what do you think about "mail order" brides?

[bumMum]

most of us will have come across this, maybe you've had a neighbor or even a family member.. who has married someone about 30-50 years younger from another country such as the Philippines.

I have come across a man who bought his wife here and literally beats her senseless now. he doesn't let her drive a car, socialize, and controls her whole life. it makes me sick really. and he constantly calls her a prostitute and many racist names.
I feel disgusted and horrified. this makes me think he is just an old dirty man who should be locked away.

On the other hand, many people see mail order brides as gold diggers, who marry up, get divorced a few years later and hit the jack pot..

what do you think? is this a way for old men to take advantage and exploit desperate women? or is it the women taking advantage in these situations?
or do you believe these couples are actually in love?

[Teley]

I HATE HATE HATE this issue. I know a lot of mail order brides and I have to keep my tongue behind my teeth, because I hate judging people. It's gotten to the extent that I think women from other backgrounds who have married Australian men but met them in Australia state this in the first few sentences when you're getting to meet them - I've seen this so many times I've lost count.

To me, it is the oppression of women in a way where some women are in an economic position where they can't get out. Others are just plain stupid and think that the West is a chocolate oasis and Australian men are the best men in the world - in for a shock honey when you get to Australia.

All in all, I'm really torn on this issue. I think all three scenarios are possible - however, it's the first two interplaying that are usually happening unfortunately.

[PeppaH]

A friend of my dads had a mail order bride. He is a good man...But... A bit.... Different lol Hard to explain. Anyways, I see them (when not in an abusive relationship) as a good thing. Gets the girl out of a country she doesnt want to be in and gets the man a wife. I think that if a women is fine with being 'bought' as a house maid or as a loved wife, then who are we to judge?

[Ardentwhispers]

One of my good friends originally came to Australia as a mail order bride. She's divorced now, but still lives here. I don't see her as a gold-digger, just someone who was in a crap position and taken advantage of.

I think it's disgusting. :yes: And rate it lower than prostitution, actually. It's basically a glossy, more PC version of people-trafficking. But then..don't see it going away any time soon!

[Teley]

I think it's disgusting. :yes: And rate it lower than prostitution, actually. It's basically a glossy, more PC version of people-trafficking. But then..don't see it going away any time soon!

Yes......you said what I wanted to say but couldn't find the proper words too. So I'll just go :iagree:

[Ana Gram]

There are so many facets to this. There are men who are abusive and know that they can buy a woman and control them, there are men who are lonely enough to think this is the only option for them, there are women who may be gold diggers (but I think they are few and far between) but for the most part it involves very poor women who have no other option than to sell themselves to get out of poverty. Sad all round really.

[Poppetfish]

What do people think of mail-order husbands?

I know an elderly couple and she was a mail order bride. The husbands first wife died and because his first wife was ukrainian, he wanted his second wife to come from the same country. She had 4 children and was in her 30's. He had her and her children come out to Australia to live with him. They married 15 years ago and it is so nice to see them in their front yard sneaking kisses while they are gardening ect.

I asked her about why she was a mail-order bride and she told me about how she stayed in the ukraine, she would have had to marry any man to help support her children as she couldn't do it on her own. She had always wanted to go overseas.

He found her on the internet and they exchanged emails to get to know each other before she came out.

I think for some people it doesn't work out but lots of people actually find true love.

Really how is it differant from meeting someone on a chat room and paying their airfare to come over and get married?

[sandy cheeks]

It kinda seems off to me but so does meeting people over the internet.
There are some gold diggers (and more than likely just trying to get out of a $h!ty position) I have seen a few times at the local shops older(60+) white man with very young but they often look young at 30 asian woman and he is pushing the kids(doing the mum role iykwim) and she is all done up leading the husband :laughing: I have even seen a few yelling and screaming at the old husbands:laughing:

Then you get roten drop kicks of men who get a mail order bride so they have a housemaid/sexslave so the poor women trying to get out of a $h!ty hell hole end up in another one with a @S$hole who abuses them.

But I know of one or two others who kinda order brides from their home country as they want a women who shares they customs and what ever and they are in real loving relationships.

And then there are cases of people getting married just so one person can get into Australia I know of a person who has been married 3 times all to overseas people all before she is 30 now all 3 of them live over here and have remarried(all overseas as well) :rolleyes:

[BOSS302WMOM]

It depends, my grandfather is with a woman he met through a friend who had a mail order bride... My GDad and the bride to be's best friend who came for the wedding hit it off and are meant for each other they are both big kids who love being around kids(she cant have any and he is sterile now) and yes they happy. IF you were to see them you would think oh here we go again but in all honesty they are happy. They are in love and I have never seen my Gdad so committed to anyone she is mid 30 and he is mid 60.

