Concerns about breastfeeding

[Girl X]

I'm not sure if this is the right place to post, so feel free to move it!

I could really do with some non-judgmental pointing in the right direction...

I'm pregnant with my first baby, and up until recently I had always said that I would not breast feed.

I understand that there is a lot of evidence to say that it is the healthiest option for the baby, but I haven't been able to overcome a really strong sense of squeamishness about the whole process.

While I know that breastfeeding is natural and 'that's what they're there for' - for some reason the idea absolutely repulses me, and I can't see it as something that I could face doing.

Since becoming pregnant I have felt slightly (and only slightly) different, in that I want to explore the option. I want to do the best thing possible for my baby, but with the strength of my anti-breastfeeding feelings I'm actually wondering if it would damage the relationship if I forced myself to breastfeed when I feel this way about it.

By the way - it is not my intention to offend anyone here - I know that the way I feel about it is NOT how I should be feeling! I just don't know how to overcome it.

I wondered if anyone else went through this, and also if anyone knows of any resources aimed at women who are trying to overcome similar feelings? Most of the things I have read and seen have been aimed at women who WANT to breastfeed, and women who aren't freaked out by the thought!!

It may or may not be relevant to say that most of the people I have known who have had babies have bottle-fed them with formula, so maybe that has been a contributing factor - I have never been around a breastfeeding mum! (My mum also fed me and my sister formula).

[kuddles]

I can honestly say that I was a little weirded out and unsure about breast feeding. To be honest the actual feeding itself is still quite weird for me and my DS is not long off being 7 months old. I have always felt strange because people are always telling me about how they love(d) breast feeding and about when their milk lets down how calm they feel. I have never had these feelings. Not having these feelings has in no way affected the bonding I have with my DS. I do how ever love how he plays with my face while he drinks. I focus on this to get past the weirded out feeling that a baby is drinking from my breast.
I did it because I believe breast is best, it is the most natural form of food for a baby. There was a lot of pressure on me from both sides of the fence. FF said I should FF and people without kids said BF. I haven't really been around any breast feeders. I just decided when I was pregnant that I would try it and see how it went. My DS has thrived on it and I don't regret it for a second. It was very hard at first but I persevered. I decided that I'd give it 4 months and see what I though after 4 months. By the 4 month mark DS had it all down pat and it got heaps easier. He was thriving so I continued.
I figured this way I gave it a chance. If I still didn't seem right I would have stopped.
I'm all for people doing what they want to do in regards to breast feeding. Good luck with what ever you decide. Just do what you can :) and ignore all the pressures regarding baby feeding. There is a lot of help out there.

[Mumma X]

Firstly, I think it is great that you are being honest with yourself, and that you are looking for answers, well done.

I really don't have to much advice because I am someone who always knew I was going to breastfeed my babies. The one thing I would suggest is maybe joining your local ABA group and go along to a few meetings. Surrounding yourself with other breastfeeding mothers may help you to overcome the 'ickyness' you feel and normalise breastfeeding for you.

Good Luck!

[EquineMum]

Firstly - congrats on being honest with yourself (and us!!) :hugs:

Secondly - BF is not something that comes naturally to many women. I always knew I *would* BF, but that doesn't mean I felt all warm and fuzzy about it....and definitely doesn't mean I enjoyed every second of it. In the early days, I hated it....for more than one reason - but things changed, and in the end, it became a very important part of my relationship with my son.

If you find your 'squeamishness' (is that even a word?! :laughing:) doesn't ease up - perhaps purchase a breast pump and feed your bub expressesd breast milk (EBM) instead and see if things get any better?

I definitely agree with the PP who mentioned contacting the ABA and maybe even attending some meetings so you can watch a few feeds and see what it's all about. Demystifying the whole process may help your feeling considerably....often it's a fear of the unknown?

Whichever way you choose to go - good luck and I really hope it all works out for you!! :thumbsup:

[demeter]

I think it's pretty normal to not be too jazzed about the idea of breastfeeding in our culture, especially when we haven't seen a lot of it around us. All the info available about the importance of breastfeeding sure can come across as demanding and lecturing, what a turn off!

I was determined to breastfeed. But at 20 weeks my breasts began leaking colostrum (the first milk ideal for newborns) and I freaked out. It was gross. I had a panic attack and cried to DH that I didn't want to feed if it was going to be this ick!

It is great that you are looking into your feelings about all this now rather than once the baby is here. In that respect I was lucky I started leaking early, so I had half a pregnancy to get some help, support and work through my issues. For me, a lot of it was tied to past experiences of sexual abuse and my own low self-image around my breasts (not saying it's the same for you, just giving you some background on where I'm coming from).

