The Rules for Single Mums

[Mummy2R&K]

Mods can you please make a sticky :D

As discussed and composed in this (http://www.bubhub.com.au/community/forums/showthread.php?p=4268486#post4268486) thread, here is a complete list of rules for being a single mum. All new single mums, should afterall know the rules.

Please reply stating that you will always adhere to said rules. Breaking the rules means that skankfractions will apply :shame:



:p Rules of Being a Single Mother :p



Rule#1: You must be super duper nice to your ex at all times. If you're not, you are trying to turn your child against him. Even if your ex calls you a "sl*t" in front of your child, you must smile politely, say thanks and carry on. If you ever retaliate, it is YOUR fault and YOU are trying to manipulate your child.

Rule#2: You and only you are financially responsible for your child. If you dare ever go out and get your hair done or, heaven forbid, buy yourself a semi decent car, you are using your ex for his very, very high child support payments and neglecting your child’s needs!

Rule#3: If you ever dare try to complain to the CSA expect nothing because they don't care. You are wasting valuable time and recourses woman! If you try to have a cry on the shoulder of another single mum, expect to be told "too bad" and hear pity stories of how much someone's friend of a friend of a friend has to pay in child support to a woman who takes drugs.

Rule#4: Do not ever under any circumstances introduce your child to a man you have been dating for a short period of time. In fact, what am I saying?! Do NOT date. You are not allowed to get a babysitter and fob your child off to your mother because you want to go out! You must commit the crime of being a single mum forever because, of course, it was your fault!! In fact, don't talk to other men, because you are obviously trying to pick them up and have another baby to them to trick them into paying child support.

Rule#5: Don't ever have a tough moment. If you feel sad, depressed, stressed, you are obviously not coping and you need desperate help because, you know, we've all read those statistics about single mums and how hopeless we are!! Sheesh - we're even more likely to be POOR than other parents. Who would've thought?!

Rule#6: Dress appropriately at all times. In other words, don't look poor. If you do, you are a lower class single mum who is "sponging" off the government and using the payments for drugs and alcohol. Try not to look too nice though (see rule #4).

Rule#7: Probably the most important rule of all - don't ever tell a stranger you are not married. I don't need to explain this one because we've all made this mistake!

Rule#8: If you do work or study, expect to get slammed for putting your child into child care and letting other people raise your child.

Rule#9: If you have the mistaken belief that your baby deserves to have a SAHM just like all the kids of married people, expect to get slammed for not getting a job or studying to support or better yourself.

Rule#10: Don't ever complain about the treatment you receive from Centrelink or CSA because you should be grateful to get it at all.

Rule#11: Seeing that you live on the Governments largess, your financial affairs should be open to public scrutiny. Everybody else has the right to question just exactly how your are spending their hard earned tax dollars...

Rule#12: Do not talk to your friends’ husbands or boyfriends, because you are single and you talk to them you are instantly flirting and want to have an affair.

Rule#13: Should you break Rule #4 and actually start dating a man, then you are automatically rorting the system by illegally claiming benefits.

Rule#14: Should you break rule #4 also expect that someone in your new man's family (or mates) will automatically assume you are a gold digger and trying to either ride the gravy train, get pregnant or take him for all he's worth. (He couldn't possibly like you and your kids; you are obviously good for just one thing after all...)

Rule#15: - if you have more than 1 child then you are clearly (and obviously) popping out kid after kid to secure more benefits and so you don't have to go to work.

Rule#16: - If you are single then it was your own fault because you clearly did not work hard enough to keep your family together. How dare you decide that his violence, cheating and maltreatment was enough to deprive your child of their father.

Rule#17: - Never forget that single parents can't cope! We can't be good parents and we can't be anything other than neglectful. If someone is patronising towards us and tells us how it must be so hard and that we must be struggling enormously then we must agree with them and beg them to help us!!!! Because as I said, single mums are not able to cope and are ALWAYS living within a bubble of desperation at all time......If we think we are "coping just fine" we mustn't forget that it is actually denial and that we are not coping at all!

Rule#18: - no single mum actually LIKES being single! If we are single then it must mean that we are desperate for a boyfriend/husband. So therefore we have no right to be picky or choosy about who we decide to become romantic with. We must be grateful for any man who wants to sleep with us....we must allow him to treat us like garbage and use us for sex because we "shouldn't expect anything else". Any guy who shows us the time of day deserves to be showered with praise and admired for his ability to "love a single mother".....we must never be lax in showing our eternal gratitude!!!!

Rule#19: - Single mums need to remember that there is a difference between a single mum and a single dad. A single mum is a leech on society; she is a skank who cannot keep her legs closed. She is a neglectful parent who had children for the government benefits and so she could reap the benefits of child support!! A single dad is a hero! he should be praised and clapped and be showered with accolades for "stepping up to the plate".

Rule#20: Your child must be available at all times to see their father whenever and however it is convenient to him. If you do not cancel plans or change your life to revolve around his access you are destroying the magical bond between deadbeat dad and child.

Rule#21: - should you happen to break #4 (all sorts of nasty things happen to single mums who break rule #4), you want your new partner that you have dated for one week to automatically adopt your children. Why else would you be dating other than to find your child a dad?

Rule#22: - Do not tell a man you do not know whilst out at a club or bar "I'm a single mum". This may be misinterpreted through all the noise and music as : "I am willing to sleep with you tonight". Actually, this statement may be misinterpreted thus by any man you meet, anywhere, as these two phrases sound very similar.

Rule#23. When you get pregnant to FOB and FINALLY actually get a clue that this person isn't really that nice, actually he is emotionally abusive and you don't want to be with him anymore accept that fobs family are going to treat you like crap as you should stay with him and accept his crap.

Rule#24: Actually now that you have left him, you are now are a skanky hoe who just wanted a baby and seeing as you DONT want to be with him anymore and put up with said crap you can jolly well cope on your own. DO NOT expect an ounce of financial, emotional or any other type of support. You made your bed, now lay in it.

