hubbys SAHM expectations

[stretch]

HI there,

Im not yet a SAHM (waiting on the little bundle to arrive!!) so i can only answer your questions based on being on Maternity leave for the last 4 weeks.

DF doesn't expect things to be done, but is very appreciative when they are. (Like the house is spotless, dishes done, washing done) things like that.

He knows that there will come a time when he comes home from work, and there is nothing done - he has a DD from a previous relationship so has been through it all before.

I think its up to the individual and how you set your 'boundries' to begin with to be honest. I think if you come off the blocks firing and have EVRYTHING done for him - he will kind of expect it all the time. Where as I know with me... a little means alot. I sometimes feel guilty that I havent done some things, but right now, there is always something that gets done. (im sure this will change when bubs arrives) I dont intend on feeling guilty either. Yes he works full time and works hard - but parenting is a full time job too.. and altho I wont be getting paid $$ to do it - being a SAHM is a hard full time job too!

HTH

[RedPanda]

My husband very, very rarely comments. If he comes home and the house is a mess, he just assumes the kids must have required a lot of attention that day. I never justify myself. He was a SAHD for a year, so he knows how much mess kids make and how difficult it is to keep a house tidy. I cook every night, which I quite enjoy.

He has no set expectations at all, particularly now that I'm pg. I'll admit that I have the occasional lazy day where I actually set out to just do nothing but hang out with the kids, but I think that's fair enough. He and I both know that being in the paid workforce is much easier on the patience and tolerance levels so we are quite understanding of each other's positions!

[MagicalLeopluradon]

Im a young SAHM to an almost 8 month old little boy and am almost 28 weeks pregnant with our 2nd little boy.

DP works long crazy hours, leaves 4-5 in the morning and gets home between 6-8.30 at night.

I do the washing & cleaning and take care of the little boy and he does the cooking - he is a great cook and cooking is not really my specialty :laughing:

As I am nearing the end of my pregnancy I am constantly exhausted, especially after tending to a very active little boy.

I always make sure the washing and dishes and day-day duties etc are done but some days I am so exhausted I just don't have the energy, Mondays is generally my big cleaning day and I try to get heaps done and the rest of the week I do my general day to day things and will choose a few chores to do daily.

DP never complains and still comes home from a long day at work cooks us dinner and gives me a back rub, it's give & take :)

[Theophania]

My DP doesn't expect anything and if he ever demanded something be done I would laugh at him and tell him to go jump :laughing:

I do as much as I feel like doing through the day. I am a bit of a clean freak so I clean everyday. I don't do washing though DP does all the washing I HATE hanging it out and folding it so he does it :D

We share the cooking, although he does most of it lately lol I have been really exhausted in my first trimester this time:)

[PeppaH]

When DF was working, he wasnt the one that had the expectations but I was.
He would be out working so I could at least do some work around the home :yes: I would make sure the dishes were done, meal was just about ready, everything was tidy and no big messes on the floor. The washing got done every other day etc etc. I wouldnt feel guilty if I had slack days though lol I just did it because I wanted to. I dont like living in a pig sty and I will only clean if no one is home other wise I get them to help haha.

[Mrs Nietzsche]

I don't think we have expectations of each other?

But I wuold be really careful that you don't let your partner become your boss

[misho]

I will be off work when baby arrives.
I think my DH has these expectations, that I will be able to do everything on my own and that dinner will be prepared and on the table for him when he gets home from work!

But... I think he will quickly realise that this wont be the case. He just thinks that now coz he doesnt know anyone close who's had a baby before. So he will learn haha.. that things wont be so easy!!

[MummaMilk]

I don't think we have expectations of each other?

