argh, sleep and partners do not mix

[cheezelkat]

Last night, Liam went to bed at 1.30am. I was almost in tears because it took so long for him to go to sleep. He breastfed for 2.5 hours straight. My partner told me I had no right to be cranky. Where was he in all this? Each time Liam cried, he turned over, ignored him and left me to it :mad:

Liam woke up again at 6am. DF told me off again for being stressed about a lack of sleep. I snapped and told him he shouldn't criticise me until he's walked in my shoes. He should try havig a baby sucking on his nipples for 2 1/2 hours and being kept awake without any support. NOT FUN.

We are going to talk about it tonight. I have asked him to come home early because I think I've lost all sanity. Liam is teething something chronic and emotionally, I think I'm about to break down. I haven't been feeling too positive lately and it's all starting to get to me.

Has anyone got any advice on how I can get DF more involved with the parenting? He seems to have it so easy!

[Mum&bubs]

Wow your post sounded like something i would say :eek: I know EXACTLY how you feel. My DP actually gets cranky at me as soon as Summer cries during the night because he is getting 'no sleep'. They can be really insensitive sometimes cant they? With the breastfeeding thing my DD is the same, its a marathon feeding session & i just cant sleep as it hurts after a while but DP doesnt seem to understand.
Dont have any tips but ill be watching this thread closely.
Big hugs hun :hugs:

[the_queen]

Sadly I have no advice for you, I just wanted to give you some of these: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
This stuff won't last forever, it just feels that way right now.
Does Liam take EBM in a bottle? If you can drum it into DP's head that you need some sleep, perhaps he could do one night while you have a night of unbroken sleep in the spare room? I'm not sure what else to suggest, a good night's sleep can make the world of difference.

You're a fantastic mummy :yes: Don't forget that.

[Briswegian]

OMG, they're all the same. It comes down to expectations. His expectation is that you are responsible for the feeding and settling. That's ok if that is your agreement together. The other half of the bargain though is that you need emotional support and time to sleep also. He needs to hear and provide how to do that (just an example).
I have these discussions with DH and with my friends all the time. There are so many details about parenting that don't get discussed until after the baby arrives and you're both sleep deprived. Its time to negotioate those unwritten expectations.
Good Luck! :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
Liam is SO cute by the way.

[kirstenriley]

:hugs: from me too...i remember when that happened to me.

If it helps, the nurse told me the baby probably wasnt feeding that whole time, it was just more of a comfort thing....maybe try a dummy (assuming you havent already).

Remind DP's that while they may be sleeping, you are up allnight and who knows what might happen to a sleep deprived,emotionally drained mother with access to kitchen knives!!

:devil6:

[kirstenriley]

i meant to say....who knows what might happen to THEM!

[Funkychicken]

Big :hugs: to you! Our DS#1 was like this. It was draining physically, emotionally and mentally. He fed (or sucked) for hours too. He did grow out of it eventually. Talking with your DF is sooo the right thing to do, so hopefully you have resolved a bit by now:fingerscrossed: . I have to agree he is probably not feeding all of that time-my DS did this too but was actually comfort-sucking for a lot of that time. If you are happy to keep him on the breast, go for it as he will grow out of it. Or maybe you could gently take him off and rock him instead. I know this means getting out of bed but it may help to reduce the time he spends on your breast. I think (was a while and 2 more children ago!) DS slowed down on the feeding for hours at around 7 months. I do know that at about 12 months I finally dropped his 3am feed and he was slepping from 6pm until 5am at night.
All the best, you're doing such a fantastic job of looking after your little man. He's a lucky bubba to have chosen you as his mama!:thumbsup:

[ashika]

:hugs:


I know it would be frustrating............you poor thing. I agree with kirsten about the dummy and try hugging Ds really tight so he can hear your heart beat and let him suck the dummy, he might settle down a bit and you could get some sleep.

With Dp no advise..................all men are the same.

[cheezelkat]

Thanks for the advise.

I'll try using a dummy if it happens again tonight, and my partner and I have talked. Liam wont take EBM, or a dummy most of the time, which is what makes it incredibely frustrating. I'm the only one who can feed him or get him to sleep, so I'm on the go 24/7.

I'm hoping as Liam transitions onto more solid foods we can start looking at ways of encouraging self settling, but at the moment I just need to suck it up and come and vent on here!

[Funkychicken]

Glad you guys have talked about it. It will get better, honestly. May be hard to imagine but it will. :thumbsup:

[ashika]

So glad you had the chat with Dp..................................Hope it gets better...........
Also Put some bonjella on Bubs teether toy and let him bite that................it could help.

[Kari_Adel]

:mad: Grrr men can be frustrating! My ex was the same.. he'd constantly question how I could possibly be so tired because I sat around and did "nothing all day" -- yet he could barely handle looking after DS (with me on-call) for an hour before needing to go do something else or go out!

Even if your baby sleeps well after the feeds.. just knowing that you are CONSTANTLY in demand and on-call and there's no rest in the near future can be just as exhausting as being on the go.. well you ARE on the go!

It will change.. eventually. :banghead: I kicked my DP out.. hehe (for other reasons also of course..) but I wouldn't recommend that course of action unless completely necessary.

Just feel comforted knowing that your DP might seem like a insensitive b*stard at times.. but he's normal.. obviously! :laughing:

Good luck with BF. I'm sad to say that I only made it til 6 weeks before putting DS Jake on the bottle. Jake thrived bottle-fed and it suited him alot better.. he fed quicker.. which meant he wasn't drifting off to sleep during a 45min BF.. which also meant his sleep routine settled = happy baby.

:thumbsup: Remember, you're a SUPER mum!

xo

[vanillabean]

I think it is funny that when I mention that DD woke during the night several times, DH always says, "I didn't hear her". Yet, every time she would cry and I would get up to her, he moved around like he was awake!!!

[creativewarrior]

men are all the same - i didnt even breastfeed for very long but even now almost 2 years later nothing has changed.

he never hears her cry in the night - and we constantly argue about sleep - and sometimes it gets better but lately ive been getting real attitude with comments like this:

"if i cant handle it go back to work - im the one that quit my real job so either like it or lump it" he reckons he'd be fine staying home with her but just like all the other blokes would rather be somewhere else if he can.

mind you he is awesome with her and a great father its just the attitude that shes is "my job" therefore i should not whinge about it.

men sux

[*Chels*]

You poor thing.Its so hard when they are breastfeeding.
My DF can rock Riley to sleep,but if I try,Riley just smells the milk:rolleyes:
He also doesnt take dummy or EBM.It can be frustrating!
Just think,it wont be forever.One day Liam will be a big boy who doesnt want boob,and you will be sad:crying:
:hugs: :hugs: Hope things get a bit better or you