[Mummy2R&K]

Rule# 25: - All income gleaned from the government and child support is only to be used to DIRECTLY purchase things for the child(ren). We are not allowed to spend a cent of it on ourselves or on indirect child rearing costs if we will benefit from it in anyway. This includes clothing, household furniture and medications for ourselves - and the fact that shoes come in handy when shopping for food for the child is irrelevant and cannot be used as an excuse.

Rule#26: - It's generous and loving for a non-single parent to buy lots of toys, nice clothing etc for their child. If a single parent spends more than $30 over the course of the year on children’s' toys it's bad money management and we should remember that centrelink benefits are for essentials only!

Rule#27: - single parents are not allowed to spend their benefits on a bottle of wine to have with dinner because benefits are for essentials only (see rule #26). Make-up or hair products are also not allowed!

Rule#28: - Only partnered parents are allowed to whinge about their children and how hard it can be to parent sometimes. If a single mother whinges at anytime then clearly that is evidence that she doesn't really love her children and only sees the kids as a meal ticket and a free ride!!!!

Rule#29: Any man showing interest in you, isn’t really interested in you at all, but using you as a means to get to your children so that he can take advantage of them. So, to protect your children, don't forget rule #4.

Rule#30: When someone else wants you to attend some event, you must get a sitter so that you can tag along, even if you don't want to, 'cause you have to take some time out for yourself. However, if it is something you would like to do, refer to rules #8 and #11.

Rule 31#: Deadbeat Dad may cancel his arranged days with his child for any trivial reason, he may give ridiculously short notice, and any plans you have arranged no matter how important are irrelevant.

Rule#32: - single mums are skanks. That's how they got into that position. However, the skankiness level of the single mum increases as her age decreases.

Rule#33: - single mums to be are skanks and could not possibly have being in a serious relationship/de facto/married when they fell pregnant. These things do not happen to proper, good women.

Rule#34: Should you commit a cardinal sin and have kids to more than one FOB, accept that this is proof that society is right about all what they think about SM's.

Rule#35: If the ex pays maintenance, you should grovel at his feet thank goodness he is a wonderful parent. Even if it is $3.36 a week...this money is worth more than anything you ever do in time or energy for your child? You stayed up all night with the vomiting child? So what, you ex paid you $2.20 maintenance last week...he is obviously a better person. Money (or testicles) trumps a mothers effort every time - now just you remember that!

Rule#36: You must not have a life and move away from the father, you must stay so that he can have his contact whenever he wants. You can't start a new life with a new partner. But the FOB is allowed to move wherever he wants to. He can move, as far as he wants. He can move overseas if he wants. He is a father, so therefore he may not want a relationship with his child - and that is fine. Just make sure if he returns, you go out of your way to please him and his wishes and take the kids to visit him at his request, no matter how often and for what reason.

Rule#37: Of course you must never question or complain to your ex that he missed a c/s payment. Don’t you know that the engagement party he went to and had to spend $200 on a present for, automatically cancels out his kids eating and living for a week?

Rule#38: Make sure that you buy the morning after pill in bulk, it will save you money and you won't have to embarrass yourself when you are known as a regular down the chemist, cause yanno, us single mums like to go out and party and have unprotected sex every weekend.

Rule#39: You will pay for the sins of every single mother who has stepped out of line. That includes a friend of a friend of a husband of someone's friend who is being denied access to their child, single mums who have resorted to silly things to make money, the single mum on the show "two and a half men"...

Rule#40: As soon as one becomes a single mother, she must immediately purchase a Plasma with her baby bonus money or government money. You must not let down the other single mothers as we have a reputation for buying plasmas and we have a reputation to keep up.

Rule#41: You must be humble at all times, never show disinterest or dislike in another person’s car/ property/ wealth or you are just jealous.

Rule#42: Enjoy all the benefits you get because we all know everyone is far better off on the pension, and that single mums are raking it in. That is why women are leaving their husbands in droves, because they could drink champagne and live a lavish lifestyle if only it wasn't for the rules.

Rule#43: - Don't forget that if your ex decides to have another child with his new girlfriend/wife that you mustn't expect for him to continue to support your child! Why should he have to support his prior children when he has a new family? That is what centrelink is for!!!!

Rule#44: Your ex has the right to deny paternity of the child and refuse to see them until they get a DNA and make you chase them for CS for 2 years. But afterwards you must still treat them like father of the year once the court order for child support goes through (and he complies with the order).

Rule# 45: You must acknowledge that raising children is not a "job" and you must not treat it as such! You must not ever discuss feeling underappreciated or under paid because you chose to have the child and it's not society's fault that you haven't worked out a way to live on fresh air and love alone!

Rule#46: if there is no daycare available so you can go to work and stop "bludging" then it just means that you are not looking hard enough - long waiting lists and inadequate numbers of carers/centres/options is a poor excuse for not "paying your own way".

Rule#47: Remember that Mary Jones down the road who is married has every right to look down on you because it's obviously your own fault that you are single! SHE will never become single and will never need welfare because she is smart and would never be so stupid as to pick an inadequate partner to have a child with. Her husband loves her and would never leave her - you are the one with the problem!

Rule#48: Any tax you have paid previously and/or will in the future is irrelevant to the fact that you now claim welfare and are now living off the tax paid coffers. However tax paid by married mothers in the past and/or future and the tax paid by their husbands IS relevant when discussing middle class welfare! Middle class welfare (ie FTB, CCB) given to those who don't (strictly) need it = OK. Welfare given to single parents who are the poorest people amongst society = NOT OK.

Rule#49: When hearing about a child who has been abused and/or neglected the very first thought should be that he is from a family headed by a sole mother - children of "intact" families simply don't get abused and/or neglected. Criminal behaviour should also provoke the same thought.......

Rule#50: - if a child of an "intact" family is found to be a little turd then they simply must be a spirited child and "who knows what went wrong?". If a child of a single parent is a little turd then it's obviously a case of inadequate parenting!