But I wuold be really careful that you don't let your partner become your boss
:iagree:

DF is happy to come home and find us all alive and me relatively happy. If I get anything done it's a bonus. I'm the one that stresses over cleanliness and housestuff not him anyway :laughing: he is pretty easy going :)

[Annabella]

My husband doesn't 'expect' that the house will be clean or anything but he is very appreciative if it is and he does usually expect that I'll have something prepared/be preparing something for dinner. However if I have stuff there and ask him to cook he will but I like cooking, and when he cooks he makes WAYYYY to much mess that he will leave for me to clean up! I do all the cleaning, washing and most of the cooking, and I am happy to do most as I am at home. I do expect some help tho, it'd be nice to not be solely responsible for cleaning up after dinner while he sits on his **** on the couch, and it would be nice if he could at least put his clothes in the wash rather than leaving them on the floor. Things like that really annoy me. Or would be nice if he could take the bin out if he sees its full etc.... just little things.

I think it works well if there are clearly defined roles, but it doesn't work when both parents are working and its still expected that all the housekeeping is the woman's job. My husband very rarely criticises my lack of cleaning or if I don't have dinner organised, but last week he did and its something I WILL NOT TOLERATE, so I cooked for me and the kids and left him to his own devices.

We do argue a bit about domestic stuff, although I'm happy to do the bulk of it while I'm a SAHM, I hate that his expectations are that it is a 'woman's job' and that he can't even help with the little things. But I'm also grateful he doesn't expect a spotless house and everything done every day. And no I never feel guilty if the house is a mess or things don't get done.

[sunnymummy]

I was a SAHM for about 9 months and have recently started part time paid work outside the home (I don't like to say back to work as being a SAHM is working:laughing:).
I have found that even after a short time being the cook, cleaner, shopper etc, it has been difficult to give some work back to DH.
Not that he doesn't help but he needs to be asked/told rather than seeing the work himself. :rolleyes:

[MothersMilk]

My DH prefers the house to be clean but doesn't come home expecting it. He understands that being a SAHM is not roses and sunshine - sometimes DD is so much work i don't have time to clean the house, sometimes i am dog tired or feeling sick or like right now i am just pregnant and sore/tired from that.
We help each other out - it is not all on me to maintain the house/care for DD, it is a joint effort.
I do feel pressure upon myself to keep the house nice etc. I guess i just feel better if things are done - more useful maybe? I sometimes feel guilty that i am not providing financially so i try to make up for it by being a great SAHM and housekeeper but DH never makes me feel guilty - he is the one telling me not to be silly and that i am doing a very important job looking after DD etc.

[Guest]

thanks girls! its an insight... hubby isnt telling me off or anything but i do feel guilty for not doing things. although i am due in 5 days i still feel i should be doing more. he works hard and i occasionally feel im doing easy staying home....
You're due in 5 days and feel guilty for not doing anything? I didn't do a thing at the end of my preganancy and expected him to come home from work and do it and he did!!! lol I was so huge, exhausted and slept alot and if I even tried to clean I'd be in bed the rest of the day.
I went back to work 4 weeks after giving birth but now am off till next year as it was driving me crazy, so for the first time am a stay at home mum. And I'm still tired alot so don't do as much I'd like, but I still clean a little and do the big cleans on the weekend and I always cook dinner and when I can't be bothered, take-out.
Dh doesn't expect anything besides food and his clothes cleaned, but even when I was working I did everything anyway, he doesn't have a clue and I prefer it because when not watching he'll put whites with colours, tea towels with bath towels, babies clothes with his bum wipes full of poo oh man he's useless...

[~BEXTER~]

every time I have stayed at my partners I have looked after Keiara, made sure the beds were made, cleaned the whole house and had dinner ready at 7pm.

I don't think he expects it but he has gotten use to it over the years. At first he would go off at me for cleaning his house he didn't invite me over to clean, but I am there all day while he is working there was no reason why I couldn't do the cleaning, It was my way of saying thanks for having us.

My Mum and Grandma have always been like this so I figured this is how it is meant to be, even when i work I go to his house clean and cook. He does play with Keiara for a short time while she is awake but he is always bringing work home with him. he works long hours so I like to look after him and the house.

