Children need 2 parents

[MummaBear03]

How true do you think this is?

I see it all the time, and it was either yesterday or the day before someone mentioned how selfish it was to have a baby as a single parent (single parent by choice) either through using anonymous donor or something like that.

So how true do you think it is that children need 2 parents.

[MumNeedsCoffee]

Bah! So if a child has a single parent not by choice, say one parent passed away or a parent left, that is different from someone who chooses to be a single parent?
In what way is the outcome different?
The child is still loved and cared for.

I have a friend who has always wanted children but she's nearing 40 and getting worried.
She was married, happily she thought, and going through IVF when her husband suddenly left her.

Why should she miss out on the joys of being a mum if she can achieve that through anonymous sperm donation?
Or should she hope and wait for a guy to come along, and have children with someone she barely knows who would share access to her child?

[bumMum]

i dont think it is true at all.

I think it is easier to have help as a parent, either through hubby or partner or whatever or through extended family and close friends. but only where those people are supportive. kids don't need two parents but they DO need all the love and support of the people around them.. and it is good for the mum or dad to have that support too.

but I don't think kids need two parents. no :no:
some kids are in better homes with one loving parent than a lot of kids with two un supportive parents.
and some people are perfectly happy and capable of doing it all on their own :)

[Teley]

I dunno. I'm currently doing an experiment on my child though about this:detective: - first one in the family. Will let ya know in 50 years time.

[Little-Pink-Hen]

1 parent or no parent ( guardians taking the place obvious) is sometimes better than two
I'm understanding that a family is made up of different equations
2 parents & kid/s (gay or straight)
single parent & kid/s
dad involved/ not involved
mum involved /not involved
kids with grandparents/caregivers
blended families
no one type is really the norm anymore Thankfully

[delirium]

Not necessarily. I think boys as they get older, need a male role model and girls need a female, but that doesn't mean it has to be a parent.

[MummaBear03]

Not necessarily. I think boys as they get older, need a male role model and girls need a female, but that doesn't mean it has to be a parent.

I agree with this, but also think that boys and girls benefit from role models of the opposite sex as well. My daughter has males around her as well as females.

I had a little girl in my care who is being raised by a single parent, she was the second of 4 kids and the only girl.

She didn't really remember her dad, he wasn't involved from the time her mum was pregnant with the baby. They had a male assistant in the Preschool room of childcare, she was so scared of him it wasn't funny!

She wouldn't go near him for any reason and wet her pants rather than go to the toilet if he was supervising.

I hadn't thought of it before but she only had 2 aunties and no uncles who were involved, she had met her mum's boyfriend but not spent any time with him at any time, and then she came to stay with me, again no males around.

She had 3 brothers, but they were little like her so I don't think she really saw them as anything other children. It was so sad that she was scared of men just from not being around them.

She's still the same, and her mum texted me earlier saying her teacher for Year 1 is male so she'll have to try and see if she can change her to another class.

[delirium]

I agree with this, but also think that boys and girls benefit from role models of the opposite sex as well. My daughter has males around her as well as females.



oh absolutely :yes:

[Babblings]

Not for a second do i believe children should have two parents! They only need to be surrounded by love and support. I do believe that at certain developmental stages they should specifically have the support of either a mother/father type role model person to be there for them. But children can and will thrive in an environment where they are always receiving love, care, support and feel as though they belong!

Having said this though i would be devestated if DS wasn't brought up in a home that consisted of both his mother and father raising him. I guess in a way i am biased as i wish/dream for my family to always remain together IYKWIM!

[delirium]

Having said this though i would be devestated if DS wasn't brought up in a home that consisted of both his mother and father raising him. I guess in a way i am biased as i wish/dream for my family to always remain together IYKWIM!


I'm the same. I really want my child to grow up with 2 parents, but it's not a pre requisite for a happy child. Children in one parent families can still be just as happy.

[Babblings]

I'm the same. I really want my child to grow up with 2 parents, but it's not a pre requisite for a happy child. Children in one parent families can still be just as happy.