[Mummy2R&K]

I Mummy2R&K do solemnly swear to adhere by the Rules for being a single mum. :shakehands:

[Benji]

I, Angela, do swear to abide by the rules.

Unfortunately I did break rule #4, but I promise I fell in love accidentally :laughing:

I still don't complain officially about not receiving child support, I don't buy anything for myself EVER and still pay for my sins as a single mum :yes:

[ConfettiGirl]

What happens if we get a "skankfraction"? Do we just get ostracised and reviled? Become a Pariah? Or do we suffer far more inhumane punishment? Like having the "smug marrieds" repeatedly hit us in the ankles with their shopping trolleys full of gourmet food?

I, Katie do solemnly declare that I will abide by the rules of the "single Mother" and if I shall so break even a single rule I will submit to my trolley/ankle bashing without even so much as mentioning my inability to purchase shoes with my government funds to cushion the blow of the trolley.

[Mummy2R&K]

What happens if we get a "skankfraction"? Do we just get ostracised and reviled? Become a Pariah? Or do we suffer far more inhumane punishment? Like having the "smug marrieds" repeatedly hit us in the ankles with their shopping trolleys full of gourmet food?

:laughing::laughing:

[Ana Gram]

Well dears, I am a rebel and I endevour to break many of these rules :p

[Mummy2R&K]

Well dears, I am a rebel and I endevour to break many of these rules :p

:shame:

It is single mums like you that give us a bad name missy.

[Fuchsia!]

Oh you forgot the most important one that i had in the other thread

Rule #39

As soon as one becomes a single mother, she must immediately purchase a Plasma with her baby bonus money or government money. You must not let down the other single mothers as we have a reputation for buying plasmas and we have a reputation to keep up.

[Mummy2R&K]

Oh you forgot the most important one that i had in the other thread

Rule #39

As soon as one becomes a single mother, she must immediately purchase a Plasma with her baby bonus money or government money. You must not let down the other single mothers as we have a reputation for buying plasmas and we have a reputation to keep up.

It's there as #40 because the numbering was out of order on the other one ;)

[ConfettiGirl]

I must disagree with the "buying the morning after pill in bulk" though.....

Don't single mothers TRY and get pregnant? To increase their government haul?

The baby bonus only goes so far and only buys so many wine-in-a-boxes!!!

Also how else are we to get a plasma for every room in the house - including the laundry! And don't forget we need to equip each plasma with a Wii, X-box 360 and a surround sound system. This requires many baby bonuses!!!!

And if we don't get pregnant how else are we supposed to "trap" our men and force them into being with us? (since we have no other redeeming qualities). At least for a little while until they see sense and realise we are only out for their money and decide that they no longer want a relationship with us (but continued sex is ok). Then it's onto the next guy - get pregnant etc.

Or do we just buy the morning after pill to allay suspicion? Because we all know how single mothers are amoral and deceptive, what's a little lie added to the mix? Gives the FOB more to whinge about to his mates (how he was "trapped" etc).

[ConfettiGirl]

Well dears, I am a rebel and I endevour to break many of these rules :p


I hope you are wearing thick socks!

I would look rather good in tar and feathers, so I might just break some of the rules as well!!!!

[OneNowOneLater]

I've already broken a few rules - probably the most skankfractionous being the one about owning a plasma ****hangs head in shame**** Have mercy!

[Benji]

Me too ONOL :( I have LCDs :laughing: that's where all my millions of dollars in child support goes. I'm RAKING it in :D

[OneNowOneLater]

:crying: I dont even have LCD's.... Although i do have a Wii, and about a dozen games....

[Myztiks#1Fan]

but benji and ONOL, you guys may be breaking the rules at times but heck, isnt that why you both have partners, to try and 'trap' these men now?

benji, on a side note, how are the 2 B boys going? havent really had a convo with you for quite some time now

[supa_star323]

Oh no. I have broken the tv rule too, I own an old 51cm cheapy cause ds dr bills r ridiculous... Definitely sticking to not spending a cent on myself though lol...

[Benji]

but benji and ONOL, you guys may be breaking the rules at times but heck, isnt that why you both have partners, to try and 'trap' these men now?

benji, on a side note, how are the 2 B boys going? havent really had a convo with you for quite some time now

Yeah we have repartnered, but don't worry - we still get treated like crap by our exes and we put up with it :laughing:

The boys are great :yes: DS is getting so big I can't believe it! He loves DP so much, he said to him today that he wants him to "keep me forever and ever" :goodvibes: so cute!

It's your fault that I've repartnered anyway, remember :laughing::laughing:

[Myztiks#1Fan]

Yeah we have repartnered, but don't worry - we still get treated like crap by our exes and we put up with it :laughing:

The boys are great :yes: DS is getting so big I can't believe it! He loves DP so much, he said to him today that he wants him to "keep me forever and ever" :goodvibes: so cute!

It's your fault that I've repartnered anyway, remember :laughing::laughing:

glad the boys are doing great and that is really cute of little b telling big b he wants him to keep you forever. thats adorable.

now regarding the bold bit, someone could of stopped me from going and raiding his house :laughing: and giving him the 20 questions. what a night that was eh, good times

[Benji]

glad the boys are doing great and that is really cute of little b telling big b he wants him to keep you forever. thats adorable.

now regarding the bold bit, someone could of stopped me from going and raiding his house :laughing: and giving him the 20 questions. what a night that was eh, good times

BAHAHAHAHAHA I actually don't remember a lot of that part :o I just remember us jumping on his bed hehe!

But omg it was so much fun! We need to have another night out when you're back down :yes:

Oh the horrors of being single mums - we even get DRUNK once every couple of years :eek:

[AM]

I'm not good with rules... ;)

[dairyqueen]

I am going to re-read this thread every time I have a bad day (which is of course proof I am incompetent and unable to cope).

Another rule: SMs must remember to curtsy and say thank you when a judge says her personal safety is of no relevance when making custody orders. After all, how could that compare to the importance of a violent deadbeat father's right to continue his abusive relationship with his child?

[Fuchsia!]

Ahh yes i have another one.

As soon as the single mother starts to earn a good amount of money or is going on expensive holidays then she must automatically take full financial responsibility and the father must not pay as much or any at all :rolleyes:

[dairyqueen]

:) :)

And of course, SMs should accept blame for everything bad in the world... global warming, the global financial crisis, losing the Ashes, odd socks, you name it.

[mumof22010]

i love the rules.. they are great. i will be reading them all the time they made me laugh which i have not done in the last 2 weeks

[Benji]

:hugs: mumof22010. I hope you get some more laughs coming your way! I often check out some of my fave threads when feeling down to get a chuckle.



I have repartnered and am learning that many of the single mum rules still apply and have learned a couple of new ones for previous single mums who have repartnered:



Now that you have a new partner, he should take on the financial role of the father. He should pay for the biological father's shortcomings. Bio dad's financial duties are now over thanks to a new man!
If bio dad wants to have a baby, your child is now yours and your partners and bio dad's "old" family. He now has a better family. So don't expect bio dad to be on the scene much any more.

[lilboysmum]

Absolutely gold!!!.... damn.. i totally broke the rules... didn't get a plasma, child support or centrelink payments... that proves it... break the rules and miss out completely. oh, hang on, i'm lower than a single parent, i'm a sole parent... no FOB (well technically there is one) to harrass for money or access..

Thanks for the laugh ladies...

[Sadaussiemum]

Love these rules so much but really got to ask about the when bio dad has a new baby is that true?? Tryed and tested?? Cause if so .......... Freedom omg!! Lol

[~ElectricPink~]

:laughing:

Whilst I found these funny.... I also found it made me feel a bit sad as well. Pretty much spot on with how society views us single mums *sigh*

[dairyqueen]

Another rule.

Single mums must lower the tone of the neighbourhood by bringing a procession of men into their homes. Ideally the men should be pimps and drug dealers. This gives neighbours much needed respite from watching soap operas and rewards them for their hours of dedication in watching for you to do something inappropriate.

[Sadaussiemum]

I don't know if this ones in here yet. But single mums can't be friends with anyone that has a penis cause automaticaly the male now spends to much time with ur child and it's wrong for ur ds or dd to spend time with a stable role model

[trishalishous]

I love this thread! Its spot on!

=Im not a single mum, but Im guilty of watching our godson while his mum neglects him to waste tax payers money (do the shopping) or goes to wild drug fuels raves (has a coffee with a school friend). but its ok, cos I can watch her plasma tv, or talk to her stream of 'boyfriends' while shes out:D-

[ladybug270809]

hey all, just thought i would have a bit of a browse to see what is out there. My partner and I recently split up, about 2 weeks ago actually and I can't say its been easy. Our beautiful little girl is 9months old and ultimately i really feel for her. Scared because of the unknown.

[Teley]

Another rule.

Single mums must lower the tone of the neighbourhood by bringing a procession of men into their homes. Ideally the men should be pimps and drug dealers. This gives neighbours much needed respite from watching soap operas and rewards them for their hours of dedication in watching for you to do something inappropriate.
:thumbsup::yelclap::yelclap::yelclap:

[funkymama]

:iagree: I think that is called "neighborhood watch" :laughing: Its even better when you have different vehicles at all hours day and night in the driveway visiable for all the neighbours to see!!

[Teley]

:iagree: I think that is called "neighborhood watch" :laughing: Its even better when you have different vehicles at all hours day and night in the driveway visiable for all the neighbours to see!!


Ooooooooh, so that's what neighbourhood watch is:yes:.

[oscarsmuma]

This gave me a good laugh!! I honestly used to think like that.. before my x ran off on me while pregnant!!

[Teley]

Rule №whatever....

Single mums must not have advanced, well-adjusted children. They do not have that ability because it offends doctrine 101 that children cannot thrive without a MOTHER AND A FATHER.

Section a of this rule: the severity of this rule increases as the age of the mother decreases.

[dairyqueen]

Lets not forget that should a single mother think her child is anything other than delinquent then she is delusional. She should never interrupt or deny when a bunch of people with no relevant qualifications discuss her obvious mental problems for believing her child is not a delinquent. And she should always accept that it is absolutely her fault.

[Formerly Mick]

As a single dad I can most certainly understand Rule #19.

Society-at-large seems to think we single Dads are magical creatures, worthy of wonder and amazement.

I think however that's more to do with the fact that a lot of guys are pathetic in not living up to responsibilities of being a parent, so we are a bit of an anomaly.

[MummaBear03]

As a single dad I can most certainly understand Rule #19.

Society-at-large seems to think we single Dads are magical creatures, worthy of wonder and amazement.

I think however that's more to do with the fact that a lot of guys are pathetic in not living up to responsibilities of being a parent, so we are a bit of an anomaly.

My bestie's hubby said that too when he was on his own with 3 kids before bestie came along.

[New to the Dubb]

Love your child and still look after yourself!!!!

[billiebee]

i actually think the majority of these "rules" are quite sexist. how unfair. deadbeat dads? try deadbeat parents, theres plenty of neglectful mothers out there too. cheers to GOOD parents, male or female, single or partnered, who dont use there children as pawns.

[Formerly Mick]

I took these in the spirit in which were written.

By Mums, based on the experiences they have had in their own lives. It's not meant to be a published manual for sole parent child-rearing, or a white paper on parental responsibility.

[sunnyflower]

Yes Billybee...

The thread is just a joke Joyce....

Just have a bit of fun with it.We all do...:)

[UsThreeGirls]

if you are wearing anything exdp hasn't seen before, obviously you have a lot of money , therefore he should stop paying child support at least for a few months to teach you a lesson...

[MummyDaddy]

I love the rules! I broke #4 as well ... brilliant - they should be handed out at the hospital after you give birth! hahaha!!

