do you find yourself consoling others for your situation?

[pegasaurus]

This might sound weird, but when people find out that I am divorced with littlies they are often shocked and embarrassed... to the point that I find myself consoling them saying "oh it's all very amicable, every thing was resolved really quickly and we get along great" just to make the other person feel at ease.

But the truth is it has been a tough road, with some okay times and some thoroughly awful, painful times and I often say things are 'great' through gritted teeth.

Please does anyone else find themself almost apologising for their situation, even if it is hardly one they chose? Please do you have any advice? Do I just ignore their shock and talk about the weather??!!

[Fuchsia!]

OMG i so know what you mean, this happens with every person i speak to! I feel like i have to console them when i say that the ex left me.

I have no idea how to deal with it so i will be watching this thread! I guess i just try and ignore it.

[MummaBear03]

I just tell them that it's no more than I'm capable of handling :yes:

[munchie]

I get sympathy from strangers when it comes up in conversation about my DDs father and how he hasn't seen her much or isn't presently in her life and they give me this look like ohh poor baby and dad not having a relationship or they will say ohhhh thats sad with a puppy dog face grrrrrrr and then I feel like I have to go on and justify why this is so - without going into too much personal detail which is hard! Because I know they a secretly judging or thinking that I must be this big ***** who keeps the father away from my child. But really I don't want every tom, **** and harry knowing my business! or they take what I say and twist or assume something else without knowing ALL the details kwim... I always dread the conversations about my daughter because I know it will eventuate to FOB.

[pegasaurus]

I guess that's it! By not giving people the expected answer about my social situation, why do I (we?) feel the need to explain?

Perhaps its similar to when couples who don't have kids have to deal with "friendly" enquiry about kids when they are secretly having difficulties conceiving...

I don't want to lie to people (I am proud of the fact that I manage - ra ra!) but I don't particularly want to share and placate people either.

At the end of the day it's about an unanticipated answer to a good-natured enquiry, right?

[DreamBelieveAchieve]

Wow!! i could have written the OP myself! I know exactly how you feel!!!

I see peoples jaws drop when they hear that i am 24, divorced(well soon) after 4 years of marriage, with 2 kids. I then get all the comments like "oh you will find mr. right, he will be out there but it will be hard to find somebody who is young and willing to take on 2 kids"

[MissSky]

whilst i'm not a single mum I totally understand what you mean about having to console others about my situation. My partner and I arent married and my bub has DP last name, so I often get people look at my ring hand and straight out ask me if I am a single parent with this pitty look. the other day at the medical centre (after the glance to ring finger) the receptionist asked how hard I find it being a single mum, I said we just arent married (insert another pitty look here) she told me to hang in there and maybe one day we will be a "real family":hair:.

i guess some people will always find something to judge others about, it must be a sad life for them to instantly feel pity in situations rather than joy.

[sandy cheeks]

Yes for some odd reason people feel sorry for me.
But things are getting better and as dr phil say's it better to be from a broken home than to live through one. I sometimes tell people this the look it priceless :laughing:.
I have a different perspective with my ex things are way better than when we were together then I always felt I was lying and putting on a public front iykwim.
I dont give a stuff what people think (my grandma still wants me back with the ex and married lmao:laughing:) things are better now we can go out now with the kids and not fight, b!tch and have this tension you could cut with a knife it's taken ages to get to this point with lots of rocky patches but now I feel at a stage where we can work together (at times) for the better of the kids (we are still some kind of family) we had huge problems doing this together.

I also think it's the norm now, 30-40 years ago I would have felt shame and like I needed a dh (maby) but now your kinda the odd one out if your parents are together and you dont have a step or half sib.

[mum2a]

I tend to feel like I have to justify my "situation" to people - maybe I have a complex about it, but I feel like a complete tool when someone says something about "DD's daddy" or my "husband" and I say that I'm a single mum and we broke up when I was a couple of months pregnant, he doesn't have much to do with her and we were engaged and had already had 2 m/c at the time LMAO!!!!

[sweetseven]

I have a different perspective with my ex things are way better than when we were together then I always felt I was lying and putting on a public front iykwim.*nods*

When we were together I felt like I was constantly coming up with excuses about why he wasn't out with us, or doing the things that I was asking other people for help with. I find it much easier to explain that we are apart than it was to explain that he was at home but didn't attend anything.

Now, separate, it is a lot easier. He is also really good with the children now, whereas when we were together, they were lucky for him to spend 30 minutes a week with them. He has even turned up to some of their school performances now, something he never would have done before.

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Also, I didn't see the need to give everyone my life story. So even after we split, if someone asked me questions about my husband (job for example) then I would simply answer them factually. It was only if they started to ask if he helped around the house, that I would bring up that we weren't together anymore.

[meme]

it's a little different but yeah if I have to explain that dp died then I usually get a bit of an uncomfy silence or that i'm sorry response. I feel uncomfy for whoever I have to tell because what can you say to that really. there are no good words to use anyway. in another way it lets them off the hook from making one of those other crappy comments about me being a single mum.

but they still say the thing about I'm still young enough to meet someone else...etc.

[Ana Gram]

but they still say the thing about I'm still young enough to meet someone else...etc.

Always pleasant that one. I got that one the DAY my boyfriend died. Got to wonder what goes through people's heads sometimes.

[chrysalis]

I can't say I've really been asked that by a stranger ... I would find it quite intrusive and rude if I was, not sure how I would respond.

I was asked a LOT in the hospital by midwives, cleaning staff etc - where the father was etc. I would just say the town where he lived :confused:

I have a male friend who helps out a lot with the kids, and if we're out I suppose most people assume he is FOB