View Full Version : Grandparents' Favourites
Just wondering. If your family there are more than 1 grandchild, is there a Grandparent favourite. I'm having this issue with MIL.
Just want to know stories and how you all got around it.
Currently, my DS spends Tues arvo's with his nan. His older cousin also goes and spends tues arvos there with him also. This is something i organised with the Nan, and she turned around and invited the older cousin along (i have no problem with this, but the cousin's mum did thinking her son wouldnt get any attention).
It now works out, that if the older cousin is sick or something else crops up, then Nan cannot have my DS, as my ds would be supposedly lost with the older cousin. (he copes just fine when DS is out at Nan's when we visit and there is no older cousin about!).
She has just started to organise things to do on the Tuesday arvos, and subsequently cannot have my DS, but will take the cousin with her. :confused:
Tell me if i'm thinking silly, but i feel like the older cousin is the favourite and things i organise have to be turned around and MIL makes it out as if she has organised the whole thing. I'm considering telling her not to worry about it, but i grew up without Grandparents and i really want my son to have this experience. Of course, DH thinks nothing of it and that his mother isnt treating our son 2nd to the cousin.
Cant wait for the comments to roll along!!! :)
It doesnt' sound as dramatic as your situation, but I feel the same way with my son and my in laws. Andrew is 5 1/2 months old, and his older cousin is almost 2. Samantha (2) was their first grandchild, after waiting a looooong time for grandchildren. She is the 'chosen one' to both her parents, and her grandparents (which annoys DH and I to no end...that girl can do NO WRONG). MIL absolutley dotes on her, and she has TWO rooms at her house full of toys and other such goodies. She babysits her constantly. Whenever we visit, or talk to her, she is always raving about what Samantha did, what she is doing/saying/whatever. Anything that gets said about Andrew is compared to what Samantha was doing at the same age etc etc.
I love my MIL but it drives me batty that she can't separate the two of them in her mind. The world does not revolve around Samantha! That girl is going to grow up to be such a snob. It sounds horrible, but she already does seem that way....she is very anti social and leery of anyone that encroaches on her world.
Anyway I try not to let it get to me. Especially now that Samantha has a brand new little sister who arrived last week. I imagine things will change a bit now that there are 3 grandchildren.
Anyway I should stop before I really get going on my tirade!
Well in my case. it was between myself and my cousin. I was adopted so i wasn't naturally conceived by mother. I was loved by all my family from by both sides but was sort of pushed aside by my mum's parents because I was not biologically theirs. I was part of a huge extended family on my dad's side and was loved to bits. But on my mum side I felt as if i was just part of the furniture but got love though.
There is a 11 year difference between this particular cousin and myself (there is another cousin between this one and myself). She's very spoilt and gets everything she asks for. Butter couldn't melt in her mouth (or so my grandparents think). She's the most precious niece to all my mum's family including my mother. She and her younger brother are the most spoilt grand children i have ever known. My mother has willed to her a wedding anniversary present my dad gave to mum for their 10th wedding anniversary (a rare brown/orange diamond ring). When my dad heard this he blew his top :mad: . A particular moment in time is the following:-
She was the junior bridesmaid at my wedding (not by choice my mother convinced me that we needed her ) my bridesmaids wore a bottle green sheath and the groomsmen wore bottle green with a bit of red and white pattern vests. She had to out do everyone :mad: ! We made a decision we wanted her to wear either gold or burgundy (that were our wedding colours) similar dress to my bridesmaids but a little less grown up (she was only 14 at this stage). We told her we found one and not to do anything till we got back (we went away to singapore and they were there too) to perth. the day we left they bought the material and made the dress without letting see the pattern. We got back to perth and told my mum we found a dress for her and my mum told me that the dress was made already and it was gorgeous. I thought how can you know i haven't seen any pictures.
I asked to see photos (they were sent to me) It was the horrible goldy yellow colour with huge puffy sleeves, huge bow at the back and high necked :eek: . I said to mum what the f**k we didnt agree to this dress. I know I said gold or burgundy but this looks horrible. My mum started crying and said we were ungrateful so guess what we had to have it.
Anyway fast forwrd 4 months down the track two days before my wedding. i go and visit my grandparents (as my cousin and family were staying with them as they are from sydney) and she is there with these massive "cat like" claws on her nails thanks to my uncle's g/f (my mum's youngest brother). I thought oh well so what.