[Nowhere]

DH expects everything to be done, and gets angry if its not done, He has been in a mood cause the ironing int done I have all the wshing done but not the ironing, He doesnt like to have to sort though to get out what he wants to wear, I tell him if he puts his work stuff in a seperate basket they wil be washed on there own, but he just thows them around the room so i go through and pick it all up and wash it. He expects dinner cooked after i put DD to bed even though I dont eat it, He wil eat dinner and not even move his plate. I get up in the morning to find his lunch and breakfast stuff all over the bench ( if i havent made his lunch I stoped becuase he said would it kill you to put pickle on my sandwhiches). He was in a mood last night for some reason mum had had DD yesterday soo I would get some house work done with out distraction (for the first time woohhooo) while i was cleaning he put one power point in them watched TV for hours and then messed around in the shed, While he was in there i put some clothes in the dryer and he yelled at me for useing the dryer said i should hang them out ( yes i should of but was flat out) i said if you feel so stongly you hang out the next load which he didnt. Then last night I was doing some work and he started geting DDs bath stuf ready and slamming aroundd because I hadnt already done it, ( he got her change mat i think it was a hint lol) WHen i was putting DD to bed he made him self a pizza and made a comples mess of the kitchen then sat on his back side typical.

so yes he expects eveything and isnt nice if its not done, he wil go months not talking to me if he feels hard done by.

[Shananaaah]

The only expectations in our house are that the washing is kept on top (two messy toddlers to clean relatively grime free. A losing battle half the time :laughing:) and the bills/banking is done on time.

This goes for whomever is at home, which is me at the moment and DH next year.

Everything else gets done when it can be, and usually by either of us.

I didn't stay home with my kids to keep house, I stayed home to be with my kids. DH has the same outlook.

[Shortiii]

I guess it depends alot on the type of relationship you have with your partner - and whose *in charge*

My DF and I are pretty laid back and have a very mutually understanding relationship.... He doesnt expect anything of me... although I feel it is my duty to try and maintain a clean house, look after baby and cook him dinner...
Also.. i am a bit funny about things being done my way...:laughing: so id rather do it so its done *properly*..

Theres been a couple times where ive been too busy or tired... DS sleeps during the day and not at night, so i also sleep when he sleeps. But I have an hour or two in the arvo before DF comes home to do the dishes, laundry... I forgot to wash his work clothes last week.. so he now does that :o

I do main baby stuff at night... but DF understands how demanding our little one can be at times, and its very rarely I ask him for help with our son, so DF doesnt mind occasionally coming home after work and cleaning a bit, even though he works 12hour shifts, i feel a bit bad.

I think when we have number 2, its going to be alot harder and more demanding for us, but I didnt lift a finger in the last few weeks of my pregnancy, and I still developed high blood pressure... I would take it easy, and do what need to be done only, once the new addition arrives nothing will be done for a while. and your partner shouldnt expect it of you!

Mikenzees Mum - :hugs: I hope your partner one day sees the amount of work that needs to be done to look after a little one... seems he needs a bit of a reality check and maybe a little anger management... Hes got to learn your little one will pick up on what he expects of you and the mood hes in... I know what its like to have a partner you have to tip toe around and always second check yourself with just to keep them happy.. !

[BabelFish]

The only thing my partner insists on is that I have two sleeps a day while our DD sleeps. I'm 34 weeks pregnant and he has been like that throughout both pregnancies.

I have always worked longer hours than he has, so when I was pregnant with my DD I would get home and find the house spotless, and the dogs walked and fed, all so I could sleep after work.

This time around he has been a full time student so we are SAHP (stay at home parents!) and he has still done the majority of the housework. I do the cooking (most nights) and we take care of DD equally.

The one thing we are both pretty strict on is the dishes. It's unhygienic not to have them done so if they're done, the rest of the house is pretty much a `do it when you can' type of thing.

I am lazy, though, which has caused problems for us in the past when I basically treated him like a housewife and took advantage of everything he did. That was an issue way before I ever got pregnant. But no, he doesn't have any `expectations', and I am so much better than I used to be that we just go with the flow, now.

