Dr Phil today...

[drewid]

Just my gripe. I'm home alone (well, except for bub) and had a moment of outrage earlier and just need to get it out so i can get on with my day!

For anyone that missed it, todays episode of Dr Phil had an issue where a 13yr old girl was having sex (had been since she was 12) and figured that if she got pregnant, that everything would be cool and she would manage it (albeit by getting a job at the zoo!! go figure...).

So anyway, Dr Phil says to her, do you have any idea how much it costs to raise a baby? She just looks at the floor and ignores him basically. And his very first pointed question about the cost of babies is the following: "Do you have any idea how much it costs for a month of baby formula?"

GRRRR!!! I mean, in no way do i condone the 13yr old having sex OR getting pregnant, but I'm just in shock really that Dr Phil considers formula to be *THE* food for babies. I mean seriously...breast milk is FREE!

I totally agree with all his other arguments, but it just sh**s me that this was his FIRST point. I know he was trying to scare her with how much it costs to raise a baby, but i think that point was just way off target. THere are plenty of other associated costs that are far more confronting.

Anyway off my soapbox now. Thanks for letting me get it out!

[Melissa1983]

Hi Nicole79,
I watched that too. No way in the world at the age of 13 my girls would be having sex. I think give her one of those dolls, that they give teenagers here in Australia, and then see if she wants a baby.

Did you agree with the first one? 55 and had a baby?

[drewid]

Hey :)

Yeah, I'm not sure about that. They didn't go into too much detail, well not as much as I would have been interested in anyways.

In a nutshell, I subscribe to the idea that nature knows best (to a degree) in that when a women reaches menopause then thats it as far as having babies is concerned - the complication being in this day and age, that she had embryos stored from years earlier (in her more fertile years). So it brings up a few issues there. If it was left to nature, it is doubtful a woman of her age would be able to fall pregnant.

I think its very unfair on the children. It might be ok now while they are little and she is relatively young for her age and fit and healthy. But in 10 years or more, when the kids are very active and a handful, i think it would be difficult for them to have a mum in her 60/70's that can't play with them or be as active. Not to mention the risks in her even being alive long enough to see them grown into adulthood.

My mum is only 46 and she is EXHAUSTED after spending a few hours with my 5 1/2 month old! SHe's said many times she couldnt' imagine having children at her age, and she is 10 years younger than the mum on the show!!!

I guess the other point was that the father isn't even her husband anymore. So she's 55 and raising two bubs on her own. I dont' think they mentioned whether he is involved in the parenting at all.

I guess I hesitantly disapprove, but wouldn't condemn for her the decision. I'm only 26 and I have longed for a child of my own for years, it took us 2 years to conceive. I can only imagine not being able to have children at all. So i wouldn't begrudge anyone conceiving their children through whatever means possible.

What did you think?

[drewid]

Oh yeah, and those baby 'dolls' are great! My cousin had to take one for a week in Year 12 and it sure did open her eyes about babies!!!

I think a lot of young girls think having a baby is a romantic notion, that babies are all sweet and cooey and sleep all the time. That girl on Dr Phil certainly didn't seem to have a clue!!!

I reckon the best way to scare these young girls off having sex so early is to make them spend a few days observing a family with a newborn child. Its bloody hard work!

I remember back in high school (almost 10 years ago now! OMG) that we didn't really have much in the way of sex-ed. Just the obligatory videos on how it works and how babies are made, but nothing to teach you of the consequences of having sex, apart from disease. I really think kids would benefit from someone making a documentary on life with a newborn baby and showing it to them in Years 10-12.

Anyway I'm obviously feeling chatty today! Today is one of those days being a SAHM is doing my head in!! Andrew has been sleeping practically all afternoon - I'm bored!!!

[onabreak]

I also watched Dr Phill today. I could not beleive that a 12 - 13 year old would even be considering having sex. That is just way to young for my liking. No way would I want my DD having sex at that age and my DH has told me that he would be one of those fathers sitting on the porch in his rocking chair with a shot gun.

I think that children this young think having a baby would be like having a new puppy to play with and would just expect there mothers to take care of their baby so they can go out.

They should be having sex education in schools from grade 7 and upwards and instill it into their heads with the consequences of having sex at such a young age. It just shows you at that young age that they can't think for themselves let alone have a baby.

