I'm very disturbed by what my son said

[trillian82]

This morning my son was having a bit of a play with his willy and then he said "what happened to my willy?" and I noticed he had a bit of an erection. I just told him that was ok. I didn't think much of it until he just blurted out "the lady touched my willy".

I asked him which lady and where? He seemed angry at first he didn't want to answer me he just kept yelling "no!". But then he said "the other daycare" meaning his old daycare. He said "the lady scare me" "lady's naughty". I knew this place wasn't very nice that's why I took him out of there but I didn't imagine something like that was happening.

I noticed my son's behaviour changed when we started at the old place. He started becoming really angry and misbehaving more and has been hitting and yelling at other kids. He regressed with his toilet training. He never warmed to the centre - he would cry and not want to stay which wasn't normal for him. The first day at his current daycare he was fine, there were no tears and he looks forward to going again.

I'm really upset about this, I don't want to accuse anybody but I can't just ignore it. I know my son does make up stories sometimes but I just don't know why he would say something like that out of nowhere. He's only 3.

I don't even know what to do about it.

[kuddles]

I'm so glad you changed Daycares. Your poor little son. I'm sorry I can't offer any guidance with this one but I couldn't read it and not say anything. I can't begin to imagine what you are going through. BIG *hugs* for you. I hope someone else can offer their wisdom here.

[nothanksbye]

hey honey,

MAny hugs toyou, I cant even imagine how you must be feeling.

I would suggest you call docs and get advice of them.
They might suggest a child counsellor that can help to find out what your son knows.

I know this will be so hard but try not to talk about it for the moment so as not to confuse the issue...even accidentally.

XOXOXOXOXOXXO

[Chickadee]

I'm no expert but I think it's rare for children that age to make up a story. They might copy what they see or hear on tv or from other kids, but I can't imagine where he might see or hear a situation like that. Him being upset about it makes it even more likely to be true.

You've done absolutely the right thing to be gentle with him in talking about it. :hugs:

From here.. If I were in your shoes I'd want to pursue it and, if true, stop the lady from repeating whatever she's doing. But I'd also be terrified of putting my child through that sort of process :hugs: I don't know whether the first step is police, child welfare organisation for your state, or a child counsellor/psychologist, but I'm sure someone with more experience will pop in to help.

[Mummita]

I'm sorry you're upset. It is scary; we leave our children in the trust of others and we expect them to be kept happy and safe. I'm not an expert by any means, but I don't think your son would lie about something like that. However, perhaps a teacher could have touched his penis when cleaning it? Did your son wear nappies for his daytime nap/rest? Perhaps she changed his nappy and wiped his bottom and penis when she took it off? Or perhaps was showing him how to clean his bottom properly after doing a poo on the toilet?
If you are really worried I would talk to my GP or take it up the appropriate people. I know you don't want to falsely accuse anybody but, as parents, it is our responsibility to follow up on anything that makes us suspicious. Maybe you could make an appointment with the Director at your current centre if you trust them. They are trained in early childcare and work with children every day so could give you expert advice.
I hope your little boy is ok, and you are too.
:hugs:

[spoon]

Take your little boy seriously. Ring Docs and report the centre. You have to be your little boys voice. He trusts you and wants you to do something about it. I am sorry that this has happened to your innocent little boy, I have been through this with my son too. If you need support, advice etc please feel free to message me.

[Whispers]

Take your little boy seriously. Ring Docs and report the centre. You have to be your little boys voice. He trusts you and wants you to do something about it. I am sorry that this has happened to your innocent little boy,
:iagree:

:hugs: I am so sorry you have to go through this.

[sandy cheeks]

It's a odd thing to say I doubt he would be making up something like that.
I would call DOCS if there is nothing dodgy happening then all will be fine.

[SixtiesChild]

It does sound unusual-
Definately talk to someone who is professionally trained to help you find out (if something has happened) without alarming your little boy.
- I really hope it's nothing.