And OMG Amy - your partner needs a MASSIVE reality check. It's not like your life isn't hard enough anyway - I don't know how you manage to get anything done at all with the demands of looking after Miki. I would give him a huge boot up the backside if I were you - out the door, most likely. :hugs: :hugs:

[elleandsam]

DH and I have an agreement, we each pull our own weight. I look after DD and take care of the house while he was at work. When he gets home he has a little down time, takes a shower, we eat dinner, he irons his uniforms while I give DD a bottle and then her dinner and then he bathes her and puts her to bed. On his days off we both give the house a clean out and then we can go do things. This weekend we cleaned the whole house on Friday and then went out on Saturday for early lunch and go to the police museum.

If we want to enjoy time together as a family we all have to do our bit, and DH understands that and is happy to help out when he can so then we can enjoy our time together.

[TripleTime]

As long as the house is still standing, we're all alive & i havent left the stove on. DF is fine.

His spent enough time at home with us during the day, he doesnt expect me to do anything & if i do (god forbid) get something done. Its a bonus.

I spent my entire pregnancy flat on my back in bed or in hospital so DF learnt to fend for himself. His not a fan but will do it.

[TheCatsMeow]

I'm expecting my first child soon, and I've agreed that Monday to Friday - I am in charge of house hold chores. Hubby is a senior manager at work and works hard long hours. He also understands the importance of being a full time SAHM mum, and knows that I am doing just as hard a job as him.

He works hard to bring in money, I'm working hard to keep our home enjoyable.

The thing is (which I love most about him) is that if he is obsessed with being a hands on dad, and is insistent that after work, he is a dad and a person who can take the household duties on board. He understands that we both need to do our part to raise our baby in a healthy loving environment.

He is also very encouraging of me to go back to work when I feel ready, as he knows that building my own career is important.

We've always been equal from day dot, and I think it helps that he is quite domesticated and obsessed with keeping the house as clean as I am!

[Sarahlou]

There are so many issues that can surface after deciding to stay at home - most of them to do with the woman I have come to realise after being at home for 2 years so far!! What I mean is that I found that although DH had no specific expectations (I actually don't think most men notice a thing about what is going in the house!!), I definately had some (ok heaps) of expectations of myself - I think many women experience a period of adjustment after finishing work that can take some time to work through - and for, that had nothing to do with doing to washing or ironing shirts, but how I was feeling about the change to my role and how I was being acknowledged for that - definately for me an internal issue rather than having anything to do with DH as such.

Staying home with a child can be as frustrating as it is rewarding - and it is rewarding! - and no 2 days are the same (and sometimes they all feel the same! So many contradictions with being a SAHM!). I think too that once your bub is born and you are no longer in 'holiday mode' you will make the adjustments that you both need to work with your new lifestyle. Good luck - and one more piece of advice, don't lull him into a false sense of security in the first few weeks by setting your standards too high! LOL !!!

[bumMum]

when i was sahm and my partner was working quite long hours, he did expect some things to be done around the house as did I. not so much housework. that has mostly always been a shared job. I would clean up after the mess me and bub might have created. i didn't fuss over making the beds or anything. dishes and stuff yes. I never even started dinner until he home and able to help out with bub.
the things I mostly did were running the errands like shopping and paying bill etc.
I just treated it as an outing and tried to do something constructive every day. I never felt criticized for my lack of domestic abilities lol. with a new baby, seriously, it's so hard sometimes to get anything acheived. you have those days where you will just be constantly feeding/settling/changing

[Chaton]

I'm lucky my DH has picked up a lot of slack in the last few weeks without complaint as I can't really vacuum, mop or carry the washing basket up/downstairs anymore. A far cry from the man who would complain and have a little tantrum if I didn't cook dinner in the first trimester due to fatigue or nausea!!! :laughing:

We've discussed the SAHM/SAHD situation and he will be home with me for 3 weeks after baby arrives, so hopefully that will help him see what is involved.

He wants to be a SAHD one day, and I've told him that if he is, I will expect him to keep on top of laundry, keep the place tidy, the kitchen clean etc (I will still cook dinner) - I'll cut him some slack of course but this is mostly to deter him from wanting this just because he thought it was "cruisy" just playing with his kids all day.