I know another guy who married a woman she came here after a long net relationship and than ran off... except immigration wanted to send her back she tried to con the man into helping her but he was heartbroken and 100, 000 grand down on getting her and her DD here he said stuff you and she was sent back as far as I know.

My gosh I have met an array of people since moving here.

[my_lot]

This was just on my mind the other day. My 12yr old noticed this the other day at the shops and asked me about it. A couple had passed us and i hadnt even noticed and did the *turn head and look* thing when she said "did you see that?"

They were holding hands and looked like any other couple from behind.

We had a short conversation about this and i found it really eye opening that my child not only noticed but saw this as "strange" and needed to ask questions about it.

Her uncle is married to an asian lady and my kids now have a cousin from their marriage

I was pretty horrified at the level of racism from such a young child and corrected her line of thinking on the spot. I really hope she never looks down on an interracial relationship again.





What do people think of mail-order husbands?

I know an elderly couple and she was a mail order bride. The husbands first wife died and because his first wife was ukrainian, he wanted his second wife to come from the same country. She had 4 children and was in her 30's. He had her and her children come out to Australia to live with him. They married 15 years ago and it is so nice to see them in their front yard sneaking kisses while they are gardening ect.

I asked her about why she was a mail-order bride and she told me about how she stayed in the ukraine, she would have had to marry any man to help support her children as she couldn't do it on her own. She had always wanted to go overseas.

He found her on the internet and they exchanged emails to get to know each other before she came out.

I think for some people it doesn't work out but lots of people actually find true love.

Really how is it differant from meeting someone on a chat room and paying their airfare to come over and get married?

Internet in the ukraine 15 years ago?? Most people didnt use the net 15 years ago in Aust! She couldnt have been that poorly.

[melbryan]

My Fil is bringing out a woman from the Philipines. I think deep down he is sad and lonely he lives in qld misses out on everything cause my MIL and him separated around 30 yrs ago we all live here. I think he doesn't want to get old and die on his own. He deserves happiness in his life too. She is my age and wants a child and he has said yes. He is 65. That child will probably not grow up with a father.
It's a situation they have to deal with but I think the 4 children he already has will miss out somewhat.

[SassyMummy]

My Dad has a gf from the Philippines, and she's over here now, with her daughter, living with my father.

The ILs make comments about her being mail-order and maybe she is? I dunno - all I know is that they met online, and he went and met her over there a few times before organising for her to come back here.

I don't think it's the typical mail-order situation though, if that's indeed what it is... because he's very much become a part of her culture, interacting with a lot of other people from those areas, etc etc... not the other way around.

[Fuchsia!]

There are so many facets to this. There are men who are abusive and know that they can buy a woman and control them, there are men who are lonely enough to think this is the only option for them, there are women who may be gold diggers (but I think they are few and far between) but for the most part it involves very poor women who have no other option than to sell themselves to get out of poverty. Sad all round really.


I agree, so many different things to think about.

My 2 uncles both have "mail order brides"

My 1st uncle like being looked after, she provides this, she treats him like a king BUT...she isn't here, she stays over there, he has built her a mansion (well over there its a mansion) and he looks after her and her family. And in return he likes to be looked after. I think in a way its kinda sick, but they are both happy to be doing what they are doing.

I think it is kinda yuck and it makes me feel off about it. I think if the women from those countries weren't living in such poverty they wouldn't have to seduce men to have a life that isn't filled with poverty.

I dunno how i feel about it.

But having said all that there are asian women and australia older men who really are truly deeply in love and respect each other.

[SixtiesChild]

It depends on the motives. If it's just to gain residency, then I don't agree with it.
I think it should be about love and in any case one must be very very careful of what they're getting themselves into.

My dad's life ended in tragedy because of his Russian "bride".
Oh, the things that woman put our family through is unbelievable. I could write many pages on the techniques this woman used to gain money. She tried every trick in the book to make him look bad.
It was so blatantly obvious-what she was doing. We tried to get him to see the light, But my poor dad being so lonely-frail and vulnerable realised only too late.
At one point, she had the russian mafia living at dad's house bleeding him dry of money and making hundreds of $$$ worth of calls to Russia.
After she'd tried many times to get him to sign his house over to her, she began to wear him down. She put toadstools in his mushroom soup which made him very ill & plied him with liquor knowing it was his weakness.
A few months later she left and not long after that he died in a house fire.

