View Full Version : Discipline kids in public (HELP)
Hey Girls,
I need help really bad.................My 3yr old son is very good when he is at home by himself but as soon as he steps outside in a shopping centre he starts running away, chucking tantrums to put money in machines and toys and he doesn't listen, I have a 2 month old baby as well and i can't even go grocery shopping without having to buy him what he wants to shut him up ( he just doesn't give up when you say NO) or him running off on me. Sometimes i have to run after him while i have the pram and shopping bags as well. My hubby works night shift and sleeps during the day so he can't be much of a help to me. But he helps me when he can. I would love to do things on my own without having to bother my husband. I need to know what are some good discipline solutions for him in public.
He also bashes one of my friends little 1 1/2 year old boy as well and would not share with him i need to stop that as well.
Please help.....................................
Me Ashika 24
Dh Daniel 24
Ds Ajay 3
Ds Aaryan 20/04/06
sunnyflower
17-07-2006, 16:57
if it's any help my son was exactly the same and the do grow out of it.is it possible to leave him with a friend or family member just for an hour while you shop?
as for the hitting thing,you just say no we keep our hands to ourself and if he persists try moving him away from the game or time out.
as for sharing,i'm still waiting for him to grow out of that one........
Mumshmum
17-07-2006, 17:16
Maybe think of something special he can do with you when you get home. Sit him down and tell him how you would like him to behave at the shops. Get really excited about the special thing you will do together, and perhaps when he is doing the right thing, really praise him e.g. ('i love the way you are staying next to me, you must really want to .......when we get home)
Hope this is of some help.
Hey Mumshmum,
I have tried that.................it works for 2 mins then he does it again and i have to keep saying it ................evrytime it works for 2 mins or less and then he gets really restless and says he wants to go home now to do what i said............and instead of having a 1/2 hour shopping i end up being there for 1 1/2 hours trying to control Ajay.
I found the best way to tackle supermarket tantrums is not to go there with the kids! I get most of my shopping delivered by woolies......can you do this? That way you only have to go out for a few bits and you can do a supermarket grab and dash!
Otherwise, get him a little spesh toy that he can ONLY play with everytime you go shopping, or a lolli or something:confused: .:o I dunno really, my little girl is the same!:o
the_queen
17-07-2006, 20:42
I know you feel overwhelmed, with the new baby and all.
But this:
i can't even go grocery shopping without having to buy him what he wants to shut him up ( he just doesn't give up when you say NO)
You've pretty much answered your own question there. Why does he keep behaving this way? Because it gets him what he wants. He doesn't give up when you say NO? That's because he knows there's a chance you will change your mind and say YES instead.
I usually don't like those harness things, but maybe one of them would be beneficial in your situation, he won't be able to run that far. I think you can get one's that look like a monkey backpack, and the tail connects to your wrist. Praise and reward him for staying with Mummy.
And seriously, if he says "i want money for the machine" or something like that, say No and mean it. Which means just say "No" and don't change your mind. You have to SHOW him by your actions, that there is nothing he can do that will make you change your mind. The first time will be extremely hard. The second time will be extremely hard. He'll probably try it on for quite a while because it's worked successfully for him in the past. But perservere with it and eventually he will get the picture.
With the friends little boy, it can be difficult for kids to share at this age, especially if he's never been in a situation like daycare or similar. I think what is most effective is parental supervision, and intervention before the "bashing" occurs. Make it really clear that he can have the toy for as long as he wants, but when he has finished with it he has to give it to his friend. And then his friend can have it for as long as he wants, but will give it back when he's finished. Remember, "as long as you want" to a toddler can mean anywhere between 4 seconds and 1 minute, usually :D . Model the expected behaviour to him, ie show him how to interact with the littler boy. Give him lots of chances to do the right thing, but if he won't then just move them apart to play seperately. Tell him "We need to play nicely with our friends, so we can all have a good time" and if he doesn't, then tell him "It looks like you don't feel like playing nicely, so you can play over here by yourself until you feel like playing nicely."