But I think what is expected of a SAHM to a newborn, especially a first timer, and a SAHM to a child that sleeps through the night are quite different. DH is not going to expect me to live up to the stanard I threatened him with until I am getting a decent amount of sleep!

[feathergirl]

A man came home from work and found his three children outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard.

The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog. Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall.

In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a Cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing.

In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.

He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened.

He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door. As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls.

As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went.

He looked at her bewildered and asked, "What happened here today?"

She again smiled and answered, "You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world I do all day?"

"Yes," was his incredulous reply.

She answered, "Well, today I didn't do it."

[MothersMilk]

:laughing: feathergirl. Love it :D

[Paul64]

Hi all

As a potential father to be, we're 6 weeks into our pregnancy after only 1 round of IVF, I would expect my wifey to do as much or as little as she feels like doing. I'm a shift worker so I will have plenty of time to do housework and cooking too.

Cheers and kindest regards to all

Paul
sa.

[Lemonhead]

DP really likes the fact I am at home and the house is always clean and that I am here all day with our son. I am going back to uni next year and he knows he will have to start helping with dinner etc but he has not complained about it. He is happy to hang out the washing, do the dishes, make dinner etc etc if I cbf doing it.

I dont care how long he is at work, this is his house and family too :) and Im glad he sees it like that too.

[Emmi]

I have an auto immune disease (Hashimotos Disease) and I'm still trying to get it sorted so don't have a lot of energy, so DH doesn't expect me to do a lot, but I still do. It's my MIL that expects me to do everything! She's in the mindset that the wife is only there to serve the husband, my DH isn't like that.
For the last 2 weeks though I've been so OCD about cleaning etc, the kitchen is always clean and tea cooked! Haha

[melbryan]

I do things not because I am expected to but I think a tidier house makes it easier to keep on top of things. If I left the house it would just pile up making more mess to clean up.
If my hubby came home and said why didn't you do my dinner or wash my clothes I'd tell him to do it himself. I do things because I care for him and the kids not cause I have to.

[Emmi]

Haha mummy89! I'll be right, I've still got plenty to do around my place!

[sockstealingpoltergeist]

I don't have to have excuses, and he would never ask what i have been doing, because he knows how much effort child raising takes.

He married me - a woman, not a house keeper.

Now i am a SAHM not a house keeper.

I do the majority house work because I am home and can do, however when he is home he is happy to do half or if I am unwell or whatever all of it.

[MsMummy]

I've never been at home full time while my partner worked full time, but I've been thinking a lot about this lately.

I work four very long days, and my partner is currently on uni holidays and isn't working.

I don't expect an immaculate house, because I know he's very active and plays with our son (14 months) a lot during the day.

I think he does a reasonable amount, which at the moment is washing the cloth nappies and some of the other washing, doing the dishes, grocery shopping, preparing dinner and a bit of general tidying. And the bathroom once every couple of weeks.

And he's in charge of the lawn and garden.

He also gets up in the morning and irons my shirt, and packs my lunch and my pump and expressing stuff.

I still do stuff as well. I'll tidy up the living area, put away the washing and tidy up generally.

When he goes back to uni, the division will move back to even.

I think the working parent oftent takes advantage. I know I do. I think you have to make sure there is still some division for fairness and to avoid bitterness and recriminations.

[BabelFish]

I'm certainly one who worked more than DP and took advantage.

Just before DD was conceived he left me, because he couldn't handle it anymore. Thank goodness we were able to work it all out!

[TripleTime]

I dont put expectations on myself or make excuses for things not being done. As long as the kids are fed, they arent always clean but that comes with being a kid, the house is still standing (been some close calls) & everyone is happy.

Its A OKAY!

If i get things done while DF is at work instead of waiting till his home, its a bonus.

[c2p08]

DP lets me do as little or as much as i want, if i need some help he may get in and help after he gets home from work. He doesn't force me to do anything but we're both under the expectation that the house is my job and he goes out to work, but his days off or when we have people coming (or inspections) he has to get in and help to.