[BabelFish]

Take your little boy seriously. Ring Docs and report the centre. You have to be your little boys voice. He trusts you and wants you to do something about it. I am sorry that this has happened to your innocent little boy, I have been through this with my son too. If you need support, advice etc please feel free to message me.
Absolutely. Listen to him and follow it through. And PLEASE take him seriously. Children of that age don't make up these kinds of stories. Something has happened to him without any doubt and you need to get to the bottom of it as soon as possible.

I'm so sorry this has happened to your son and you :hugs:

[~Candy~]

Take your little boy seriously. Ring Docs and report the centre. You have to be your little boys voice. He trusts you and wants you to do something about it. I am sorry that this has happened to your innocent little boy, I have been through this with my son too. If you need support, advice etc please feel free to message me.

:iagree:

[AM]

O wow that's scary! Yes, definitely follow it up witha complaint to docs. :hugs:

[trillian82]

Thank you all for your advice and support.

I definitely am taking this seriously and I reported it to the early education office in our area who is going to pursue it. She also referred me to a counseling service for my son. At this time, I don't feel comfortable going to the police. My son can't even tell me the name of the lady as he wasn't there that long and never learned all their names. However, I will speak to the counseling service and ask their advice regarding police action.

Thanks again to everybody

[1+1=5]

I know my son does make up stories sometimes but I just don't know why he would say something like that out of nowhere. He's only 3.

I don't even know what to do about it.

hey hun, I'm doing my PhD in the area of child sexual abuse. children that young are too naive to 'make up' anything like this. I would take him very seriously and certainly speak to someone in DOCS. that woman needs to lose her job and never work with children ever again. there is no way a child should feel uncomofrtable about being touched in and around their genitals, no matter how young they are, they will know when something is not right.

PM if you like. let me know if I can help in any way.

[1+1=5]

Thank you all for your advice and support.

I definitely am taking this seriously and I reported it to the early education office in our area who is going to pursue it. She also referred me to a counseling service for my son. At this time, I don't feel comfortable going to the police. My son can't even tell me the name of the lady as he wasn't there that long and never learned all their names. However, I will speak to the counseling service and ask their advice regarding police action.

Thanks again to everybody

a complaint like this will need to go through DOCS, they will file a report and contact the police. thats their procedure. your son may be asked to identify the woman in question.


good on you for taking it seriously.

[poppie]

I would follow it up for sure. But try to remember that there may be a much more benign reason than what you may have in your head. My friends' DD said something similar to her one day and it turned out that the particular carer in question was just a clean fanatic and would sometimes be too rough when cleaning her bottom. I hope that your situation is nothing more than hers.

[natsus]

Hello, reading your story, I would say definitely go and see your local police, they have specialty squads that deal with this sort of thing and if there is nothing sinister in it then the woman has nothing to worry about, but all the signs of your son crying when you drop him off, his mood changes etc are not normal and they do suggest something. You shouldn't worry about the woman as if she is innocent and it was just because she was changing your sons nappy then that will come out, but if it wasn't then she needs to be accountable for what she says. You shouldn't be scared to go to your local police station, that is what they are there for, it is there jobs to investigate this sort of thing, and like I said they have specialty police that deal with this sort of thing, please don't just let it go at that, if your son has reacted like he did then he had good reason, like someone else said you need to be his voice. Even if you go to the police and it comes out that this woman was innocent that doesn't matter as that is what the police are there for, too many people are scared to go to the police but they shouldn't be. I can't make you do anything but I would suggest definitely going and talking to your local police, they will tell you if you should go further or not, what would it hurt to talk to them. Your sons reaction to this daycare doesn't seem normal and I am guessing ther are other kids still going there. I wish you luck and hope it all turns out well for you and your son.

[1+1=5]

Hello, reading your story, I would say definitely go and see your local police, they have specialty squads that deal with this sort of thing and if there is nothing sinister in it then the woman has nothing to worry about, but all the signs of your son crying when you drop him off, his mood changes etc are not normal and they do suggest something. You shouldn't worry about the woman as if she is innocent and it was just because she was changing your sons nappy then that will come out, but if it wasn't then she needs to be accountable for what she says. You shouldn't be scared to go to your local police station, that is what they are there for, it is there jobs to investigate this sort of thing, and like I said they have specialty police that deal with this sort of thing, please don't just let it go at that, if your son has reacted like he did then he had good reason, like someone else said you need to be his voice. Even if you go to the police and it comes out that this woman was innocent that doesn't matter as that is what the police are there for, too many people are scared to go to the police but they shouldn't be. I can't make you do anything but I would suggest definitely going and talking to your local police, they will tell you if you should go further or not, what would it hurt to talk to them. Your sons reaction to this daycare doesn't seem normal and I am guessing ther are other kids still going there. I wish you luck and hope it all turns out well for you and your son.

i'm not picking on you but the police are not the first call of contact for this kind of situation, DOCS is. they will investigate the issue and report it to specialised police.

[trillian82]

Poppie - Yes I did consider that it was some kind of misunderstanding. Once after picking up my son, I noticed he had a red upper lip. I asked him what happened and he said "lady hurt me" and I told the centre what he said. Then I realised that it was a rash coming up from
constantly wiping his nose on his shirt. Perhaps, when they wiped his nose with a tissue it did hurt because it was tender but to me all I thought was someone's purposely hurt him! So, as you can imagine I didn't want to get all hysterical and start accusing ppl of something so horrible.

Having said that, of course I am going to pursue it further and I will be going to DOCS because that seems like the general consensus of the posts on here.

[trillian82]

Just called DOCS. They said they investigate sexual abuse in the home, they don't deal with childcare centres so she referred me to the police child protection investigation unit. I spoke to the officer, he warned me to be very careful before making a complaint because it is a black mark against the centre. He said that they could interview him but that it would be very hard to get the story from him since he's only 3 and kids that young can be easily led with questions. Also, because he doesn't know the name of the person they probably won't be able to do much. It made me feel a bit let down to be honest.

Perhaps leaving it with the office of early education and seeing a counselor would be the best thing :confused:

It's all so confusing, I don't know who can actually help me with this.

[nothanksbye]

ohhh...
that just made me cry...

a black mark against the centre? ..ohhh my.


I am so sorry that person was so non commital.

Try this:
http://childwise.net/report_child_abuse/child_sexual_abuse_in_australia2.php
I am concerned about the safety and well being of a child at the moment

Being confronted with the possibility that a child may be being sexually abused is difficult. It is common for people to think that there must be some mistake, or attempt to downplay the seriousness of what they have seen or been told. It may also be difficult to believe that someone you know, and perhaps have trusted, could possible be abusing a child. Above all else, many people struggle to know what they should do and how they can help.

If you do suspect that a child is being sexually abused, do trust your instincts. You don’t need concrete proof to enlist support in investigating your suspicions.
Likewise, if a child or young person has told you that they are being sexually abused, be sure to tell them that have done the right thing by telling you. You may be the only person that they have told, and represent their best chance of putting an end to the abuse.
You can find information about sexual abuse, how to identify the signs, how to respond if a child discloses and information about how child sex offenders target children by downloading our Speak Up Booklet (http://childwise.net/downloads/Speak_Up_Booklet.pdf).
You can also speak to one of our trained counsellors for support during business hours (Monday to Friday, 9am-5pm) call us on 1800 99 10 99 (inside Australia) or email us (speakup@childwise.net).

If you require immediate assistance outside of business hours, use our Self Help Guide (http://childwise.net/report_child_abuse/child_sexual_abuse_in_australia/self_help_guide.php) to look for Support Services in your local area that can help you.

[nothanksbye]

Queensland

Local Legislation

The Department of Child Safety (http://www.childsafety.qld.gov.au/) is responsible for overseeing and upholding child protection in Queensland. Numerous Acts (laws) help to govern and guide the process of child protection. These acts include:
Principal Acts:



Child Protection Act 1999

Other relevant Acts:


Commission for Children and Young People and Child Guardian Act 2000
Education (General Provisions) Act 2006
Public Health Act 2005
Adoption of Children Act 1964
Family Law Act 1975

For more information on the legislative context of child protection in Queensland, visit the website of The Department of Child Safety (http://www.childsafety.qld.gov.au/).
Reporting Child Abuse

What is reportable?
Outcomes or actions from which children are in need of protection include; neglect, physical abuse, sexual abuse, domestic violence and psychological harm. These are all reportable offences.
What are reasonable grounds?
You do not need to have proof to report any concerns you have about the safety of a child under 16. Indicators that represent reasonable grounds to report a suspected offence include:


A child or young person discloses that he or she has suffered or is suffering non accidental physical injury or sexual abuse
Someone else advises you that a child or young person has been sexually abused or non-accidentally injured, or
Your own observations of the child or young person's physical condition or behaviours lead you to reasonably suspect that the child or young person has suffered or is suffering non-accidental physical injury or sexual abuse.

For more information, download the Speak Up Guide (http://childwise.net/downloads/Speak_Up_Booklet.pdf) or call or email (http://childwise.net/speakup) one of our qualified staff at Child Wise.
What is mandatory reporting and who is mandated to report suspected abuse?
Mandatory reporting describes the legal obligation of certain professionals and community members to report incidences of child sexual abuse. These people are called "mandated reporters". If the mandated reporters fail to report they may be fined and/or incarcerated.
See http://www.aifs.gov.au/nch/pubs/sheets/rs3/rs3.html
Who to report to and how
If you need to report an offence that requires immediate police attention, please call


Police: 000
Queenland Police Service has a number of child protection and investigation units across Queensland. Click here (http://www.police.qld.gov.au/forms/contact.asp#districtComms) to find the nearest Queensland Police Service to you.
If you suspect on reasonable grounds that a child is suffering abuse or neglect or you wish to discuss your concerns about a child or young person, you should telephone

Department of Child Safety: 1800 811 810 (business hours)
1800 177 135 or 07 3235 9999 (24 hours)

During normal business hours contact the child safety service centre (http://www.childsafety.qld.gov.au/contacts/cssc/index.html). Child safety service centres have professionally-trained child protection staff, skilled in dealing with information about harm or risk of harm to children.
After hours and on weekends contact the Child Safety After Hours Service Centre on the above freecall number.
There are also Support Services across Queensland that can assist and advice you through the process of making a report, and beyond.
Support Services Directory



Child Protection Services & Police

Hospitals
Legal Services
Sexual Assault Services
Counselling

Domestic Violence
Men's Services
Crisis/Housing Services
Indigenous Services


Child Protection Services & Police
Department of Child Safety www.childsafety.qld.gov.au (http://www.childsafety.qld.gov.au/)
Business Hours 07 3224 8045 or 1800 811 810
After Hours 07 3235 9999 or 1800 177 135

Queensland Police Service Headquarters 07 3364 6464
Commission for Children and Young People 1800 688 275
NAPCAN (National Association for Prevention of Child Abuse and Neglect) 07 3369 7233
www.napcan.org.au (http://www.napcan.org.au/)
Families Youth & Community Care
Brisbane Metro 07 3224 8045
Outside Metro 1800 811 810

After Hours and Emergency Crisis Care
Brisbane Metro 07 3235 9999
Outside Metro 1800 177 135

National Crime Prevention Sexual Assault Services
Brisbane (business hours) 07 3391 0004
Brisbane (after business hours) 07 3000 0000
Country QLD (24 Hours) 1800 010 120
Far North QLD/Cairns 07 4031 3590
Crime Stoppers 1800 333 000
www.crimestoppers.com.au (http://www.crimestoppers.com.au/)
Hospitals
Royal Women's Hospital, Brisbane: Sexual Assault Service 07 3636 5206
Legal Services
Aboriginal & Torres Strait Islander Legal Service 07 3221 1448 or 1800 012 255
www.atsils.com.au (http://www.atsils.com.au/)
Caxton Legal Centre 07 3254 1811
www.caxton.org.au (http://www.caxton.org.au/)
Dispute Resolution Centre 07 3239 6007
Outside Brisbane 1800 017 288
Mediation (Relationships Australia) 07 3349 5111
www.relationships.com.au (http://www.relationships.com.au/)
Protect All Children Today (PACT): Child Witness Program 07 3290 0111
www.pact.org.au (http://www.pact.org.au/)
Family Court of Australia 07 3248 2200
www.familycourt.gov.au (http://www.familycourt.gov.au/)
Legal Aid Queensland 1300 651 188
www.legalaid.qld.gov.au (http://www.legalaid.qld.gov.au/)
Women's Legal Service 07 3392 0670
Outside Brisbane 1800 677 278
www.wlsq.org.au (http://www.wlsq.org.au/)
National Association of Community Legal Centres www.naclc.org.au (http://www.naclc.org.au/)