Nothing could be proven and soon after dad died she made a claim on his will.
It all ended up in supreme court-mediation and she walked away with a nice tidy sum to start her new life over in Australia.
That was the last time I saw her.

[Alexander Beetle]

In all honesty it sickens me.

Most of the time these poor women are in desperate situations and will do anything to have a better life. I see it as an abusive of privilege on the man's behalf. I find men who are in their sixties and older marrying young women and having children to be pathetic. I fail to see what kind of father you can be when you are geriatric and wont be around for a large portion of that child's life. If these men want company why not find another woman your own age? There are plenty of lonely older women around too. But no, they wan't to start again with a young girl. Mail order brides are another form of the sex industry IMO, which blooms in places like Russia, Ukraine and Asia. There are much better ways to help the impoverished rather than using your money in exhange for sex.

[Teley]

It depends on the motives. If it's just to gain residency, then I don't agree with it.
I think it should be about love and in any case one must be very very careful of what they're getting themselves into.

My dad's life ended in tragedy because of his Russian "bride".
Oh, the things that woman put our family through is unbelievable. I could write many pages on the techniques this woman used to gain money. She tried every trick in the book to make him look bad.
It was so blatantly obvious-what she was doing. We tried to get him to see the light, But my poor dad being so lonely-frail and vulnerable realised only too late.
At one point, she had the russian mafia living at dad's house bleeding him dry of money and making hundreds of $$$ worth of calls to Russia.
After she'd tried many times to get him to sign his house over to her, she began to wear him down. She put toadstools in his mushroom soup which made him very ill & plied him with liquor knowing it was his weakness.
A few months later she left and not long after that he died in a house fire.

Nothing could be proven and soon after dad died she made a claim on his will.
It all ended up in supreme court-mediation and she walked away with a nice tidy sum to start her new life over in Australia.
That was the last time I saw her.

:barf::barf:That's disgusting. That's the other thing about scams - it makes people hate every single woman from those countries sometimes too.

That's why I think it's usually either a scammer destroying someone's life, or a desperate woman being bashed by an abusive husband. Rarely ever have I seen it work out nicely.

[Ardentwhispers]

My Dad has a gf from the Philippines, and she's over here now, with her daughter, living with my father.

The ILs make comments about her being mail-order and maybe she is? I dunno - all I know is that they met online, and he went and met her over there a few times before organising for her to come back here.

I don't think it's the typical mail-order situation though, if that's indeed what it is... because he's very much become a part of her culture, interacting with a lot of other people from those areas, etc etc... not the other way around.

From my Russian friends I know that this is actually how it usually goes. They talk online and then the man goes OS to meet them, and they "both" decide whether or not to follow through.

I had another friend who is still married (15 years on) to her husband she met this way. They *seem* happy, but he is quite domineering. She just doesn't seem to mind. I think that's it a lot of the time...these men want a "traditional" female. Still see it as very wrong, whether she's happy or not...I don't see why westerners should be carrying on this kind of opression. (Sorry, not aimed at your father..just in general).

[Ardentwhispers]

:barf::barf:That's disgusting. That's the other thing about scams - it makes people hate every single woman from those countries sometimes too.

That's why I think it's usually either a scammer destroying someone's life, or a desperate woman being bashed by an abusive husband. Rarely ever have I seen it work out nicely.

If I were in such a desperate position in my life that I had to marry some foreign man that was much older than me just to get by I reckon I might be just as angry and ruthless.

[Teley]

If I were in such a desperate position in my life that I had to marry some foreign man that was much older than me just to get by I reckon I might be just as angry and ruthless.

A lot of them aren't even in such desperate positions. Of the quite a few that I know, I would say that only half or less than that were in dire circumstances.

[JasmineLouise]

We have a family (dad, mother, child) who comes in to work, and we are convinced she is a mail-order bride. He is quite a lot older and we have overheard him saying "you are a stupid woman", "do you have no brain?".... etc, etc. The way he treats her is absolutely disgusting, not to mention in front of his young daughter.

Horrible, just horrible :no:

[ThomasMum]

It happens everywhere. I grew up in the UK, I remember one my friend's parents made a (racist) joke about it that we better watch out bc Eastern Europeans taking us over with their pretty (mail order) brides :rolleyes:

I used to work for CSSW (Community Settlement Service Workers) most of the cases that weve dealt the background came from MoB. Very sad. Big headaches for the government.

But not all have sad or horrible endings, just like any other relationship, some has wonderful endings, some don't.

:tree: