routines or not??

[updaduff]

so wondering how many parents out there actually try and get a routine happening as soon as possible??
my reasoning for this question is that i've just spent a few days with a friend and her bub. they have no routine and tend to do what ever when ever and go out for dinner with him etc (he is 2mths old). BUT he is not a good night time sleeper and will be awake for hours at night (like from midnight to 2/3am!! :dizzy:).
My bub does have a routine and has had it from 1mth of age. and it can be very restrictive. He is in bed by 7pm. and if he isnt in bed by that time he is very very grumpy. he also naps during the day at set intervals.
my friend has never said any thing directly, but has made little comments about how im disadvantaging myself that i dont deviate from the whole 7pm bed time. and some times i feel she is right (but then when my bub sleeps through the night i disagree! :laughing:)
So what do you do? or what is your opinion? do you find setting up a routine has been very beneficial? do you think a routine actually does help the night time sleeping? share your routines!

[~BEXTER~]

I loved having Keiara in a routine she was a perfect baby and we knew what we were both doing because of it.

We were always home for her sleeps so she could sleep in her bed she was fed around the same time every day I loved it.

I plan on getting a routine happening this time round as soon as I can.

[BabelFish]

Nope. I believe that babies set their own routines and if you listen to them, and allow them to communicate with you, it will happen by itself. BUT I have to put a disclaimer on that and say that some babies really thrive with an imposed routine. It depends on the sort of baby that you have.

For the first few weeks with DD I didn't bother. I tried, but she resisted so hard I ended up deciding to follow her led. She fed on demand, slept on demand. I am her Mum and she didn't ask to be born, so I feel it's my job to cater to her, not the other way around.

After a few months she developed a pattern of her own and that became very easy to follow. We are still easy on sleep times - they are `around about' the same time every day. Her tired signs are so obvious we just go with those. We don't have strict meal times or bath time or bed time at night, either, because her sleeps vary. She gets breakfast `around' breakfast time, lunch `around' lunch time and dinner the same. She has a bath after dinner and then `around' 7.30 she'll go to bed.

It's bliss.

Again, though, another disclaimer. I found that if I let her be, I had an incredibly easygoing baby who slept well and ate well. Not everyone has babies like that, so again, because they're all different, I don't believe you can apply any hard and fast rules. My second one might LOVE a routine and I'll be open to that once he's born and we can get to know each other.

[elleandsam]

DD doesn't have a strict routine, but I try and get the same things happening each day at the same sort of time. She has to be fed every four hours (although I let her go longer at night) and so her naps just seem to fall into place. She has about 1.5-2 hours nap time and as soon as those tired signs show I whisk her into bed. It seems to work quite well for us.

Don't worry about what your friend says, if it works for you then great.

[kar]

The only thing we have been strict about is bed time. It has been the only thing that we haven't had problems with insofar as sleep goes from around 8 wk. There is no way in hell I am messing with that for anyone! F has rarely not been in his bed by 6.45-7pm. If we are at the beach we do the exact same thing and he goes down really well. I think it worked to start with because he was exhausted from not sleeping all day and now it is habit

[MumNeedsCoffee]

I think your friend may be in for a shock, her baby is only very young. My baby was very portable at that age too. Some babies may continue to adapt well to your lifestyle, but as other babies become more aware of their surroundings and develop their own needs and may become very grumpy or worse without a routine.

I agree with Chesby05. We have a flexible routine. I follow her lead and am aware of the times she is tired and needs a nap but if she sleeps in later then she'll nap later etc.
And your babys sleep needs are changing alot especially in the early months.

I'm don't survive well on lack of sleep so while a routine can have the downside of being restrictive on the social life it works for me because I'm happier.