[share a book]

It is NEVER ok to send your child to the ex's house when sick!

It is up to the custodial parent to care for the child when sick

A well child has 2 parents whereas a sick child has only one evidently!

The other parent can still proclaim to be a decent parent despite never lookin after the child when sick but if WE try to hand the child over when sick we are doing the wrong thing ;)

[MermaidSister]

Another rule that comes to mind:

-If you are a WORKING single mum, you are abandoning your child and failing to provide at least one stable adult figure in their life. You should quit immediately because, of course, living below the poverty line would be far better for our child's wellbeing.

-If, however, you are a stay-home single mum, you are lazy and obviously only had the kid so you could lie around bludging off the government. Because, of course, child-rearing is SUCH an easy job- just ask Sharon from over the road and listen to her rattle on about the trauma of being home alone with baby for 8 hours a day while her husband goes to work.

-Also, if you are a young single mum, you should automatically pack up your things and move to a notoriously high-crime, low socioeconomic neighbourhood a thousand ks away from anywhere, and resign yourself to a life among your own kind. You could not possibly want to stay close to your support networks and job opportunities (what do you need those for?!) now you are an unwed mother. In fact, please leave quietly and refrain from mingling with any of the respectable married women down at the daycare on your way out, lest your trashy choices discolour the local neighbourhood.

This thread is classic- I wish we could get it published somewhere like the Telegraph or ACA website :laughing:

[dairyqueen]

Lets not forget the rule that if you spend time with your child in a domestic violence shelter because of the FOB's behaviour, you have failed to provide a stable home environment and should lose custody for being an unfit parent.

(This was actually said to me).

[bedprincess]

What a good :laughing: and :crying: , Rule#37 was a good one but lets change the gift 2 a weekend away with mates.

Im printing these rules and sticking them on my wall nxt 2 my Bachelor of laws subject list, which I cross off each subject I complete.

Thank you.

[Learner Mum]

Hi Ladies,

my marriage is failing and I am about to go into marriage councilling (forced) and I just dont love my husband any longer. There has been too much hurt over the years that I cant get over. I want to leave but people are making it sound like being a single mum is just not possible in this day and age and that I wont survive. Please help me to understand how its done by you very brave women (who I dont think bad about in anyway mind you). I have been dependant on my husband now for 6 yrs and I am so scared because my daughter is 18 months old. I also have a dog and I keep believing that I wont be able to do it but at the same time I am so so depressed and stressed I want the weight lifted off my shoulders from a broken loveless marriage. :( I hope my post is not offensive in any way to anyone I am just lost and alone and I really dont know where to turn I have no confidence what so ever.:(

[Benji]

Hi Ladies,

my marriage is failing and I am about to go into marriage councilling (forced) and I just dont love my husband any longer. There has been too much hurt over the years that I cant get over. I want to leave but people are making it sound like being a single mum is just not possible in this day and age and that I wont survive. Please help me to understand how its done by you very brave women (who I dont think bad about in anyway mind you). I have been dependant on my husband now for 6 yrs and I am so scared because my daughter is 18 months old. I also have a dog and I keep believing that I wont be able to do it but at the same time I am so so depressed and stressed I want the weight lifted off my shoulders from a broken loveless marriage. :( I hope my post is not offensive in any way to anyone I am just lost and alone and I really dont know where to turn I have no confidence what so ever.:(

Big hugs :hugs: It's hard but people do manage to get through somehow. I've repartnered but my years as a single mother my son was much better off with me than living in a house with a mum and dad who didn't love each other.

I think you'll find that once you've organised your own home etc you'll become much more confident, much more independent and be a strong woman :hugs: Good luck.

[Learner Mum]

Thank you so much Benji. Yes our home is tense at the moment I was yelling at the top of my lungs last night and going kind of mad in a sense and it was right in front of my sweetheart who witnessed the whole thing. I just lost control it was all too much for me and I feel so bad. This is happening when ever we are under the same roof now because its just too much. When we are alone (my daughter and I) we are much better and we have more fun. As soon as I even think about him I get anxious and tense!

Thank you for your response its helped a little xxx

[zinfandel]

my mom raised me and my siblings all by herself. my youngest brother just turned 1 when my dad passed away. my mom is my world! she has done a great job raising all four of us.
:cheerleader1: SALUTE TO ALL THE SINGLE PARENTS:cheerleader2:

[laurea]

Lol this is funny and sadly reflective of what non single parents think.
After reading the rules i am officially F**d lol.

I mean obviously getting pregnant while on the pill and leaving my ex because he was abusive (see boiling frog metaphor*) before finding out i was pregnant was part of a master plan.
And silly skanky me i don't want to pay strangers to put metal objects inside of me and rip my unborn child from my womb.

No i'm out to make a killing from a man who i have no intention of pursuing for child support or anything else for that matter.
Lock me up.

Forget the fact that i am currently studying to better myself i must have planned to get pregnant so i can struggle on a pittance paying private rent for another few years.


Rule 31#: Deadbeat Dad may cancel his arranged days with his child for any trivial reason, he may give ridiculously short notice, and any plans you have arranged no matter how important are irrelevant.
~ Lol i love this one. So true. Happens to me all the time.

[laurea]

Hi Ladies,

my marriage is failing and I am about to go into marriage councilling (forced) and I just dont love my husband any longer. There has been too much hurt over the years that I cant get over. I want to leave but people are making it sound like being a single mum is just not possible in this day and age and that I wont survive. Please help me to understand how its done by you very brave women (who I dont think bad about in anyway mind you). I have been dependant on my husband now for 6 yrs and I am so scared because my daughter is 18 months old. I also have a dog and I keep believing that I wont be able to do it but at the same time I am so so depressed and stressed I want the weight lifted off my shoulders from a broken loveless marriage. :( I hope my post is not offensive in any way to anyone I am just lost and alone and I really dont know where to turn I have no confidence what so ever.:(

Oh honey i'm so sorry :(
You can do it and be ok, you just need some support and encouragment. It will be an adjustment but like Benji said you will actually feel more confident once you're out on your own and out of that situation.

