Sister's cancer and my miscarriage vent

[mimsie]

So my sister keeps hassling me about being pregnant again. Not in a bad way, but she keeps asking me if I am pregnant again yet.

I'm not, I just got my first af a week ago! But she keeps saying that even if I were, I wouldn't tell anyone this time - which is so true.

Anyway things got complicated as my sister's been diagnosed with stage IV cancer - melanoma. Things at this stage don't look very good because it's spread soooo quickly and the general 5 year survival rate for her situation is 9-15%.

We were at a BBQ last night and she looks and feels shocking, no surprise there! But she mentioned it again and then at some point my mother piped up and said she'd been having her dreams, and I was pregnant... someone usually is when she has these dreams, but not always me, lol.

The thing is, I'm NOT. I'm SOOOOOOO not. I WISH I was but I'm just not, and even if it happens this month I won't know anyway before Christmas which is the next time I'll see them all.

Anyway I just need to get it out because I feel like a pressure to say I am, 'for my sister'... and because I feel like she thinks I am and I'm just not saying anything which people are hinting is a bit mean in 'her situation'. Maybe if I was I would tell her but make her keep it quiet, I don't know - but I'm not!!!! :no:

[Stretchmark Diva]

Don't lie. Just say, calmly "when and if it happens, you'll be the first to know." And walk away. You can't put other people's expectations on your shoulders.

Sorry to hear about your sister's diagnosis. :(

[SassyMummy]

I think I'd feel the pressure too...

I suppose there's not really much you can do except ask her to please stop asking, and explain why. Let her know that you WISH you were, so badly, and that asking you about it constantly is only making you more aware of the fact that you are not, and that makes you feel badly because you want to be for yourself and because your sister would be happy if you were.

You just need a little space to breathe right now, and would really appreciate it if it wasn't a massive issue.

OP, how does your sister feel about talking about her condition? Could she possibly be trying to deflect the attention from herself by mention you and pregnancy all the time?

[mimsie]

Yes, she's living in a self-proclaimed bubble of denial and is planning to do so as long as possible. She's not ignoring it, she's getting tests done at the moment and has appointments and treatment plans being organised and all of that, but other than the practical side she's trying to pretend it's not happening. I don't blame her!! She only just turned 40 last month, and has a 12yo to tell when he comes to see her tomorrow :(

I managed to have a chat to my niece today though, she's 23 (my sister's eldest) and mentioned it to her, just said that I wouldn't want to tell people, but I won't lie, if I discover I am and she asks me outright I'll tell her, but I won't be bringing it up or telling the world/rest of family. I also went into more detail about the whole AF thing and how it's physically impossible right this minute, so that will get passed along the grapevine, I'm sure!!

I was just really feeling the pressure last night :(