[kar]

Ps- I tried desperately for the easygoing Bub who would just roll with sleeping whenever, going out sleeping in pram etc and at 3 months or so realised he just wasn't going to be one of those kids. Like chesby said, so much is simply about their temperament

[Pinky81]

Nope. I believe that babies set their own routines and if you listen to them, and allow them to communicate with you, it will happen by itself. BUT I have to put a disclaimer on that and say that some babies really thrive with an imposed routine. It depends on the sort of baby that you have.

For the first few weeks with DD I didn't bother. I tried, but she resisted so hard I ended up deciding to follow her led. She fed on demand, slept on demand. I am her Mum and she didn't ask to be born, so I feel it's my job to cater to her, not the other way around.

After a few months she developed a pattern of her own and that became very easy to follow. We are still easy on sleep times - they are `around about' the same time every day. Her tired signs are so obvious we just go with those. We don't have strict meal times or bath time or bed time at night, either, because her sleeps vary. She gets breakfast `around' breakfast time, lunch `around' lunch time and dinner the same. She has a bath after dinner and then `around' 7.30 she'll go to bed.

It's bliss.

Again, though, another disclaimer. I found that if I let her be, I had an incredibly easygoing baby who slept well and ate well. Not everyone has babies like that, so again, because they're all different, I don't believe you can apply any hard and fast rules. My second one might LOVE a routine and I'll be open to that once he's born and we can get to know each other.

:iagree: with what Chesby said. I found that as a baby DD slowly developed her own routine and as time went on i was able to recognise her cues and go from there. We have always been fairly flexiable though and now as a 2.5 year old I find DD can adapt to a late night here or there or a day or two without a day nap. This works well for us- she can fit in with our lives when needs be but has a rough routine majority of the time:thumbsup:

[kel87]

i found routine works well for me and my bub, when we came home from hospital i started with trying to bath, bottle bed, at around the same time each night ... betwwen 8 - 12 weeks he sort of establshed his own 'day' routine.

i got a little bit too over the top with the day routine and found myself really restricted, so my main routine is just in bed by 7:30 at the latest each night - and its ok if he has 1 night a week where it doesnt work out that way; and try and have 2 decent day sleeps (not cap naps)

i also find now that my day routine is really 4 hourly - feed, play - up for two hours - sleep for up to 2 hours (haha if im lucky) - up again etc ...

sometimes it works for ppl, and i def think it depends on the baby as well .. routines have their pros and cons :)

[Mrs Nietzsche]

Depends on the age. I reckon eventually they have a recognisable *pattern* and then they get a routine, but it might takes months and months...

And it depends on the baby too I guess.

I think you can fiddle with their natural rhythms a *little* but I think generally trying to force a routine onto a newborn is futile and/or useless, though it might help the parent feel under control

[MummaBear03]

Nope. I believe that babies set their own routines and if you listen to them, and allow them to communicate with you, it will happen by itself. BUT I have to put a disclaimer on that and say that some babies really thrive with an imposed routine. It depends on the sort of baby that you have.

For the first few weeks with DD I didn't bother. I tried, but she resisted so hard I ended up deciding to follow her led. She fed on demand, slept on demand. I am her Mum and she didn't ask to be born, so I feel it's my job to cater to her, not the other way around.

After a few months she developed a pattern of her own and that became very easy to follow. We are still easy on sleep times - they are `around about' the same time every day. Her tired signs are so obvious we just go with those. We don't have strict meal times or bath time or bed time at night, either, because her sleeps vary. She gets breakfast `around' breakfast time, lunch `around' lunch time and dinner the same. She has a bath after dinner and then `around' 7.30 she'll go to bed.

It's bliss.

Again, though, another disclaimer. I found that if I let her be, I had an incredibly easygoing baby who slept well and ate well. Not everyone has babies like that, so again, because they're all different, I don't believe you can apply any hard and fast rules. My second one might LOVE a routine and I'll be open to that once he's born and we can get to know each other.