Courtwise www.courtwise.nsw.gov.au (http://www.courtwise.nsw.gov.au/) (http://www.courtwise.nsw.gov.au/)
An online pathway through the NSW court system for victims and other witnesses. The information although specific to NSW is useful where ever you are in Australia. The site can help by giving you information about the legal process and letting you know what to expect in court. It is a child and parent friendly resource.
Australian Institute of Criminology www.aic.gov.au (http://www.aic.gov.au/)
Counselling
Bravehearts www.bravehearts.org.au (http://www.bravehearts.org.au/)
Head Office: 07 3290 4474
Gold Coast 1800 114 474
Victoria (Advocacy) 03 9431 4781
Western Australia 08 9757 33559
Centacare 07 3252 4371
www.centacarebrisbane.net.au (http://www.centacarebrisbane.net.au/)
Kinections 07 3435 4300
www.kinections.com.au (http://www.kinections.com.au/)
Kids Helpline 1800 551 800
www.kidshelp.com.au (http://www.kidshelp.com.au/)
Lifeline 131 114
www.lifeline.org.au (http://www.lifeline.org.au/)
Parentline 1300 30 1300
www.parentline.com.au (http://www.parentline.com.au/)
Relationships Australia 1300 364 277
www.relationships.com.au (http://www.relationships.com.au/)
Salvo Care Line 07 3831 9016
Outside Brisbane 1300 363 622
www.salvos.org.au (http://www.salvos.org.au/)
Talera Centre Counselling 07 33977287
Victims of Crime (Relationships Australia) 1300 364 277
www.relationships.com.au (http://www.relationships.com.au/)
Esther Centre 07 3844 3677
www.esther.merivale.org.au (http://www.esther.merivale.org.au/)
The Esther Centre provides support for people who have experienced physical, sexual, emotional and spiritual abuse in church institutions, faith communities and human services.
Zig Zag Young Women's Support Centre 07 3843 1823
www.zigzag.org.au (http://wwww.zigzag.org.au/)
Sexual Assault Services
Abused Child Trust - Counselling 07 3857 8866
www.abusedchildtrust.com.au (http://www.abusedchildrentrust.com.au/)
Advocates for Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse (ASCA) 07 3321 1151
www.asca.org.au (http://www.asca.org.au/)
Brisbane Rape and Incest Survivor Support Centre (24 hours) 07 3391 0004
www.brissc.com.au (http://www.brissc.com.au/)
Gold Coast Sexual Assault Support Service 07 5591 1164
Immigrant Women's Support Service (Sexual Assault) 07 3846 5400
www.iwss.org.au (http://www.iwss.org.au/)
Statewide Sexual Assault Service 1800 010 120
Women working along side with Intellectual & Learning Disabilities Sexual Violence Prevention (WWILD) 07 3262 9877
www.wwild.org (http://www.wwild.org/)
Zig Zag Sexual Assault Service 07 3843 1823
www.zigzag.org.au (http://www.zigzag.org.au/)

[natsus]

I am sorry to hear that they weren't helpful, a black mark against the centre???? SO, if there is sexual abuse happening then stiff, you would think that they would take it more serious with the amount of child abuse nowadays, sounds to me like that officer didn't want the paperwork which is bullsh!t. Don't give up.

[c2p08]

i'd be calling docs strait away, and also making a phone call to the police and tell them what your son said.

thats very disturbing.

[Casstar26]

Im a senior social worker for child protective services and I encourage you to contact your local office.

In my experience children DONT make things up. It could be as simple as he was playing with himself and he got an erection and the carer yelled at him... but still...
Also in my experience they will not pursue anything like that unless there is strong evidence. But at least you have reported it and if it happens again to another child it only builds a case knowing there is a history.

I may be a professional in this area but I still urge you to make this official.