On my wedding day My mum decided that my cousin, herself and my mum's sister were going to the a different hairdresses (actually i knew this about 3 days beforehand) than myself and bridesmaids. I said that was okay as long as my cousin V had a simple hairstyle no curls, no nothing just straight hair style or even a french braid as she had a wreath of flowers that went on her head. I went off to get my hair done so did my sister in law and my best friend (bridesmaid and maid-of-honour respectively). My SIL had her hair in a french role and since my best friend had really short hair it was just styled in gel. It took us 1 1/2 hours to get it done.
When we got back my mum and her sister were back but my cousin wasn't back yet. I asked my mum where she was and she said her hair style wasn't finished yet as the hot rollers were still heating up. I thought okay reasonable maybe it was for her hair to be straightened as I had that done to me before. She came back and she was a mass of curls with this that looked absolutely horrid :eek: . II nearly cried. I nearly told her to go and have a shower and straightened her hair but kept my mouth shut.
We got our make up done. And started getting dressed. She cried because her mum was leaving (her mum was in her trackies as she had been helping my mum oraganised flowers and cake (which my mum had made) to go get herself ready plus her little brother (who was our page boy). I thought what a big baby (you got to remember she was 14 years old). Anyway she got ready put her stockings (stockings !!!!!!! ) her gold sparkly shoes and her wreath of flowers on her head and proceeded to put these finger-tipless gloves on. I nearly had a heartattack and nearly told her to get out of the dress and she wasn't going to be part of the wedding party. My dad saw my look and asked her why she was putting them on and was told that nana (my grandmother) had said all the bridesmaids were wearing gloves. My dad said no they weren't and to take them off. I had to leave the room as I was about to cry from anger.
To be honest she looked like an oversized banana. You got to imagine this black hair, gold dress and gold sparkly shoes = oversized bratty banana. What makes me furious is that my grandparents have about 4 photos of her all around the house. There was a photo of me when i was about 4 years old but once she was born that was taken down. Everyone's wedding photos are in the formal dinning room but mine and my hubbies are in the study behind closed doors of the wardrobe. They don't even have a photo of my baby girl (i have given them about a million).
What makes really mad is that they are coming down for my grandfather's 80th and they get upset if they don't see us. I hate my cousin as she's the biggest spoiltest brat i know. She's everyone pet.
I better stop my tirade before I get so angry i say something i shouldn't say
My advice is just live your own lives, do what suits you! I know this may sound harsh but you have tried to involve your MIL and she is stuffing it up for you by putting things on when she knows she is suppose to have your little darling so don't involve her, when she asks why you are doing this then tell her that she is unreliable and you need someone reliable to look after your son and she isn't. You have tried now make them be a part of your family on your terms not theirs, stand up to them or they will forever manipulate you. Teach your children to stand up for themselves like you will hopefully start doing. It is going to be hard but do it now before your children start to feel left out as they get older they will feel this way and may feel that it is something they have done. Good luck I know this is a touchy subject and hope I haven't offended anyone :)
I've talked it over with DH. He said that if his mother does it again, to just ask her if she still wants to do it anymore or if she does what time suits her.
She makes me fume. She did and still does, drops everything for our sil and her son, and if i ask its such a huge prob.
Now i'm getting nasty thoughts about her. Before i had my son i m/c'd 2x. I was told by her and my sil that i had become the devil and that i was being very nasty to them. Also i was then told to be more open to talk to them about things affecting me. Present day, and i now try to open up to either of them and i get turned away becoz my problem isnt seen as being as bad as my SIL. (sil mother is dying, and i completely understand it, but my grandma had a heart attack, she lives near Darwin and we live in lower SA, and i wont get to see her and apparently its not looking good for her.) But everytime i 've mentioned this, the conversation from the MIL is that, "oh i feel sorry for sil's mum" "oh your sil has it tough". Yes i agree, but my problem and feelings are very valid too.
So this is another reason i want to get away from her. Thing is its the only time i get for myself.
I had never even heard of this till I married into my DH's family. My grandma would have NEVER done this to a child however my DH's Grandma loves (or so it seems) his cousin the most (out of the seven of them).
I thought his mother was making this up cause she is so materialistic (sp) but I've seen first hand and quite frankly it sucks and hurts. His cousin will never be knocked off her pedistal, she has never been good at school and never showed a report card yet some how my DH's straight As and 85 TER goes un noticed comparied to (lets calls her Tess) Tess' brilliance.
We buy a house (to this day she doesn't believe we really did! :mad: ) and three months later she does (with the help of her daddy) and her is soooooo much better than ours (of cause). We got engaged and we were to young, she does and it's perfect... etc
I could go on but it still amazes me that this happens, I just feel sorry for her sister who always gets ignored and gets a crappy present in comparisan!
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