am i being mean to my own daughter?

[priya]

Hi all,

Thanks for reading this. Well, the story is that we [me &DH] went to preg and parenting expo recently held in Brisbane and then stopped at the Time magazine stall. We pondered and like the stuff very much. Nothing to buy.

Yesterday a sales rep came to our home and demonstrated the package. It is brilliant. It contains lots of CDS, DVDs, dictionary,atlases, encyclopaedia, first library of learning, first library of values, first skills and language:ecomcity: :ecomcity: . It is compact and is full of lots of information for upto 12 years old.

The problem is that it is too costly. It is of 3900$worth. I asked DH not to buy it because we are currently renting and we have to give his exam. fees[ 2500$]. Currently i am also not working so i am not giving an input. Dh is saying that we can never find such a good compilation of books. It contains baby school and english time baby pack for free if you buy the main package. So that means that we will not have to buy any additional story books or DVDs.

The question is that, am i being mean, in first instance, to refuse such a good opportunity for my DD? Has anyone else bought this?

Love.

[~EmsMum~]

don't feel bad about it priya :hugs: im sure your dd will have plenty of other things to make up for it

[veve]

ok - are you being mean to your own child?? answer- no ..

to a child.. it is QUALITY time with parents.. and good role modelling that matters .. that prodcuts that these companies supply (I looked at their stall too) are lovely.. but really - as long as you sing and read books together anyway - your child will not miss out!!! these companies love to pressure parents .. insisting that THEIR product what you need for your child to be the best they can be..

IMO - any child brought up in a safe.. lovely .. warm positive household .. will flourish ..with or without the pretty books..

I personally couldn't bring myself to purchase something that costly - especially as you dont know exactly what your child will like/ love .. I found that with JAck - I bought expensive toys - he wanted the plastic ladel from the kitchen .. I bought expensive books.. he wanted to read the free book from the library ..

again - its not the money you spend.. its the TIME you spend that matters :)

xxx

let us know what happens (who wins.. you or dh .. lol )

xx

[Little_Toad]

What;s in the package that you can't find on the internet for $35 a month??

Don't worry about it...Most of that stuff will be out of date by the time your baby gets to 12 anyway.

[bronny-jane]

i wouldnt buy it:D i think everyone else has posted some great reasons why too:yelclap:

[~EmsMum~]

What;s in the package that you can't find on the internet for $35 a month??

Don't worry about it...Most of that stuff will be out of date by the time your baby gets to 12 anyway.

how true! your spot on there

[Sarie]

I don't think you're being mean. I wouldn't have bought it, for the simple fact that as much as I love my kids, I'm sure there would be a cheaper alternative out there.
Don't feel bad hon, there are plenty of us who would have done the same thing!

[Ana Gram]

Errr, do you actually have $3900 spare? I know I certainly don't. I don't even have $400 to pay our gas bill. It would be meaner of you to get it when you don't actually have to money sitting around, effectively taking it from somewhere else like exam fees or food and bills.

[the_queen]

What;s in the package that you can't find on the internet for $35 a month??

Don't worry about it...Most of that stuff will be out of date by the time your baby gets to 12 anyway.

^Very true. Or the library, which is free :)

It's hard Priya, a parent always feels like they SHOULD be giving the best of everything to their precious little baby. But it's not always possible, and that's a hard lesson that we as parents have to learn.
You're not being mean at all, sing some songs to her, take her outside and show her the tree's, count things all day long to her - that's education enough at her age. :)

[Mischief]

Priya - Its AMAZING what you can pick up from second hand book shops! Most of my books as a child came from the Salvos, I had heaps and heaps of learning books....and mum and dad always took the time to talk and explain things to me!

I think that $3900 is a HUGE price, and as one of the other ladies pointed out, by the time Ria is 12, most of the information will be out of date!

If you invested that money, Ria can get a great laptop with all the bells and whistles of learning programs when she is older....add a connection to the net, and you have saved yourself a $1000 and got her uptodate and probably MORE information! Besides, kiddies now days prefer the TV and Computer for learning than reading....sad, but its a fact of live.

You most certainly ARE NOT A BAD MUM for not getting this set!

[priya]

hi girls,

thanks for the thoughts. I was feeling the same way and i and DH had a conversation last night. I have found out now, that he has actually signed on a pre contractual statement. In night he said to me that he has requested them for a month to pay the money. So i thought that nothing is final and we are not bound to anything. But :no:
I don't know why that as Ria is growing up and giving him a lot of smiles he is feeling more and more guilty that he is not giving her enough time. As soon as he comes home, he is with her and behaves as he has not seen her in ages. It may be due to long work hours. Yesterday he was saying that he will work overtime to pay this back.[ he doesn't stays too much at home already] I told him that all the stuff is on internet but he was so appreciated by the demo of the rep. And you know, all the persuasive skills of sales rep. They make you believe that you are a bad parent if you don't take it.:ecomcity:
But i think that i have learnt a lesson very early in Ria's life to take command of these situations[ Not the sentimental DH]. From now on i am not going to accept this.
It was our deposit for the first house, ticket to India.:ecomcity:

Thanks again. I am feeling much lighter and have learnt a lot from this experience.
Love you all.:kiss:

[veve]

I dont know for certain that it is true.. but I had a feeling that if someone comes to your house selling something (e,g. tupperware.. foxtel.. phone contracts etc) they LEGALLY have to give you TEN DAYS COOLING OFF PERIOD . which means that in the 10 days.. you can da*n well change your mind!!! - so if you can convince dh that it is silly .. and you can find the range elsewhere .. in parts for a better price...

you might be able to get out (just in case you wanted to!!)

good luck!!

xx

[Mum&bubs]

I wouldnt have brought it either that is ALOT of money to spend on something like that when there is heaps of other great ways out there to educate our children :o

[rynosmum]

After High school, I tried to get a sale job out of the paper. The job ended up being to sell overpriced computers to families who couldn't afford it.

In my first day of training, they showed how to target people, make them feel guilty that they can't always give their children the best, get them to sign something (anything almost). They openly admitted in our training that these PC's were way overpriced. They would go to trade shows and then have someone come to your house with a well rehearsed script. They had ways to always get a signature. (Oh, are other things more important than you child?; I'm sorry, I don't think that you would qualify for our program - it's very exclusive etc)

I left that day and never finished my training. I'm sorry but this is how they train the person who came to your house. Buyer Beware.

I agree with Veve. Check with Fair Trading immediately, you should be able to get out of the contract. :fingerscrossed:

[aardvark]

I agree with rynosmum.

I'm sick of trying to dodge the Mathemagic Computer Tutor people at the shopping centres! I've even had them start following me down the mall, and I finally told one of them to back of and stop harrassing me after I was targetted by them 3 days running when I went to buy bread.

They go flat out to make you feel guilty about NOT buying it.

If parents bought every educational package that people try to foist onto us for our children, we'd all be permanently broke!

It was bad enough in the "olden days" when you had to beat the Encyclopaedia people off with a broomstick, now there are so many other mobs all trying to get your $.

[faery]

hey priya
we also saw those time life people at the baby expo and let them come over and give us their spiel (knowing we wouldn't get sucked in as we have no money!:laughing: )

it was interesting and certainly educational, but really, anyone with 2 braincells could teach their kids the same things without all the books. kids needs to learn to count - but this book. or just count their toes, their fingers, the cats, the leaves on a plant.

the rep certainly did a good job trying to make us feel that we would ruin DS future if we didn't buy their ridiculously expensive set of books. but we sent them on their way after we told them we are essentially broke!

you should be able to get your $$ back, there is usually some return policy.

and as the grrls before said - better to have daddy then a load of books.

[priya]

hi all,

Thanks for your concern. DH is not agreeing and he is just wanting to prove it to me that he can pay for it. I know we can pay for it but from what- our deposit for our first house, the money we invested in the bank :ecomcity: . He isn't understanding the fact and always mentions that he has spent a lot on T.V., A.C. etc.so why can't he spend some on his daughter? I will talk to him again today when he comes back.

When i was born[ i am the youngest of the four kids] both my father and mother were struggling and we were just ordinary middle class family. My sisters and me shared clothes and we were happy. Then my parents started working hard, overtime so we had all the facilities. We became rich, we had clothes, everything but no time for us. I miss talking to my parents, sharing my thoughts uptill now.

I don't want to see this trend here in my family. I just totally want to get out from this obligation but if i can't then i have definitely learnt my lesson. Will talk to DH again. Hope it works. :fingerscrossed:

Thanks girls.:kiss:

[Tea Lady]

If it helps Priya, I'm an early childhood teacher and I say don't buy it (I know Veve's a teacher too, if that helps!).

Mainly for the reasons everyone else has said, but also because it's nice to not have everything at the start - that way when you see a nice book you can buy it for your child ........... it would be pretty boring to be saying "sorry darling, I know you haven't had a new storybook for 8 years but we're still working our way through the ones we got when you were a baby". In reality you probably will still buy her new things so in effect the money will be wasted. Good luck! :)

[priya]

hi ladies,

Just wanted to thank you girls for your great advice. I have convinced DH and we are now not taking that package.

Thanks a lot.:kiss:

Love.

[Mischief]

Oh Priya - I'm so happy that you talked him around! You can spend that money on so many other things that will benefit Ria much more in the end! (ie. like your own home :))