Two's company, three's .......

[Supermum]

I’ve been feeling overwhelmingly clucky recently and I’ve been wondering what it’s like in larger families. I’ve included the poll for the ‘statistical analysis’ but would love to hear from those of you with three or more about your biggest challenges and/or the most satisfying aspect/s of having a larger family.

My DH is one of three and was always left out. My mother is one of three and was always left out. They were both the youngest in their families. So how do you ensure that this doesn’t happen? The age gap between my first two is just 15 months but the gap between my daughter and the next one, should we choose to TTC will be around 4-5 years.

All responses appreciated.

[Lauz]

i sometimes look after a family of three... 2 boys and a girl. girl is the bubba- 16 months, the boys are 3 and 6. the boys share a room, get along like a house on fire and cause mischief. Girl is "mummies little girl" however in the way of toys/clothes i sometimes feel she is a little overlooked? Her room is shared, half hers and half mummy/daddies wardrobe... i get the feeling they will move when she's older, so this is no big deal... i have to say they are some of the most loveable and LOVED children out there... they are gorgeous, play so nicely together. I dont know what it will be like when they're older, however bedtimes are a bit of chaos.... 2 bedrooms... it's much easier if you have four hands on deck for bedtime!

[draught]

My lovely friend - as you know I am about to embark on the move from two to three so don't have personal experience to draw upon, but did some research in the process of giving in to my need for more babies. DH is the youngest of three and says he didn't feel left out at all. He has achieved more than his two older siblings and is the most well balanced. I have a family I am very close too (DD2 is named after the youngest one of them) and the three siblings are all very different but all very close. None of them felt left out, or treated less equally than the others. I also have an adult friend who, in blaming others for her alcohol and drug and relationship problems, continues to refer to the fact that she was the middle child of three. My conclusion after this incredibly basic research, is that it is up to us as parents to give each child the attention that they need to make them feel included and loved.

The solace I draw when I panic about whether I can do it is my grandmother who has 10 children - and they all still claim that she knows each one of them as an individual and treats them equally, according to their own needs. I figure that if she can do it with 10, I can struggle along with 3!!

[Chickadee]

I was youngest of 3, and did occassionally feel left out. But it was more because I wanted to do everything my two big brothers did and obviously couldn't sometimes due to age and simply because I was the annoying little sister they wanted to leave at home. Fair enough really, lol. :D I never felt left out by my parents and have memories of special moments with both of them that were mine alone, not my brothers.

My 2 brothers were only 13 months apart and often treated almost as twins. They were "the boys", so one or both of them may have felt a bit neglected as an individual at times. But they grew up into very different personalities and have different relationships with my parents.

I think I agree with Draught:
it is up to us as parents to give each child the attention that they need to make them feel included and loved. One repeating theme in my memories of growing up is my parents efforts to be uniformly fair to us: if one got a treat then we all did. If one wanted to do a special activity or sport then we all got to do something of our choice. It must have run them ragged running around to all the sports and lessons!

[razzle]

We only have the one so far, so the only experience I have is my own. I'm the youngest of three (my brother and sister are 7 and 8 years older than me). I loved it, everyone spoiled me as the little sister, I got away with murder most of the time and didn't feel left out at all. The only bad thing I remember with any clarity was my sister and brother sitting on me and tickling me until I peed. Now that we're all older, we're best friends, and when you disagree with one, you can always moan about it to the other and they know EXACTLY what you mean. :p

DP is an only child and I think he felt left out sinply because he didn't understand (and still doesn't understand) the bond between siblings. We've always said more than one when planning our family. Which means we have to get a wriggle on considering my age :rolleyes: .

I'm sure that if a third comes along, he/she will be well loved by all of you!!

[mum23girls]

ATM, I would say that there is little to no difference to two!!

ask me at puberty time, which will spand over 9 years in total, and it may be different then!!!!

good luck!! :thumbsup:

[Mikeswifey]

We are having no more than 2.

My MIL always has said to me "never have a middle child" because my DH is the middle child and has really bad middle child syndrome.

But we have only ever wanted 2, despite any comments that people make that more than 2 is great or bad.

[CJJHRA]

we have 6, and my third is always left out... DS1 and 2 stick together, the twins stick together, and the girls on her own. although 2&3 are closer in age than 1&2 are. I had 5 pregnancys, so yeah, DS3 is the middle child. It doesnt seem to bother him, he s a loner really, likes his own company alot anyway. If DS1 goes out then 2&3 stick together.

[dannii]

i think it depends on the age gaps, i guess it wouldnt seem too much of a difference if all are little, except, have alot of work (of course)
i have 3 but the other 2 are older and can do so much for themselves so i noticed having a 3rd! as i forgot just how much there is to do :laughing:
im glad i had a third tho!

[Rhoxie]

I have three :D

Boy girl boy. Three was really not much different to 2 as the bub just slotted into the family with the rest of us.