Hope I've been of some help!
Would it help if (for the shopping) you gave him little tasks to do to distract him.
Maybe his own shopping list in bright colours and point to each one as you come to the aisle and ask him to pick up a can of corn for you and put it in the trolley (eg.). Then get him to tick it off the list?
I don't have a 3 year old yet, so I don't know if that sort of thing is suitable for his age group but it might combat the boredom a bit.
SnoozesWithCats
17-07-2006, 20:49
What's your pram - a double or a single?
We don't leave the house without "transport options" for both little ones (by which I mean ... something OTHER than walking!) - either the double stroller, or a single and the baby sling.
If DD1 wants to walk, and is being good, she can do that. Most of the time she just hops in and out whenever she wants. But if she's being obnoxious, or running off, then it's into the stroller with the seatbelt on for the rest of the trip. She's usually not too grumpy about it (in fact, I suspect sometimes she does a naughty thing because she WANTS to ride, so she knows she can "get away with it") but even if she did kick up a stink ... too bad, better act nice next time would be my reaction.
If you can strap him down so that all he can do is howl, then all you need to do is ignore the fuss.
No idea about the hitting thing though ... sorry!
Thanx girls ,
I will try everything and see if it works...............i will actually give the harness a go again..............last time i tried that he wouldn't get off the floor so it was quiet embarrasing other people just stairing at us ..............it felt like as if he was a dog being dragged around..................he normally does his own shopping and i get him to help me a lot but sometimes gets distracted. Today i left him home with Dh and went shopping with bubs............but i am gonna work on it ..... hopefully things will get better for me............. :) .
Well him hitting little kiddo i will just let my friend deal with it................ me telling him off or having time out or a smack on the bum or naughty spots don't work........ He only smacks this kid because he sees his sister do it to him so he thinks its ok to do it............they have practically grown up together.............and i love these kids .............. i'm just gonna let my friend punish him when he hits kiddo again................ i am scared that if he doesn't stop then i am gonna be a nervous rack to leave bubs with him while i'm in the shower or even go to the toilet...............but i know i have never seen him hit any other kid then my friends........... his normally very well behaved with other kids and at creche his teachers say that his the best kid there so may be his just testing his boundries at home..................plus my Dh spoils him too much and lets him get away with everything.......................
If anyone thinks i'm doing it the wrong way please do tell me.................. opinions will only help ..............
Thanx............................
I just wanted to say I know how hard it can be.
I have a 3 year old who is a good boy at home.
But when we head out shopping he loves running around and doing his own thing. He also cries to go on the rides. He is very different to my girl I think.
I think to my boy it is his way - gives him his own sense of power - we have a leash just so he wont run too far.
I have a 3yr old and a 4month old, and i cannot take my 3yr old anywhere, he is usually pretty good at home but runs off and carries on when were out, and my hubby works night shift too. I sent my 3 yr old to kindy once a week on my shopping day, and do everything in that one day. I tried everything and cant get him to behave, cause his dad doesnt spend so much time with him during the week, he spoils him on the weekend and now we realise that is the reason for him being obnoxious. So he has stopped, but it is to late he is aware that in public i cannot scold him to much so it plays on it. good luck!!! but yeah i would recommend maybe a daycare for a day or family day care places. :thumbsup:
thanx ladies.....................
now i know i'm not the only one ......................... yeah he goes to creche evry thursday but hasn't gone for the last 4 weeks since he had the virus................this thursday he is defiantely going..............:fingerscrossed:
Well him hitting little kiddo i will just let my friend deal with it................ me telling him off or having time out or a smack on the bum or naughty spots don't work........ He only smacks this kid because he sees his sister do it to him so he thinks its ok to do it............they have practically grown up together.............and i love these kids .............. i'm just gonna let my friend punish him when he hits kiddo again................ i am scared that if he doesn't stop then i am gonna be a nervous rack to leave bubs with him while i'm in the shower or even go to the toilet...............but i know i have never seen him hit any other kid then my friends........... his normally very well behaved with other kids and at creche his teachers say that his the best kid there so may be his just testing his boundries at home..................plus my Dh spoils him too much and lets him get away with everything.......................
I'm sorry but this is your child not your friends and they should not be left to disipline your children. If you think he is just testing the boundaries at home then show him the bounderies and stick to them! If DH is letting him get away with everything then you need to work out the new rules with DH and tackle the problem head on and agree that both of you are going to stick to your guns. Your little boy is smart enough to know you dont mean what you say to him because you have always given in in the past, you need to now show him enough times that from now on you mean it.
I personally dont think leaving him home when you shop is the best option because then you always have to reply on someone being able to look after him when you shop, and what happens when you need to go out unexpectedly?
If i see a child having a tantrum in a store I am not bothered, to be completely honest what bothers me is when the parents give in to the kids just to get them to shut up!
the_queen's advice was excellent :thumbsup: , i suggest follow it to a 't'.
You can use activites and rewards for your son while shopping. For instance a star chart type activity (you can use character stamps on his hand perhaps) where when he has been good for a time period, say 10 minutes, he gets a stam/star. If he has a certain amount (determined by you) by the time you finish shopping (or get to the checkout) he gets a treat. This way he still gets what he wants but by behaving, not by misbehaving. You can also (as someone else has suggested) make a shopping list he can help you with, but instead of writing words, that he is too young to read, you can print or draw a picture on the paper to represent the item instead.
Look for a good book to help you stay strong and set some bounderies. I quite like the Super Nanny book or there are others out there.
I dont mean to offend but you did ask for our opinions, I know it is hard and will get a bit harder when you stick to your guns but it WILL get easier after that and everyone will be so much happier, including your little boy. :hugs:
Oh and i saw this good program on Foxtel called The House of Tiny Tearaways, where families come to stay for a few nights with their kids, who all have varying behavioural problems. There are people there to help them work out why the kids are bahaving this way and helps the parents to curb it.
One single mother had a child, about 4 i think that she could not take out anywhere because she constantly threw tantrums and ran away. They had them go on an outing and the little girl had a trolley bag and the mother had a bag of coloured balls. For every 15 minutes the girl was good (yes this is where i got my suggestion from!) she got to choose a ball to put in her bag. By the end of the outing if she got a certain amount (i think she got 8 out of 14 possible or something like that) she got a treat. She still played up but no where near as much and with persistance and other outings she would only improve. When the girl had a tantrum and/or wanted to run away the mother just grabbed her, dropped everything and held her close, not hurting her but restricting her. She held her still for 1 minute for every year of her age (similar to the Super Nannies naughty spot technique, but this is an adaptation for public). In the time she held her she did not make eye contact (the girl was facing away from her) and she did not talk to her. Of course LOTS of over the top praise when she was good.
Ok, Im sure people were watching her wondering what she was doing BUT if your kid is playing up at every outing they probably already are doing that and this way the times will get less and less.
hey everybody ,
thanx for your help......................well i didn't mean it as in i'll let my friend discpline Ajay fully .................. I just wanted her to say No to him just once and i knew it was going to work............. we tried it and since then Ajay has been really nice to little kiddo.................. and i have been trying to teach him to share heaps with him as well................................
Shopping has been fun lately.................... Ajay has been back to himself now and listens to what i say.................. he has always been a really good boy but i think having Ds2 kinda set him off a bit . Now he is used to everything and loves his little brother and behaves well as well. Me and Dh sat and had a talk with him and asked him about how he was feeling and behaving badly and he told us that he was lonely cause baby got all the attention..................... it was my mums fault........... she came to visit us after Aaryan's birth and hardly spent any time with Ajay and this made him feel sad but i always made sure that he got full attention from me ............... I guess my attention didn't matter to him................... he wanted his grandma's attention and he never got it apart from stop doing that Ajay and don't be naughty Ajay.................... My poor baby............ :crying:
:yelclap: great to hear your little boy is behaving better and is happier. Great stuff that you sat down with him and had a talk to! :thumbsup:
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