Dread the call?

[Manxie]

Hi

Just wondered if anyone else is in a similar position to me? I have got elderly parents back in the UK and my dad is in poor health. He has been ill for a very long time and could hang in there for years but I am starting to think perhaps not who knows. My mum seems to be hinting that he is going downhill but its hard to get a real idea what is going on. My sister who sees them tends to over dramatise things so its hard to know for sure.


I think this was the reason I was particularly upset leaving after visiting this year knowing that quite possibly it could be the last time I will see him. :(

I cant help but worry about all the practicalities of it all. What will I do when I get the call. Will they let me know if he is going downhill or try to protect me. How will I cope travelling over there to handle such a situation. I know that I shouldnt worry about it all it could be years before I have to face the situation but I would love to hear from others that have either been through it or are in a similar position.

Sorry for such a miserable thread:rolleyes:

[Georgie47]

Hey Manxie,:wave:

That sounds horrid darl, its not the same but I was told a few weeks back that my Grandmother had had such a bad stroke and lost all her facilties and looked very poorly and will remain in hospital for a long time, then I received a recent photo of her and I broke down as the reality of her thin, little face made me realise how far away I am and the possibiltily I would not see her again fit and well:(

It must be even harder when its your dad, maybe consider going back again next year then at least you have something to look forward to and if that dreaded call comes before you get there I'm sure something will take over and because it wont be so unexpected you'll probably be stronger than you think.;)

[Manxie]

Thanks Georgie

:hugs: to you for your grandmother. It is soooo hard being this far away when family are ill.

I dont think a trip home will be possible next year :( (unless I have to). Before having DD I went back every year and gee I miss going. Guess I am just feeling really down about it as I'm usually there this time of year. Also my mum usually gets a break from caring for my dad but as he hasnt been too great and because Im not there she isnt going away this year and I feel guilty about that as well.

[natasha]

Oh dear Manxie! It's such a tough thing to go through. I moved here 3 years ago and haven't been back since. My mother has been in and out of hospital for years. She has so many things wrong with her the docs find it quite unbelievable she is still standing( all be it with huge doses of morphine). My father recently passed away aswel. I went to listen to my msg's one morning and there was just a msg from my nan saying he was dead, just like that.

It hurts that my mum is going to die one day very soon, but i think I have kinda come around to the idea.

You HAVE to think of yourself. Do what you think is best. **** happens ya know. Make every phone call count, every word spoken a posotive one.

I love my mother more than I could ever tell her, but it won't do me or my child any good to go home and see her die, or spend time with her and then leave knowing it could be the last time i saw her.

[Manxie]

Nathasha:kiss: What an awful way to hear about your father.

I am so sorry to hear about your mother. I guess the one good thing about long drawn out illnesses is that it gives you time to comes to terms with it all. Mind you saying that I thought dad was a gonner eleven years ago and here I am still stressing about it all.

[Georgie47]

Hi Manxie,

Thanks for the squeeze! Right back at ya:hugs: Hope your feeling a little better today, its funny how you can have stronger days than others eh? sorry to hear your mums under a little more strain than usual, but you can't feel guilty, we all have our own lives to live. Just stay in conversation with her as much as pos, and maybe ask your sister to help her more?

[filmgirlgail]

Hi all

I don't know how this fits in but I worry about having to rush back and both my parents and both siblings are all in perfect health :fingerscrossed: yet every now and then I just think what if.... as your mind does every now and then.

[LA62]

Hi all

I don't know how this fits in but I worry about having to rush back and both my parents and both siblings are all in perfect health :fingerscrossed: yet every now and then I just think what if.... as your mind does every now and then.

Me 2!

Sorry Maxine about your dad:hugs: and i do hope he will be ok,

Thinking of you and i think it is sooo hard being sooo far awayXX

[claireh05]

:wave: Yes, I agree. My parents are in good health so far but they're getting older and as I am an only child I know I will hate being over here when they are elderly.

But Manxie, as a mum yourself, perhaps think about if you were the elderly one and your child was living abroad - you probably wouldn't want them worrying about you and you would be proud that your child had become so independent and was living in another country - that's such a great thing for our parents I think.

I know that might not help, but your parents main wish is probably that you and thier other kids be happy and not worry about them. Have you talked to them about it?

All the best - saying all the above I know might not help you - it's such a hard thing. But you do have your own life to lead.

take care.