I was the same. I had a baby who would go to bed at a certain time each night and wake at a certain time each morning and pretty much demand a bath at a certain time by screaming the place down (from birth!) until she had a bath, then she'd calm, then she'd scream when she was taken out of the bath (or pool, and still did til about 3 or 4 lol) until I had her dressed and outside watching the cars, then after about 15 minutes of that she'd scream again until we were in bed and she was on the boob. I was able to go anywhere with her, and do anything with her because she had no set routine, while other friends of mine were barely able to leave the house, and had a hard time on holidays with theirs as well.

They did the same thing with all 3 of them, and to this day they find it hard going on holidays, the oldest is 7 now and the youngest is 14 months, and the youngest still becomes extremely unsettled if they have a late night out, or if they go on holidays. They have only been on holiday once when the first was a baby and she was so unsettled, wouldn't sleep in an unfamiliar environment, screamed the place down to the point that the motel owner asked them to please keep the baby quiet, other paying guests are putting in complaints, and she still, at the age of 7, has a hard time sleeping anywhere but in her own bed. They tried to go on holidays again recently and their 3rd carried on so bad they had to come back after less than a week despite it being a 2 week holiday.

They moved overseas when the oldest was 4 and the youngest was just under a year old, the 2 of them took almost 6 months to start sleeping through the night.

I would not force a routine onto a child, although as they get older and start getting to school age it does become more important, so if a routine hadn't been established, she'd have been put in one from the age of 5 before going to school. I was working anyway and the routine she'd set as a baby was still the same and fit in perfectly with work hours.

[Lastcenturymum]

I don't like the 'r' word! I think it smacks of my mum's generation and trying to force babies to fit in with your life. When they are very young and if you are breastfeeding, it's not that likely to happen.

But as others have said, some babies seem to thrive on them, so I think it's a case of what works for you. I had a friend who was so hellbent on routine she would spend and hour trying to get her baby to sleep everytime and we are talking from 4-12 months age.

I agree it's good to perhaps have bath time at set time (or day) and especially bed time when they are older, but also be flexible. It's a shame if your child can't sleep when out because the routine is so strict.

With my third he just had to fit in as I had a kinder child and another toddler so his sleeps were a bit disrupted, but he was so easy going it didn't matter too much.

And on the routine thing - often when you get them into a routine, they have a growth spurt or are teething and it all gets blown to bits which is hard for those who are very regimented to deal with.

[BabelFish]

I do have to say though, I've always been fairly strict with her sleeps. Not the times or anything, but making sure that she is in a safe, familiar place to have her naps. A lot of the time that meant working my day around her sleeps, and it still does to a degree. She's a baby who needs her sleep, she sleeps a LOT and always has. It's important to me that for the first couple of years of her life she is allowed to have that sleep without too much interruption. So some days I'll stretch her a bit or pop her in a portacot if we're out, but mostly we're at home for her sleeps and I like it that way for her.

She's so little, I think that sleep is really one of the most important things for a healthy, happy baby. And at 7 months pregnant, I get to sleep when she does - so it's kind of a priority for both of us!

[MummaBear03]

I do have to say though, I've always been fairly strict with her sleeps. Not the times or anything, but making sure that she is in a safe, familiar place to have her naps. A lot of the time that meant working my day around her sleeps, and it still does to a degree. She's a baby who needs her sleep, she sleeps a LOT and always has. It's important to me that for the first couple of years of her life she is allowed to have that sleep without too much interruption. So some days I'll stretch her a bit or pop her in a portacot if we're out, but mostly we're at home for her sleeps and I like it that way for her.

She's so little, I think that sleep is really one of the most important things for a healthy, happy baby. And at 7 months pregnant, I get to sleep when she does - so it's kind of a priority for both of us!

Maybe it was more luck than anything else, mine would sleep anywhere so long as she had the boob to get her to sleep she was fine. That included overnight as well. I've been able to travel with her from the time she was tiny with no problems at all. She spent the first night in a motel when she was just 6 weeks old!