My middle child is a girl and she is like the united nations between the two boys. She's the Peacemaker. She will float between the two boys playing with one or the other as it suits her. Attentionwise she is the quietest out of all three (not by much though as she seldom pauses for breath) but this only means she is the least likely to get into trouble for screaming or throwing tantrums. She is certainly not over looked, possibly because she is the only girl and her social skills are slightly more ameniable than her two brothers.

Out in public she tends to get spoiled by friends and reles as she seems quiet and shy when the boys are noisy and full on. Ie she is easier to have a conversation with and relate too for the reles where as the other two you actually have to get them to stop still for more than 2 seconds.

I think 3 is a good number but I'd still love one more ;)

[kymmy]

WE have three precious children!
I don't think it much harder than 2
(unless if there were triplets - might be diff story!)
I love my kids so much and am looking forward to our family growing to 5 at least.

[Hokey Pokey]

Very interesting ;) We want 3!

[*Jetiza*]

I have three, and agree that really it`s not all that different than having 2. I would love 1 more, but dp doesn`t, he says three is enough, he is one of 7 kids and I`m an only child.. I suppose that is why I want my kids to have others to grow around `cos I missed out on that kind of connection, and he`s happy the way it is.. Can only hope, maybe one day he`ll change his mind:hugs: Anyway good luck with your decision..:)

[2tob3!]

What a great thread!

As you can tell by my "name" we are expanding. It wasn't planned. We have a nine year old son and a 12 year old daughter, this ones for luck:thumbsup:

The age gap is my main concern; along with the sleepless nights.

Me and hubby are both only children so were determined not to go down that route.

Keep on letting us know those with three....

[Mumshmum]

Hi Supermum
I am in the same boat as you. I am worried about the age gap between my youngest and a new bub. I am also worried that I will turn into a wicked witch with sleepless nights,(although i haven't had a full nights sleep for 4 years!!!) and 2 other children to keep happy.

[3lovablebratz]

We have 3. Large gap between 1 & 2 (7 years) then very small gap between 2 & 3 (13 months!). Number 3 is always known as our "oops!". We had not decided on having any more, nature decided for us. Life never turns out the way you planned, so trying to get the 'perfect age gap' will NEVER happen!!!

I have found 3 harder than 2 because of the small gap, and I'm sure my eldest has felt left out for the last 2 or 3 years. But now that the little ones are older, I can spend more time with him.

We can't be everything to everyone, including our children, all we can do as mums and parents is do our best and give them heaps of love. Each child has their own special qualities, and they contribute in a different way to our family. I try to see them as an individual and what makes them special. That way I hope to never favour any particular one and they each feel they have a place in our home.

:hugs:

[Angelmist♥]

I love having 3!!The "boys" are 6 and 5 (13months apart) and I would have loved a smaller gap between number 2 and 3 but DH needed some talking into;) DD is 8.5months old, it is good because the boys dote on her but I'm scared she'll be left out when she's older.

[Shellfish]

Hi Supermum
I am in the same boat as you. I am worried about the age gap between my youngest and a new bub. I am also worried that I will turn into a wicked witch with sleepless nights,(although i haven't had a full nights sleep for 4 years!!!) and 2 other children to keep happy.

My parents had two children, waited 11 years and then had two more (same parents). I am the second eldest and I actually looove the age gap - I get the best of both worlds, an older sister and a (much) younger brother and sister. I think my mum planned it well, she had a lot of help from the two of us and now we are close the to other two in a sisterly/motherly way. I would do it but I think I am a little old for such a big age gap. Coincidently, my husbands parents (also same parents) had an 'oopsie' baby when he was 11 and his sister was 16. He is extremely close to his baby sister and not at all close to the other one so age isn't necessarily a factor

[3girlsmum]

We have 3 ALL GIRLS !!!! .The 1st two are 14m apart and then a 3yr gap.

One to two is scary but two to three I hardley noticed ........ Quite scared about going for #4 though :eek:

The two eldest play and fight very well together and my eldest is like a second mum to the baby . In our house its my 2nd and 3rd who dont get on very well .

Sometimes I just wished I had more arms and a bigger lap as they sometimes fight over who sat next to me last and whoose turn it is for cuddles ECT .

[mmm7]

Hello

I love this thread, we are TTC #2 but still undecided if we will go for one more after that. My age is becoming an issue so that may decide everything.
I'll speak from personal experience as I am the youngest of three girls. I wouldn't say we are an ordinary family as noprone of us are girly girls mostly tomboys. My oldest sister is 6 years older than me and my middle sister is nearly 2 and a half years older than me. As kids we all got along fairly well, my oldest sister and I used to gang up on our middle sister. Later on though we have become almost too similar.
The problem that I have found even now is that our mother tends to play favourites and that is a bad thing.
As a PP said regular attention to individual children is probably the key to a successful family of 5 or more. JMHO:cool:

[bearsmummy]

i found going from 1 to 2 easy but 2 to 3 a little bit harder... but not that hard that i wouldnt go for #4 in a split second! :D
my 3 boys are all 3 years apart, i love that gap!
4 is my magic number :)