First Time 30+ Parents - Doing It Better?

[Leez]

Hi All

Just wondering whether the first time 30+ parents feel that they're better parents now than they would have been had they had children in their 20's?

I know I'm better for being older. I think I would have been an awful mother if I'd had a child in my 20's - all resentful because I couldn't travel and go out all the time and have relationships with questionable men !:laughing: Nowdays there's nowhere else I want to be, I've done all that and got it out of my system..plus I think there's lots of other benefits to being a shade older.

I just want to clarify that I'm NOT saying that people who have kids in their 20's or younger have the above mentioned issues - I was speaking about myself only!!

What do others think? Has age improved you or doesn't it matter?

Lisa

[shed]

Lisa, I could have written that post myself.

Specially the bit about the travelling and questionable men! LOL

I HAD to travel Europe before I did anything. It was not negotiable. I finally did it at the ripe old age of 33, came back and BAM, fell in love and settled down, now pregnant and couldn't be happier or more contented.

This would NOT be the case if that trip to Europe was still on the wish list. I absolutely know this without a doubt. I was so restless before I went. For years.

In regard to my mothering skills, that is yet to be discovered. Bubby isn't here yet, but he was longed for, yearned for, ached for. So maybe that will make me a better mother than what I would have been otherwise? I don't know.

Also, I am quite over the whole career thing. I made my mark and now I am sick of it, so quite happy to stay at home and concentrate on bringing up my boy without wondering what might have been.

[Charlie]

Preperation for parent hood and Age are 2 very seperate things....I know 30+ parents who are so used to living a life about themselves that their children are dumped in childcare 24-7 while they continue their "LIVES".... Age is not the question...life experience is.....

[Nickster]

I had Libby at 34, and to be honest, I can't really answer your question, Lisa, as I will never know what it is like to be a 20-something parent, if you know what I mean LOL.....

I think I would have coped just as well as I am now (and that's questionable on some days :laughing: ), because my capacity for loving a child is just the same as it was in my 20's, and I'm sure that's the same for everyone on this forum, regardless of age.

[Funkychicken]

I had my first at 28 and bounced back no problems. We had our second when I was 30 and I felt a little less 'bouncy'. Our third arrived when I was 35 and Man, do I feel old! My joints ache, I groan when I'm woken in the night, I am in permanent tired status! Maybe I am old???:eek: :eek:

[gidgeroo]

This is a tricky question. For me the opportunity to settle down and have a family never presented itself - that may have been more about my like for questionable relationships than anything else. I was always a bit flighty in my 20's but I reckon I could have been a mum if the opportunity had arisen.

I was 29 when I met the man I wanted to have children with, 31 when we married and nearly 33 when DS1 was born & 35 when DS2 was born. I think I have got a lot out of my system but only by chance. I never thought about it in terms of "I better travel/have a career/party etc before kids come on the scene". It just happened in that order by pure chance.

I have a great respect for young mums and also envy the fact that they bounce back from childbirth so quickly (while I just bounce!!:laughing: ) and that they have far more energy to keep up with babies & toddlers etc. They'll still be young when their children are grown (I'll just be wrinkly!:laughing: ) and they can do stuff like travel and study in their own time.

I think we do the best job we can with the resources we have regardless of our age or life experience.

cheers Georgia

[Lila]

hi girls

who better to answer this than me :laughing:

i had my first one with 23, my 2nd one with 24 and my 3rd one with 31 :smiliedance:

to be honest, apart of the normal "getting used to have a bubby" i did really great. it was fantastic being a young mum. i loved being able to have my first ones so close together, as they were best playmates.

now, being old LOL, and having the internet to do lots of unnecessary :shame: research about everything and nothing, i have to say- i went crazy during my last pregnancy. i was OVER informed and paranoid LOL

anyway, i am very laid back and relaxed with this baby, which i think is because it is no.3.


i travelled before i had my first ones, i had a live, but found my soulmate and time was right for us to start a family.
after a couple of years back in business and hitting 30, i decided, i/ we should have a last baby- to spoil..

i think nobody should feel bad or ashamed to have bubbies early, because it is meant to be early by nature anyway.
nowadays everything delays, due to the fact of school, uni, job, wanting to live your life for a while before settling, which is fair enough.
but young mums can be great, if they are doing it from their heart. and to be honest, they don´t take themselves, and raising kids too serious...like we do now..LOL

[razzle]

I never wanted children when I was in my 20's. Far too selfish. I was too busy going out and having fun, spending my money on stupid things, building my career....

I think I'm a much better parent for having actually 'experienced' a bit of life first. I'm far more educated, more mature, more sensible, more settled, more stable, more powerful as a woman.

[MrsMiggins]

I had my first only a few months before turning the big 3-0.

I have to say that while I desperately wanted to become a parent long before then (we had been trying for a while), knowing what I know now about how much patience it takes to be responsible for a newborn baby, I don't know how I'd have coped earlier on in my 20's.