[MsMummy]

Can't stand them. I'm too tired to fight with an infant.:D

They just fall into their own habits anyway. My son has always gone to bed at about the same time, and has always had a similiar length nap.

[kuddles]

We don't have a "routine" as such. We just went with whatever DS needed. It got that way that he'd want to go to bed around 9pm and not wake till 6:40. He sleeps where ever and is easily transfered from pram to car to cot. He is a very flexible boy.
Having said that he's waking earlier these days :( 5am. I'm going to buy some curtains to block some light because he can be quite grumpy when he wakes these days. He never was before.

[BabelFish]

Maybe it was more luck than anything else, mine would sleep anywhere so long as she had the boob to get her to sleep she was fine. That included overnight as well. I've been able to travel with her from the time she was tiny with no problems at all. She spent the first night in a motel when she was just 6 weeks old!
Oh you are lucky! DD would sleep anywhere, anytime up until about 13 weeks old. Then she refused to sleep on her back, and would only sleep on her tummy, so the pram was absolutely OUT!

She went through a phase for six weeks where her sleep during the day was absolutely appalling. I didn't know what to do - she'd gone from a baby that everyone used to joke `does she EVER wake up?' to a bub that still slept well at night but just screamed all day.

It ended, literally ended the very second I put her on solids. At 4.5 months of age, I gave her some Farex, she wolfed it down and slept for three hours straight, and we've never had an issue since. Not once, ever.

I think she's also a tummy sleeper because she had silent reflux from 4 weeks of age. She's pretty good in a portacot and to be honest if I'd allowed it I'm sure she would have gone down happily away from home, I just used to like having her at home (or at Mum's) for her sleeps.

With the next bub I'm sure I'll need to be a bit more flexible!

[Bellini]

I practice baby-led parenting, so DS basically decides when he wants to sleep, eat etc... I don't really have a set time for baths (sometime in the early evening). DS sleeps wherever we go, in whatever we put him in. We're very laid back with that sort of thing and he's a wonderful baby - I honestly think there is a correlation between the two. And consequently our life is not disrupted in the slightest; if I need to go out to dinner or to an event, I can take DS with me and I have never had an issue doing this.

I have a friend who strictly feeds her baby at certain times and will wake him up if he sleeps past a certain time - and I think that's just crazy. We as adult human beings know when we are hungry and tired, so why wouldn't a baby?! I think forcing an infant to eat and sleep at particular times might have a negative effect.

[TripleTime]

We have a routine that nurse started as sleep, poop & feed. Ive followed that since the kids came home & just adapted to suit what they need.

They have been carted around that much to different Dr's & hospitals that they'll sleep anywhere.

[SimplyMum]

Well, I love routines! But I think you need to be able to live you life as well.

My opinion was and still is that DS should fit into MY life. Although, in saying that- he was quite happy to oblige.

I demand fed and while I would love to say that the routine we had was all my own doing- I think it was his. DS was a very easy baby. He fed every 4 hours, didn't argue when at 1month I decided on a 9pm dream feed and slept through. Than, didn't argue when at 4 months I changed the 9pm dream feed to a 7pm dream feed and than bed time and again slept through.

I would go out when I felt like it and keep the same routine was kept but he would sleep in the pram, and he was good in the pram. It was like there was no difference between bassinett/cot/pram.

I don't know. I'm a fence sitter. I think it's easy when you've got an obliging baby but it gets a little harder when they don't follow your set plan.

[Wookie1]

I'm pro routine, but find it really difficult when bub changes ie. this week he is sleeping less during the day, so up for ages.

However we are flexible during the day and do go out, if a nap is missed then we live with it. Bub isn't demand feed so feed times are generally planned. But I'm pretty strict at night as I like the peace and quiet and time with my partner.