I have a 9 month old baby and I am 28 years old and sometimes I think to myself was I ready to have a baby, you don't realise how much time, love and effort goes into raising a child. So how could a 13 year even consider this. I hadn't even kissed a boy until I was 15 let alone thinking of having sex.

[Supermum]

I didn't see Dr Phil but have read briefly what was said.

Nicole - I'm with you on the breast is best issue (mine had both though). I think there are far bigger ramifications for her and the baby aside from that.

So firstly, he's talking about the cost in monetary terms. What about the fact that she had sex - at 13!!!. What about the fact that it was unsafe sex. What about the multitude of diseases and illnesses, some terminal which can be caught. HIV (this could cost her life), Hep (depending on the type - she could be OK or her organs could fail), Herpes (never get rid of it), Syphillis, Chlymidia (she'll be sterile), HPV (if she's lucky an external liquid nitrogen treatment on the warts, if she's unlucky then laser surgery of the cervix but only if she gets regular pap smears to get it in time ... if not Cancer????)

What about the emotional cost to both her and more importantly her baby? I know it's been done before and 13 year old girls have babies ... but generally not in western culture. At 13 I hadn't even hit my hormonal straps and when I did it was an emotional roller coaster. Man I even struggled as a mummy at 30!!!! I hope she has loads of support ... and I hope and pray the baby will be ok. What a sad story.

[Melissa1983]

Hi Nicole79
I dont agree with it. One of mums friends were trying for a baby and she is 52. But they decided it was fair on the child. I am only 22 and find it exhausting with two little ones.
On DR Phil, she said that she got teased at school cause her mum was an older mum, why put her children through that.

[justtwogirls22]

i watch it too & thought that the girl really had no idea about babies - though she didn't have many good role models as her 22 year old sister has 3 babies to 3 different dads.

DP's step-niece has just turned 13 & a few months back her mum & step-dad found that she had had sex - so big dramas there - she dresses like she is 18 & her mum lets her get away with everything - all the family are shocked & no matter what we say to her mum she doesn't listen

[Harmony83]

13 is waaayyy to young to be having sex!!! It is so wrong! What is happening with todays society and why is everyone trying to grow up so fast and how do we stop it!!! I am terrified of what it is going to be like when my little one grows up! :confused:

[drewid]

I have no idea how we could even TRY to stop kids growing up (or wanting to grow up) so fast.

Quite frankly, it scares me to go into shops like Target and look at the little girls clothes these days - mini skirts for toddlers!! strappy little nothing tops. Where is their sense of moral responsibility? All the little girls want to look like movie stars and pop stars, it starts soooo early these days. Gosh, when I was little, girls clothes were NORMAL - shorts, t shirts, dresses. My husband and I are horrified to see what little girls are wearing out these days.

Its such a big media thing, little girls made to feel like being little isn't "cool" and that they need to look and act like teenagers.

I gotta say, I am a bit worried about the prospect of having a daughter in this day and age - there are so many dangers to them, physically and emotionally and mentally - I quite frankly dont' know if I am up for the challenge!!

What happened to the good old days...... ( gosh I feel like i have turned into my own mother - and I'm only 26! Arrgh!!! :eek: )

[pregasaurus]

I totally agree with Nicole. I see strappy halter necks in size 1!! They're still in nappies!!
My daughter is 6, and I went shopping to find her a party dress. It literally took me 2 MONTHS to find her something that wasn't 1 shoulder, hankercheif hemline, backless, strapless, too short, covered in sequins and quite frankly something i wouldn't let her wear at 16, let alone 6!
Does anyone else remember being a little girl and having a 'party dress'? A nice velvet looking knee length dress with maybe a bow on the front or back? And wearing your hair with either an alice band or pigtails? And leather shoes to go with it?
Try going to a 6 year old party now!! They've all got teased hair, make-up, hipster jeans, knee high boots, skimpy tops, high heels. It makes me so sad. Rather than a horse picture, my daughter wanted a picture of Shannon Knoll to put on her wall because 'he's really hot'. I just find it repulsive! I feel like my Mum, tut tutting her about make-up and clothes, but I was 15 when she was doing it to me and Sarah is 6. Why can't society let them be babies anymore? Why do they need to grow up so quickly? What's the screaming hurry? :(

[Rainbowbrite]

Does anyone else remember being a little girl and having a 'party dress'? A nice velvet looking knee length dress with maybe a bow on the front or back? And wearing your hair with either an alice band or pigtails? And leather shoes to go with it?