As i tell him, im his partner not his slave, if he wants me to do things for him (eg his washing) then it has to be in the laundry or the washing basket otherwise it doesnt get done (has taken him 18 months to learn this and still hasnt! he still finds every now and again he has no clean clothes lol).



I wonder to, what are the expectations of the man in the house? how much does/should he help?

In my house/my parents house as a kid it was expected that the females do the inside cleaing and the men do the outside (but also the toilet coz they pee on the seat, and the garbage/the garbage bins oh and any little spider, cockroach, bug etc they had to get rid of haha).

in my house now DP has to get in and help with anything needing doing on his days off, the garbage on his way to work and his own washing.

DP also cooks if hes home for dinner.

[TheCatsMeow]

I wonder to, what are the expectations of the man in the house? how much does/should he help?



We both believe that both people are accountable for keeping their homes tidy. This will be especially important when the baby comes. We are both going to be responsible for her wellbeing, and make sure the house is in top form for her.

When I was growing up, my dad did absolutely NOTHING and my mother did everything. This was normal in my house. In DH's household, the girls and his mother did all the housework.

DH was always a little different though - he was one of those boys that loved helping mum, and despite all the teasing he got from his Dad and older brother, it actually made him quite the domestic man.

He believes that we both make mess, and we both are responsible for cleaning it up. I take onus for it during the week because he works quite hard at his job, but he's very appreciative. His only expectation is that I clean up my mess (ie. pick up my clothes, put my makeup away etc :D) Come weekends, he puts on the gloves to clean, will do the washing and he loves to cook and weekends are his chance to make something delicious.

I'm lucky in that he doesn't let me wash or iron his work stuff - he gets paranoid I might ruin it!! :D

[RoarsomeMum]

He expects to come home to HUGE hugs and kisses and stories of our adventures from the day. Anything else is a bonus. :goodvibes::valentine:

I don't feel any guilt unless I have neglected Roar in anyway. The housework is not my Job. Childcare is.

[danik]

I'm pretty much a SAHM (do 3 short evening shifts waitressing/bar work while DH looks after DD) and I'm lucky that my DH is very easy going in the domestic department.

DH will willingly help with anything if asked and would rather us spend time relaxing with each other than stressing over a clean & tidy house/dinner on the table at 6pm.

[purplecat]

Im a young SAHM to an almost 8 month old little boy and am almost 28 weeks pregnant with our 2nd little boy.

DP works long crazy hours, leaves 4-5 in the morning and gets home between 6-8.30 at night.



holy what the..? that means you got pregnant about a month after giving birth?? WOW! thats quite a feat given your husbands long work hours ;). I didnt even think it was possible!

sorry not SAHM yet so cant help with the actual quetion! but I do expect I'll probalby do a bit more round the house when maternity leave starts (at the moment everything is 50/50 as we both work full time)

[MyTwoBubs]

My partner expects me to do everything, and comments if things likemwashing arnt done.
He just says "I work"
I hate it. He think i just sit on my but all day with nothing to do. I have a 1 yr old!!!
so yeah thats how we r.

[Emmi]

I didn't do any housework today. I decided DH can suck it up because I'm sick of doing everything and raising DD pretty much on my own! I'm going to crack one of these days, I swear!! Is a little appreciation too much to ask for? I just feel like a slave!
I sometimes think I want another one, but then I don't want to be raising 2 on my own. But that's another story... Ok, sorry, rant over! (been wanting to get that out for a while) :)

[MummyHas3boys]

My Hubby has no expectations! He has been great for as long as i can remember with helping me out.....we work as a team, im with the kids all day while he is at work but when he is home we share the responsibilities.......I will do the washing during the day, look after the kids.....i might get a chance to tidy the house up, but if not, its no biggy.......we both share the cooking, we dont take turns each night but sometimes he cooks sometimes i cook....and generally who ever Dosnt cook will do the dishes!!!
say while Dh does the dishes i will get the kids PJ's ready for bed, then we will both tidy up and vacume........then Dh showers the kids while i get their beds all ready and a bottleready for #2..... he helps the oldest get dressed and i do the youngest.....we have a pretty good system going on :D