[kar]

I practice baby-led parenting.

this was our plan to, but when F was leading himself to 2 hrs sleep out of 13 at 8wks old in 4 different stints it was time for some mummy led direction! We have never fed by the clock and F fed 2 - 2.5 hrly until he started solids so as you can imagine he didn't sleep much. He was and has been since 6 wks entirely incapable of sleeping anywhere where there is something to stimulate him (he is hyper alert and engaged with his world). I really think you can have an easy going bub or you can have one of mine and most are somewhere in between.

Not sure it has much to do with you as a parent except insofar as they may have your character traits. F is certainly his mumma's boy when it comes to personality, I ahve no one to blame but myself :laughing:

I personally hate routine so never wanted to go down that path but my little boy needs guidance. BUT as others have said he has never complied with anyone else's idea of routine and has gradually set his own which is ever evolving. My challennge is to try and keep up with where he is at and adapt to what he needs.

At the moment at 8.5 mths he is awake at 5 for a BF, going back to sleep most days to somewhere between 6.30 and 7 which is complete heaven after months of starting the day at 5. Bed about 2.5hrs after he wakes, up 3 hrs in the middle of the day (and if I miss it by 10 mins there is hell to pay) up for the afternoon. BEd by 6.45 - 7. He has brekky after 7, lunch around 12 and dinner around 5 and BF as and when he wants during the day.
We need to be home for his sleeps or they don't happen and he is GRUMPY

[aliasmel]

I havent set a routine but normalmy every night at around 6:30 he has a bottle and is in bed and asleep by not later then 7:30.

then sometimes he may wake for a bottle at 12 but its normally 3am. he then goes back to sleep till 8 am has another bottle plays for an hour or so then starts to get really grumpoy and whingy so he is in bed by 10.

sleeps for about 2 hours and then is pretty much up till 6:30,in saying that he does have maybe 40 min naps in between but he wont sleep for long intervels.

But he tells me when he is tired and he goes to bed.

Like last night we had a black out and couldnt heat his bottle up,he cracked it big time poor guy,he had to drink a room temp bottle then wouldnt go to sleep till 9 pm and boy was he sooky about it too

[OneCheekyMonkey]

Until about two months ago, I let D set the routine. He was a very happy, very content baby that I could take anywhere, would sleep anywhere etc

At about 7 months he started to settle himself into a routine, and showed signs of needing to stay in it (over tired/grizzly/crying etc).

[Annabella]

I LOVE routine for my babies, they thrive on it! My first I had to sort of 'get her into' a routine, but she was great on it, the second just sort of put herself into it. Both from birth, which I think is easier than trying to do it later on.

However I am a a big fan of flexibility, I usually wouldn't go home so my kids could have their sleep, they would either sleep in the pram or miss it, and we'd often put them to bed at other people's houses at night etc. However I did try and work around their routine where possible, after a few days of missed sleeps etc they'd get a bit cranky.

[UmmInayah]

it depends on the child.

while i don't think it's smart to have a very strict routine, i think it is good infact, a fantastic idea to try and get your bub sleeping at certain times and eating at certain times.

babies don't work by circadian rhythm until they a little older.. around 3 months or so, i think. BUT you don't know exactly when this is fully developed, nor do you know they're still not able to adjust to it!

with my first, i never did anything strict until she was 5 months old. she didn't do anything for the first 5 months of her life, and i mean anything. she would lie there, wide awake all day and not bat at toys, not try to lift her head up while on her tummy, nothing. she would cry for 3 hours straight when it was night time and eventually crash. she did not do anything because she was just exhausted and didn't sleep. she never showed tired signs, and being a naive first time mother, i believed everyone who told me that she would tell me when she was tired/hungry etc. she never cried in the day, either.

so yes, for my eldest, i NEEDED to have a routine with her. i can tell you now, the moment i enforced one, she was a different child. she crawled 3 weeks later and she slept during the night without the 3 hours of crying.

she still has issues trying to sleep and she is 2.5 years old. i attribute it to me being a naive parent and not putting her into a routine earlier.