I used to love my party dress :D Luckily, i still have alot of my old clothes, and am using and will contine to use them. People often stop me in shops and comment because MJ is dressed in my old hand knitted jackets, bonnets etc. I can't wait till she gets a bit bigger, I have so many pretty, frilly dresses that were made by our neighbour who was a dressmaker. You can't buy nice clothes for girls anymore, they are all too grown up :(

RB

[Lucybelle]

Just on the DR Phil thing, I think only a fairly small percent of babies are breastfed there compared to other countries.
I didn't see the show, but maybe he was trying to put it in a context that the child could understand - most of them get the money thing I suppose.
I'm with supermum, if he just showed some charming pictures of sexually transmitted diseases he might have got through...........

Did anyone know that HIV is on the rise in Australia, amongst young hetero girls by the way?

[Rell]

I saw Dr Phil and I too was shocked that a 12yr old would be having sex. I did feel a little sorry for the girl becouse it did seam as if her mum was not there emotionaly or phisicaly (home at 8pm) for her. What also shocked me was that the mother would not get her contraception. By no mean am i condoning sex at such a young age but isn't it better she is protected against diseases and pregnancy.

And yes boy am I sick of the clothing for little girls these days. My daughter recieved a mini skirt with split up the back in a size 0, needless to say she never wore it. I have found K Mart have a good range of "party" dresses, Jacinta has 2 we got from there both knee length with a bow at the back.
I also seam to be one of the few people who don't let my 3ry old wear nail polish and earings.
What is the world coming to?

[pregasaurus]

Just in reply to Rell, I know there are lots of cute dresses for kids size 0-4, but when the sizes get above that there is NOTHING. Apparently at age 4 little girls go through puberty these days, and need to dress like 18 year olds going clubbing just to walk with mum to the shops and get milk.

[Rell]

I never realy looked in bigger sizes, I guess I better learn to sew!

[WeThree]

girls, i totally agree with you, my dh and i are very particular about the way dsd dresses and he would kill me if i even thought about buying her alot of the clothes available for girls atm, unfortunaltely her mother obviously does not share our concerns, and all i can say is that after picking her up the other day, an 8 yr old in knee high black boots, a boob tube top and a short skirt is not cool or cute or funny, its really sad.
talk about sending mixed messags to our girls these days. on one hand they are told, be comfortable with who you are, woman can do anything, you dont need a bf to make you happy etc etc, but then what do the majority of clothes available to them scream out? dress to please men, your only attractive if your dressed in something 'sexy', this really makes me cranky :mad:
ps myer usually has a good range of pretty, modest dresses, tops etc, i know they have some of the other stuff too, but i always find some really nice 'age appropriate' clothing for saph there as well

[mel]

i used to get a new "party dress" every year from my great aunt, the kind you wore with leather party shoes, and my mum kept them all.
my daughter will definitely be wearing them instead of what is on offer, i think she stopped at about age 10, so i've got quite afew in various sizes, i was never one to follow the trends so maybe she'll be like that too.
in any case, i get to pick what she wears while she's growing up! :p

[Minke]

How scary to have daughters! I would be interested to know the rates of teenagers having sex at what age, as i know quite a few girls i went to school with had sex around twelve and thirteen, and mum said the same goes for her! I am quite sure that the rate would have gone up though with the lovely clothing now on offer to 8 year old girls (or 4 for that matter!)

I have a huge problem with Bratz dolls (the way they dress). My daughter desperately wanted a baby bratz doll so i caved, got the doll home and my girl wanted to know what happened to her undies, as the doll was wearing a black see through thong! :eek: A BABY Bratz. I had assumed they were being marketed to younger girls! I have never been a huge fan of barbie, but at least (most of the time) she isn't dressed like a skanky ho (which is my sisters name for bratz...) So no more bratz in my house!