:iagree::iagree:

[MummaBear03]

I'm of the opinion that children need a safe, clean, stable and comfortable environment, surrounded by people who love and care for them in every way. If they have 1 parent, 2 parents, or living with someone other than parents, if they have those things, they are going to do great through life :thumbsup:

[TeamAwesome]

I agree with it to a point, but definitely from a we need both male and female influences in our lives growing up. I was brought up in a single mother family. I made my own father figures out of friends parents, (one would joke about adopting me and me being the favourite over his third son, my friend who was the 'favourite' ;) ) I believe children need a positive influence of both genders in their lives.

[crazymuma]

I'm of the opinion that children need a safe, clean, stable and comfortable environment, surrounded by people who love and care for them in every way. If they have 1 parent, 2 parents, or living with someone other than parents, if they have those things, they are going to do great through life :thumbsup:

:iagree::iagree:

I guess in a perfect world our kids would all have two parents who love and adore them but thats not the real world. Relationships break down, people die - and with lots of love the kids will be just as happy and well adjusted as those kids that did have both parents.

[MummaBear03]

I'd like to hear from people who think that children need 2 parents in their lives. I'm curious to know where that logic comes from.

[Sheer Bliss]

Not necessarily. I think boys as they get older, need a male role model and girls need a female, but that doesn't mean it has to be a parent.

:iagree: which is why I voted other. They don't 'need' a mother and a father, but I do think it's beneficial for them to have a 'father' like role model and a 'mother' like role model. My grandfather died when my dad was 12, and it is obvious that he never had a 'father' figure in his life, and he sometimes is at a loss as to how to act. My DH had a pathetic male role models (bio dad lives interstate, and his mothers new partner is a world class jerk/idiot) and this also shows in the way he reacts with our kids sometimes - being a dad has been a much bigger learning curve for him than it should have been.

I also think it is important for a boy to have a female role model in his life and vice-versa - someone to teach them about the opposite sex, and someone the same sex who understands them. Doesn't have to be one of each sex or necessarily a parent, although in theory 2 parents of opposite sex are meant to be this 'perfect' provision of these role models......in theory.....

[Mrs Nietzsche]

I think that the way our society is set up to favour the 'nuclear' family, it can be very difficult for a single parent (not impossible) to provide everything in material terms that two parents could.

IN terms of nurturing and emotional support etc, I think it just matters that they have people to love them AND that those people who took on the responsibility of loving them continue to do so and don't let them down.

I became a single mother because my partner died, and although my daughter still grieved for her father and always will, and in fact they were extremely close, she grew to be happy and content with just me and other family.

I think part of missing a father (or other absent carer who is 'normally' there) is just that the child is deviating from the norm, feels different, feels they are missing something others have, etc.

[CookiesRYum]

I picked other becos..

I think kids benefit from a positive mother and father figure, ideally their bio/adaptive parents..

but if those ppl are a negative influence they are better off without them...

but I think that in that case, they need other ppl to step into those role and support the kid, like friends, uncles, aunts, grandparents etc..

Off topic:same sex parents, I do think that men and women pay different roles in a childs life, but I don't mean that same sex parents are depriving their kids of other gender becos I don;y really know enough to comment so please don't be offended.

[Fuchsia!]

I think as long as they are around loving good role roles models then a child can grow up stable and happy.

[Whispers]

I'm of the opinion that children need a safe, clean, stable and comfortable environment, surrounded by people who love and care for them in every way. If they have 1 parent, 2 parents, or living with someone other than parents, if they have those things, they are going to do great through life :thumbsup:
:iagree:

[mrsd]

I'd like to hear from people who think that children need 2 parents in their lives. I'm curious to know where that logic comes from.

I voted for 2 parents. I teach high school children (co-ed). Nearly all of my most challenging students don't live with both biological parents. Conversely, the majority of my high achievers do.

I have an excellent student at present who is an exception - he performs well at school, his behaviour is good, and he is no. 4 of 6 kids from a single parent family with multiple dads. However, two of his elder brothers have been in continual trouble with Police and the third has serious emotional issues.

I know that 2 parents aren't always possible - I have some wonderful single parents I deal with - but there are many in my profession who notice the same issues.

At risk of being shot down in flames, I'll also go out on a limb and say that I believe that to plan a single pregnancy where the child will never know details of one parent (eg. sperm donation etc) is denying them a fundamental human right to know their origins, something akin to the Stolen Generation. Deceased or divorced etc parents at least have families that children can trace their history through.