The thing that I discovered one I was breastfeeding was that it wasn't gross once we were doing it. Yeah we had leaks in the early days, but within a few weeks that settled down. After experiencing it it was actually quite a lovely experience for me. I enjoyed the cuddles with bub, and it was a thrill to see her grow and know it was all me :)

But who knows what's in store for you. I'd recommend chatting more about it here and maybe give the australian breastfeeding association a ring (free call 1800 686 2 686). They won't tell you what to do. They will listen and support you. And Im sure that they have listened to women with similar concerns to yours in the past.

Something else that helped me prepare was reading breastfeeding stories. Like I read birth stories to help me prepare for that. We have a whole bunch of bub hubber breastfeeding stories stickied in this section when you're ready to read.

HTH:)

[MummaMilk]

Like the PP I wanted to congratulate you on addressing your feelings so openly :hugs:. I just wanted to comment on a few things PP have already said, such great advice I can only comment on it.


The one thing I would suggest is maybe joining your local ABA group and go along to a few meetings. Surrounding yourself with other breastfeeding mothers may help you to overcome the 'ickyness' you feel and normalise breastfeeding for you.

Good Luck!

The ABA would be a great start, surround yourself with other mummies who are BFing, this culture has been lost centuries ago we would of learned about BFing by watching other women do it, I find it sad that this has been lost :(




I always knew I *would* BF, but that doesn't mean I felt all warm and fuzzy about it....and definitely doesn't mean I enjoyed every second of it. In the early days, I hated it....for more than one reason - but things changed, and in the end, it became a very important part of my relationship with my son.


:laughing: oh yeah it wasn't a bed of roses and still isn't but I do love it.


For me, a lot of it was tied to past experiences of sexual abuse and my own low self-image around my breasts (not saying it's the same for you, just giving you some background on where I'm coming from).

The thing that I discovered one I was breastfeeding was that it wasn't gross once we were doing it. Yeah we had leaks in the early days, but within a few weeks that settled down. After experiencing it it was actually quite a lovely experience for me. I enjoyed the cuddles with bub, and it was a thrill to see her grow and know it was all me :)

Strongly :iagree: I'm beginning to struggle with these issues again as DS1 gets older, it is also quiet normal for me to experience this aversion towards the older child in a tandem feeding relationship. Support is so important, do you have a good support network?



Something else that helped me prepare was reading breastfeeding stories. Like I read birth stories to help me prepare for that. We have a whole bunch of bub hubber breastfeeding stories stickied in this section when you're ready to read.

HTH:)

Great idea!

[Girl X]

I just wanted to say thank you so much to everyone who replied without making me feel like a weirdo or a bad mother! :)

I really appreciate your comments, and it's a relief to know that I am not the only one who has ever felt like this, as I was starting to feel like that might be the case.

I think I will contact the ABA and also try to make contact with some sort of group. As you say, it isn't something that is normal for me, having never known or seen people do it - so maybe that is part of the problem.

I have read a lot of the comments and stories on here about breastfeeding, but I have found that a lot of them are either from people who seem to love everything about the idea of breastfeeding, or else from people who love the idea but are having 'technical' problems - so I found it hard to relate to a lot of it, as I don't feel that love of the concept at all!

Luckily I do have a good support network. My MIL is a midwife, and she was wonderful in my pre-pregnancy days when I said I would never breastfeed, and said that she would support whatever I did. She has however never felt that aversion to breastfeeding, so I'm not sure she is able to fully understand where I am coming from. My husband has also been great, and said that it is my decision to make. So that helps.

Thank you again for your comments though, as it is a big thing for me to know that other people may have felt something similar!

[demeter]

You're welcome. You sound much lighter/happier, which is great!

It's wonderful that you partner and MIL are supportive. Did you know that having a partner who is supportive of breastfeeding means you are 10 times more likely to have a successful breastfeeding relationship with your baby? When you become an ABA subscriber you receive a free breastfeeding book that is really easy to read and has just about everything you'll ever need to know. Get him to give it a look over, he will come in handy (we kept it next to our toilet :laughing: DH learned heaps from that system and has always been great support).


I think I will contact the ABA and also try to make contact with some sort of group. As you say, it isn't something that is normal for me, having never known or seen people do it - so maybe that is part of the problem
When you become an ABA subscriber the group leader of your nearest group will contact you and let you know when and where they catch up :)

I'm really glad you're feeling better :hugs: and I'm excited about you hooking up with ABAers, I've made some awesome friends through ABA :thumbsup: