kribby
09-11-2009, 04:28
Firstly DH and i were TTC for about a year with no luck! which i knew was going to happen as i have PCOS! but the doc's always want you to try for a year before they help you! (whats with that anyways!) anyways we were finally sent to a endochrinologist and not to a obgyn becuase of the history of tyriod and diabetes in my family!
I had only 2 appointments with the endo 1st one stated that i had PCOS and that i needed to loose weight and the second again was about my weight and that i had a iron, vit d and c deficiencies! she told me to wait and come back in a year and loose weight! sure cause all the other attempts to loose weight worked!i was so mixed with hate anger and understanding that this was begining to drive me crazy! so many thoughts ran through my mind:
1) if i was 150kg (not judging) and fell pregnant naturally would they make me abort it? NO
2) the idea that i had to loose weight to fall pregnant made my dream unreachable after many failed attempts at trying to loose weight (not from lake of motivation)
3) who are they to put a weight limit on pregnancy
4) understanding where she was coming from that the healthier i am than the healthier my pregnancy would be!
5) that i could go back on the no carb diet i was on years ago (the only thing that has ever worked) but i'm on my feet all day at work and last time i did it i passed out from lack of energy!
Anyway i walked away a shatter shell! i was devostated that my dream was still at least another year away after already waiting a year and if they hadn't made me wait a year in the first place i would be right on track about now! so i started the shake diet (that the ENDO suggested what the?) and that didn't work just made me tired all the time!
So i went back to the GP and had DH tested! the next set back took form! he had fine cont but motility was low low low! after these results i begged my GP for a referal to Repromed (fertility specilists) as with both of us having fertility issues this was never going to happen without help! she said not to shy away from my health problems as they are important (which i agreed) but to keep heading towards my goal she wrote out the referral! so i made my appointment as soon as i got home!
Next to repromed so with the results they said the most effective and quickest way to achieve pregnancy is to do IVF ICSI! i was nervous about investing all that money but i knew that it probably wasn't going to hapen naturally! So they booked us in for Jan 2009! a 4mth wait seemed to take forever!
Finally Jan came around and i started my cycle! I started taking the medication and because of my PCOS i had to start on a low dose as there is a higher risk of over-stimulation! Finally i went in for my scan to see how many follicles had matured and unfortunately it was only 1! as i was a bit nieve about these things i didn't realise that it wasn't very good news! until the nurse started talking about how they would call me about cancelling the cycle as there was little to no chance! i was devostated! all that money that we had invested to go down the drain because i needed higher meds!! at this stage i was wishing they had a policy like some lawyers do... no win no fee but that was definitely a big wish!:laughing:
So before i recieved the phone call i thought i better have made my decision based on facts and figures! so first i called the nurses to ask what exactly my chances were they then responded with not so desireable answers:
1) there was a 50% chance of there being an egg in the follicle
2) from that chance there was a 50% they would be able to retrieve the egg (if there was one) without damaging it!
3) there then was a 50% chance of that egg fertallising
4) from there only a 50% chance the egg would imbed
5) then last but not least a 50% chance of a BFP
having not great answers made me really consider termiating the cycle!! i'm no mathmatition but working out all those chances i figured i had sweet f all% chance!
I then proceeded to call the accounts department to ask what the finacial ramifications would be of cancelling a cycle and starting a new one! basically it was only gonna cost us $500 more to go through with the whole cycle and start another one if necessary with the chance it could save us $1500 if it worked! the chances seemed slim!! but for finacial reasons we made the hard decision to just go through with it for the money reasons trying hard not to think about the emotional reasons not to!
I then finally recieved the call from another nurse who told me when i was booked in for the procedure! no word of terminating the cycle nothing! So i asked her if it was worth it! Probably not the right words to use but i was so confused as the other nurse had me convinced that i was going to have to fight them to go through with it! she then said YES your chances are slim but at least there is a chance there! backing up DH and my decision to go through with the procedure!!
Finally the day came to have the surgery done! i was terrified as i'd never been put under anesthetic and to top it all off the idea of coming out with nothing was making my terror worse!
As i got in there and laid down the surgeon says "now you know you've only got one follicle and if there is an egg in there it could be damaged on retrieval?" THE LAST thing i needed to hear at this point in time! i answered "YES" as if to say hurry up i know all of this already! then before i knew it they were wheeling me out of the operating room saying "WE GOT IT"! words CAN NOT express how i felt! i was over the moon and needless to say i was the quickest to recover as i was just floating! little part of me knew from that point on it was going to work out for the best!
So needless to say everything did! 2 days later i had a phone call saying that the egg had fertilised and they weren't taking it to blasto! So the following day the fertilised egg was put back in! then it was the two week wait for the BFP or BFN! in the second week i took 2 home preg test a day! the line was definitely getting darker and darker! but i still didn't know if that was because of the medication so the only way i was going to know for sure was from the blood test!... 4hrs after i had gone in for the blood test i had the phone call "your pregnant and you defied all the odds well done!"
next we went to Melbourne and when i got there i had a slight disscharge like the start of a period and i was shattered! I cried all night! but the next day i didn't have anything so i put it aside as i knew in 5days i was going to have my 8week scan and that was going to tell me if it was something to worry about! then to top it all off in the middle of the massive heatwave i caught the worst flu of my life! i thought bubs was a goner too much had gone right and to go through all this in a matter of 2 days!
So i reluctently went to my appointment after getting back to Adelaide the day before! they weren't saying anything at first and that scared me! then all of a sudden i heard the magic words there is a PERFECT heartbeat! i couldn't believe it! i was so happy and my DH started to cry the first time i have ever seen him cry! i guess what they say about IVF is true quality NOT quantity!
So everything was fine we found a really good OBGYN and went for our 12wk scan then the next set back! our chances of a a down syndrome baby was 1/257 which was really low for someone my age it should have been 1/1000 if not more!! it was due to a low PAPP-A hormone so on careful consideration and much investigating we decided that we were not going to go through with an amnio IF the bubs had something wrong with it we would just deal with it! but in IVF cases the PAPP-A hormone can be low! so there was a second trimester screen that had just come in and we opted for that instead it takes a lot more into consideration! that result came back as a 1/7000 chance! but in the back of my mind i was always going to wonder until she came out was it a possibility? the idea scared me but it was something i was willing to risk as the chances of miscarriage from an amnio were higher than that of the first result!
The next 8 weeks were fine again! no sickness still the heartburn but it was under control! THEN the results from the 20wk scan were in! we found out we were having a baby girl! so excited! but then we were told that the cord only had 2 ventricles and it's supposed to have 3! which can be an indicator for chromosonal disorders! so all the concerns came rushing back! and did i make the right decision in opting not to have an amnio? but it was too late and i just had to try and put those worries aside and just get through the next 20wks! (well i thought it would be 20wks!)
Then for the next 9wks 2 baby showers down and all to report was gestational diabetes while a big deal i assumed i would get it so i was prepared!! and knowing A LOT about diabetes having my mum being type 1 i know how to manage it although mine was bad and i had to get trained in insilin injections (but that never happened because of what came next) all i was concerned about was pushing out a heffer or having a c-sect!! little did i know she wasn't going to be a heffer and a c-sect was inevitable!! plus only slight swelling which was clearing overnight with my feet raised and one case of raised bp which was checked again and was fine!!
Until about 29wks when the swelling was becoming uncontrollable!! and i was becoming short of breath and i was waking up to myself choking on my tounge because right down to my nose, ears, hands, feet, tounge (just to mention a few) was swollen!! But me again being pretty nieve i knew the swelling is common in pregnancy so i didn't think anything of it and the short of breath well i was getting bigger so i just assumed she was pushing on my lungs!!! until i started reading my pre-pregnancy books and realised i had the symptoms of pre-eclampsia except for the headaches which is the main one! my next OB appointment was in 3days so i just rested and hoped that everything would be ok!! and then fire flecks in the vision came the day before my next ob appointment so then my concern became stronger!!!
my next OB appointment and sure enough my BP was high high 200/110!!!! only just hitting 31wks i was so terrified!! she did a scan which showed bubs was a bit smaller than she should be!! so i was sent straight to hospital do not pass go do not collect $200 i couldn't even go 10min out of the way to pack a bag!! i was in hospital for 2 days with not much improvement on the bp and on the maximum of three types of bp meds!! plus the 2 steroid injections to increase lung development and insulin (never made that appiontment needless to say :)) so on the third day my OB made the call that i needed my girl out!! so i was transferred straight to the W&C booked for a c-sect the next day! i then asked the question which i wasn't sure i wanted to know the answer to... "what are HER chances?" but i was happy to hear that becuase she was over 1kg and over 30 wks 90%!!! considering all my % chances with repromed they seemed like pretty good odds! and i refused to be upset i knew for my little girl i needed to be strong! and think positive!
The next day i was in for my c-sect! and then the very real reality hit me that the IV anesthetic from the IVF was gonna be nothing compared to what i was about to go through!! a spinal anesthetic with them cutting me open while i was awake i know what i would have preferred if i'd had a choice!
Finally on the 16th Aug 2009 Ella Maree Sue was born at 9:59am weighing only 1.35kg! She was so small but the most perfect thing i had ever seen in my life!!! i got to spend a whole 30sec with her before she was taken with my DH to NICU! it made it hard to bond later but within a couple of weeks we were on track!
my journey didn't stop there i had complications in recovery due to a pre existing problem which is so minor but they didn't know what it was so they freaked out! they should have just checked my records as i was diagnosed with the problem in that same hospital! but doesn't matter! they were good to me!
Ella was on C-PAP for 3days and Oxygen assistance for another 3days but since birth has gone from strength to srength! fingers crossed not one hic-cup! she is now 12weeks old today and 3wks corrected age! and acts like any other 3wk old baby! more advanced in some aspects but not many! and she came home at 35wks+6days gestation! the doc said someone forgot to tell her she was born early!
Sorry about the long post but i guess this is the first time i have been able to sit back and think about my pregnancy journey! so i guess it's a lot of reminising for me!:) so if you got through the whole thing WELL DONE! :yelclap: i just hope it has inspired you in some way! i just think with a little positivity and confidence everything will turn out ok!
with all the ups and downs, laughs and tears and complications we came out on top! i wouldn't have it any other way! sure i could have done without all of the complications! and i could have done without the 5weeks of hospital visits but it has made me a stronger more patient person! i truely believe with out this i wouldn't be the person i am today! it has restord my faith in human nature! i don't think i would be as confident in motherhood and made me appreciated EVERY smile, EVERY frown and EVERY little movement!
I had only 2 appointments with the endo 1st one stated that i had PCOS and that i needed to loose weight and the second again was about my weight and that i had a iron, vit d and c deficiencies! she told me to wait and come back in a year and loose weight! sure cause all the other attempts to loose weight worked!i was so mixed with hate anger and understanding that this was begining to drive me crazy! so many thoughts ran through my mind:
1) if i was 150kg (not judging) and fell pregnant naturally would they make me abort it? NO
2) the idea that i had to loose weight to fall pregnant made my dream unreachable after many failed attempts at trying to loose weight (not from lake of motivation)
3) who are they to put a weight limit on pregnancy
4) understanding where she was coming from that the healthier i am than the healthier my pregnancy would be!
5) that i could go back on the no carb diet i was on years ago (the only thing that has ever worked) but i'm on my feet all day at work and last time i did it i passed out from lack of energy!
Anyway i walked away a shatter shell! i was devostated that my dream was still at least another year away after already waiting a year and if they hadn't made me wait a year in the first place i would be right on track about now! so i started the shake diet (that the ENDO suggested what the?) and that didn't work just made me tired all the time!
So i went back to the GP and had DH tested! the next set back took form! he had fine cont but motility was low low low! after these results i begged my GP for a referal to Repromed (fertility specilists) as with both of us having fertility issues this was never going to happen without help! she said not to shy away from my health problems as they are important (which i agreed) but to keep heading towards my goal she wrote out the referral! so i made my appointment as soon as i got home!
Next to repromed so with the results they said the most effective and quickest way to achieve pregnancy is to do IVF ICSI! i was nervous about investing all that money but i knew that it probably wasn't going to hapen naturally! So they booked us in for Jan 2009! a 4mth wait seemed to take forever!
Finally Jan came around and i started my cycle! I started taking the medication and because of my PCOS i had to start on a low dose as there is a higher risk of over-stimulation! Finally i went in for my scan to see how many follicles had matured and unfortunately it was only 1! as i was a bit nieve about these things i didn't realise that it wasn't very good news! until the nurse started talking about how they would call me about cancelling the cycle as there was little to no chance! i was devostated! all that money that we had invested to go down the drain because i needed higher meds!! at this stage i was wishing they had a policy like some lawyers do... no win no fee but that was definitely a big wish!:laughing:
So before i recieved the phone call i thought i better have made my decision based on facts and figures! so first i called the nurses to ask what exactly my chances were they then responded with not so desireable answers:
1) there was a 50% chance of there being an egg in the follicle
2) from that chance there was a 50% they would be able to retrieve the egg (if there was one) without damaging it!
3) there then was a 50% chance of that egg fertallising
4) from there only a 50% chance the egg would imbed
5) then last but not least a 50% chance of a BFP
having not great answers made me really consider termiating the cycle!! i'm no mathmatition but working out all those chances i figured i had sweet f all% chance!
I then proceeded to call the accounts department to ask what the finacial ramifications would be of cancelling a cycle and starting a new one! basically it was only gonna cost us $500 more to go through with the whole cycle and start another one if necessary with the chance it could save us $1500 if it worked! the chances seemed slim!! but for finacial reasons we made the hard decision to just go through with it for the money reasons trying hard not to think about the emotional reasons not to!
I then finally recieved the call from another nurse who told me when i was booked in for the procedure! no word of terminating the cycle nothing! So i asked her if it was worth it! Probably not the right words to use but i was so confused as the other nurse had me convinced that i was going to have to fight them to go through with it! she then said YES your chances are slim but at least there is a chance there! backing up DH and my decision to go through with the procedure!!
Finally the day came to have the surgery done! i was terrified as i'd never been put under anesthetic and to top it all off the idea of coming out with nothing was making my terror worse!
As i got in there and laid down the surgeon says "now you know you've only got one follicle and if there is an egg in there it could be damaged on retrieval?" THE LAST thing i needed to hear at this point in time! i answered "YES" as if to say hurry up i know all of this already! then before i knew it they were wheeling me out of the operating room saying "WE GOT IT"! words CAN NOT express how i felt! i was over the moon and needless to say i was the quickest to recover as i was just floating! little part of me knew from that point on it was going to work out for the best!
So needless to say everything did! 2 days later i had a phone call saying that the egg had fertilised and they weren't taking it to blasto! So the following day the fertilised egg was put back in! then it was the two week wait for the BFP or BFN! in the second week i took 2 home preg test a day! the line was definitely getting darker and darker! but i still didn't know if that was because of the medication so the only way i was going to know for sure was from the blood test!... 4hrs after i had gone in for the blood test i had the phone call "your pregnant and you defied all the odds well done!"
next we went to Melbourne and when i got there i had a slight disscharge like the start of a period and i was shattered! I cried all night! but the next day i didn't have anything so i put it aside as i knew in 5days i was going to have my 8week scan and that was going to tell me if it was something to worry about! then to top it all off in the middle of the massive heatwave i caught the worst flu of my life! i thought bubs was a goner too much had gone right and to go through all this in a matter of 2 days!
So i reluctently went to my appointment after getting back to Adelaide the day before! they weren't saying anything at first and that scared me! then all of a sudden i heard the magic words there is a PERFECT heartbeat! i couldn't believe it! i was so happy and my DH started to cry the first time i have ever seen him cry! i guess what they say about IVF is true quality NOT quantity!
So everything was fine we found a really good OBGYN and went for our 12wk scan then the next set back! our chances of a a down syndrome baby was 1/257 which was really low for someone my age it should have been 1/1000 if not more!! it was due to a low PAPP-A hormone so on careful consideration and much investigating we decided that we were not going to go through with an amnio IF the bubs had something wrong with it we would just deal with it! but in IVF cases the PAPP-A hormone can be low! so there was a second trimester screen that had just come in and we opted for that instead it takes a lot more into consideration! that result came back as a 1/7000 chance! but in the back of my mind i was always going to wonder until she came out was it a possibility? the idea scared me but it was something i was willing to risk as the chances of miscarriage from an amnio were higher than that of the first result!
The next 8 weeks were fine again! no sickness still the heartburn but it was under control! THEN the results from the 20wk scan were in! we found out we were having a baby girl! so excited! but then we were told that the cord only had 2 ventricles and it's supposed to have 3! which can be an indicator for chromosonal disorders! so all the concerns came rushing back! and did i make the right decision in opting not to have an amnio? but it was too late and i just had to try and put those worries aside and just get through the next 20wks! (well i thought it would be 20wks!)
Then for the next 9wks 2 baby showers down and all to report was gestational diabetes while a big deal i assumed i would get it so i was prepared!! and knowing A LOT about diabetes having my mum being type 1 i know how to manage it although mine was bad and i had to get trained in insilin injections (but that never happened because of what came next) all i was concerned about was pushing out a heffer or having a c-sect!! little did i know she wasn't going to be a heffer and a c-sect was inevitable!! plus only slight swelling which was clearing overnight with my feet raised and one case of raised bp which was checked again and was fine!!
Until about 29wks when the swelling was becoming uncontrollable!! and i was becoming short of breath and i was waking up to myself choking on my tounge because right down to my nose, ears, hands, feet, tounge (just to mention a few) was swollen!! But me again being pretty nieve i knew the swelling is common in pregnancy so i didn't think anything of it and the short of breath well i was getting bigger so i just assumed she was pushing on my lungs!!! until i started reading my pre-pregnancy books and realised i had the symptoms of pre-eclampsia except for the headaches which is the main one! my next OB appointment was in 3days so i just rested and hoped that everything would be ok!! and then fire flecks in the vision came the day before my next ob appointment so then my concern became stronger!!!
my next OB appointment and sure enough my BP was high high 200/110!!!! only just hitting 31wks i was so terrified!! she did a scan which showed bubs was a bit smaller than she should be!! so i was sent straight to hospital do not pass go do not collect $200 i couldn't even go 10min out of the way to pack a bag!! i was in hospital for 2 days with not much improvement on the bp and on the maximum of three types of bp meds!! plus the 2 steroid injections to increase lung development and insulin (never made that appiontment needless to say :)) so on the third day my OB made the call that i needed my girl out!! so i was transferred straight to the W&C booked for a c-sect the next day! i then asked the question which i wasn't sure i wanted to know the answer to... "what are HER chances?" but i was happy to hear that becuase she was over 1kg and over 30 wks 90%!!! considering all my % chances with repromed they seemed like pretty good odds! and i refused to be upset i knew for my little girl i needed to be strong! and think positive!
The next day i was in for my c-sect! and then the very real reality hit me that the IV anesthetic from the IVF was gonna be nothing compared to what i was about to go through!! a spinal anesthetic with them cutting me open while i was awake i know what i would have preferred if i'd had a choice!
Finally on the 16th Aug 2009 Ella Maree Sue was born at 9:59am weighing only 1.35kg! She was so small but the most perfect thing i had ever seen in my life!!! i got to spend a whole 30sec with her before she was taken with my DH to NICU! it made it hard to bond later but within a couple of weeks we were on track!
my journey didn't stop there i had complications in recovery due to a pre existing problem which is so minor but they didn't know what it was so they freaked out! they should have just checked my records as i was diagnosed with the problem in that same hospital! but doesn't matter! they were good to me!
Ella was on C-PAP for 3days and Oxygen assistance for another 3days but since birth has gone from strength to srength! fingers crossed not one hic-cup! she is now 12weeks old today and 3wks corrected age! and acts like any other 3wk old baby! more advanced in some aspects but not many! and she came home at 35wks+6days gestation! the doc said someone forgot to tell her she was born early!
Sorry about the long post but i guess this is the first time i have been able to sit back and think about my pregnancy journey! so i guess it's a lot of reminising for me!:) so if you got through the whole thing WELL DONE! :yelclap: i just hope it has inspired you in some way! i just think with a little positivity and confidence everything will turn out ok!
with all the ups and downs, laughs and tears and complications we came out on top! i wouldn't have it any other way! sure i could have done without all of the complications! and i could have done without the 5weeks of hospital visits but it has made me a stronger more patient person! i truely believe with out this i wouldn't be the person i am today! it has restord my faith in human nature! i don't think i would be as confident in motherhood and made me appreciated EVERY smile, EVERY frown and EVERY little movement!