Have you actually spoken the QLD safety or other appropriate organisations? Or are you just gathering information from other sources. It's best to go to the official source.

I'll give you want example China at one point (and maybe still not) had not signed the Hague but adoptions were still able to take place because they had agreed to other legislation with Australia. So until you have it officially, can you be completely sure.

See I understand your struggle - I did 3 and half years of IVF with egg donors (unsuccessful) and 4 and half years of ICA with China (withdrawn). So please refrain from taking a tone of blaming me about the Expat thing. I am trying to let you know what your options are.

Transracial adoption (ie. non-anglo-saxon child born in Australia) could be a very real option for you and there tends to be less $$$ fees with this.

[fefe76]

Jackie - the tone is the frustration at the system , i am not blaming you and neither was the tone of blame directed at you in any way

.... u didnt make the rules why would i be that way towards you?

i simply was expressing the fact that in my opinion the system in Australia is flawed and i am merely saying that the Expat option isnt an option for us for the reasons ive stated

indeed when DH is back on 6th Jan we will go to Immigration or whoever and speak to them directly, i do not want to do it alone as its all 2 emotional for me and i will probably just end up crying so i want to go with hubby so least if i start bawling he can continue the conversation!

i am sorry if i came off sounding like i was having a go at u when i was just venting and having a go at the process and the rules .... i do apologise sincerely

its just hard when at every opportunity the rug is pulled out from under your feet and its an emotional journey and sometimes you vent and it gets read in the wrong way

of course if adopting from our country of choice is not an option at all then we will consider a child from other backgrounds ......will just have to wait and see what happens

[donnie1973]

Hi FeFe

I feel for you, I really do. We live in a free country (or we think we do), but, our laws and public service in relation to adoption and surrogacy etc are archaic.

We were on the adoption program, but gave up after 4 years waiting and still being informed we would be waiting another few years...on and on it goes. I decided that we were not going to be subject to the liberty of our Govt as to whether we would have a family, so, we looked into surrogacy in India and US. 2 years later, we have our baby boy (our genetics) and another one on the way.....what better outcome than this can be offered by our Govt? None.

If I was you, and you were in principal not against surrogacy, I would look into this option, as long as one of parents is biologically connected to the baby, it is easy to return home to Aust with bub.

I understand the process inside out in relation to surrogacy, due to our experience, and can offer some guidance (if you ever consider this option)

Cheers

Chrissie