As to the YOUNG girls having sex I don't know how we can stop it from happening, or at least drop the rate of it? Bring back chastity belts! and same sex schools :p

[Miaow]

Did you watch dr Phil today they had this guy that was complaining about housework etc cause his wife was a stay at home mum with 2 young kids and nothing was done to his expectations - they got him to do it all for 24 hours lol he was shocked at what it was actually liked i dont think hed changed a nappy until then :rolleyes:

[sugar n spice]

i don't want to upset anybody for my comment but i feel i need to. Not everyone can breastfeed. i couldn't i wont explain why. a lot of mothers who breastfeed either do that and later ween the baby and some use formual as well so dr phil is right that formual costs heaps and that at some point i believe she will end up using though a 13yr old being pregnant that is so s.....d (excuse me) i mean what was she thinking.

[reAllytee]

Luckily for us our girls here in Oz arent developing at the alarming rate as the Amercians girls are & i hope it stays that way for a lot longer or at least we start bringing back morals & the likes to stop this new "trend". They have big problems over there with oral sex not being classified as "sex" & that its just something everyone does on the back of the school bus :eek: Can you imagine that at 10yrs old thinking let alone doing something like that !!!!!!! I find it very sad :(
My kids will learn about the birds & the bees from a young age as well as going through it with them at the pace they are happy with as in when they want answer etc. I was taught early as i started asking early & in fact i think it was the best thing as it put me off even going there too young ! I think you need to be open with you kids & honest but at the same time the more you try to hold those reigns as they rebel the more they will do against your wishes its very hard. Im actually considering if we do have a daughter getting one of those implant thingies put in her arm at 13yrs old not to encourage her but to at least put something in place so she is being responsible if anything does happen !
We have started breeding the new "tweenies" which are the kids from the ages of i would say 5+yrs old going up to teenagers which has all been encouraged with the likes of Bratz etc. Sorry but if i ever have a girl she is in for a rude shock if she thinks she will be wearing any of these things or the likes. Sorry but my 7yr old will never EVER be a portayed as a sex object especially when im a child who was molested. We have enough problems with paedophiles seeing these children as sex objects let alone adding to it !!!
Anyways back to the subject Dr Phil ( I love him btw LOL ) never ever scolds nor be littles younger people because this will only make them retreat IYKWIM He tries to to encourage them in a way & make them responsible for their actions. So this in turn was him trying to show how much things cost & how hard life would be for her with a baby. As Bride83 said not all of us can bf & yes America is not exactly keen on it either but thats a different story. The point of it all was to make this girl understand its not as "easy" as she thinks !
Oh & they do use those dolls in America its also been introduced into the school system but not every school can afford it but Dr Phil has also used them when he has needed so dont be too suprised to see a follow up story to that one.
Anyways i think i have used up my quote of " " for tonite LOL.

[pegasus]

Firstly -Don't know if you guys realised but the original thread was from August last year:eek:

I agree regarding the putting it into a context that the kid understands - about the money issue and the show being nothing to do with bf -v- ff. As for fashions - totally agree about the marketting being more at 'tweenies'. Somehow I think the onus is up to us as parents to impose the boundaries on our children though and strike a balance between allowing our children find themselves and be comfortable in their own skins, but rein them in enough so that they realise that they are not adults. I've noticed the same things about my DSD as Erin commented on earlier (ie her biomum likes to allow her to dress in totally inappropriate clothes - I don't agree with bra straps or muffin tops ala Kath and Kim showing on 11year olds), however, she knows when she's with us that different rules go and she and I have discussed what goes at home doesn't necessarily go in this home. At this stage she's cool with it (I talked to her for 2 hours last night on MSN about different boundaries and how it's tricky for a kid) we'll just see how she chooses her path in life.

There was something in the paper on the weekend about advertising companies saying that girls are maturing faster so they need to market younger - the article said (and I wholeheartedly agree) - What a crock of s**t - it's about the dollar. Coincindently, the paper also had an article about the 57year old who has her 1year old now - now that I do not agree with - having a baby is about the child, not fulfilling a need for a mother who looks frailer every year.

As for today's show I want to put my DH on one of those shows. Actually he's pretty good, as long as I keep the house clean, I can pretty much do as I wish. Looking back now I think I should've made him do more when I was working full time. I just want the day of pampering and makeover the mother gets on the show.;)