Only Child / Singletons!!!

[tickles]

Was wondering if there were any parents with an only child whether
by choice or circumstance.

I currently have a 15mth baby girl and having a hard time deciding
whether to have a second or not? I always thought of having 2
but i just don't know now. I love kids and babies ever since I was young but having them and raising them is totally different.

Lots of women seem to be having more kids like a breeze and enjoying it so much, but I can't seem to relate to that. I have a feeling I might not be as good as a mother to 2 children, my patience and the stresses might get to me.

Will I feel regret or envious when I see other pregnant mum's and families with 2 or more kids?

Maybe i'm just not ready? I'm always questioning myself "do I want to do it again?" even though i had a fairly good labour but the pregnancy was
awful and my daughter is the most amazing and adorable little cherub.

Please share your thoughts.

Thanks!! :)

[LilShenanigans]

Considering your DD is still quite young, maybe your just having fears because it could be too soon for you?

And I don't think there's such a thing as the perfect mother! Even Mrs Brady wasn't perfect - she married a bloke who wanted a husband! LOL

If your not sure, wait. You may not want another child now, but you may want one a year from now.
If not, there's nothing wrong with only children (the stigma on that is false), and that way as your DD grows you have the opportunity to honestly tell her that she was perfect and there was no need to try again! lol
(I'm a second child, I like to think my parents had another to make up for the first :p )

[suemp]

i always wanted 2 ,as i grew up with a brother. but as soon as we had ds we said thats it!!! we were adament. until about july last year i started seeing how lonely and bored ds got but i kept it to myself. than dp started mentioning things too about having another 1. so in nov last year we decided to ttc. i think for us it was seeing his friends interacting with their siblings that made our mind up. my dp is a singleton and he was happy being brought up like that, so what ever you choose dont feel you have to make excuses for it and heah you may change your mind like us.

[Mischief]

Hey there.....

My husband and I had always planned to have 2 or 3 children, but after pregnancy that wasnt bad by most standards, but surely wasnt easy, and a long and difficult labour, we are both sure we will only have one.

Our son is wonderful....there were so many stresses going on in our lives during pregnancy, we were sure there was going to be something wrong with him, at the very least he would be a stressed out baby, but he's an angel (most of the time). Labour was scarey, it could have been bad, but he was born healthy....

We are going by the adage of...."do it once, do it right" and better to have one healthy mummy and one healthy baby, than try again and tempt fate.

Goodluck....you might decided to only have one, or in a couple of years you may want more (we might decided that too given time), but if you dont...that is YOUR choice!

PS. I'm not an only child, but I never had my brothers and sisters around, I grew up alone....I had a great realtionship with my parents, we did lots of things together, and I never felt lonely or isolated! The stigma attatched to only children is wrong, MOST OF THE TIME (NOT ALWAYS) the ones who are sad and lonely are the ones who's parents dont have time for them! I know lots of parents of only children, and they have happy, well adjusted teenages, with a great relationship with their mums and dads!

[Ana Gram]

I am in no way interested in havig anymore children no matter how many guilt trips people try to lay on me.
If you are not absolutely certain that you want to have another, then now is not the right time to do it. You are entitled to change you mind if later down the track you feel you might like another one.

[Mummamoo]

There is no right or wrong here. As the other girls have said, it's SUCH a personal decision and only one that you and your DH can make. And that's how it should be. As soon as family, friends and acquaintances start putting in their 10c worth it gets far too confusing and emotional.

In my situation - DH and I said from the getgo .. only 1 child. That's all we wanted. We went through all of the scenarios and just thought that 1 suited us best.

Ellie turned 18 months, we watched her playing on the back deck one day and looked at each other and said "maybe another". But both very uncertain. Decision made for us - I was actually pregnant (and ON THE PILL !!) at the time !!!!!!

So, along came Heidi. Our family was complete. For 4 years.

Now we are TTC our baby #3 :laughing:

So, it's a very personal decision and one that is not set in concrete, obviously :D

Good luck. And remember, there's no rush. This is how you feel now - with a 15 month old (who can blame you ;) ) ... things may change .... or they may not.

[shed]

I only want one, DP wants two.

I really don't know how I feel. My friends tell me that I will love my kid so much I will want to do it again. I guess they wouldn't say that if they didn't feel it themselves.

The age gap will be more than 2 years though and I am kicking on a bit so that might make the decision for me. I don't want a demanding toddler while pregnant, or two in nappies. ugh, the very thought.

This pregnancy has been okay so far, nothing to put me off. We'll see how labour goes.

[MumofMadd]

My DS is 2 and i see how lonely he gets i want another one but DP doesn't as he also has a DD. He tries to tell me that we have 2 but we never see his DD (issues with the ex) none of my friends have kids and DS has no one to play with i take him to kids play centres but doesn't interact well it almost looks like he is scared of others kids, it's sad hes so lonely:gloomy:

But as others have said it is a personal decision think about it for a bit your DD is still only young

[~EmsMum~]

I am in no way interested in havig anymore children no matter how many guilt trips people try to lay on me.
If you are not absolutely certain that you want to have another, then now is not the right time to do it. You are entitled to change you mind if later down the track you feel you might like another one.

here here chellegoth!!!

[tickles]

thanks so much for sharing your thoughts. I really thought I was the only one who was thinking this way as I tend to only see all those soccer mums and it makes it hard for me.

I don't think I can manage 2 young toddlers at the same time, I'd go nuts. I suppose I really am not ready, but this issue still plagues at the back of my mind every day and my thoughts are so instable. I need to find peace.

When people say you'll love your child so much that you would want to have another one and do it all over again. At what point do you start thinking that? I mean I love and adore my daughter more than anything in the world (although I do need my desparate housewife and oprah fix) but because I don't feel the need to have another child (right now) does it mean I don't love my child as much as I should? Or that I can't handle motherhood?

The road is still so long and with kid(s) one needs to coninue to sacrafice their time and energy constantly to ensure these kids get the attention and care that they require to grow into a respectable and functional member of the community. I'm terrified that the more kids one has, the more strain it has on finance, resources and inevitably the marriage.Yeh, I think complicated. If I could be more ignorant then this issue wouldn't be so damn difficult.

I heard this saying once, quality of your children not quantity.

Thanks for letting me vent ;)

[Ana Gram]

When people say you'll love your child so much that you would want to have another one and do it all over again. At what point do you start thinking that? I mean I love and adore my daughter more than anything in the world (although I do need my desparate housewife and oprah fix) but because I don't feel the need to have another child (right now) does it mean I don't love my child as much as I should? Or that I can't handle motherhood?





I don't get the whole you will love your child so much you will want another one. Ok, so since I don't want another one, I don't love my child enough. Great....

[MonkeyMum05]

I currently have a 15mth baby girl and having a hard time deciding
whether to have a second or not? I always thought of having 2
but i just don't know now. I love kids and babies ever since I was young but having them and raising them is totally different.
Lots of women seem to be having more kids like a breeze and enjoying it so much, but I can't seem to relate to that. I have a feeling I might not be as good as a mother to 2 children, my patience and the stresses might get to me.
:)

I feel just like you described... my son is 13 months old and I love him to bits, and I love being his mummy and hanging out with him all the time... but I just can't really get my head around having another one.

We had planned on having about 3 kids :eek: ... and when I think about our life down the track... yes I would like to have at least 3 kids and be a nice big family... but I don't know if I can do it?!

I can fully relete to what you said about questioning your own patience, stress levels etc... and will I be as good a mum to 2?

I feel like I'm letting my hubby, my son and myself down if I decide I don;t want to have any more... but maybe I will be letting them down if I do have more, and then can't cope?!
It's all just tooo confusing...lol.

Maybe in a years time, all the confusion will disappear and I will suddenly want to be pregnant again... and maybe I won't.

Maybe you will... and maybe you won't...;)

[Cupcake]

1 Child Mummy here :smiliedance:
I love her more than words can say, but we are stopping at 1.
I have had people say she will get lonely & that I am being selfish, but DD has 4 cousins all born within 4 mths around her.
DH & I love each other very much but I really dont think our relationship could survive another baby coming onto our lives(I have been like a two headed monster to him at times since DD's birth) & we are both Over the Moon with our 1 :thumbsup:
Just go with your feelings they may never change but if they do then you will know.