I have 2 dogs :) I adore them. I worked in dog rescue for 6 years so if you have an issue with what to do or just just need a temporary foster carer for your dog untill you can find a place to keep him i can give you some numbers. They won't charge you, they are a charity, volunteer based organisation to help people with animals in crisis situations. So if you need help in that area pm me me ok?
Dogs are such beautiful creatures and love you unconditionally, they're good to have around aren't they? :)

You can and will be ok.

[laurea]

As a single dad I can most certainly understand Rule #19.

Society-at-large seems to think we single Dads are magical creatures, worthy of wonder and amazement.

I think however that's more to do with the fact that a lot of guys are pathetic in not living up to responsibilities of being a parent, so we are a bit of an anomaly.

Yep, it's called man claps. Women take their children to the park nobody bats and eye. A man does and people everywhere are like awww what a good dad.

There is a horrible double standard between fathers and mothers. And like you said the insulting ironic thing is that it exists in the first place because a lot of men don't willingly do these things and or it's the expectation of the mother to.

I think these rules and attitudes among people who don't know better contribute in a big way to the difficulties of being a single mother.
No wonder most mums are riddled with guilt no matter what we do.

[Stiflers Mom]

Yep, it's called man claps. Women take their children to the park nobody bats and eye. A man does and people everywhere are like awww what a good dad.



I call them trans-parents, but I love the term man claps :laughing:


Sent from my HTC Incredible S using Bubhub

[susieq1969]

Well, bloody hell, I'm buggered then! I've just become a single mum, through no choice of my own...

Oh the joy, I will probably break every rule on there! :p

[shelle65]

I have discovered a new rule that is not in the list (someone correct me if I'm wrong and it's already there):

Single Mums are not entitled to privacy. Ever. If you ask someone to look after your child or if you ask to change arrangements with FOB, you MUST give all details of where you are going, who you will be with, what you will be doing and why you cannot take your child with you. FOB/babysitter can then evaluate whether your request is for a legitimate purpose or whether you are just "going out to enjoy yourself" which is not allowed and therefore the request must be denied.

[laurea]

I have discovered a new rule that is not in the list (someone correct me if I'm wrong and it's already there):

Single Mums are not entitled to privacy. Ever. If you ask someone to look after your child or if you ask to change arrangements with FOB, you MUST give all details of where you are going, who you will be with, what you will be doing and why you cannot take your child with you. FOB/babysitter can then evaluate whether your request is for a legitimate purpose or whether you are just "going out to enjoy yourself" which is not allowed and therefore the request must be denied.

Oh yeah i agree.

[laurea]

Also i should say that allthough i love being a mum, i hate being reffered to by anyone other than my kids as 'mum' ugh can't stand it. Being a mum is important and wonderful and all of that i just really dislike being treated like it's the total sum of who i am.

[Alexander Beetle]

I have discovered a new rule that is not in the list (someone correct me if I'm wrong and it's already there):

Single Mums are not entitled to privacy. Ever. If you ask someone to look after your child or if you ask to change arrangements with FOB, you MUST give all details of where you are going, who you will be with, what you will be doing and why you cannot take your child with you. FOB/babysitter can then evaluate whether your request is for a legitimate purpose or whether you are just "going out to enjoy yourself" which is not allowed and therefore the request must be denied.

Omg that is so true!!!!

[MermaidSister]

Similarly, if you are ever spotted by the father of your child wearing a newly purchased item of clothing for yourself, you must instantly provide receipts outlining the cost and place of purchase.

Should they betray that the clothing was a first-hand buy, from any store other than the local Op-shop, this is reasonable grounds to assume you are in fact loaded and to exempt your child's other parent from child support payments for the next 6 months.

At such time your circumstances will be reviewed, and should it be assessed that you are living in sufficient levels of poverty, your payments will be reinstated.

[StienTheBean]

:laughing: I really enjoyed this. Loved it.:laughing:

Also would like to add:

#As you're a SM, if your children have special needs, you obviously drank heavily and / or took drugs during the pregnancy.

#If you are still single after many years, it's highly likely that there is something very wrong with you and no man will have you.

#If you state that you're a Single Mum in a forum post, letter to a magazine or newspaper, in fact anywhere, you're turning into a personal ad. and obviously trawling for talent. It couldn't possibly be that you are merely stating that you parent all by yourself.

[Ana Gram]

#If you are still single after many years, it's highly likely that there is something very wrong with you and no man will have you.



Oh yes! Boy do I get sick of it. My own mother told me she had 'given up' on me. And I constantly got asked at my brother's wedding if I hoped to get married some day. They did not like my answers....

[laurea]

Oh yes! Boy do I get sick of it. My own mother told me she had 'given up' on me. And I constantly got asked at my brother's wedding if I hoped to get married some day. They did not like my answers....

I'm curious to know what your answers were if you care to share?

STB i couldn't agree more. It sh*ts me no end how we we are considered untouchble if we don't have a man. What exactly are they good for again? I can't remember. The real question should be what have the men in her past have done that has made her *want to stay single in the first place*.

[shelle65]

Ana Gram, I'd love to know what you said too! My brother's wedding is coming up next year and I am already cringing at the comments I am going to cop...

Usually I would respond with "nah I prefer to sleep around" or something similarly offensive to shut them up... :D

[Ana Gram]

I'm curious to know what your answers were if you care to share?

STB i couldn't agree more. It sh*ts me no end how we we are considered untouchble if we don't have a man. What exactly are they good for again? I can't remember. The real question should be what have the men in her past have done that has made her *want to stay single in the first place*.

Something like I have zero desire to get married or to be in a relationship as I don't need a man to be happy or to "look after" me. And that I don't understand why our society sees me as something incomplete or of less worth because I don't have a man hanging off me. I'd rather read a book. :D

[StienTheBean]

Ana Gram, I'd love to know what you said too! My brother's wedding is coming up next year and I am already cringing at the comments I am going to cop...