Having said all of that though, while he dosnt have any expectations, and has never made a comment if he comes home and the house looks like a bomb went off...i still feel bad if he comes home to a messy house, or if the breakfast and lunch dishes are istill in the sink, i usually do a quick tidy up in the 1/2 hour before he finishes work so it dosnt look so bad for him :yes:

[lizzymcfizzy]

My partner expects me to do everything, and comments if things likemwashing arnt done.
He just says "I work"
I hate it. He think i just sit on my but all day with nothing to do. I have a 1 yr old!!!
so yeah thats how we r.

same here but we have a 2 1/2 year old. been that way since she was born.

problem is my hubby is a clean freak and was raised by his single father so he's done lots of housework in his time. my version of clean and his version don't match.

He does the washing up after I've cooked dinner and will do a general tidy up, weekends he mows the lawn and the 'man' jobs. He still gets the poops though if I haven't got everything done, even though I've done 8 out of 10 things that needed to be done. He does help out when I need it - like hanging out the washing for example - but expects a medal.

He is quite particular about how things are done too which is very annoying. I've told him to do it himself if he doesn't like the way I do it but it causes such grumbling and moodiness its just not worth the hassle.

I tell him I'm not going to do housework all freakin day, its a continuing issue. He says "let DD play by herself" I DO but can't expect her to do it all day.

I work 2/3 days a week but other days I'm home or generally out doing playgroup or some place I have to be.

I hate housework.

[MummyHas3boys]

[QUOTE=c2p08;4271837]I wonder to, what are the expectations of the man in the house? how much does/should he help?QUOTE]

We both see it as its OUR house so we are both equally responsibel for keeping it clean....the Kids are OUR kids, and while he ias at work and im at home with them, they are my responsibility to look after, feed, play but when he is home we share it all :yes:

I think seeing my parent as i grew up and how they lived made me NOT want my life to be that way.....My dad basically was a jerk to my mum, yes he loved us kids, and her, but he was as lazy as a sack of s**t when it came to helping her out.....he had really high expectations...... HE works all day and wanted to get home to a clean and spotless house, Couldnt stand it if me and my sister were playing noisily ( as kids do) expected dinner on the table, ready and waiting for him, He trained race horses, so we alwyas had atleast 2 stable hands staying in the granny flat and mum was expected by dad to have their dinner hot and ready for them aswell. She only ever cooked meals dad liked or else he would have a whinge and feed it to the dogs and make himself beans on toast lol....seriously i dont know why mum didnt tell him to stick it up his A$$.
I could keep going on but you get my drift!! anyways early on in mine and Dh's relationship ive always made sure we have shared the responsibilities....there was no way in hell i would marry anyone like my dad!!!!! They are now divorced ( only as recently as 2 years ago ) And he has gotten a new Wife from Vietnam She really is a lovely lady, she is sweet and caring, loves my kids and we get along well, but yeh, she does EVERYTHING for him, probably even wipes his butt :laughing: she always says " man shouldnt have to do anything" Just the way he likes it :barf:

[ETsMum]

My DP doesn't expect anything and if he ever demanded something be done I would laugh at him and tell him to go jump :laughing:


Mine too!

Ummm... that the kids are safe. :p

The only real exception is that he would at least expect that I would have some idea of what is for dinner, (eg, meat bought/defrosted or take away-ordered or a plan to eat out) he doesn't expect dinner to be cooked or anything by the time he gets home.

I think he would like me to iron - but I don't! :laughing:
He has to iron his own work shirts!

[witherwings]

DH and I dont argue about domestic stuff because we both just do what needs to be done, we equally contribute to cleaning and washing, but I do almost all the cooking (occassionally DH will make me a sandwich or some breakfast, but I dont like his cooking - he does good BBQs though, some sometimes I'll do the prep work and some salad and i'll ask him to cook the meat).