[SassyMummy]

I think that it is OPTIMUM for a child to have both parents in their life. I say this as the mother of a child who cried tonight because she believes her father doesn't love her.

Whether she knew him or not, I believe this would have come up at some point in her life. A lot of kids will complain about their parents, but it's different when your parent is actually around IMO. I feel so heartbroken for my little girl, who at only 4 cries because she feels abandoned and unloved by her father because he decided to move away and impregnate the first thing he could... meaning he'll never return to DDs life again.

I hurt so much for her, and I honestly believe she'd benefit from having him in her life, regularly and consistantly.

HOWEVER... when the care is irregular and inconsistant... that's when I feel that ONE RELIABLE, LOVING, TRUSTHWORTHY parent is better than 1 who is those things, and another who is in and out and screwing up their little head.

DD doesn't know where to turn. She hears from her dad often enough to not forget him, but not enough to feel like a well-loved child of his. She will move close to DP, starting to "adopt" him as her own, and then she'll speak to her father and feel guilty and move away from DP again. The poor kid just wants a father figure, and she's not sure where she should get it.

I would, in all honesty, prefer him to be out of her life completely, rather than flitting in and out, and I do beleive it would be of great benefit to her if this were the case.

So yes, I do think children benefit from having both a mother and a father... when both can be relied upon to be decent parents. When one cannot, that person can do more harm than good, IMO (and IME).

[MummaBear03]

Interesting. I've actaully seen different. Working specifically with troubled youths (aged 12 to 16 mostly) it was noticeable that the majority of those children are from homes where they live with both biological parents, but neither parent takes an interest in the child or cares what the child's doing or where he or she (mostly boys) even are. Also working with teens in a different area, the most loving and respectful were those from single parent families where the parent was hands-on and involved and did what they could to provide for their child.

Also at the risk of being shot down (this is through my own observation, which I freely admit is limited to my own experience with this) the children who were from single parent families or 2 parent families, where the parents were 100% reliant on welfare payments were the ones with the most behavioural issues. I'm not talking young children under school age with a mum or dad or both at home, I'm talking teenagers around the 12 to 16 year mark where the parent or parents have never worked in their lives and rely on welfare and charity for absolutely everything.

That's why I've come to the conclusion that children need loving, caring people in their lives, and a safe, clean, stable and comfortable environment.

I noticed from working with these families who were entirely reliant on welfare payments and did not work or even do volunteer work, they also were the ones unable to provide breakfast for the children or cook them a substantial meal of an evening. They also had houses you could smell before even stepping out of the car. They had houses where you couldn't see the floor. Most had some involvement with child safety but nothing ever seemed to change.

I realise with little kids at home it's often the case where there are toys around the house and so on, but these are teens not toddlers. To me, that shows that the parent is uninvolved in anything to do with the children, right down to providing a safe, clean and comfortable home for them.

[mrsd]

I have to agree with the welfare issue, too, Mummabear.

I have ex-students with their own families from these backgrounds who refer to welfare payments as "pay". They will almost certainly never be in a paid workforce role. And I don't feel that these payments are being utilised wisely for the benefit of their children.

[nugglyboysmum]

I chose 2 parents.

I believe that children are happiest and most well adjusted in life when they are raised in a household where there is a loving biologial mum and dad who love each other and their child.

However there are many other family types and as long as the child is loved respected and cared for, that child should be okay.

There are always exceptions to the rule, but all in all i do think the typical nuclear family (is they are happy) is the best for a child

[Blueberry Crumble]

I chose 2 parents.

I believe that children are happiest and most well adjusted in life when they are raised in a household where there is a loving biologial mum and dad who love each other and their child.

However there are many other family types and as long as the child is loved respected and cared for, that child should be okay.

There are always exceptions to the rule, but all in all i do think the typical nuclear family (is they are happy) is the best for a child

I agree.

I grew up in a one parent household. And I was SOOOO jealous of my friend's who had their mums and their dads at home.

It is so important to me to have my kids raised by both mum and dad, in a loving relationship. It is something I strive for every day because I didnt have it, and I want my kids to.

But I completely understand that life IS NOT perfect, and it cannot be the case with all families, and that is fine too. Kids do adjust.

[BigRedV]

:rolleyes: some people have no idea :rolleyes:

My mum was a single mother. Not by choice, but her first husband died when she was 7 months pregnant with my brother. He was their third child.

I don't see what the difference is really. If a child is loved, who cares.

There are plenty of children out there with 2 unfit parents.

[Ana Gram]

I don't believe that all children need to grow up in a two parent nuclear family to be happy. I find that idea quite ridiculous. All children need to grow up in a loving and supportive environment where all their basic needs are met.

DD has two houses and a ton of people in her life who love and support her. In fact this is probably the best arrangement for her, rather than having me and her father in the same house.

[MummaBear03]

Do you think that children in single parent families would have their chanced improved if society's views on single parents and their children changed?

Where DD goes to school, there are very few children from single parent families, and out of them all, apart from one lady who lost her husband in a car accident, DD is the only one who does not have regular contact with her other parent. Yet she is not treated as different, she still goes to all the same functions, plays the same games, attends birthday parties, invites these children to her birthday party, and when other kids have something that she doesn't (at the start of the year ALL the kids except her had a DS and some were only 4) I don't tell her she can't have it because we can't afford it, I tell her she can't have it because I prefer for her to do other things.

My brother has since bought her a DS and I told her it's much more fun to be out hiking or something than to sit with the DS and after playing it, she agrees too. I never make out like it's because we don't have as much money as the 2 parent families have.

[munchie]

I chose 2 parents.

I believe that children are happiest and most well adjusted in life when they are raised in a household where there is a loving biologial mum and dad who love each other and their child.

However there are many other family types and as long as the child is loved respected and cared for, that child should be okay.

There are always exceptions to the rule, but all in all i do think the typical nuclear family (is they are happy) is the best for a child


I agree... though in a perfect world:rolleyes:

[SassyMummy]

Perhaps MB.

I suspect DD won't be seen as the parent of a single mother... because I am with someone else, and while he may not be her father, a lot of people will just assume he is and she won't get that stigma attached (though she might for having a YOUNG mother).

I think that for some children though, it's nothing to do with a stigma, but more to do with abandonment issues when one parents leaves them, for whatever reason.

[Ardentwhispers]

Nope, and it's silly to think they do. Children need a good, loving support network. Whether that be 2 parents, extended family, or family friends. Doesn't matter what form love and support comes in.

[Maybelline]

I think in a perfect world kids would have two parents....for me I couldnt / wouldnt want to do this alone ....
I think a child may get a happier parent if there is another to share the work..

[Deserama]

I think it's IDEAL but not necessary no.

[MermaidSister]

It's totally different when a child loses a parent compared to when that's all they've known. Honestly- i NEEDED a mother growing up and from 7 onwards i didn't have one. My sisters and i suffered a lot because we didn't have 2 parents. But this was because our dad was unable to step in and take over the role she'd played- i mean how could he be expected to?- and the other female role models we had, while helpful, still weren't our mum.

But, that's different to the position of a child who, say, has been raised by their mother since birth without the issues present that are there when you lose someone. One person can provide a stable home for a child. If you had to do it, or wanted to do it, since that child was born, i imagine you would find a way. It's a different story when a dynamic has developed where the work of parenting is shared between 2, and then it all falls to one. In these cases i think to some degree the kids will be adversely affected by their situation. But again, not to say it can't be done.

[Ardentwhispers]

I agree with it to a point, but definitely from a we need both male and female influences in our lives growing up. I was brought up in a single mother family. I made my own father figures out of friends parents, (one would joke about adopting me and me being the favourite over his third son, my friend who was the 'favourite' ;) ) I believe children need a positive influence of both genders in their lives.

I really don't agree with this line of thinking. And in fact, if you look up research on the matter it's mostly been shot down.

But then, I don't agree with gender roles in the first place, and I think what we should be doing is teaching our children to be themselves, not their gender.

[Fuchsia!]

I think the issue is so complex, no one can say that its ideal if both the mother and father are together.

Just because kids have both parents doesn't mean they are at an advantage. Considering there are a hell of a lot of parents out there that don't give the time of day to their children, whilst some single mothers/fathers can go way above and beyond then what partnered parents can do.

While drugs, gambling and abuse in the household can also be a disadvantaged to a child in a 2 parent household. Parents can stay together for the sake of children in an abusive relationship and can harm children mentally.

I really think it comes down to who the parents are and how they parent to even consider saying that a 2 parents household is ideal.

[Veritas]

I think the issue is so complex, no one can say that its ideal if both the mother and father are together.

Just because kids have both parents doesn't mean they are at an advantage. Considering there are a hell of a lot of parents out there that don't give the time of day to their children, whilst some single mothers/fathers can way above and beyond what partnered parents can do.

While drugs, gambling and abuse in the household can also be a disadvantaged to a child in a 2 parent household. Parents can stay together for the sake of children in an abusive relationship and can harm children mentally.

I really think it comes down to who the parents are and how they parent to even consider saying that a 2 parents household is ideal.

:iagree: 100%....

It's the quality of parent, or any parental/guardian/influencial figure for that matter, that matters more than the quantity!

[Princess Drama]

Of course 2 parents arent essential. I have 3 boys and let me tell you they are developing just fine with my ex out of picture. They have my BIL and father they do a better job than he did anyway.

[Aquamarine]

Depends who the 2 parents are....

[OJandMe]

2 parents are best. If the relationship is strong, stable, functional and just.

1 parent is best if the relationship was unhealthy.

It's better for children to be from a broken home then growing up in a fractured, abusive or dysfunctional family.

But of course the plan was for 2 parents. No one sets out thinking they'll be a parent on their own (well very few do). But like breastfeeding, while 2 parents from a stable, strong, loving relationship are best... there is absolutely nothing wrong or detrimental about being from a strong, loving, supportive single parent family. Especially if the alternative was damaging to the parents or the children.

[emma2938]

2 parents are best. If the relationship is strong, stable, functional and just.

1 parent is best if the relationship was unhealthy.

It's better for children to be from a broken home then growing up in a fractured, abusive or dysfunctional family.

But of course the plan was for 2 parents. No one sets out thinking they'll be a parent on their own (well very few do). But like breastfeeding, while 2 parents from a stable, strong, loving relationship are best... there is absolutely nothing wrong or detrimental about being from a strong, loving, supportive single parent family. Especially if the alternative was damaging to the parents or the children.

I completely agree wholeheartedly 100%:goodvibes:

2 parents are the ideal, the best situation, but this worl is not an ideal place and things like death and domestic violence happen, so of course children can thrive in a single parent family, but in a dream world, of course 2 parents are best.

[SixtiesChild]

It isn't always possible to have a mum and a dad that love you as well as love each other and demonstrate that love.

I think this is the innermost dream of countless children. (I didn't have this :()

I think it's also important to have 2 parents, so that if one dies, the other can go on raising the child/ren as planned.

[Looshkin]

Yeah I do think kids need two parents.

I grew up with a totally absent father and I think that really sucks.

I always wondered what it would be like to have a dad.

Or maybe just a dad that loved you or cared that you existed.:(

My mum did a great job and is the most strong amazing woman I know.

However I think things would have been different if I had either a) had contact with my father or b) had some kind of father figure either from my mum having another partner or whatever.

I know plenty of single mothers. However most of them either do have a partner that has taken over a sort of 'dad' role and/or their kid gets to spend time with their dad.

I do think that's important and so yes I do feel a child needs two parents.

[ThomasMum]

If they are both excellent, loving and caring, sure thing :yes:

But if let say one of the parents is violent, awful, etc etc, no way.

IMHO when its come to good healthy and happy family, quality is the most important, not quantity.

[Sammy76]

Anyone who simply thinks that having 2 parents is much better than just 1 is just plain ignorant. WHY?

Scenario 1: Child has 2 parents, father never is at home, always working, never spends time with the child as work is his no 1 priority.
Child grows up not knowing much about his dad, and doesn't have a connection with him at all.

Scenario 2: Child has 2 parents, father and mother argue and even get violent, poor child witnesses it on a daily basis.
Child grows up wishing that they had've split up years ago, and ceases contact with father because of the violence that disturbed him growing up.

Scenario 3: Child has 2 parents, father has high expectations on his child, is mean and cruel to him because he doesn't live up to his standards. He doesn't just smack, he is aggressive and violent when disciplining his child.
Child grows up feeling undervalued, scared and angry at his dad.

Scenario 4: Child only has 1 parent, who is totally adored and loved by this 1 parent.

Scenario 5: Child has 2 parents, who have a good relationship and spend good quality time with their child.

Scenario 1, 2, and 3 are examples I know of people who have 2 parents.
4 & 5 are the ideal. So no one can say really that 1 or 2 parents are best for a child. IMO anyway.

[Opinionated]

I voted other.

I think it is optimal for children to have two loving and supportive parents who not only care for the child, but for each other.

This isn't always possible so in those cases it is best that children have at least one fantastic and happy, switched on parent and access to other good role models.

In cases where both parents are terrible (disinterested, uncaring, abusive etc.) it is better the child have no parents and be cared for someone that will love them and treat them right.

[Leisa21]

I think that's the most ideal situation, providing both parents are happy and it's a healthy environment I do think it's better. There's too many variables to give a yes or no :)

[Looshkin]

Anyone who simply thinks that having 2 parents is much better than just 1 is just plain ignorant. WHY?



It's not ignorance actually, it's simply *my* truth and my reality growing up with a single mother and having many friends who also had single parent mums.

I feel it's somewhat thoughtless of you to call this opinion ignorant, as it is indeed the truth of others, friends of mine that grew up with 1 totally absent parent and no father figure that do feel adversely affected by this.

When people say they feel 2 parents is more ideal than 1, why do you assume those parents need to be within a relationship in order to parent effectively?

Both parents can still parent and be involved in their childs life, put the kid first although the parents are no longer together.

I don't think anyone would say parents need to stay together. But the reality is that it takes two parents to make a child, so a child will almost always wonder about/ yearn for the other parent, the other half of them.. although I do know of friends with totally absent fathers with single mothers that have had a partner take over the role of father .... this is still 2 parents the same as two separated partners are still 2 parents.

[Ffrenchknickers]

I think in an *ideal* sitution there would be 2 parents and these two parents have a strong relationship, mutual respect for each other and the kids and treat other well and be strong in their roles.

In an ideal world, if something happened to one of those parents, family, friends and society would do their best to love and support single parent families without hesitation.

[Sammy76]

I have just responded below


It's not ignorance actually, it's simply *my* truth and my reality growing up with a single mother and having many friends who also had single parent mums.

I feel it's somewhat thoughtless of you to call this opinion ignorant, as it is indeed the truth of others, friends of mine that grew up with 1 totally absent parent and no father figure that do feel adversely affected by this.

Perhaps I should've been clearer - I think it is ignorant to simply say ' yes a child does need to have 2 parents in order to have a better upbringing' - forgetting that there are shades of grey, like the scenarios I gave. There are many different situations to consider so I don't believe it is right to say definitely yes and definitely no. Thats all.

I am certainly not meaning in regards to your situation or anyone else, nor disregarding how they feel about there upbringing. I just don't believe it is a simple as black and white.

When people say they feel 2 parents is more ideal than 1, why do you assume those parents need to be within a relationship in order to parent effectively?

Sorry, but when in my post did I assume? I just gave scenarios of people I know and there upbringing. For example Scenario 3 doesn't mention the parents being together :confused:

Both parents can still parent and be involved in their childs life, put the kid first although the parents are no longer together. Yes I agree, just couldn't think of anyone I could use as an example.

I don't think anyone would say parents need to stay together. But the reality is that it takes two parents to make a child, so a child will almost always wonder about/ yearn for the other parent, the other half of them.. although I do know of friends with totally absent fathers with single mothers that have had a partner take over the role of father .... this is still 2 parents the same as two separated partners are still 2 parents.

[Leeee]

i'd just like to say that i have 3 adopted siblings from ethiopia. (for the record australians can no longer adopt from there the government recently scrapped the contract and as far as i know haven't attempted to resurrect it). obviously they don't look like my biological brother and sister and me. but they're our siblings nonetheless and they have two loving parents- my parents. not their biological parents but. oh and my parents would have definitely voted for 'two parents'.
i also want to say that as one half of a ttc lesbian couple i recognise the need for male and female role models for both boys and girls. and our children will have that. dp has a huuuuge family so believe me our kids they will have that. i also want to encourage extracurricular activites (also benefits social skills etc), especially where there can be a male involved eg a sports coach. but i do think the most important thing any child can have is love and acceptance and people who respect them and take them seriously. and our kids will undeniably have those things.