Usually I would respond with "nah I prefer to sleep around" or something similarly offensive to shut them up... :D

:laughing: I would say the same:D

QUOTE=laurea;6082484]STB i couldn't agree more. It sh*ts me no end how we we are considered untouchble if we don't have a man. What exactly are they good for again? I can't remember. The real question should be what have the men in her past have done that has made her *want to stay single in the first place*.[/QUOTE]

I have two special needs kids, though one doesn't live at home now. DD is 18 and DS is 6. I don't have time for a relationship. Can't be bothered with the "You don't have any time for me (DH)" "Well I would have time with you, if you'd help out more" conversation. I don't want to deal with the ex wife issues. I've been there. My mum remarried. Not doing it to my kids.

Whilst out and about I thought of another one:

#As you're a SM, with special needs children, don't expect help or support. *See earlier comment about possible consumption of alcohol or drugs during pregnancy*. You got yourself into that situation, so you have to deal with it. Suck it up. For married's with SNK's it's just bad luck, so the community should rally and offer support.

#If you have more than one special needs child to care for, well that just speaks volumes doesn't it? How could you do that to your kids? You're clearly an incompetent parent. Why haven't they been taken away from you yet? :D

[StienTheBean]

#As a SM if your children have special needs, don't think for one minute that you are entitled to help or support. You got yourself into that situation and so you should just learn to deal with it. It's not about the health and wellbeing of your special needs child/children. If you don't like it, you should have kept your legs together. For couples, it's a struggle and we can help your child / children reach their full potential.

#If you become chronically ill or disabled, we know you're just faking it for handouts. No one is fooled by your mobility aid or tremors. The fact that you look like cr@p fools no one. It's definitely caused by drug use and / or drinking. What?! You're not faking it? Must be caused by an STD then because we all know SM's are total skanks. :D

#So you're a SM eh? Do you know who the father is?

#Men should stay away from SM's because they're the kind of women who get pregnant. Single women without children don't.

[StienTheBean]

Not sure if my previous comments appeared to others. On the UCP it says they have but when I look they're not there. Wanted to edit them, but can't see them. :no:

[laurea]

#As a SM if your children have special needs, don't think for one minute that you are entitled to help or support. You got yourself into that situation and so you should just learn to deal with it. It's not about the health and wellbeing of your special needs child/children. If you don't like it, you should have kept your legs together. For couples, it's a struggle and we can help your child / children reach their full potential.

#If you become chronically ill or disabled, we know you're just faking it for handouts. No one is fooled by your mobility aid or tremors. The fact that you look like cr@p fools no one. It's definitely caused by drug use and / or drinking. What?! You're not faking it? Must be caused by an STD then because we all know SM's are total skanks. :D

#So you're a SM eh? Do you know who the father is?

#Men should stay away from SM's because they're the kind of women who get pregnant. Single women without children don't.

:laughing:

[tumbleweed]

I'm new to this site. Absolutely love the rules. I solemnly swear to uphold the status of self represented good for nothing Mums who have nothing better to do then to waste the time of Judges. After all why would we be focused on what's in the child's best interests when the child has a perfectly responsible abusive father as a role model to look up to!!!!!If we're self representing it's because we really enjoy coming up against a legal team and not at all interested in what's in our child's best interests! I will endeavour to remind myself of my status as a mere single Mum after my episodes of rebellion. Is there a rule in here? xxxx
Tumbleweed:smiliedance:

[dairyqueen]

I'm new to this site. Absolutely love the rules. I solemnly swear to uphold the status of self represented good for nothing Mums who have nothing better to do then to waste the time of Judges. After all why would we be focused on what's in the child's best interests when the child has a perfectly responsible abusive father as a role model to look up to!!!!!If we're self representing it's because we really enjoy coming up against a legal team and not at all interested in what's in our child's best interests! I will endeavour to remind myself of my status as a mere single Mum after my episodes of rebellion. Is there a rule in here? xxxx
Tumbleweed:smiliedance:

...and for good measure, if you're a single mum who does get legal representation you are seeking an unfair disadvantage over FOB who self-represents in order to get to continue the DV abuse in a sanctioned environment. So it is necessary to level the playing field a bit by giving him enormous leeway to ask stuff the lawyers wouldn't be allowed.

Rule: If you have lawyers it is because you are hiding enormous wealth that the court should take from you and give to the FOB so that you don't spend it on plasma TVs and drugs. You must care more about hurting FOB than about your children's well-being. If you don't have legal representation, you clearly don't care enough for your children and are too busy spending your stacks of money on plasma TVs and drugs.

[laurea]

I should also add that if you are an unwed mother who finds herself pregnant to a man who does not want the child. Forget entirely the fact that this is as much YOUR child as it is the fathers.
If the father does not want it, you should have an abortion immediately. If you do not then you are only keeping the baby for extra centerlink benefits and or child support. :rolleyes: In fact you probably planned the whole thing- got pregnant on purpose- lied about being on the pill just so you can be tied to a poor, sociopathic man who hates your guts for the rest of your life. Yeah thats a stellar life plan that we all aspire to..

[tumbleweed]

If you were a married to the Sociopath Father of your child,the legal system does not have the time or the inclination to be wasting it's time on you, even if you're keeping them in work. You ony have yourself to blame! Your duty is to stay with the Sociopath. Do not expect any handouts. Legal Aid, human rights, best interests of the child? What planet are you on? We single parents live in a country where the human rights of all individuals are taken seriously just like in other third world countries!! Recommendations of Barrister representing SM re. DV. - :eek: Unless you're beaten black and blue and hospitalised, you do not have a leg to stand on! Whoa is me!! I am a naughty, rebellious Single Mum not allowing Ex Sociopath to harm my son. I must allow Ex Sociopath to play the victim. Afterall how could such a charming, caring, generous Sociopath like one's Ex hurt a flea? I must backdown and not question Ex Sociopath and other Organisations supporting Ex Sociopath as we live in a democracy. Don't worry about the child as he will become a very resilient well adjusted child after years of abuse from his Father. I will continue to do as I'm told wherever possible, to work for the minimum wage in a meaningless job that serves to keep me on the poverty line which is a step up from being under the poverty line. This will ensure I'm unable to access Legal Aid to protect my child and reassure my Ex that all is well on the homefront! I so miss that guilded cage!!!!The cage has been replaced by a gold fish bowl!!!! Please do not feed fish. The fish remains the property of Ex Sociopath and all controlling government bodies!:confused::eek: :freakingout:

[laurea]

If you were a married to the Sociopath Father of your child,the legal system does not have the time or the inclination to be wasting it's time on you, even if you're keeping them in work. You ony have yourself to blame! Your duty is to stay with the Sociopath. Do not expect any handouts. Legal Aid, human rights, best interests of the child? What planet are you on? We single parents live in a country where the human rights of all individuals are taken seriously just like in other third world countries!! Recommendations of Barrister representing SM re. DV. - :eek: Unless you're beaten black and blue and hospitalised, you do not have a leg to stand on! Whoa is me!! I am a naughty, rebellious Single Mum not allowing Ex Sociopath to harm my son. I must allow Ex Sociopath to play the victim. Afterall how could such a charming, caring, generous Sociopath like one's Ex hurt a flea? I must backdown and not question Ex Sociopath and other Organisations supporting Ex Sociopath as we live in a democracy. Don't worry about the child as he will become a very resilient well adjusted child after years of abuse from his Father. I will continue to do as I'm told wherever possible, to work for the minimum wage in a meaningless job that serves to keep me on the poverty line which is a step up from being under the poverty line. This will ensure I'm unable to access Legal Aid to protect my child and reassure my Ex that all is well on the homefront! I so miss that guilded cage!!!!The cage has been replaced by a gold fish bowl!!!! Please do not feed fish. The fish remains the property of Ex Sociopath and all controlling government bodies!:confused::eek: :freakingout:


:no::(:hugs::hugs:

[dairyqueen]

Rule: Single mums must not socialise with married mums as single motherhood is a condition that may be catching (or is it just me who sees people shuffle away and stop meeting my eye?) - fortunately I do have some married friends who appear to have had a vaccine as they cope just fine.

[WorkingClassMum]

Single Mums must NOT ever socialise with Married Fathers, ESPECIALLY at any function that is based around kids - as a Married Father can be a carrier of the SM disease and will surely pass it onto their wives...

[Theboys&me]

haha.. this is funny!!

Another one.... Single mothers may suddenly, upon becoming single, find other friend's husbands/boyfriends/whatevers attractive and want to hit on them because that are just 'that' hard up ;)

[AppelsAndOranjes]

If it's a weekday and you've got the day off work and out with the kids everyone just assumes you have never worked a day in your life and had kids purely to get government payouts.

Don't ever complain to anyone about having to work and get the kids to daycare on your own, as it is your choice to work, you could easily just get government money. Of course then you'd be labelled as a sponge for not working!

[SookieStackhouse]

Lol at this thread!


Single Mums must NOT ever socialise with Married Fathers, ESPECIALLY at any function that is based around kids - as a Married Father can be a carrier of the SM disease and will surely pass it onto their wives...

So that's why I never get invited to couples things... I've been looking for single mum groups in my region today as I am sick of having no social outlet on weekends (when all the couples are busy!)

[dairyqueen]

I was reading comments about a news article online today (shouldn't do that, they always annoy me) and there were so many assumptions that SMs leave their kids unsupervised in the car while spending their dole on the pokies... so new rule, you must learn to play the pokies and do so at every opportunity. If your kids aren't abandoned in the car scavenging leftover Mcdonalds then you're not doing it right. Its probably already how you spend your vast fortune of child support already because lets face it, you probably get so much its just hard to spend it fast enough.

[chan79]

What a cracker of a thread... I am currently TTC ON MY Own!!!

That must mean I am a feminist/man hater, a closet lesbian or just stupid when it comes to appreciating what is required to raise a child.

I have already checked out what I can get from centrelink, not because I am organized and compiling a 12 month budget, but because I am actually planning on bludging of all the REAL parents tax.

Blah blah blah.... Geez I thought there were lots of rules for single mums, but single mums by choice... Far out!!

Oh the other couple I have come across while ttc:

I am not to ask for any sort of support or babysitting, I chose this, I must therefore deal with it... ON MY OWN!!

I am not to expect close friends and family to buy gifts for my unborn baby... As it was my choice and I am required to fully supply all clothes/toys /furniture etc.

I must admit myself to the nearest psychiatric facility at once, there is absolutely no way I have made this decision on educated research, self evaluation and planning.

Imagine what is going to come up with when I am actually pregnant... Or worse still, brought the said baby into a fatherless world!!!

[dairyqueen]

You missed an option Chan, you could be TTC in order to trap some poor unsuspecting man and claim child support from him even if the baby isn't his - and if you're not you should be :eek: This is presumably part of your 7 year plan to have 7 children all paid for by the state, who will put you in a mansion and shower you with money and cars. You had better practice living it up as we wouldn't want you to let the side down now ;)

Good luck with TTC,hope you will be a full fledged single mum soon.

I had a nice experience on the weekend... I met a single mum (since just after birth) with an older girl who was polite, eloquent and also very sweet towards my DD. We get told so often about the mess our children will end up in that I do get moments of doubt in my abilities... meeting such a delightful older kid reminded me that single parents can and do raise kids who are equipped to do well in life. Kudos to that mum and all the others because it may not be easy but it is worth it.

[MermaidSister]

Apparently Barack Obama was raised by a single mum. I guess she did an okay job. :laughing:

[chan79]

Yeah but she must have had help, no way a single woman could raise a future president on her own!!!! Lol lol lol

[dairyqueen]

You guys crack me up :D I always feel like if I can retain some humour when things are tough then I'll do OK!