my second i refused to have the same problem. i made sure she was awake for no longer than 1.5 hours initially at each time, and gradually it increased. now the longest she can be awake without feeling tired is 3.5 hours. no, she doesn't show tired signs, but i know from past experience that if i put her to sleep any earlier, or any later, she was either too tired, or not tired enough.

i think it's very important to have a routine for your own sanity. there i no harm in enforcing one, as long as you are flexible, and you understand your babies needs. i don't think a baby at 2 months old should be out and about.. only because they learn gradually when it is time to slepe, and when it isn't.

i also know a lot of people who carry their babies in slings etc and they sleep in them and they co-sleep etc. okay, so each baby is different, but every single mother i know who has done this (inclduing myself for part of the time with my first), have had issues with their baby sleeping through the night and falling asleep on their own, having regular naps etc.

i'm going to be throttled for saying it, but the things you do in the very early weeks DO impact your baby when they grow older.

[DreamBelieveAchieve]

i did with DS2 and it was the BEST thing i have ever done.. he would scream constantly and was miserable then at 13 weeks the routine started working and he has been an angel ever since (he is now 10.5 months) I couldnt recommend it highly enough

[mum2bubba]

All three of my kids had routines pretty much a few weeks after we got back from hospital. Nathan has a routine now, feeds and naps at the same time every day. Skye has an afternoon nap roughly the same time too, unless we go out then I either put her to bed a bit earlier at night or give her a later nap.

I love routine.

[Angiepop]

I love routine. I didn't start trying to get DS into one until he was about 6 weeks old. I started just giving him a bottle, then a bath at around the same time every night, then wrapped and into his bassinette. He gradually started getting it and sleeping longer at night time. I'm still working on the daytime naps as they can be a bit over the place, but I don't mind so much as long as his night sleep is good :)

[Boobycino]

I just typed up a big thing on why I think a flexible 'routine' is good, when I realised the crux of the issue the OP raised is probably more to the point that her friend was commenting on her having a routine, and the OP is commenting on her friend not having a routine.

And comparing one baby and family to another is like comparing apples to oranges.

Though, i'll still say no routine works for me because I do lots of different things on different days and because I baby sit and work to other babies routines, Jasper needs to be able to be flexible and just roll with whatever our day brings, which he does wonderfully... but if our lifestyle was different maybe we'd have a more definate routine.

And I LOVE baby sitting babies who have a routine. I do. Its great arriving in the morning and the mum has written down a "8:45breakfast 9:30 nap time, 11pm lunch, 1pm nap etc etc etc" thats fabulous. Its much harder when I'm handed a baby and told to just work it out (though that only happened once and I did work it out)

So it really depends on your lifestyle whats going to suit you.

[singa06]

I went to Tweedle yesterday (sleep school) as DS was catnapping and they said abies arent really into a routine until they are 6 months old. However I know some mums that do have a routine before then. My DS is 11 weeks old and although we dont have a routine as such, I know that he will have a bottle around 6-7am, 10-11am, 2-3pm, 5-6pm, around midnight and then around 4am. He lets me know at that time when he is hungry (demand feed). I tried to feed him when I wanted, but he didnt drink properly. I can see a stronger pattern emerging everyday with him. Up until recently I was going crazy with no routine, but now I am content with him taking the lead and hopefully in 3 months we will have a much stronger predicatable routine.

[The sooper nanny]

im really not a fan of routines. I think they put pressure on parents and babies, im a fan of go with the flow.
I agree that some babies do like a routine, but Ive seen many a friend/ family member get obsessed with a routine and loose all confidence when the baby didnt comply.

From day one ive let DD tell me pretty much what she needs and now at 5.5 months shes pretty much picking her own way of going about the day. My dd likes her sleep and thankfully will sleep anywhere (thank god for my travel system) :laughing: I hate being stuck in the house so were a good team really.

Having said that DD tells me what she needs.... I really dont think 5am is a very good time to get up... that would be something that Im willing to change :D