Kimnus
06-11-2009, 17:13
Names have been changed to protect people…no matter if these people are d*ckheads.
I am also sorry if this story affects or offends anyone.
In July 2001, I was like every other 14 year old girl. I loved to shop, go to the beach and hang out with my friends. I was like any other girl, until the 4th July I went to a party with my friend Matt. It was a house warming party for Matt's brother Josh, who I thought was totally hot. I had been friends with Matt for 4 years and I had known his brother for just as long, and all I wanted was for Josh to notice that I was even alive. At this party there was going to be lot of people between the ages of 24 and 25 years old as that was how old Josh was.
When it got to the night of the party I made sure that I turned up early to help Matt and his brother Josh get the party ready, as you know boys can’t organise anything. I had always got along with Josh’s friends and when they arrived we all began to talk.
When it got to about 7pm everyone started to arrive at Josh’s house and the house was getting rather full, and very loud, with loud music and conversation. When it got later in the night people had begun to get really drunk, as the alcohol began to flow freely, even Matt and I had a few to many. Matt had gotten to the bottom of the bottle of beer that he was drinking and told me that he was getting another and he would get me another drink as well. I said yes and he left me alone on the couch to get a drink.
It had been half an hour and Matt had still not come back. I kneeled on the lounge and looked around to see if I could see him from where I was. When I scanned the room and found him, he was standing by the drinks table talking with someone that I didn’t know. I sighed and sat back down on the lounge bored.
As I sat down someone turned the music up even louder and people started cheering to the song that was on and a lot of people got off the loungers and started to dance where they were. I smiled and wished I could go up and dance with them, but I only knew a few people and I couldn’t see them dancing. Sitting there for a few moments someone sat down beside me, looking over I noticed that it was Josh, Matt’s older brother. We started talking and his mates came over and handed me and Josh a drink, I didn’t bother to ask what was in it, as I was finally getting a chance to talk to Josh one on one and I was being accepted by Josh’s friends. I should have known it from the start. They were trying to get me even drunker then I was so they could take advantage of me. But silly me I just thought that they were having a good time. I thought that we were all having a good time.
After I had finished off what I thought was bourbon and coke, they got me up and we all started to dance, I loved being the centre of attention. I was having a great time laughing and dancing it was the best time of my life. After the song that we were dancing to finished, Josh took my hand and we both headed into the back and into a bedroom…it must have been his.
We sat on his bed and he smiled at me and looked away from me, I couldn’t help but smile, he had one of those infectious smiles that makes everyone smile and makes the whole room around you light up. I remember him saying to me that I was beautiful and he couldn't believe that I was single; something about how all the guys would crazy about me. I remember on the way Josh had closed the door behind us, but I heard the door opened and I looked over to it to see Josh's friends come into the room, there was four of them. I looked over to Josh and then over to his friends and I remember laughing and thinking that things weren't right. I also remember asking what was going on but Josh's friends just started laugh and I heard Josh say that we were going to have some fun.
I remember Josh pushing me on to the bed and his friends holding me down, but the rest I will not speak of, the rest I have never told anyone and I don’t think I ever will.
I remember screaming as loud as I could until my voice went horse, but no one heard me. I remember going in and out of consciousness, and vomiting.
Once I had woken up again, I couldn’t hear any laughter, I couldn’t hear any cheers. I felt cold. I slowly sat up in pain to look around the room that I was in. There was no one, they must have left me, and they must have gotten bored of using my body as a playground. I looked down at the floor at my clothes that were on the ground torn to shreds, so not only did they all rape me they left me with no clothes.
I looked around the room and found some of Josh's clothes in the room, although it made me sick to put his clothes on, I put them on so that I didn’t walk around naked.
When I got home and locked my self in the bathroom, I didn't want anyone, and I didn’t want them to see me. I took off the clothes that I had on and looked at my self in the mirror. I started to cry, I had blood on me and I had noticed that I started to have some bruises come up on my skin, where they had hit me, where they had grabbed me. I turned on the shower so it was cold and stepped in letting the cold water rush over me. The cold water stung my cuts and made my bruises hurt, and it made it hard to breathe.
When eventually I was talked in to going to the police a few weeks had passed. I had told Matt about what had happened about what his brother had done. Matt convinced me that I should go to the police and tell them what had happened. When I got to the police station to report what happened, they called Josh and his friends in but they just denied everything and the cops said they couldn't do anything with the lack of evidence they had, and with them being no witness to the event. I was devastated that nothing was going to be done, that there was no one there that could do something.
From that moment on I knew nothing was going to be the same and my life had changed for ever. I was no longer that 14 year old girl that would go shopping, that would go to the beach, who would hang out with her friends. I was the girl that had thoughts of killing herself that had been through so much pain, that didn’t think she was good enough for anyone.
I know people take things differently and I think I might have taken the worst approach to this situation. I turned to drugs and alcohol for my medication and therapy. I started to hang out with the wrong people; I would sneak out of home, stay out late, skip school and sleep my hangover off on the beach. I also started dating a drug dealer who was much older then me.
Hunter wasn’t a nice man; he would share me amongst his friends so that I wouldn’t have to pay for my drugs. I used the rape as if it was my fault and that if they treat me like a piece of meat, I felt like that my body wasn’t my own any more.
Every night was a party night for me doing the same thing getting drunk and popping pills. I never stayed in touch with Matt, as he ended up siding with his brother calling me a ***** and I made up stories to seek attention. I hurt knowing that the only friend that I had left in the world.
One night when things got so bad I locked my self in my bathroom and cried uncontrollably. Things had gotten so bad that I had nothing in the world; Hunter had broken up with me and thrown me out, saying something about how I had now become used goods and that I wasn’t fun any more. I was heading in a downward spiral and I had nothing. I remember the feelings of wanting to kill myself and wanting this whole thing to go away. I hardly slept as the nightmares were so intense.
It has now been 6 years after I stopped using drugs, and my life is finally back on track and things are going well. Life has changed for the better. I was put into a program to help me get off the drugs and saw a psychologist who helped me through the emotions that I was feeling and helped me put together coping strategies to over come my anxiety and I was put on some medication to help me sleep.
In 2004 I have found my rock and the love of my life.
My Husband.
He brought my life meaning. He has supported me through my dark and twisty times. Picked me up off the floor when things get hard and has held my hand every step of the way.
I met him on New Years Eve and have been married since 2008. My life would be incomplete without him and I love him that he wants to start this trying to conceive journey with me, and I can wait to have children with him.
I am also sorry if this story affects or offends anyone.
In July 2001, I was like every other 14 year old girl. I loved to shop, go to the beach and hang out with my friends. I was like any other girl, until the 4th July I went to a party with my friend Matt. It was a house warming party for Matt's brother Josh, who I thought was totally hot. I had been friends with Matt for 4 years and I had known his brother for just as long, and all I wanted was for Josh to notice that I was even alive. At this party there was going to be lot of people between the ages of 24 and 25 years old as that was how old Josh was.
When it got to the night of the party I made sure that I turned up early to help Matt and his brother Josh get the party ready, as you know boys can’t organise anything. I had always got along with Josh’s friends and when they arrived we all began to talk.
When it got to about 7pm everyone started to arrive at Josh’s house and the house was getting rather full, and very loud, with loud music and conversation. When it got later in the night people had begun to get really drunk, as the alcohol began to flow freely, even Matt and I had a few to many. Matt had gotten to the bottom of the bottle of beer that he was drinking and told me that he was getting another and he would get me another drink as well. I said yes and he left me alone on the couch to get a drink.
It had been half an hour and Matt had still not come back. I kneeled on the lounge and looked around to see if I could see him from where I was. When I scanned the room and found him, he was standing by the drinks table talking with someone that I didn’t know. I sighed and sat back down on the lounge bored.
As I sat down someone turned the music up even louder and people started cheering to the song that was on and a lot of people got off the loungers and started to dance where they were. I smiled and wished I could go up and dance with them, but I only knew a few people and I couldn’t see them dancing. Sitting there for a few moments someone sat down beside me, looking over I noticed that it was Josh, Matt’s older brother. We started talking and his mates came over and handed me and Josh a drink, I didn’t bother to ask what was in it, as I was finally getting a chance to talk to Josh one on one and I was being accepted by Josh’s friends. I should have known it from the start. They were trying to get me even drunker then I was so they could take advantage of me. But silly me I just thought that they were having a good time. I thought that we were all having a good time.
After I had finished off what I thought was bourbon and coke, they got me up and we all started to dance, I loved being the centre of attention. I was having a great time laughing and dancing it was the best time of my life. After the song that we were dancing to finished, Josh took my hand and we both headed into the back and into a bedroom…it must have been his.
We sat on his bed and he smiled at me and looked away from me, I couldn’t help but smile, he had one of those infectious smiles that makes everyone smile and makes the whole room around you light up. I remember him saying to me that I was beautiful and he couldn't believe that I was single; something about how all the guys would crazy about me. I remember on the way Josh had closed the door behind us, but I heard the door opened and I looked over to it to see Josh's friends come into the room, there was four of them. I looked over to Josh and then over to his friends and I remember laughing and thinking that things weren't right. I also remember asking what was going on but Josh's friends just started laugh and I heard Josh say that we were going to have some fun.
I remember Josh pushing me on to the bed and his friends holding me down, but the rest I will not speak of, the rest I have never told anyone and I don’t think I ever will.
I remember screaming as loud as I could until my voice went horse, but no one heard me. I remember going in and out of consciousness, and vomiting.
Once I had woken up again, I couldn’t hear any laughter, I couldn’t hear any cheers. I felt cold. I slowly sat up in pain to look around the room that I was in. There was no one, they must have left me, and they must have gotten bored of using my body as a playground. I looked down at the floor at my clothes that were on the ground torn to shreds, so not only did they all rape me they left me with no clothes.
I looked around the room and found some of Josh's clothes in the room, although it made me sick to put his clothes on, I put them on so that I didn’t walk around naked.
When I got home and locked my self in the bathroom, I didn't want anyone, and I didn’t want them to see me. I took off the clothes that I had on and looked at my self in the mirror. I started to cry, I had blood on me and I had noticed that I started to have some bruises come up on my skin, where they had hit me, where they had grabbed me. I turned on the shower so it was cold and stepped in letting the cold water rush over me. The cold water stung my cuts and made my bruises hurt, and it made it hard to breathe.
When eventually I was talked in to going to the police a few weeks had passed. I had told Matt about what had happened about what his brother had done. Matt convinced me that I should go to the police and tell them what had happened. When I got to the police station to report what happened, they called Josh and his friends in but they just denied everything and the cops said they couldn't do anything with the lack of evidence they had, and with them being no witness to the event. I was devastated that nothing was going to be done, that there was no one there that could do something.
From that moment on I knew nothing was going to be the same and my life had changed for ever. I was no longer that 14 year old girl that would go shopping, that would go to the beach, who would hang out with her friends. I was the girl that had thoughts of killing herself that had been through so much pain, that didn’t think she was good enough for anyone.
I know people take things differently and I think I might have taken the worst approach to this situation. I turned to drugs and alcohol for my medication and therapy. I started to hang out with the wrong people; I would sneak out of home, stay out late, skip school and sleep my hangover off on the beach. I also started dating a drug dealer who was much older then me.
Hunter wasn’t a nice man; he would share me amongst his friends so that I wouldn’t have to pay for my drugs. I used the rape as if it was my fault and that if they treat me like a piece of meat, I felt like that my body wasn’t my own any more.
Every night was a party night for me doing the same thing getting drunk and popping pills. I never stayed in touch with Matt, as he ended up siding with his brother calling me a ***** and I made up stories to seek attention. I hurt knowing that the only friend that I had left in the world.
One night when things got so bad I locked my self in my bathroom and cried uncontrollably. Things had gotten so bad that I had nothing in the world; Hunter had broken up with me and thrown me out, saying something about how I had now become used goods and that I wasn’t fun any more. I was heading in a downward spiral and I had nothing. I remember the feelings of wanting to kill myself and wanting this whole thing to go away. I hardly slept as the nightmares were so intense.
It has now been 6 years after I stopped using drugs, and my life is finally back on track and things are going well. Life has changed for the better. I was put into a program to help me get off the drugs and saw a psychologist who helped me through the emotions that I was feeling and helped me put together coping strategies to over come my anxiety and I was put on some medication to help me sleep.
In 2004 I have found my rock and the love of my life.
My Husband.
He brought my life meaning. He has supported me through my dark and twisty times. Picked me up off the floor when things get hard and has held my hand every step of the way.
I met him on New Years Eve and have been married since 2008. My life would be incomplete without him and I love him that he wants to start this trying to conceive journey with me, and I can wait to have children with him.