My DH is actually more conscious of cleaning than i am, we dont leave clothes lying around, they are usually in the wash basket within a few hours of being taken off (if not right away) and if I cook DH washes up afterwards. We both do the laundry whenever it looks like it needs to be done (i.e. when the basket is full) and DH is usually the one to clean the bathroom (bliss).

I think Im pretty lucky in that department, having a DH who likes to live in a tidy and clean house. Sometimes he might ask me to take the rubbish out or put the washing on, if he feels like he's been the one doing it for the last few times, but normally we dont have to tell each other to do things.

I also do all the grocery shopping (because im the one that cooks) but he makes sure all the bills are paid and organises a lot of things for us, so it all evens out :)

we dont have a bub yet, so I have no idea how things will change then, but i hope he does his fair share of nappies :D

[Shokujo]

Bub #1 will be here in about 7 months, and I've had to stop work as I was getting very tired and not able to continue.

I will be a SAHM. I will be responsible for the day to day running of the household. This is what my parents & grandparents did, and his parents & grandparents did. The expectation is, I'm the one at home, he is the one at work. He doesn't want to come home after a long day at work and have to start cooking dinner, or washing up, when I have been home all day and could easily have done it. Note: he will be helping out where he can on weekends, but it is predominantly my job.

I'm happy with that. And obviously, he understands that there are going to be some days where its going to be impossible to get things done around the house, but we've both been raised that the mother stays home and looks after the house and family, the father goes to work. I'm a bit old-fashioned that way.. lol.

[Babblings]

[QUOTE=Shortiii;4269518]

My DF and I are pretty laid back and have a very mutually understanding relationship.... He doesnt expect anything of me... although I feel it is my duty to try and maintain a clean house, look after baby and cook him dinner...
Also.. i am a bit funny about things being done my way...:laughing: so id rather do it so its done *properly*..
QUOTE]

DF and i are exactly the same, especially me with the being done properly thing!!!

If DF sees that something needs to be done 9 times out of ten he will do it.....like if he opens the cuttlery draw to get a fork and there isn't one, he will than check the dishwasher and if it is full of clean dishes he will than proceed to un-stack the dishwasher and not just take his fork and close the door. Just little things....we kind of have a flexible routine in the house...stuff we usually do at a set time like closing up the house. If i have happened to fall asleep or it's my turn to bath and put DS to bed than he will check and do everything e.g check that there isn't anything freshly washed in the washing machine that needs to be hung, check that no clothes need to be folded, make sure all the nights dinners pots and plates have been placed in the dishwasher and so on.

Df never expects anything of me other than to raise our son and be there for him.....i am the one who places the expectation to clean on myself.

I try to get as much done as i can whilst he is at work and if i haven't managed to get it done than we both share the tasks that need to be completed without any fuss from df. He likes to contribute and help around the home aswell...

we share eveeything. we alternate nighst of getting upto DS if he wakes, putting DS to bed ect

[Pinkzy]

I am due in 2 months time and since the first trimester my hubby has done at least 90% of the cooking as I just couldn't (and still can't for the most part) handle being around raw meat or preparing food. Whenever I feel up to cooking I will do it though. Hubby hasn't complained once and is a pretty damn fine cook :) He's a little messy and I do find myself cleaning up after him a fair bit but I have absolutely no problem with that as he's made the effort to make a meal for myself and him :)

I do the big cleaning jobs and will continue to do so - but that's just because I'm podantic and like things done my way LOL. Hubby does the dishes a lot and has been 100% responsible for the washing the last few months. He's also been the main shopper the last few months as between being heavily pregnant and working 3 nights per week I just don't have the energy. He does all this whilst working a full time job. He seriously deserves a medal in my opinion lol ♥

I'm confident things will change once bubby is born and once I've recovered from the birth (c-section). I plan on doing ALL of the cooking (I miss it sooo much) and also going to do the majority of the chores including dishes and washing...I haven't been a SAHM before and I can't wait :D My hubby and I don't really have any "expectations" of each other when it comes to what needs to be done, it's more a case of being very appreciative of what each other gets done and I can't see that changing once bub is here.