I think from my mid-late 20's I'd have been OK, but in my late teens/early 20's I doubt I'd have coped quite so well.

I was faced with parenthood at 18 and now having had the experience of coping with a baby later in life, I honestly don't think I'd have made a competent parent back then. I had little to no patience, and while I'd have loved that baby just the same, I doubt I'd have been able to raise a child with the same values and opportunities that I have the chance to pass onto my children now. And I would not have had the support back then of a loving, stable partner like I have now, which would have made it even more difficult.

(Plus, I must admit that I would have regretted missing out on all the "party years"! I'm well past that now, but have very fond memories of those times!!)

It has really made me admire younger parents - particularly those who make such a good job of it!

[~Emmylou~]

I definitely think so!

I could barely look after myself in my twenties LOL.

[moonblossom]

Ok. I had children in my teens, in my twenties, in my thirties, and fourties.

I was a good mother all the way through, BUT, i found i wanted them to hurry up and grow when I was young.

I had alexander five weeks ago and its a whole different story. I want to say SLOW DOWN...I am appreciating every second. Everything he does makes me happy.

Being my age and having him hasn't slowed me down at all. The nightime feeds I love, such quiet lovely times. I have patience galore and just can't wait for my morning smiles.

Being a much older mother all i can say is IT ROCKS...

[red crayon]

i think there are advantages and disadvantages to being an older mum and being a younger mum. i really wish had the energy of someone in their 20s and if i'd had children in my 20s - late 20s, that is - i would have had more than one. BUT in my 20s, i ran around travelling, partying, dating questionable men and having a ball - things i don't miss now. as an older mum, i'm more settled and more financially stable but i'm tired all the time. i'm not a patient person so age wouldn't have altered that - i'd be as impatient as i am now with spencer when he's being a little so-and-so. in the end, it happens when it happens and you deal with it with all the skills and knowledge you have at the time.

[*Sparkles*]

Hi to all the other 30+ mums :wave:
I am having my first baby at 36. To be honest, I was not ready to have a family wen I was in my 20's, too irresponsible I think lol. I was married before and I never wanted kids with my ex. However, when I met my current DH we wanted to start trying pretty much straight away. We would have had our first in our early 30's but found out later that we had fertility issues.

I am now unsure if I would want more than 1 bub because of the risks associated with an older pregnancy. By the time we have a second, I would be 38-39. What do the rest of you think?

[shed]

I turned 37 last month and exactly one week later gave birth to my beautiful baby.

I always said I only wanted one child, which is part of the reason I was in no hurry.

Now that I have him I want a bushel of em. I am seriously thinking we will go again. I had an average pregnancy and a wonderful labour which is part of the reason I could do it all again. Once you get past the nuchal scan then as far as I am aware its all same-same as a younger woman.

If we do go again I will be 40. DP is 40 next year.

I want to enjoy bubby before having the next one. He's so scrumptious.

That's what I think.

[misskittyfantastico]

hmmmm. I had DD at 27. I've been with DH for 10 years and married for three and as much as I love my daughter, I wonder if I am just not suited to motherhood. it's so hard!!
I don't think that had much to do with the op!

[spiritedfamily]

I have always wanted to start having baby's earlier than later, it just turns out that I've had my foot in both doors...my first at 21 and my recent is due next year...and I'm 30+. I read someone mentioned its life experience rather than age...its true but even though I have been a young and unconfident mum, I still loved the experience. What I love most is that each child has been part of my journey and experienced my Mum qualities a little differently and obviously as they get older, I get wiser and so the children I had in my 20's still benefit from me being in my 30's. Its all good...

[Lila]

moonblossom,
i think it is that we want to cherish every single second with them, as we know they will be our last babies....:crying:
i can´t have anymore babies (medical reason) and i am SOOO in love with my bubby- it is because i KNOW after him there will be no more (although i am already thinking about adoption..)

[Lila]

hels bels
i think age shouldn´t matter if you really want to have another bubby...
i know a lot a women having their first/2nd/ 3rd....later on in life- most of them didn´t have any dramas at all.
good luck :)

[bitty]

Well i have a different perspective i guess. I had my first daughter at 17. As far as my body goes and energy levels, it was wonderful, i didnt understand what women meant when they said they were tired from having children and my body went back to being what it was before the birth. As far as life experience goes, i probably lacked there a little. I was a kid, and looking back i wish i had done a few things differently but all in all my daughter is now 13 and a great kid, i have no trouble with her at all, she is well mannered, well rounded and does good in school

I had my 2nd daughter at 24 and this was the hardest of all the children ive had emotionally. I was in a bad relationship and found the whole thing hard to deal with, but again love got me through and she is now a happy and healthy 5yr old

I had my son at age 30 and he is the luckiest of all i think, i am in a stable relationship, own a home, have the bennifit of having lived a life and most of all have a good knowledge and relationship with myself.

So i think you can be a good Mum at any age or a bad mum at any age, but it does make it easier having a sharing and caring partner, a bit of knowledge about the world and how you fit in it and a bit of financial stability :)